posted September 20, 2005 04:35 AM         

He had a terrible accident 5 years ago and is still taking very strong painkillers regularly. Whenever I even suggest that he should try a holistic--ie non-narcotic--approach to pain relief, his bull face gets red and his anger is not far behind. Surely 5 years of heavy narcotics is enough for an incident that happened 5 years ago? And it's starting to affect his lovely mind.

The big problem is that he has started to over-medicate and our relationship is faltering. Being a Scorp, I have been avoiding him because I know what's on the tip of my tongue--I need to discuss this.

posted September 20, 2005 06:33 PM         

I don't see how you can... even if he weren't a stubborn Bull.

Drug abuse is a touchy subject. No matter how much you want a drug abuser to overcome their addiction, they still have to be willing to accept the truth.

Until there is that willingness on the part of the abuser, there will be no healing.

It is entirely up to him.

I am married to a Taurus. I know how angry a Taurus can become when backed into a corner. I wouldn't suggest it.

posted September 20, 2005 09:27 PM         

Problem is, drugs mean fear of change.
They mean stability.

Routine; He needs another routine, something to rely on besides you.

Once he does then he can see changes as okay, then he should connect the dots.

Taurus especially moon, sun, venus, ascendant, mars, in taurus are tough on themselves and tend to get depressed.

Since depression is at the base, you must treat the depression, and the only person who can do that is an objective person.

Trust me on this, if you are not objective, you are not that person.

posted September 21, 2005 05:19 AM         

AG, I will try to find some more of the Taurus/Addiction threads...the one you linked was terrific.

Right now I feel like I am stuck between sticking by someone I care about and honoring a vow I made to myself never to get involved with an abuser again. As the anniversary of my ex's suicide is coming up and he fell into a spiral of depression and over-medicating which ended badly, I think I will take this opportunity to state my anti-abuse case to my Taurus without bringing him into it.

I am not being judgemental of Mr. T, I just can't go through it again and that's that.

posted September 21, 2005 10:21 AM         

There's no benefit to pointing out how damaging his behavior has been tohimself at this point. He needs to be detoxed, stablized and able to be more rational before he can begin to deal witht eh consequences of his abuse. Moreover, it could make him feel more worthless and more angry at himself, and as a Taurus, who's mind has a very hard time getting out of negative trends, don't dump that on him. As a way to motivate him to get help, this will backfire with potentially awful consequences.

But also, you're projecting your own anxieties and fears onto him. *You* are the one worried about the damage he's doing to himself, while he's not even in a state that he can cope with thinking about that for himself, let alone deal with your personal concerns about him. And yes, this mean he's extremely self-centered, because drug abuse is a symptom of an illness, and ill people tend to be very self-centered because they're too sick to deal with anything else.

Drug abuse is self abuse - people in this state are overwhelmed with their own problems and just aren't capable of handling other people's fears and anxiety on top of their own. Because they are overwhelmed, they make poor choices, and most of these choices are made impulsively in response to pain or anxiety and done on a moment-to-moment basis, because the future is just one more thing they can't handle thinking about. More importantly, if you go to him and say "I'm worried about you - you seem to be hurting yourself more and mroe by doing this" he'll hear it as YOUR problem, and not his, and he has enough of his own problems to deal with right now. That's liekly how he feels when he gets red and defensive - he feels you're dumping on him when he's struggling with the burden he already knows he has.

Understand that he probably knows he's in trouble. Understand that he probably feels powerless, vulnerable and very afraid. Because a drug abusing individual is so tightly wound up in thier own issues, they are extremely defensive and can feel like even the slightest suggestion or pieve of advice is an attack on them personally. They're not in a very rational state of mind, which is why, unfortunately, many have to "bottom out" or get to a point where they are so deseperate or in pain they have no choice but to break out of that defensiveness and ask for help.

Defensive behavior is best dealt with in a very direct, detached and simple (but NOT hostile, callous or demanding) way. The best and most advisable thing to do is seek out an drug couselor, in particular one that does interventions, and then discuss this issue with him or her. Ultimately, what you'll need to do, if you really want to help this Taurus, is begin to set directives about what you will and will no longer tolerate from him. A counselor trained in intervention can help guide you in establishing directives that will be appropriate for your situation and will be beneficial, reasonable and most likely to to help rather to do more harm.

The whole logic behind intervention through directives is simply to force the addict into a place where he is no longer able to withdraw into his defensive behaviors and is force to be make choices based on very certain and specific consequences (if you've seen the show on A& E called "Intervention" this is exactly what I'm talking about, although they do it in the most effective way, by enlisting several family and friends under the guidence of a trained counselor). This is a very difficult process, and so you shouldn't expect to be able to do it on your own. This why I'm advising that you enlist help from a professional specifically trained to handle this type of situation. In many cities that offer free drug programs and counseling (most do nowdays), you can get this help without cost to you.

posted September 22, 2005 02:35 AM         

You are so right about him being wrapped up in his problems--and there are a few, but who doesn't have problems? My intuition says that even if I were to help him, the damage done to our relationship could be irreparable. He'd be better but we might not survive.

posted September 22, 2005 03:04 AM         

Never ever say, you can't do this
for you shall get the Bull
in the China Shop
talking, movies, and songs
that tell of what you think
will help
But never ever say, what you are doing
is wrong

for we already Know
so, just be a gentle breeze
that sings a melody
of how
wonderful
things can be.

posted September 22, 2005 11:13 PM         

That's the best advice I have today,
Maybe for you this Taurus is not meant to be in your life right now while he deals with his problems on his own, if you think you can live without him, do. He wouldn't want you to suffer if he could be himself.