posted April 23, 2005 09:21 PM         

we had this 'fixed time' that hes supposed to come online and he just sort of started coming online every other day or every third day without telling me he wasn't going to come. Once I even asked him to plz jus write me a line or send me a txt msg or tell me if hes not going to be online or is too busy coz its disappointing to wait for hours online and he said ok baby but then he didnt do it; he kept not showing up occasionally and not telling me either.

then, he told me he would send me his pics via email and didn't. he told me he would call me and didn't. he's called me once in like three weeks, and that was when i called him and there was a missed call on his ph.

its so depressing zala, becoz im one of those ppl that really is consistent and things, and i guess hes not, maybe hes not interested anymore or he isnt serious about it, i do know that he works long days and goes to school, and has a million friends, and i understand that hes busy, but when u care about someone u dont find time for them, u make time for them. i do two jobs plus school too and my life isnt easy either but i still find time to think about him, talk to him, write to him, call him etc. i dont do it much; i dont want him to feel pursued or suffocated, i know hes an aqua and wouldnt like that. but i would appreciate even tiny gestures on his part that show that he cares when im not around, but i dont see any and i havent for a while...

so i called him up today and told him, that maybe its better that we jus be friends, becoz i kind of developed expectations that he would call, email, stay in contact regularly basically, when he told me that we're together, and hes not doing that or obviously too busy to do that. and he said ok, sure. (TOTALLY EMOTIONLESSLY). it went something like this:

me:is it ok if we're just friends and not 'defined' anymore
him: ok
me: ur not mad are u?
him: nope
me: are u sure? i dont want to make u upset
him: nope im not
me: so frienship is ok?
him: yeah its ok no difference

i was so shocked zala, it was like complete stoicism, i dont know if he was really nonchalant about it and just didnt care, or if he was genuinely angry and didnt want to show it, but either way it was painful.

i sobbed for like hours afterwards, but now im a little better. this all happened this afternoon

im wondering if he'll talk to me again, it would be a big loss to lose his friendship too. i dont know when and if hes coming back online but i dont at all think it appropriate to call him again. ill just have to wait and see if hes angry or not. i know that he can get silent and close up when hes angry, im just not sure if hes angry or just doesnt care,

im also not sure which one is worse for my already pretty much broken heart.

i asked lalalinda in free astrology course what she thot about it and she said it would be an on and off relationship (grr i hate those) and that we would nonetheless stay friends, our aspects indicated that we enjoy each others company a lot. its totally true for me, but i cant gauge him anymore, although i used to think i knew him, because of his recent reaction.

gosh these aquas, so easy to love, so difficult to understand!!

posted April 24, 2005 03:32 AM         

well the truth is that i really did need to let him know how i feel and that i really do need consistency in a relationship, but i didnt want to drive him away, and didnt want to put our friendship at stake for that, and i know i hurt him, i apologized and said im sorry if i hurt you but u know this is how i really feel, he kept saying, its ok dont worry, making me feel worse and worse each second,

im wondering now if its a temporary thing that he will get over or if hes going to hold the grudge that will slowly eat away at this precious friendship...

posted May 01, 2005 02:02 AM         

now, things are going ok with mr. aqua. well ok, maybe more than ok but for some reason i want to limit my ecstasy a bit and try to stay grounded, coz the lows are as low as the highs are high u know?

today i called him up and said hey i might be coming to frisco in july for work (which is true), and i already have a place to stay but can i get a ride to the airport? he was shocked and pleasantly so i think he kept asking really? are u coming? can we hang if ur not busy? we had this long old conversation, talked about him coming back from building homes for the homeless (its this guys huge heart and endless charm and great conversation that has me glued to him hopelessly), and about my summer vacation, and this orphan im sponsoring (lol, well we both have this passion for humanitarianism), and bunch of other things. in the end i was like u dont mind me calling u? hes like no! call me anytime, etc. i will be online in an hr.

so knowing him i come home in two hours, sure enough he comes online 15 mins after i do. haha. this guy is so NOT punctual.

posted May 01, 2005 02:09 AM         

ok so to cut the mushy crap short, then i suddenly throw in there (this is in context btw) something like, is it ok if i call u once in a while? i know u dont like me like that anymore but hey i still like talking to u

and hes like what? ur totally off....i totally like u....and u know that, and im like (well i do know it but of course i dont TELL him coz i want him to explain that point a little ), i say no actually i dont know, u were being so formal and i thot that u were like whatever about the relationship since u didnt call etc. either....

he says ur totally off, i thot u called it off coz ur dumping me and want to see someone else, and just made up that as an excuse....[meanwhile he makes this really sad face, (the puppy dog face! aah!)], he says if i had known it was coz of that i would have just clarified.

so end result is that he says ok this is silly, we're back together...etc. so today is the first day that we're officially 'back together'. now lets see how long it lasts this time....haha...but one thing is clear that im going to be really CLEAR with my communication from now on coz this guy is like too too blunt and dense and just doesnt get it unless u spell it out for him. now he is very clever with flirting and word play when flirting but is one of those guys that u have to literally tell, 'IM MAD AT YOU NOW' or 'IM HAPPY WITH YOU NOW', they just dont get those things with body language.

