posted June 04, 2005 12:38 AM         

our lil thread here keeps me comin back hehehe.

Wow good luck with the Gem. Im so nervous for u. lol. hopefully everything will go alright. u know, chances are he IS going out with someone, but its not serious....

alot of the time i feel alone...or go with guys but we always end up being friends, coz the attraction or spark isnt there. i bet if he did love u, then he'll drop whoever hes with at a drop of the hat and reply...old loves are so hard to forget!

and then ur the one that got away...the enigma.

of course nothings guaranteed but im all excited now.

my aqua is fine...i dont talk to him much anymore...we had a big argument the other day, well not argument but me saying u really hurt me a lot why cant u ever really be there for me, and him saying, im sorry i know im trying...but thats always what happens...and im an idiot for tryin to carry this on!

oh well.... *sighs* i really do wonder what magic women have to make men so gaga over them.

posted June 06, 2005 04:12 PM         

I'm sorry things are lulling with you and your guy. HE will see sooner or later. Aquas are stubborn people, and they only see when they see, unfortunately. I will write as soon as I have a response, or not!!

Much Love,

posted June 06, 2005 07:41 PM         

wow, let me know what happens! im really wishing the best for u...hoping that whats best will happen, and believe me, if this guy is not it, then theres someone better somewhere down the line...even if it seems different right now...a lot of times love smacks us upside the head when we're least expecting it

if im right, ur guy would be 25 going on 26 right now....Gem men take time to mature, and i think its a good time to contact him...they are starting to learn what life is really about in their midtwenties, and although most Gems, myself included, would like to either revert back to childhood (unless it was horribly bitter), or fast forward to ten years later than today (anything BUT the horrid present is ok), then you will have caught him at a time that he needs someone.

besides the fact that his bday is coming up and u can use that as an excuse to make conversation. always good to remember a Gems birthday

I am so nervous and excited for u. Hopefully things will unfold as they should...as is best for u.

I still have feelings for the Aqua and I know he does have them for me too. If i kept up with him all the time I might have been able to develop a healthy long term relationship. But frankly i dont want to do the chasing anymore...i want him to do the chasing...its really tiring me, draining me, emotionaly ,to chase after him the entire time. and the first turn off ive ever received from him was the fact that he can never need someone.... so he will never need me. which makes me feel a little pushed away, and I am doing better now at detaching myself (three weeks and no call or email to him).

If he decides im what he needs, not what he wants, he can come again and I Would always HAVE to consider him, theres just no one else like him....or no one can be like him, ever!

If he doesnt...then it was good while it lasted!

posted June 13, 2005 12:24 PM         

Well it's been a week now, and nothing from him. I don't know how long is appropriate for him to reply....the window there, is not clear to me cause after all it was three years since I even talked to him!! What do you think. My estimate was at least a few days. But who knows, maybe he doesn't want to contact me!!

But don't worry, I am okay with it if he doesn't contact me ever. I am truly relieved that I wrote him, and at least expressed what I was feeling at the time.

Tell me what you think!!

How's everything going with you?

Much Love,

posted June 22, 2005 03:00 AM         

i havent been able to reply really in the past few days things have been kind of crazy in general, and as u can see my name changed coz of posting problems (Aah)

but this aqua really changed the way my heart works (!). although i am currently seeing an aries after a very slow and quiet death to the aqua-relationship (lol), i still feel a soft corner for him in my heart, because i know that the connection between myself and the aqua could never be reached again, not even with this passionate, loving aries, who i also like v much, but that mental compatibility, the sort of coolness of understanding and jumping on each others jokes, reading each others minds, that only comes around once in a while!

sometimes i wonder, in those 1 percent of times that my mind wanders over to the subject of exes, (!), if the aqua ever wanted to go out with me again in the future, would it happen? would i say yes? would i say yes if i had to lie to the man i was with, or would i say yes if i had to leave the man i was with? the thought is so uncomfortable for me. my mind and heart say No in unison, because now all of a sudden i know that even though he likes me he doesnt love me and can never love me, because i dont think he is capable of loving the way that i describe/define love for myself. and thats a disturbing thought isnt it, its more painful than being rejected or shot down, because its like all the right ingredients are there except our ideals on love, which are different, and i love differently than him, and he could never satisfy me in a romantic, loving way. which is v painful!

