posted September 18, 2005 10:57 AM         

Sometimes I can easily know a person the way he behaves and within few meetings whether I can be with him throughout my life but sometimes I can't.They are who are kind- hearted,sounds everything good,maybe sugar coated.When I get confused I would try to know more.I would like to know more his negative points than positive points so that I can just forget that person completely and move on or try to ignore his negative points and try to love him more.There would be like testing time. That's where test drive comes up.

BUT

If you see a car which you have always been dreaming for Would you need a test drive ?
Would you even think about it ? Hell no. I wouldn't.I would be just glad to see that car.

If he is an Indian or NRI and I don't know him at all maybe it would be good idea to live in but I don't think it would be possible or normal here.One get enough time to know a person by relatives and all.Engagement is ok.As that's the norm and same culture. I am sorry not being bias but just going according to the flow.

If someone is from another country then I would know him. Long time courting.Living in with him wouldn't be obvious choice but again if I have to I would go with the flow.
I wouldn't live in just to know him more.If I would live-in with somebody then it would be some kind of committment from my side. You can't keep a person saying that we are "just friends" it would be torture for both of us.

I know scorpio guy living with another girl (both not indian)and they were living together they used to sleep together naked yet girl wouldn't let him have sex. I have no idea why?Why would she do that ?Does it mean that marriage is license to have sex? I know everyone would argue about it.

posted September 18, 2005 03:18 PM         

quote:

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If you see a car which you have always been dreaming for Would you need a test drive ?
Would you even think about it ? Hell no. I wouldn't.I would be just glad to see that car.

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Maybe I'm skeptical, but I would still test drive the car. Unless it was being shipped brand-new from overseas or something... then I would try to drive one just like it here first. Makes this entire analogy a lot more interesting! LOL

"Honey, I would like to get married, but first I want to live with a guy just like you!"

posted September 21, 2005 05:31 AM         

i believe in the instituion ,thats, marriage . i'll put my persepective why i support it .

posted September 22, 2005 12:05 PM         

quote:

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but dont they have their charts read before they marry to make sure the couple are compatable?

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yeah , it happens and its on the resurgence ,actually . there are historical reasons for , would u care to know , i would love to tell . love history

posted September 23, 2005 11:04 AM         

quote:

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I'm not picking on you... just playing Saggi word tricks with myself again

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Sag Asc helps here.I do that word tricks too
Future Uncertain .... I am cool it doesn't matter...I respect everyone's point of view.
It's nice to know others.

In years I have changed and I am sure my point of views would change according to my experiences.I just hope that I don't make
wrong choice.

I think it has also got to do more with the insecurity of losing someone and which is faced more by water signs esp. Scorpio. Whatever we say on face but deep down we are insecure and would want somebody for life.
Tie them down if that is called marriage.

I have no idea about Air / Fire signs whether they are insecure or not in a relationship.

posted September 23, 2005 12:28 PM         

would u still be interested , i am just being courteous

posted September 25, 2005 02:20 AM         

btw about the thread topic, ive been in both am empty marriage and an empty relationship! i think the empty marriage was much more torturous coz the man thot he had the RIGHT to own and abuse me. in the relationship i could just ignore him and yell and whatever else lol. coz we were EQUAL. i hate that about some cultures...when u marry like Gemnymph said, it becomes a power struggle!

however i do think marriage is beautiful and would luv to get married. personally i cant imagine my life as a live-in. agreeing with natasha, it seems just weird to me. i could never live like that. i dont like sharing like that without a standard promise. for me marriage isnt a contract, its a promise between two people that both can actually be held accountable for! if ur living in and ur partner breaks the promise what accountability is there? really none...he/she could say, well thats not how i interpreted the relationship. in marriages if ppl do that its obvious they are lying, flaking, or cheating...becoz everyone knows what that promise entails for the most part.

posted September 25, 2005 02:22 AM         

i guess its not an air/fire vs earth/water thing huh do remember, ive got Venus in the 7th!

