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Author
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Topic: NEED ADVICE! Sag woman and Aquarius man
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merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted January 30, 2006 05:48 PM
 
I met the man of my dreams (aquarius) and our relationship was going great until I introduced him to my son(I am divorced). We were together for about 6 months. Then he distanced himself and basically broke up with me saying that he really does not think he could ever be a step-father (I didnt even think that far ahead!!! -I am definitally not ready to get remarried and maybe just want a long term partnership eventually without marriage) I said I understood but we agreed on being very good friends. (i understood that the commitment thing freaked him out and it was too soon to introduce my young son to him)
Well, friendship many times turned into romance and then back again into friendship. Every time we "get romantic" again, he tells me he loves me, that he never felt so free with anyone before, sex has never been better and bascially draws me in emotionally every time. (he is also a romance addict we figured out) He is a typical Aquarius and I am a typical Sag.
about a month ago, he got re-aquainted with an ex of 10 years back. Just my luck, she is a Libra and lives out of town (5 hour car trip away).
He told me he just wanted to be friends with me because he is going to give this ex another shot but when we met up 2 weeks ago and had the most amazing time together, we ended up getting "romantic" again within a couple days. Once again he told me how much he felt about me. but a couple days later he told me that he was going to visit his "old girlfriend" again for the weekend and was trying to figure out whether he should tell her about "us" I said fine. go. He told me he wasnt in the mood to go anymore but I said I had places to go and told him to go. (trying to give him freedom and space) Well, when he returned, he told me that does not think it is right that he and I be intimate anymore since he is going to try to give this old girlfriend another shot(again) and I said fine by me. I said I respect that decision and as long as we will continue to be great friends thats all that is important to me (of course, i am crushed inside)
We talk on the phone a lot, he is afraid to invite me over because he is afraid we will end up in bed yet again yet he is very flirtatious with me and always stressing that no matter what we will be friends.
How do I win him back from her (a libra)????
sorry this is so long! I am in need of good advice...
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hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 187
From: san antonio, texas
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 02, 2006 10:21 AM
Hello Merlot! Can you say player? Or maybe manipulative, at best confused?
If not and you are sure he has good intentions then read on.........
I am a pisces female involved with an aqua male and it has taken me almost a year to learn how to handle this interaction. It is not just enough to give him space and freedom, you have to let him go. I have found that every time I let my guy go, that is, stop holding onto him emotionally, he comes back over and over again(I am convinced that he can feel my emotional attachment and it makes him a little uncomfortable), I have had to become very creative in finding ways to let go, but the end result is always the same. Aqua guys are very intuitive, though they don't know it and will never admit it, and when they are acting out of an intuitive hunch, they don't know where it is coming from. But, they do pick up things.
First of all, you have to find yourself. Let this man be an adjunct to your life not the center of it. To be involved with an aqua guy, you need to have a life of your own (they like this), you need to be very independent and display your own personal freedom. You could try "out aquarianing" him, become detached and state that you are glad you two are able to remain friends. They love that word, "friends." And do not be available to him everytime at the drop of a hat, although you have to balance this one as they like spontaniety!
Second, do not approach this with the attitued of winning him back, that will never work, have an attitued of letting him go, trust me, I have done it so many times and not only is it liberating for him it is good for your self esteem.
Also, he may be testing you, even unconciously, with the dilemma of the other girl. What ever you do, do not show jealousy!
To sum up LET HIM GO! Be his friend and please maintain a life of your own or you will never survive an "involvment" with an aqua male!
One last note, fire makes air hot and air fans the fire!
Best of luck!!!!IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 796
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted February 02, 2006 11:27 AM
Hmmmm that is it all the way...IP: Logged |
BlueTopaz124
Knowflake Posts: 652
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted February 02, 2006 12:05 PM
I second and third that.IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 02, 2006 12:25 PM
Hippychick thanks. I know you are right.
Everytime I get myself strong and independent he is wants me.
Everytime I get too attached he takes one step back.
He LOVES the idea of us being friends and last time we hung out I refused to sleep with him and it drove him crazy. I know he is now re-thinking his old/new girlfriend again. Do you think it is a coincidence that this girlfriend lives 3-4 hours away from him?
Its killing me that she is a Libra. So perfect for an aquarius no?
