posted May 18, 2005 05:42 AM              

Anyway, I think the situation depends on the person, everyone’s different. Some may see it as serious some might not. Personally I don’t get porn, I would SO rather be doing it than thinking about it - thinking is too hard during that particular time Doing wins over thinking every time.

I don’t think I would care as long as he didn’t feel it was shameful, and as long as it doesn’t affect his performance. But if I have to be honest I would think he was a weirdo - he has me…what do they have that I don‘t have. Do those women have a third t1t

I’m more impressed with someone who has sex all the time rather than thinks about it all the time - that’s just very sad and I’d end up feeling sorry for him. Which is VERY dangerous…if I don’t respect a guy I’m likely to stray it’s not my fault

Also I’d feel as if I failed in my job as a woman…he needs help because I’m not good enough - that’s just butchering my ego…which is hyper sensitive. So I’d probably fall into self doubt and it would crush my self esteem and confidence. In the end I would just leave…because it’s causing me too much pain. Plus if he makes me feel this way I’d become frigid - I’d feel unattractive therefore not want anyone to touch me. Confidence and sexuality go hand in hand, destroy one and you’d end up destroying the other. I don’t know…maybe I’m being hypersensitive as usual - but if I could control my emotions I would.

It’s all in how you look at it I guess.

Best of luck

posted May 18, 2005 07:08 AM            

He and i have resolved the problem since i posted the topic anyway but im glad it has conjured up some debate!
Thanks for the help though.

I said it before but id like to say it again, seeing my librans reaction to this issue, the way he handled me in my emotional state and validated my oppinion while still giving his perspective, showed me what a real man is.Im actually glad the argument happened,it showed me the depths of our connection,his respect and genuine love for me and our ability as a couple (a squared sun couple) to face our tensions and tackle them openly so that there is no resentment or hidden feelings to fester and ruin the most beautiful love i have ever known.

posted May 18, 2005 08:28 AM              

Again LeoSweetHeart ~ Thank You.

posted May 18, 2005 02:47 PM              

i can't imagine this type of stuff isn't discussed or considered before marriage/individually and together. Also, a lot of times, when i get involved with someone - it broadens my view of sexual relationships so..........maybe getting married, created a desire to expand their sexual mentally. if it bothers you so much, maybe try to talk openly about what sex is to you and finding out what it means to him at this point in your lives.

as much as i love men (i'm a female) my mate(s) understand that I like to watch gay porn and would like to engage in several sexual opportunities as well as watching any person/persons engaging in sex (haven't tried videotaping people/couples myself but it'll happen in the future). there are a lot of men who like to watch lesbian porn - it's alright but not really fulfilling for me just as me watching gay porn - might be just alright or a no/no for my mate(s) interest. i am interested in orgies (watching or fantasizing/visualizing about it) - i mean, what could i be mad about if they decide they want to have 2/3 girls on them or even watching this type of action? we know this about one another - i just can't imagine not letting the other know - i don't know, maybe it's because sex is important to me in a relationship (not so much for emotional reasons as for interest/hobby swapping during discussions and the likes).

i also think that anytime a partner feels inferior to those activities - then is the time to address it, not to just pass on discussing it because sometimes, you can get loss in all of that, you know?

what do you think of swingers parties and such? has anyone ever tried/experienced tantric sex?

posted May 18, 2005 10:41 PM            

LeoSweetHeart, you said it. I stopped believing in true love, love at first sight and in myself as a woman a long, long time ago. I try to talk to him about it, but he gets defensive, blames it on other stuff etc...and I finally get tired of his attitude and just drop the subject.

I have no idea what I'm going to do...there have been many times I want to leave, to try and make it on my own, but I go through vicious cycles of depression and then a time of healing...so I'm very wishy washy.

posted May 19, 2005 08:35 AM              

I know a guy with similar placements. He's Libra/Leo moon, venus/mercury/pluto in scorpio.. and mars in libra.. I think the porn thing might be a lost cause. The guy I know is pretty sexual and jokes about sex a lot, he always kids arround about blonde lesbians. I think it'd be very hard for him to see sex primarily as an emotional experience when he just isn't "emotional" when it comes to sex. He is very lighthearted about it.. which is weird, because he is intense but also lighthearted. Maybe he's intense in a sexual way but lighthearted when it comes to investing emotion..

Personally, porn doesn't bother me at all. I totally agree with you about sex being an emotional experience and that it should be profound and meaningful. I could only have sex with someone who I have very deep feelings for who also has deep feelings for me and most importantly someone I trust. Once i'm in a trusting relationship (my relationship at the moment is my first REAL relationship) I'd try anything sexually, because I am a pretty sexual person as long as it's with the right person. That being said porn really doesn't enter the picture to me. Whether he looks at porn or not, I really don't see it as anything threatening to the relationship.

posted May 19, 2005 05:22 PM              

If you think what we were talking about might have freaked people out - how about this:

please believe that i am very very very careful - I can't express that enough. A very close relative died from AIDS and ever since then - 1999 - I am very open about finding alternatives (which are disease-free) when it comes to satisfying my sexual desires and/or my partner(s). I am not really prone to conventional sex as i am to telepathic sex (have been practicing this for several years now and believe me, it's real and it's truly amazing). i know that sounds way out there but i just typed in "telepathic sex" in a websearch and do you know 175,000 hits came up?! it's really real, it's really possible, and it's growing and I'm a true believer and practicer of it. there are so many ways to indulge without actually putting yourself in danger of contracting AIDS, STDs, and such and it's a GREAT way to bond but then there is the issue of turning it off, turning it on, turning it down, turning it up, tuning in, tuning out, listening and being heard. So many ways and I would definitely go those routes before anything else despite conflictions to the ego. In all actuality, I have been "celibate" for a little over a year - that's with body but not with soul, spirit, emotions, intellect, etc.. I don't know how else to explain that - this is why i brought up whether or not anyone has experimented with tantric sex because there is a growing number of individuals who have been and will continue to because we ARE much bigger than our bodies give us credit for.

posted May 20, 2005 09:23 PM              

Hi Just Amanda, I was afraid you'd say that, though I can't say I blame you. I know where your at, even though what happened to me was not as severe, I understand. (Now we have worked it out, he doesn't oggle in front of me and compliments me more because I wouldn't put up with it). I completely understand what you mean when you say you lost your feeling of being a confident sexy woman, but I still hope that you can gain that back. I hate to think of this one guy taking something so precious from you. I just want to say that I think if you ever did want to fall in love again, or just enjoy someone romantically, there are many different kinds of guys out there to choose from. Although porn watching is getting more and more common and acceptable, I know plenty who prefer a real woman, whom they can smell, touch and feel and be in the moment with...and make you feel like the woman that you are. I know how staying with one person for so long can make you begin to believe they're all like that, but they really are all different...just like us women. I know you didn't ask for any advice, so I'm sorry if thats out of line, but I just want you to be able to feel like a beautiful woman again. Its your life, I think you can do whatever you want to do. Do you think right now, you've given your husband your power? If so, does he really deserve that? I guess being in love isn't everything though, some don't need it, but I hope your not giving up on something you would secretly really like to have. That would be sad. Well sweety take care and I hope your happy with the other aspects of your life right now, I just hope your happy.