posted November 16, 2005 09:38 AM         

In the course of my lifetime my intuition has seldom if ever failed me. I haven't always listened to it--usually to my detriment--but it HAS almost always been right.

Still...there is also something to be said for the maxim "If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck...HELLO! It's probably a damn duck already!" You know?

With respect to my particular situation with this man with whom I'm in love...my heart/intuition has never waivered. I have never doubted for a moment that this is potentially the single most important karmic relationship of my lifetime and that we are fated, destined, what-have-you to be together. Like it's inescapable. The soul connection, the electricity, the appreciation we feel for and with one another is that overwhelming. Enough to have him reeling as profoundly as me when it all first happened. Had us admitting that in a matter of weeks/months we were feeling as connected to one another as we we felt to the best friends we've both had since kindergarten. That we were both amazed at how much (and easily) we were acting like (and I quote him) "g-damn 14 year olds." He freely admitted that things I shared with him touched him so profoundly they frequently made him cry...yada yada yada.

That said...everytime I see/hear those references to Greg Behrendt's "He's Just Not That Into You" it makes me queasy. I start feeling all defensive and then THAT makes me wonder if THAT'S not my intuition trying to tell me something...or if it's just my latent fear that this is never going to happen in this lifetime.

Still...when I'm quiet, and I meditate, and I ask myself what REALLY resonates for me as the truth....always, always, always I come back to "No...this man and I are meant for one another and it is absolutely going to happen IN GOD'S TIME." That's the kicker though...all according to Divine Timing. I think my fear is just the anxiety attached to not seeing the outcome realized in the time frame I would most like to see...which is basically YESTERDAY!

In any case...how do you all handle your doubts/anxieties/fears? Do you ever worry that you're not REALLY being divinely guided to keep the faith, but are merely deluding yourself? If you do, how do you combat that? To my mind, THAT'S the real challenge/obstacle posed by the ego---the willingness and ability to hold fast to what you believe when any outsider looking in would most likely tell you you're nuts.

Is this making any sense to anyone?? LOL...

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this, so please do share--often and at length if you so desire!!!

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!

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We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

posted November 16, 2005 10:14 AM         

I'm interested in other people's opinion on this one as well.

posted November 16, 2005 10:45 AM         

But who needs those rules, anyway? People who don't know their own minds, perhaps? I love this particular person very much, they clearly need their quiet times, but I have got used to that now and I appreciate that there may be nonverbal dimensions of communication.

I've gone on match.com to try and meet a few people, but I'm not turned on by them as I am by this person. And ultimately, why would I want to be intimate with people I didn't really love?

It sounds a cliche, but I've never been in love with anybody as much as I have this man. He already has a partner, so realistically there is "no hope". But I love him enough to "let him go" and I have to weigh up in my mind what is better - loving someone like this, or engaging in unfulfilling relationships with people I don't have much in common with just for the sake of it? There is a purity to what I am experiencing, and maybe I was meant to experience it.

Most people probably think I am crazy at the moment. I am divorcing, I am facing financial uncertainty, I have moved to London, I am having to build my career almost from scratch, I am at loggerheads with my parents and particularly my father, because I won't toe their line (toeing their line being impossible to do).

And I DON'T CARE. I can stand up and express my opinions without feeling afraid any more.

To answer your question, my head and my heart are in sync; I would also not advise going against intuition. It saves an awful lot of wasted time.

posted November 16, 2005 11:17 AM         

I know EXACTLY what you mean, and it sounds as though you and I have still more in common. I, too, am divorcing and as a result facing financial uncertainty. I am leaving what is, by most people's definition I'm sure, a perfectly "fine" marriage. The man I married is a good, decent man who loves me very much and would stay with me forever. But safety doesn't cut it anymore. Neither did I leave him for this other man. In fact, at no time did the man with whom I'm in love and I ever engage in an affair. We've never been 'physical' at all. That alone would probably indicate to many people that he's "just not that into me" but it's never been about that. I met him, and it was though scales I'd not even realized had grown over my eyes suddenly fell away. I didn't know how numb I'd grown until I met him and started to FEEL. Admittedly, not everything I've felt in the process since then has been overwhelmingly pleasant. Wondering if he's ever going to be able to overcome his fears and doubts long enough to get out of his own way is NOT a good time for me, nor is worrying about this other friend of his who will continue to monopolize every moment of his that she possibly can...but I don't care.