Something so magnetic about him...IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 187
From: san antonio, texas
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 02, 2006 12:44 PM
Merlot, no coincidence she lives away, he probably likes distance and you may have to give him distance other ways if not physically. Libs are not always good for aquas, just because they are air signs. She, being a lib may want the traditional marriage, family, romance thing, probably just what he does not want. I think sag and aqu may be better, but ofcourse the entirety of both birth charts would have to be concidered!
I know it is hard to let go emotionally, but you have to, it is an energy thing. I have been through many self-help books, dredging issues of my past, praying and one thing that works particularly well is visualization. Sometimes, when I am having a hard time with the letting go thing, I visualize my guy actually floating away from me into space, where aquas are truely at home, and I include first a white light around myself and him and then send him off in a pink bubble, to symbolize unconditional love, from my heart and soul.
Learn from what has worked for you regarding him in the past. I will give you another hint, they get real tired of the same ol thing, so reach into your soul and come up with creative ways of interacting!
Peace, Love and Light!IP: Logged |
zoso
Knowflake Posts: 643
From: Death Valley USA
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted February 04, 2006 03:04 PM
Dump his ass. Sorry to be so blunt. (I am a Sag, too!)IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 796
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted February 06, 2006 11:25 AM
Yep and when you do that he will automatically want you, trust me.. LOL!!!IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 07, 2006 11:32 AM
I think I need to dump him. you are right.
I love him way to much but its screwing with my life too much now and I deserve better. I know he loves me, he has told me over and over again but I dont want to compete with any one else for his commitment. I know I can get him any time I want (at least for a night or weekend or anytime I am next to him but I want him to want me always and not have to fight for it) But I want him forever and I am sick and tired of this back and forth with him. So, I have decided that today I am going to let him go. Finished. Unfortunately, he has also become my best friend but I will tell him that I always want to stay friends with him but that is it. I have decided to be strong. If he is not sure between me and this other woman than he can have her.IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 4039
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003
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posted February 07, 2006 12:09 PM
merlot what I don't like is that several times you say the sex is better than ever, but then something will happen where he draw away, acting as if this is a negative thing. From the description he ought to be thanking his lucky stars! He has a strong sexuality but can't express it in a continous positive way, it always has to come to some bad end.Aquas can be bitter at the end so save yourself some grief and don't make it about her, him, or yourself, make your reason short and sweet in order to keep the conversation civil for another time. Ask for space, nicely and let him know it's not forever. Say for a month or two you are too busy to have any friends, not just him but that you are always thinking of him. That way is good, and there are no weird feelings. I also let an Aqua go this summer and it was hard, to deal with his time commitments, he had two children he had to care for, and one was not happy about me. He wanted a mother for his children but also was flirty and not dependable. The reason I bring him up is that his ex wife was a Sag who left him for someone else due to the fact that he wasn't "there" enough for her romantically, he was also not much interested in the children like she was.
So it's not true that Aqua and Sag always work out, he was quite bitter and ended up living next door to her not letting go of the competitive drive he had for her. At times, he would be with me, romancing me, and talking to her on the cell phone and managing his daughters, and keeping them from having any friends he didn't know about. Talk about controlling. You don't see it but bit by bit when you see an Aqua man at home you see it's all about control, everyone has to love him first, and Aquas are quite jealous and territorial. jealousy means less respect for what is already yours. The person he had the most problems with was his Libra daughter who was very moody and refused to leave his side-Aquas do have a thing with libras because Aquas secretly do not ever want to be alone. I believe this because I have Uranus trine Sun and I attract a lot of libras and they are clingy, and moody and very supportive of others goals. Hard to resist for an Aqua, so in a way I feel he chose her over me, and I let him go to have space. I did wish him Happy Birthday and he tried to come back, but I don't want that as I feel too low about it still. Aquas are not the greatest when things are bad either as they juggle so many people and so there is some negativity there, just to be perfectly honest. They are a lot more stable as male friends than most, but they do have their weakness, and it sounds like you need someone as strong as you right now. Take Care,
Natasha
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hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 187
From: san antonio, texas
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 07, 2006 12:17 PM
Merlot
Peace be to you. I have had to let go recently as well. Glad to know you are doing this for yourself, just always follow your heart.