posted May 01, 2005 02:24 AM         

the reason im so attached to him zala, is coz i can see so obviously right now that we are SO compatible. this is different from my other relationships coz in those i just loved or wanted or needed someone; in this one i know we both are so perfect together that rarely have i seen this kind of compatibility--mentally, physically, verbally, in any of the couples i know. we can talk for hours and just be fascinated with what we have to say. its amazing--i can imagine us talking like this when we're 60, and i really do see a kind of strange fusion between friendship and love here, which i think is the lasting factor in any relationship. sure love is great, but just coz u long for someone doesnt mean its goin to last--there has to be mental compatibility, sexual compatibility, companionship and understanding, above all a friendship Within the love, instead of besides it or apart from it you know? and i feel like that is a little bit here, and could definitely develop long term if worked on.

the gem girl-aqua man chapter in love signs describes us to a tee....linda says that gem/aqua has the ability to understand each other beyond anyone else...and we usually do, he will say something shocking only to discover that i completed his sentence before he could, or that i have something more shocking to say ,and we can totally communicate so well its crazy, our jokes our examples, everything is so in line with each other, theres this natural flow of things. i guess that was bound to happen with a harmonious pattern relationship, but im surprised at it happening with an aqua.

just wish me luck and remember me in ur prayers zala, because i do so need these remembrances, and none of us is beyond or above human error, character flaws, and kismet....

and thank u for ur support and for keeping up with me in all this time , i do love u so

Love
SG

posted May 02, 2005 08:28 PM         

I'm so glad the communication breakdown has been mended! We Air signs have a lot of difficulty sometimes even though it's supposed to be our greatest strength, eh?!?

posted May 06, 2005 03:12 AM         

then i call to confirm details, and hes has the im really busy , call me later tone. he doesnt even sound slightly surprised or happy to hear me. ouch.

then he calls me but i missed his call...today he called me again and msged me too. i talked to him for like 2 minutes...he sounded throaty and sexy. lol. maybe he was remembering um certain things.

well, i was in a hurry and had to go then, so i had to tell him bye. i wonder if thats a good thing (make him think im busy too, make him remember me? ) or a bad thing (i was available but not enough for him?)

posted May 07, 2005 09:39 AM         

How are things going? Saw your plea to Happy Dragon over at the Astro forum. Didn't want to horn in on his thread, so thought I'd go look up the Magi Society stuff for you and Mr. Aqua. No wonder I like you -- you have Sun in Gemini, Moon in Scorpio and Libra Rising! I see you have a Mystic Rectangle in your chart- neat! Here's a link to definitions of that stuff.... http://www.therealastrology.com/HTML/FAQS/AspectPatterns.html
I'm posting this since I have to go look up something, but I'll be right back....

I see he has Cappy Rising and Cappy Moon. This is the same as Mr. Aries at my work that I find so fascinating -- I bet Mr. Aqua has a deadpan and hilarious sense of humor! My Mr. Aries is now involved with someone else, and I've had some disappointing experiences with Fire lately, so I think I'll go back to my Water and Earth people!

I see you ran Mr. Aqua at astro.com, so you have good data on your synastry. I will leave the transits to Mr. Happy Dragon, he's very good at picking out the important things and interpreting them!

If you can and want to, www.astrology.com has a pretty good Personal Profile report which is about 8 pages long, but it costs $9.95 - here's the link: http://my9s.astrology.com/scripts/runisa.dll?AO.3801740:PERSONALHOROSHOP:3 91316631.7864:ipt_csfd19=1 .
Choose the one called Personal Astrology Profile. There's also one called the Relationship Compatibility Report. It's very good, I've run it a few times in the past and it hit the nail on the head more often than not, but a little more pricey = $19.95. I'll see if I can get you the link for 20% off on both reports........[url]http://my8s.astrology.com/scripts/runisa.dll?AO.852276 EAL:1386506617:3PAIDMULTI,OFFER=6[/url] oh poop, it's not working, they've bugged it. Email me with your email (mine's at my Profile) and I'll forward the coupon to you, maybe that will work.

I would pick up a copy of Linda Goodman's "Relationship Signs", if you don't have it already, and go thru its synastry aspects. Here's a few more than the icky ones I detailed a few weeks ago:
Moon conj Uranus - intellectual stimulation, a spontaneous, unexpected, magnetic attraction
Venus sextile Sun - you can count on mutual admiration and encouragement
Venus square Moon - periodic tension caused by imagined jealousy
Venus trine Neptune - generosity, sympathy and kindness toward each other
Saturn square Sun - your mutual behavior in a former life created the problems that need to be resolved in this life
Pluto square Moon - another karmic pattern that needs to be balanced out in this life

I have a good feeling about your trip in July. It's nothing more than a Pisces Moon feeling, but there it is........