ive decided that unless i am completely single and available, i would never go out with him again, i would never leave a good thing to go back to him, although this is through no fault of his own, but only because like i said, we have such different views on love. he cant even say the word, and that is scary to me. why be so hesitant to embrace something as beautiful as love? he wants to explore the world, but not this beautiful emotion?

maybe if i am totally single , and strong enough to not get hurt again, i would maybe consider it. but i doubt it, once i know a man cannot love me, any dating would be a waste of time in terms of long term prospects, and i hate flingy relationships, they are not my cup of tea, im a long term commitment type of person. although it would be a VERY difficult temptation to resist becoz he is so adorable and innocent, and he is what he is, he never hid it from me, i just didnt understand at first what love is to him. i dont think i could ever leave him as a friend, although i wish he'd vacate that spot in my heart he still tugs at with those bambi eyes.

bambi eyes and killer biceps are a great combination to make a girl melt! and a heart of gold, added to the mix. but there always has to be a major problem then u know!

and have u heard from the Gem yet? i hope theres no bitterness on either side, or that he hasnt upset you maybe hes moved? u never know with Gems, ive moved like 4 times in the past 7 yrs, sometimes planned and sometimes unplanned, things happen,

do you have an email? maybe u could try sending it that way, although a letter would touch the heart the way that an email could never do!

posted June 22, 2005 03:07 AM         

also, im glad you wrote to him. its always a wonderfully cleansing experience to relieve all ones thoughts and feelings...and after so long ,

and if you knew that he liked u, and that u two understood each other, then i would not worry about him misconstruing it,

i can never forget a person, never forget my communication with a person, that was special to me in any way,

i remember the first words of love a boy ever said to me, i was 10 and he was 15, and he brought me a rose and a melted chocolate ice cream and told me that i should be his girl and we could get married if he convinced his parents .

i remember the words my mom spoke when she hit me last year, and told me that that i am her worst child, i am the worst child anyone can have, i have disappointed her, i dont remember all the places she hit me, but i remember all the words

sticks and stones cant touch me,
but words can engrave themselves in my memory ,

even when i heal myself and move on, because i am a creature of words, i can spin words, i have written articles and won contests, but in the end i know the power of words. i do sense, i can pick up intuitively, even without words, i speak loudest and listen best with my eyes, with a touch. but words remain powerful, regardless of what people may dismiss them as.

i doubt he will forget ur communication,

and i know he will feel what u were feeling when you wrote it. i hope he will understand!

posted June 22, 2005 12:08 PM         

Wow, so things finally ended with you and the Aqua (Bambi Eyes)? But you're still friends, that's what counts. At least with Aquas. I think you are right about the Gememory....all of the Gems I know don't forget a thing. A long time ago when I knew for sure I had his heart, he would always ask me if I remembered the day we met. Even when we were going out for like a month, he wanted to know if I remembered. I am so stubborn, I tried to forget all about him, and it worked for like three years, and now I'm missing him again. Well three this summer. Now, I am feeling dumb that he never replied to my letter. I gave him my e-mail and cell phone number, but nothing. My auntie says that it's possible he moved to another place, but I'm still not sure. She said she would find out for me. I am starting to feel like a fool nonetheless. One time he told me that I was too good for him. I hope he didn't mean it. I went to the sleepy town where both our families live, and of course someone had some bit of info about him, that all he does is gamble. It doesn't sound like him, but hey, he does live in Reno. And then I think: If he wrote me back and told me he missed me too, what would we do then?? I don't know. But here's a question--do you think that if he did get the letter---has it been too long? If he hasn't replied yet, will he ever? I think it's been too long.