One piece of advice, thought, a clean break would be better for you and him. In my experience those who have been intimatley invloved especially where there are still feelings deeper than friendship can not maintain a friendship as the word implies. Things are just too fresh and your heart is invloved. Mine proposed friendship and I said no, I know myself better and will not go there. I will do better loving him from afar and letting things be what they will be rather than being "friends." I once had an ex propose friendship several months ago, before I knew better, I went for it and it ended in disaster with him getting hurt again. Question your motives, truthfully question your motives!
Sending peace, love and light!
hippi.IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 07, 2006 03:19 PM
Thanks all,
A clean break would be the best but I am not sure I can do that. I truly do want him for a friend. Do I think I can resist all his advances. Yeah. I think so.
we will see in any case.
Yes, sex is magic with him. Does not get any better that what we have in bed for sure. We would put porn stars to shame. But I have to let go the feeling that just because we connect on such a sexual/emotional/mental and spiritual level that we are meant to be with each other.
Sick of him puttting me on a pedestal and then knocking me off (because I have a child, am not able to move spontaniously-not that he is going anywhere but just the idea of no strings)
I decided after my divorce that I was never going to settle again and guess what. I am settling being with someone who cannot be there for me 100%
Do you believe he told me that he is in love me with me but since this Libra does not have any ties that he wants to see where it may go with her.!
He is 42 for GODS SAKE!
Btw, do Sags have a tendency to be co-dependent? I know we love being in love but is there more to that?
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merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 07, 2006 03:23 PM
To clarify,
The sex draws him in always. Its only when I am not around him and we are apart like 2 days that he starts to pull away emotionally. IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 07, 2006 03:32 PM
and his birthday is on the 14th as well.
Valentines day will suck this year. lolIP: Logged |
sweetlibra
Knowflake Posts: 1057
From:
Registered: Oct 2004
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posted February 07, 2006 11:06 PM
Hi merlot,I am a Libra with an Aqua moon/MC. I can understand where he's coming from. If you wanted to win him back, just be cool and ditached and a bit unattainable.
If you show deep emotions, that will drive him away. I mean he has his loads of emotions, hidden behind that cool manner. But I dont think the way he treats you is right. He is taking you for granted. Just give a thought if you deserve this kinda treatment, no matter how strong the romance is. ------------------
Do not give up in life because there are lots of difficulties. Difficulties in life do not come to destroy you;
but to help you realize your hidden potential. Let difficulties know that you are difficult. IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 10, 2006 05:12 PM
So, I did it. kind of...
sort of embarassed to admit but I decided I was going to have one more night with him and day and then that would be it.
So that night after amazing sex as usual. (the first 3 hour session) I told him that this was it. I decided I didnt want to do this anymore. I told him that I love him but I decided that I deserve more and that I wish him the best of luck with his libra new/old woman. I said that I did not want to compete since I think I am settling if I do and that I did not want to settle for anyone that did not want me 100%. I told him that even if he decided he did not want to continue with the other woman that I still do not want something that I was not totally secure with. Told him that I want a partner that is as devoted to me as I am to him and that is that. He looked down at me and told me how much he loved me and throughout the night told me at least 10 times more. Told me he never felt so honest with anyone and said that he was going to a shrink on Friday (today) to try to sort things out because he is so torn between me and her (and everyone else in my opinion) before he goes to see her for the weekend. I told him I do not envy her because she does not know about the continuing saga between he and I and I would never want my partner to want someone else.He knows that he will always succumb to me if I want and I told him that must suck for her and I would never put myself in her position. He was super amazing and loving and open and caring for me all night and in the morning we went to the market and we had an amazing breakfast/lunch and then I dropped him back off at his place and he looked at me, and we kissed and I felt that I was ok with ending it there. and I felt that he wasnt. I also said that he and I will always be friends and I will always be there for him. He laughed and said how can we be just friends, the same thing will keep happening again and again with us. I told him I think I am over it.
That night he called me, I did not pick up the phone even though I saw that he called.
He said he missed me, change of plans-his 'other girl' was going to come to him for the weekend and we would not be able to get together for his birthday (valentines day) and then he kissed me over the phone. I did not still know we had those plans and I felt kind of thrown off that he still felt that they were still on. Anyway I guess she came to him today and I am still ok with it b/c I think I am getting over him.