I know down to my marrow that I have loved this man more completely and passionately (WITHOUT EVER HAVING LAID A SINGLE HAND ON HIM!) than I have ever loved anyone before in my life. He moves me in ways I would/could previously only have dreamed possible. How can/do you turn your back on something as powerful as that?

I think I've resigned myself to simply giving it up to God and trusting that--as you so eloquently said yourself--you are loving this man, and in the process learning from him/the experience--that which you were meant to learn. Same here. There is a point to what I'm going through---there simply has to be. Because in a Universe as perfectly constructed as is this One in which we live, nothing so powerful could be utterly random.

God bless you for having the courage of your convictions. Standing up for what (and whom) you believe---especially against those 'closest' to us---is such a potentially frightening and humbling experience. Your willingness to extend yourself and take these amazing leaps of faith is nothing short of inspirational and I thank you most sincerely for sharing yourself in this way with me, and the rest of us here reading your words.

Love and Light to You,AT.

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We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

posted November 16, 2005 11:29 AM         

But here's where I get confused.

Back in August, the "duck" was looking decidedly different altogether!!

I'd finally (after 2 years of living on my own) gotten this man over here to my apartment---albeit to help me assemble a piece of furniture. A job that should have taken no longer than a half hour somehow became a 3 morning-in-a-row ordeal. Parts missing the first day, forgotten tools the next day, yada yada yada...

What's more, he couldn't have amped up the flirting any more than he did without actually launching himself at me! What's more, he arrived (and remained!) shirtless all three days...and spent more time talking about his desire to apply my sunscreen before letting me head out into the harsh sunlight than he did working on my entertainment center. Then he'd follow that up with emails about how he'd been thinking non-stop about how awesome my "knobs and drawers looked...and that my furniture didn't look so bad either!" LOL.

My point is...as frequently as "the duck" looks and sounds like a man who can't be all that interested(or else he'd have made a move by now), it just as frequently looks and sounds like a man who is so hot for me (but painfully nervous/awkward about it) that he might burst into flame!!

What I find myself wrestling most with is "which damn 'duck' do I believe?!" You know??

The whole situation is so rife with contradictions its maddening. So when the evidence just as frequently points in one direction as it does the next, is it safe to trust my gut? Or is it best to simply do my best to trust God? And of course, I suppose I already answered my own question with THAT answer, didn't I??

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We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

posted November 16, 2005 12:16 PM         

To HELL with the rules!!

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We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

posted November 16, 2005 12:20 PM         

I think your point about not wanting to know the answer is also well stated, and well taken here. I've wondered the same myself. Perhaps I'm just not yet strong enough to confront that possibility. I hope if/when the time comes that I am forced to, I can face it with as much strength and dignity as are you in this moment.

Thanks for your words. Really.

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We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

posted November 16, 2005 12:32 PM         

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We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

posted November 16, 2005 02:53 PM         

I've sinced learned to not worrry about the outcome and take things as they are. When you are too concerned about the outcome, you aren't living in the moment and seeing and dealing with things as they are. I used to push and shove ppl into being what I wanted them to be "potential."

I learned many things the hard way and now accept that duration and time don't matter. It's the MOMENT and living in it that counts. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn in my life. People come into your life for diff. reasons and diff. durations

posted November 16, 2005 05:09 PM         

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We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.

posted November 17, 2005 08:13 AM         

feel lik that a lot of times........n im sik n tired of it..coz generally i end up doin wat my head tells me to..........even tho im dyin to do wat my heart wants
even tho i think im not wise enuff to advice anyone wat i feel u shud do fr now is go with the flow........coz watevr has to happen will happen.........lik u said....GODS TIME.......I TOTALLY AGREE...We cant change that....n lik so many of u'll out here said.......maybe its a learning experience....maybe u just HAVE TO go thru it
about deluding urself.........i think its necessary to do wat u KNOW is right even tho u might want to do d exact opposite(and it can be very tough)..........if u try to do wat is right........then you WILL BE divinely guided
.............n v r all hopeless romantics!!!!!!!

stargazer
i am goin thru a somewat similar situation and i have a pisces moon n mercury..........n my confusion is also due to a scorp

sdg1844
u sound really wise.........n wat u said made a lot of sense