posted July 14, 2005 01:53 AM         

Should it? Should a meager paper and coin pile determine that you love your mate and will stick by them or not?
Maybe not.. but consider that life isn't just looking into each other's eyes longingly, and marvelling about how very deep this feeling is....
It is setting up and living together, to be close.. which requires money.
It is sharing your love and making new people together ( I mean, it doesn't HAVE to mean that, but it usually does) That takes money.
It is so many innumerable things that spiral off the first thing.. which is togetherness, love....
And it weighs.
If you are extra tolerant, extra understanding, all the time, you can live on love alone..
but if you constantly struggle against a strong current, you eventually have to stop holding hands to do it.
Sometimes you forget what their hand feels like, because you are on your way out the door to go to work for money, and forget why you are working for that money.. what the base of it is for.. love. For that hand.

Recently, we *quite serendipitously, I might add* figured a way to get out of the sinking debt a bit more, that we have been surviving in for a long time....
We found an RRSP that was a few thousand more than a consolidation loan we need to pay off ( from when we first got married and set up house.. then the debt got bigger and bigger, until we could barely swim anymore).... we could see a light at the end of the tunnel, but every month, we owed more than we took in... only ten more months to go, but I don't think we were going to make it.. *realism again* and when we got out, we'd get another loan to pay the credit cards we have been bilding to off set the loan's taking of our income, etc etc.. you know...
We have other RRSP's and this one was from my hubby's previous job..... he opened the statement, and went.. hmmmmmm..... this number looks familiar (and promising)!
It covered the remainder of our debt, and even with the tax disadvantages, it makes better sense to get out now, and start actually living instead of drowning.
The last few days have been practically joyful!
I am not wondering whether the next bill payment will bounce.. or if I can go get new clothes for the kids.. etc etc...
We won't be rich by any means, but we will actually CHOOSE where to put the money we make at work.. rather than having it sucked out of us.
so.. PHEW!!!!!!!!

posted July 14, 2005 12:19 PM         

I will take the money...and forsake the love. One cannot live on love alone.

Thanks Pix for your thoughts!

posted July 21, 2005 11:52 AM         

One of my mother's favourite expressions "love will always find a way"

I live for love, money just doesnt compare and I am so glad I get called the love lady and not the money lady LOL

Love to all

posted July 22, 2005 05:37 AM         

I think if the love is real, it should survive anything. You don’t only love someone when they’re strong…but leave them when they’re down. Shouldn’t relationships have financial ups and downs? Is that enough to make you leave someone? And if it is, perhaps it’s not love.

quote:

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Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones

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posted July 22, 2005 10:02 AM         

Are we talking great guy with so-so job versus not-so-great guy with money to buy me chocolates and a big house. And shoes. And clothes. And vacations. And cars. Digressing...

OR are we talking guy we're in love with who won't get off his rear and contribute to the financial situation that has to keep us both afloat in the really real world?

The answer is kind of sandwichy...

Money (the kind that you need for survival). Love. Money (the kind you would never need if you have the first two.)

posted October 15, 2005 05:24 PM         

Love is grand, but it doesn't protect your pipes from freezing in the winter, and it doesn't pay for the kids' field trips/groceries/clothes/gas etc. You get the picture. If someone is not helping, then they're in the way, if they're an able bodied adult.

posted October 16, 2005 08:31 AM         

Of course we all need it to survive....but I believe when you give love....the money will come anyway.....

posted October 17, 2005 06:05 PM         

I would say that yes, love is stronger than money issues. However, I do not think love is strong enough to maintain a relationship that lacks balance. In a healthy relationship, two people that love one another are partners - Partners in all things. There is give and take in an equal flow. Sometimes one partner will need to lean on the other, but sooner or later the balance shifts back.

What I’ve seen kill relationships is a lack of balance and partnership when it comes to money issues in the relationship. No relationship will survive long if one partner feels “used” by the other. If both partners are equally fighting to make the relationship work, then nothing will keep them apart.

In my case, in the past I was attracted to the artist types. Yes, we all know what that means – they either did not have a job, or could not keep a job for long. In each case, my love for them was indeed strong enough to sustain us for quite some time, but sooner or later I grew aggrieved of the fact that I always had to be the “strong,” “responsible” one. In my case, the weight of financial responsibility for the relationship fell on my shoulders for too long, never properly balancing out or swinging to my partner. So in my situation, love did indeed wither, only to be replaced by hurt and a subtle resentment. However, it took years for me to get to that point.

posted October 17, 2005 06:26 PM         

Well I used to worry, but not any more....I have changed since giving birth to our son....as I nearly died in childbirth everything pales into insifnificance if ye know what I mean...

For example when weve very little money, I just pray and pray, and believe it or not it comes. Today me and hubbie lit a green candle and asked for money to come as we were struggling....and within a couple of hours we discover 2,500 euro are on the way. No kidding girl, this happens every time....

posted October 17, 2005 06:32 PM         

....not that having both isnt possible, but money isnt a big motivator with me.

posted October 17, 2005 10:07 PM         

any guy who wants to be with me wud have to have that kind of ambition and street smarts as well; most guys who dont , i dont feel attracted to, though i may be their friend or feel some sympathy for them, usually i end up being their counselor.

like i said, this is not coming from a gold digger, but from two men who were financially dependent on me for a while. sorry but i really think men shouldnt be financial leeches.

Love is important, i have always found men to love and fallen in love with them , who have understood finances, because i cant fall in love with an impractical man. i am a creature of this earth , and he must be too, to keep me.

posted October 17, 2005 10:20 PM         

When my ex wanted to stay home and create I was angry because he expected me to foot the bill. When I did something, sew, draw, paint, I always saved my money and paid my own way. I never expected that from him. I found he was good at other things, housekeeping for example and that's great: but I wasn't expecting that and a budget is about communication and flexibility. He wasn't flexible in his decision.

I agree most aspiring artists suck at money, it doesn't take much work to make some money and so it's not attractive to me.

My professional and personal life have to be separate to be happy: being at least a part time artist it must be that way to set boundaries. If a man is rich and very cheap and worries about money all the time, it defeats the purpose.

I was with a 2nd house taurus moon and he worried about money all the time, making me worry. (he also had saturn conjunct ascendant, and saturn trine moon and venus) He was rich but worried anyway as he did not work and lived off a trust fund: He always made sure he lived with women, didn't like to be alone at all, so she could split the bills and pay her way. He told me he liked independent strong women. He liked money, wine, food, clothes and women who brought them. It made me feel I was paying him somehow.

Like he wanted me to be the hero, to save him from worry. I know it was my imagination, but I imagined being blamed if we ran out of money.

when a man constantly brings up money it makes me feel less worthwhile, and I imagine he is objectifying himself. Rich men talk and talk about money all the time.

Example
"Welcome to my home, see that vase? It's from MarthaStewart.com: $2000.00. See that painting? $5000.00."

I am telling the truth that's literally how the conversation went. How boring!
BUT these days I pay close attention because it's something I've got to know. Plus men at my age are simply freaks if they have no $.

posted October 17, 2005 11:21 PM         

I know a man who 'wants me' shall we say, and is always trying to show me his pay stubs, and talk to me about money, pay for things for me.. I told him honestly.. Hey, I like money, I need money, unfortunately.. but I am not swayed by money.. money doesn't do it for me. Only love.