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Author Topic:   Is this normal?
Planet_Soul
Knowflake

Posts: 308
From:
Registered: May 2005

posted September 08, 2005 06:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Planet_Soul     Edit/Delete Message
My Crab has this habit of coming home for lunch (always at a random time) and then not allowing his prescence known. Common scene: I'll be in our room, doing homework or on this forum and he's been quietly home but in the kitchen. Suddenly, he'll peek his head in and say "K, my lunch is over and I have to go back now". It weirds me out. I ask him why he just doesn't say he's home, and he says he doesn't want to bother/interrupt me. But, its like you interrupt/bother me, to say you're going back to work? He did this again today, and seemes angry at me because just as he was leaving I also had to go do some errands before goign to my own work.

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Isolaede
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: Studio City, CA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted September 08, 2005 07:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isolaede     Edit/Delete Message
Poor soul! As a cancer myself, I can tell you this sounds like a classic cancer trick. Cancer's are sensitive little creatures and my guess is that your crab is hurt that you don't pay enough attention to know when he's home. Inside he might think that you are ignoring him, or just don't care enough to watch for him to get home. Believe me, nothing hurts a crab more than feeling ignored. Does he normally get home for lunch at around the same time? Every day? He would be so touched if even one day you were waiting for him to get home with little sandwiches all made up on the table for him, and a nice glass of something cold to drink. Try this one day: Wait for him, and when he comes in, get up and give him a big hug and kiss, and then feed him. Love and food are sure ways to warm your Cancer's heart. Just watch him poke his little crab head out of his shell, and glow with shy happiness. : )

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 1545
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 08, 2005 07:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
I would bloody hate that..
It's sneaky.
I am of the opinion that's not as love and light as Isolaede's.... although that's a nice thought,
If someone was skulking around my house, being quiet enough that I didn't know he was there, I'd think he was doubting me in some way... I'd be suspicious. I wouldn't buy the 'I didn't want to disturb you' thing.. as , like you said.. he didn't mind saying he was leaving......
I'd confront him.
Go ahead and make some sandwiches.. but I'd be talking while he ate them.

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Isolaede
Knowflake

Posts: 29
From: Studio City, CA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted September 08, 2005 09:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isolaede     Edit/Delete Message
I can definitely wee why you’d think that, Pixelpixie. Cancer's can be pretty sulky when they are hurt. Its part of that withdrawing into a shell thing. As for being sneaky - My bet is that he really doesn't want to bother Soul. Cancer's are courteous even when they are hurt. And yes, he probably wishes she would notice he was home, but he isn't going to come right out and say that immediately (unless he’s a very emotionally mature and developed cancer). After time he’d get up the courage, but for now I’m guessing he’s hoping she’ll see what’s going on without him having to tell her.

Cancer’s really aren’t bad – you just have to remember that their first reaction to any hurt is to withdraw deep into a shell. And the great news is – they are sooo easy to get out of that shell. Just a little offer a little empathy, or tender care and you’ll see them poke their little heads out of their shell quicker than you can blink.

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 1545
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 08, 2005 09:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, For me it isn't a matter of Astrology.. I adore Cancers....
To me, this is a relationship/boundary issue.
Good to tailor your advice to the Sunsign of the man in question.. Astrology is great that way.. to assess the basics of temperament you are dealing with.. communication et all.. but still..
Cancer, Aries, Virgo, Pisces, whoever.. It'd pi$$ me off.
Is all.

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GemStar
Knowflake

Posts: 661
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2004

posted September 08, 2005 09:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GemStar     Edit/Delete Message
Soul.....The bigger question I ask:

WHY do you not know when he comes home?? Do you not notice when someone else enters your house???

Something doesn't feel right....Why are you two so disconnected???

Forget about annoying...both of your behaviors are 'in question'.
Where is the Love????

Open the communication...and talk. Things may become worse if you don't address the underlying issues.
...much luck to you!

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Planet_Soul
Knowflake

Posts: 308
From:
Registered: May 2005

posted September 09, 2005 05:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Planet_Soul     Edit/Delete Message
I agree, we do have troubel communicating. Different styles, very different. When I'm upset, my first reaction is to be direct and tackle the issue right away, the longer it takes to talk about it the more it bothers me. When he's upset, he withdraws communication and then leaves the scen of the crime. Its an uphill struggle for us both.

I don't notice when he gets home, because his lunch time is random. Some days he doesn't even get a lunch. He also doesn't come home all the time. There have been times when I have made him a nice lunch he wasn't able to make it. The kids are at school and I work nights, so the daytime when he's at work is my alone/zoning out time. When I'm alone I really do zone off into my own world; on the net, reading, drawing, writing poems, etc. LOL, sometimes I do this even when he and the kids are home. It helps me center my energy to get some spaced out time. I do tend to be ditsy a lot.

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 2356
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted September 09, 2005 07:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Planet Soul

I agree......my first two marriages ended cos we stopped communicating. I saw it starting to happen in this one and decided to do something about it.....we communicate openly now.....I gave him the option - either we talk or it will go downhill......he decided to talk....

It is a matter of respect too....to let the other one know where you are, what you are doing, especially when you have children....and the fact that you are asking about it, shows you are bothered.

Relationships are hard arent they at times.....but worth fighting for...if the love is there...

Love

Sue xx

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 1545
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 09, 2005 11:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
PLanet Soul, you sound just like me!

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Planet_Soul
Knowflake

Posts: 308
From:
Registered: May 2005

posted September 10, 2005 02:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Planet_Soul     Edit/Delete Message
That's a good thing, I have respect and admiration for you

Things are looking up. The same afternoon I first posted this, he stopped by my work for a surprise lunch visit. He sensed I was annoyed, and took the bull by the horns. I am touched that he willingy decided to seek open communication rather than avoidance. I did my best to be less impatient, and listen better. It was ackward to adjust to a different communication style, but very worth it. I feel we are breakign in some new ground

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 2356
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004

posted September 10, 2005 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Great to hear this Planet

Love to you both


xxxx

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 1545
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 12, 2005 01:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Awww, Thanks!

Good news! For real!

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