posted September 25, 2005 12:32 PM         

ah , for the marriage thing , i dont know why we have been fighting . thats exactly what i would like from my marriage . i can't imagine being married to a dumb doll , some one who cant even have her own opinions would be useless . i need someone who can support me , tell me if i am wrong , smart enough to talk to me and i dont think i am asking too much . it s the way i choose my friends , its the way i am going to choose my partner .

what does venus in seventh imply?

posted September 27, 2005 03:29 AM         

venus in seventh implies a need for companionship, most traditional astrologers associate the seventh house (ruled by libra and venus), with marriage. since venus is in its native house (one being 2nd, taurus , other one being 7th/libra) it is supposed to be happy there, and a strong need of long term, steady loving companionship. which is true...also becoz venus is the ruler of my chart... but its also in aries (very independent) and most of my placements are very strong willed stubborn kind of placements u know (2nd house--stubborn, 9th house--independent, scorpio--very strong willed, gemini--a little bit flighty and a lot scared).

scared i say coz yes freebird i am scared cr@pless of divorces they terrify me. i never wanted to get divorced (theres that venus in the 7th going off again) although i know thats theres absolutely NO taboo associated with it logically...its just in my mind and heart i feel like a diff person after the divorce. i would rather kick myself everyday and shut up then get a divorce again, but if i absolutely had to i would probably separate. idont have an insatiable apptetite for men..i mean i fall in love with one person here or there, but it is love, and i dont really know the meaning of infatuations. i have tried to experience short infatuations, but to no avail... becoz things are so deep and intense for me, (venus chart ruler, and heavy mars influence-aries and scorp), superficiality scares me. having to break something off that was once deep and has now become superficial, is v difficult for me. although i am not the most communicative or uncomplicated person myself.

that is why id rather spend my life looking for the right person even if i dont find them, than settling and getting another unpleasant episode. i think one divorce is enough for my resume

and yes cancerrg, i know i shudnt let someone push me around but truth be told i am a verbal/intellectual creature. i carry out things very logically. when an emotionally unstable person confronts me i dont know what to do because i have never acted like that myself believe me...i am emotional yes at times but never uncontrolled...i have a scorp stellium with moon conj saturn so i can SIT SIT SIT on my feelings till they go away lol.

posted September 27, 2005 12:00 PM         

quote:

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except when i throw things at u. like sarcasm. but then i always throw love at u too

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Yeah , and everytime i catch it perfectly , better then jhonty rhodes.

mine is the smae placement as well . infact in house positions , i have all the rulers .what does it imply ?

i have been always confused how to differentiate between love and infatuation .may be thats why i dont like the cap's way of managing emotions and realtions . i am what i feel . simple.

i dont exactly know what do u mean by emotionally unstable person ( may be because i am one of them ) but i have a simple rule for that , give a few chance then simply move on . what i have seen with gems is , they go on trying to prove thier friendiliness . even i have done that earlier but now i dont.

and i dont sit on my feelings ever , they are upfront , straightforward .always.

posted September 29, 2005 12:20 AM         

quote:

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i know i shudnt let someone push me around but truth be told i am a verbal/intellectual creature. i carry out things very logically. when an emotionally unstable person confronts me i dont know what to do because i have never acted like that myself believe me...i am emotional yes at times but never uncontrolled

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It would be difficult for water signs to understand how can you keep all your feelings hidden and everything in control.
Actually many scorpios like to keep their
emotions in control and think or atleast to show that their emotions are in control just like air signs but it's difficult for us.

posted September 29, 2005 01:32 AM         

ill give you two examples in which i actually laughed at someone when they were highly emotional. now yes to the world i am a b!tch for doing this. but these were the situations and my reactions:

1. my mother, surprised that i continue to say no to arranged marriage, screamed at me 'why are u so stubborn? why are u so arrogant? u think you are better than everyone????? you will be all alone some day! all alone!!! you are my worst child. WHY ARE YOU SO STUBBORN AND ARROGANT???'

first lets remember that she has a major leo stellium going on and prominent first house. so when she screams she SCREAMS you know.

i just laughed in her face. couldnt control it. when someone has already labeled you as arrogant and stubborn, then they are not looking for a truthful answer. they just want a lie that will confirm their own silly judgments. besides the fact that she was hysterical and in my mind i kind of look down on hysterical ppl...what an unnecessary display.