You have such a good heart. One day your Aqua is going to wake up and see that, just like me. And maybe it will be too late. It's sad but good at the same time, cause at least you can wake someone up, and not even know it. I always admire people who have real feelings, and don't spend their energy trying to conceal them. If I ever meet someone again, who I love like I love the Gem, I'm not going to push my feelings down, I'm going to try to be more like you!! I'm glad I can get this out to you!!

Much Love,

posted July 04, 2005 03:06 AM         

becoz i just talked to the aqua. lol. he was acting v intimate for no apparent reason. probably coz im with the aries. i swear some men are just such a bunch of babies, he probably found out i moved on to the aries and now he wants to be back with me. he kept telling me how beautiful i am and that he wants to meet me at the end of the month up in SF (where he lives, i live in so cal). and then he said that he owes me a kiss and maybe more, and would make me happy if i came up to see him and it was his promise. i was so confused yet i must admit pleasantly but helllll no im not falling for it again. ive got my loving aries and im not going to let go of something secure and strong for him, try as he may to make me swerve off path.

he kept asking me indirectly why i got with the aries. i knew just what he was getting at and i kept telling him indirectly that he was too slow and the aries is fast, just what i like in men. and then he said, sometimes slow can be good. i said slow is only good when ur eating cherry pie or making love. in all other situations its just an excuse for not being up to mark

as usual he laughed it off but he knew he had done something to let go. in any case i wasnt happy, i was sad that it had to end...the truth is the aries doesnt get me the way the aqua does. but the aqua didnt get me exactly either otherwise he would have been able to fulfill my needs really....and then love needs love in return, not friendship. friendship is great as a foundation for love, but love can exist without it, and it can survive and thrive, and friendship will grow where love is, but not necessarily the other way around, at least not in my book, becoz i have venus in aries maybe for him, friendship has to come first and then love? maybe it is so for aquas. but the truth is that i did go that route, but how long does he expect me to wait? we dont all have steel patience. women need to be appreciated and sought as much as men. we dont always have to provide support u know. we get tired sometimes!

how goes it with ur gem, did u hear back? if u didnt i would def say he moved, for a Gem to be touched like this, and not communicate, would be near impossible

one thing though, that three years to a Gemini is like eons of time. my life changes directions suddenly within three months and three years is just too much time for things to remain the same. however, i would still never forget my true love (the first one, the Leo), and this aqua also who touched my heart, regardless of where i move, who i am with, what i am doing, or what color i dyed my hair,

these things are not transient and stay with the heart forever, u know?

if hes off gambling its very possible hes on his downward spiral that a lot of Air men go into. its a phase. maybe he did get ur letter and feels like a loser. maybe hes gambled things away. maybe hes moved away. maybe u would need to investigate some more?

L, we all have good hearts really i believe that, but today i heard this, yes cheesy and canned line in Batman Begins, lol, but it did touch me and it was my fav line from the entire movie, where Rachel (Katie Holmes says), "its not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines who we are", and when she asks Batman who he is, he says the line back to her (reminding her that hes her childhood friend). in any case, that whole random blab was about actions versus intentions in the heart and i know that the aqua was a good person at heart but the aries actions are so much kinder and loving, and who can live with a good heart forever, just in hope that someday they will manifest into actions?

i know i cant,

and i hope that all the goodness in my heart wont just stay there, but multiple, and manifest into action, where everyone can see it

dont ever be afraid to spill out ur feelings ull be pleasantly surprised at how happy people will be to hear them, and how receptive and kind they will be. because being emotional might be considered taboo, but it really is honesty, honesty can be emotional as well as intellectual and we dont have to sit on our feelings, thats dishonesty with ourselves and others

let it all out girl, and best of luck

posted July 04, 2005 03:14 AM         

I also saw Batman Begins. It was awesome. If you think some action will speak more than what's underneath, then you're sadly mistaken. Action is impulse, and when that impulse turns against you, you will know what I'm talking about. Aqua is a sure thing whereas Aries is a constant struggle. You yourself recognize the rash behavior. Perhaps neither is what is truly right for you.

posted July 04, 2005 04:15 PM         

how did it go with ur Gem? have u guys met yet?