Everytime he sensed me pulling back or when i told him I am ending it he would come to me.again and again. It is predictable almost. Maybe now it will be different since I pulled myself out of the running and he can focus on her. I really do not want someone who is not 100% with me so i am sure I did the right thing. I think he called me again today on his unlisted cellphone but I didnt pick up. He sent no text messages or e-mail either. I know I will miss him terribly though I just dont want to put all this emotional energy into him anymore and I dont want to manipulate him to come back to me continuosly.(because I can) He should come to me on his own.
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Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 796
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted February 10, 2006 05:37 PM
Merlot: HHMMMMM is all I can say, I know how you feel trust me. I went through the same thing almost with a Aqua guy. Dang I am tripping the stories are almost identical. He did the same thing as far as when I would pull away he would sense it and if I tried to end it he would come stronger for me. Its crazy I know just stay aloof and watch what happens they hate to not be the ones to end things.. If he had of been the one to let you go it would have been ok. And I also know about the manipulation they fall hard for that, I am not into that I want you to want me bc it is real and genuine and not bc I am tricking you. That is how she got him the other women he was dealing with. I did not want to compete either. In the end I still landed on my feet and a year and months later he still is thinking about me and wondering. I still care for him too but he does not know it..not really. You will be fine this will all work out for the best.. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 187
From: san antonio, texas
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 10, 2006 11:31 PM
Ok girl, I have to go with my original feeling......Can you say PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 10, 2006 11:36 PM
Mama Mia,
is he still with this other woman? I am starting on my freak out phase a little. I will of course not buckle but I already miss the SOB. Because I am at home with my son while he is probally having sex.IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 11, 2006 09:17 AM
Hey Hippichick.
I know what you mean but he is not a conscious player. He seems to need women to fall in love with him to feel more secure with himself. I think that is a way that he feels his self-worth. I have no doubt that he truly loves me the problem is that he also falls in love with a french waitress over a course of a weekend (and then all feeling for her are lost a day later), or and ex-girlfriend or whatever.
Anyway, he is history. Conscious player or not, I dont want it anymore.IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 796
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted February 11, 2006 02:47 PM
Merlot: Nope he is not with her anymore, but does not know how to come to me after all he did, he is in his own way. But until he figures it out...We will be apart.. IP: Logged |
victoriasgirl1
Knowflake Posts: 56
From: Tampa, Florida, USA
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted February 11, 2006 04:04 PM
OMG, I'm tripping too. I posted on another thread about myself and my AQUA male. Almost identical there too. He decided to get back together with his ex, he's confused so I give him his space and then he wants to "stay friends" but I can't because then the cycle repeats itself again. BTW, Hippychick, I think your advice is SO right on, too. Once you let go, they always come running back. I'm trying to let go too.IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 11, 2006 08:35 PM
Isnt that amazing that it is so typical Aqua?
I will stay friends with him if only to torture him as much as possible lol. Thats so easy to do. In a weird way though, I know he wants to be caught just to ease his confusion about women. He said so the other night. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 187
From: san antonio, texas
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 11, 2006 09:31 PM
Ok girls, here it is as I have figured out in the past few days. These guys are running from themselves, they get a "taste" of love, affection, caring, sharing and CANT HANDLE IT! They are not ready for it and we can not hold this against them as they are on their growth paths as we all are, we just have to be strong and recognize what is going on in their heads (and hearts sometimes.) I just found out less than a week ago the aqua guy I have been "involved" with for the past year is married. It has taken me several days of soul searching to truly be able to let him go to do what he will on his own path. And be friends as he proposed? With friends like this who needs (emotional) enemies!
Peace, Love and Light......Ps: Now that I have let him go (for the 1oth or so time) I am sure he will come running back, God give me strength! IP: Logged |
merlot
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Hoboken
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted February 12, 2006 10:32 AM
Hippichick,
Know what you are willing to live with and what you are not. Know that it is better to be alone and single rather than alone in a relationship.
Know that most of his behavior is due to his insecurity and need to feel loved. That is his weakness. Listen to your gut as well as your heart.
Do not be ruled by lust and passion (although it is fun to be)
Act out of strength and courage and not out of fear and cowardice. I am struggling too believe me.IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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