2. my gemini/taurus friend saying that her boyfriend might go away to a different college...and that he is introspecting (hes an aries/gemini) and might want some time to think about their relationship. this girl went crazy even thinking that she shud just go to finland. im saying crazy becoz shes never been to finland knows nothing about it, is a very very sheltered upper middle class girl, and was in the process of buying the ticket when i told her to STOP. she has a stellium in pisces and 2 planets in taurus. drives me nuts.

another example just came to mind. my ex husband virgo once told me to shut up and i said, 'zubaan to khuda ne di hai tum ne naheen jab dil chahe ga bolun gi, jitna marzi dil chahe ga bolun gi' . this was like 1 month before our divorce when i had actually started to talk back to him (before i never did). at this he said 'theek hai karo phir badtameezi tum to ho hi badtameez aurat...aur dozkhi bhi! (you are going to hell)'. at this i laughed in his face. coz he was so emotional he was twitching. for some reason that was unnecessary and funny.

in a way i cant deal with overemotional ppl. this is why i do good at school and work. because those are places where people are required to folow a code, and act normally.

Love
SG

posted September 29, 2005 11:00 AM         

I have to learn how to laugh on things like that. I am glad you can do that because when something like this might happen to me I would be sad and everyone would know I am offended.After that I would be still thinking and analyzing for long time.

OR

I just try to understand where they are coming from.Try to understand their point of view.Be in their shoes.

I am no one to actually analyze your personal questions but just incase I was in your position.

1. Always mother and child relationship aren't easy.Touch wood I can talk to my mum. We do have our share of problems but still it's also because atleast for some time I just calm her down.I would listen to her and explain her things and we don't go for lengthy arguments or hot debates.

I can understand why your mother wants you to get into Arrange marriage. It can be because she wants to see you happy with some guy and she might be not sure of what kind of guy you would find by yourself.I can completely understand why you wouldn't like to go for another arrange marriage.( Was the first one arrange?I guess it was.)You think
you are smart enough to make your choices.If I were you I would have still gone with my mother to see a guy.Just to show my respect to her.Who knows I might meet someone special at that time.

2)I would have also done what you did. I think Finland is good place just to travel.

3) Your relationship with virgo don't know much and can't comment on that one.

Just from 2 sentences I feel that the ones who are around you are getting complex or their ego is getting hurt.Maybe you don't intend to do that.It can be unknowingly.I am sure being Gemini you must be winning all the verbal fights.

1.

quote:

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u think you are better than everyone?????

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2.
The whole virgo episode also.

posted October 01, 2005 12:36 PM         

for the first situation , i might go for what fb says . i'll try to make her understand my point of view .

but if she doesn't understand then it might be your kind of reply . or most probably i wont reply , simply keep silent . i feel laugh makes it look it a bit cruel .

i do things as i wish . though , ofcourse , i have the habit of taking everyone's view before acting .

u know what , sg , u have made me understand my bro a bit( libra-sun, gem-moon) but his story is completly differnt from yours .

second, i dont know where FINLAND is !!!

third , mujhe nahi pata ke tere woh virgo janab , ache the ya bure . per maine hamesha se yeh baat kahi hai , agar rishte na chalne layak ho , unko chor kar age badh jane me hi bhalaie hai . woh jayada acha hota . cancers hamesha isliye relations ko le kar thore cuatious rahte hai , kyonki unhe chor kar age badhna bahut bura lagata hai par woh man me jante hai ke age badhna hi last option hai .

posted October 18, 2005 02:17 PM         

I thought you'd like this Excerpt from a book I read:

Against Love: A Polemic’
A brave examination of the plight of modern coupledom

So just as a thought experiment—though it will never happen to you and certainly never has—please imagine finding yourself in the contradictory position of having elected to live a life from which you now plot intricate and meticulous escapes: a subdivision getaway artist, a Houdini of the homefront. You didn’t plan it, yet . . . somehow here you are, buffeted by conflicting emotions, and the domesticity you once so earnestly pledged to uphold now a tailor-made straitjacket whose secret combination is the ingenious (and hopefully undetectable) excuses you concoct to explain your mounting absences (or mounting phone bills for you long-distance strayers; thank God for those prepaid phone cards, an adulterer’s telephonic godsend). When defenses are down, or some minor domestic irritant unaccountably becomes an epic dispute—which happens even in the best of times, not only when you’re preoccupied by thoughts of where you’d rather be and with whom—or when the yearning becomes physically painful, or you’re spending an inordinate amount of time sobbing in the bathroom, this turn of events may raise fundamental questions about what sort of emotional world you want to inhabit, or what fulfillments you’re entitled to, or—for a daring few—even the nerve-rattling possibility of actually changing your life. (Alternatively, forego hard questions and just up the Prozac dosage, which will probably take care of that resurgent libido problem too.)

And while we’re clarifying terms, a note on gender. These days either partner can play either gender role, masculine or feminine, regardless of sex or sexual orientation. Thus, gender will not be a significant aspect of our discussion. Whoever waits at home, whoever “has their suspicions,” is the wife. Whoever “wants more freedom” is the guy. And if the married-male/single-female configuration is still the most prevalent adultery form, all indications are that female straying is on the rise: clearly all that was required were more opportunities for women to get out of the house. (And more academic degrees: sociologists report that the higher a woman’s education level, the more likely she is to have affairs; when the female partner has more education than the male, she’s the one more likely to stray.) While feminism typically gets the credit (or blame) for propelling women out of the domicile and into the job market, let’s give credit where credit is due: thanks must go too to economic downturns and stagnating real wages—although if it now takes two incomes to support a household, maybe this was not exactly what the term “women’s liberation” was designed to mean.

posted October 18, 2005 04:12 PM         

personally, i would prefer to live-in and if i were to get married - for that to be a private matter between myself and my mate.......no big hoopla celebration (reception) unless it was done after a considerable amount of time - maybe a year or two (sort of like an anniversary party). if going to get married - prefer justice of the peace or elopment. i really wouldn't want people to know - not out of being ashamed but because i'd like to have that period of time where we can get used to the idea on our own rather than getting used to the idea with other people. i don't know if i explained that well.

also, i've noticed how often two people will be together for years and i mean - 10 years, 15 years, etc. etc. and as soon as they get married, they are filing for divorce within a year. i don't understand that. if that is the case - i think, in their particular case - they should have gotten married at the very very very beginning of their relationship, in privacy aka minus the hoopla(elopment or justice of the peace).

i would definitely do a "make-pretend" as a live-in - like children sometimes do just to get a feel for it that way - the whole ceremony (if you so choose to go that route with family, friends, etc., etc.) isn't as stressed as i've witnessed many times before and so that we both get a feel for actually wanting to do it or not AND it's fun.

i do believe that to some extend - IF, two people do decide to get married that a marriage is like a contract - to this, i also believe in implementing prenuptial agreements beforehand this way people can get a feel for what both sides "expect" once married.

i didn't get as in depth as i wanted to but - that's my take on that.

posted October 19, 2005 12:01 AM         

Lots of couples do not want to get married until they can afford a real wedding..they are missing something..for that reason I like less living together and more marriage and courtship, if couples live together when do they date?

Honestly I see people living together with the intention of finding someone to live with, to pay half the bills, not to fall in love and get married. Why does life have to be so expensive is what I wonder.

Wouldn't it be great (just a dream) if there was a cap on all weddings. Every dream wedding could only cost $500.00