here i go again making a perfectly normal thread into a casual conversation with someone hehe

well yes and no , ag, i do see the ways in which the aries satisfies me and the ways in which he never will be able to. but u know ive given up on finding the perfect person. yesterday i told the aqua that if he was just faster, dammit, he would be the perfect man

he took it in, but hes so fixed u know, he would never change his ways, and the aries has a lot of air in his chart thankfully, although he can bore me sometimes. for him im a constant challenge, perhaps becoz i do overthink and he isnt there yet. sometimes i think he is like the symbol of brawn and me brain. lol. he is strong and into everything physical and i just the opposite, yet theres a strange sense of security and love between the two of us, so lets see how it goes... im keeping my options open really , the aqua and i will meet again end of the month where he said he will give me something that he owes me, so lets see what hes planning.

u know with aquas and surprises, they will try to surprise the bajeepers out of u, but it really aint so easy to surprise a gem. lol.

either way i know u would so disapprove of me seeing the aries , and u told me once that if a person starts seeing someone who u think is not a good person they sort of lose that maturity in ur eyes. but lets see how it goes becoz i am already aware of the things our relationship lacks (me and aries). we dont have 'problems' per say but just the level of fulfillment from the relationship is not yet there as it was with the aqua. but it could be right?

patience is much needed in either situation

posted July 04, 2005 04:26 PM         

the actions she talks about in the movie were regarding putting good intentions to use,

not just acting based on impulse,

either way good intentions is a must, but good intentions PLUS action is the best, while just good intentions sans the action is really not something that one can hold on to for a long time,

and the aqua really has some lessons to learn, although i know the aqua is more mature, more intelligent, more intellectual and understanding, the truth is the aries is more evolved, and i say that to mean that everything the aries has learned as a lesson in life hes used to modify his behavior, so that in the end he has made some improvements at least, (ex. his father dying, etc.)

whereas the aqua is still not able to admit he has made some mistakes and that he could have handled the situation and our relationship in a way that would have made it last perhaps forever,

the aqua jeopardized our relationship, by ignoring me and giving me no importance,

the aries is savoring every moment,

and with that kind of equation its very simple to do the math,

posted July 05, 2005 01:45 PM         

Still no response from him. My aunt says he may have moved, she's going to find out for me. I did hear some disturbing news though about him. My aunt was telling me that my cousin, who is like 35 years old, has been going to Reno to visit him. Like all the time. She is a drug user, according to my aunt and lots of other people. She lives in the same town as my aunt and other family members, yet she is driving 4 hours every weekend to see my Gem. Then calling in sick to work cause she's too hung over to come in or whatever. She and I were close, when I lived there, but not so much since I moved to Pasadena five years ago. Anyway, I always had the feeling that she secretly crushed on my Gem. I think she is the kind of person who will do whatever he asks of her, after all it is she who is doing all the work, traveling to see him, and not the other way around. I mean I don't know for sure what's going on, but drugs, gambling. It doesn't sound good. I just wish I knew he was alright. I think that's why I was thinking of him so much, I don't have the feeling that he is alright. Also, the last time I went to visit my family, I tried to call this cousin of mine. She never returned my call. It is all adding up for me. My aunt told me that she would ask my cousin about Andy's proper address when she saw her next. So we will se how she responds when she finds out I am looking for him. I am sad that I am finding all this out, but at least I have a good idea of what is going on with him.

Tell me what you think!

posted July 11, 2005 04:37 AM         

I know an Aqua Moon guy who can't remember to call me but if I call him he will talk to me for hours and hours, so happy that I finally made the move. He's been thinking of me but working on what's right in front of him because he's afraid of getting lost in space.

I know the feeling, so I can sympathize. It's called being in La La Land.

BUT I can see how it's exhausting emotionally and I try to avoid too many people like that.

For that reason I am off air moon men for life.

I really like an Aqua now with the moon in the 7th but it's in Leo thank god.

posted July 11, 2005 10:35 AM         

quote:

---

I swear I would forget my husband standing next to me if I didn't have it written down somewhere

---

ROFL. That makes two of us