posted February 15, 2006 01:51 PM         

As hard as it is and no matter how you feel, to break up with a Bull means NO CONTACT. You have to be firm in your decision and know that it is what you want.

I had already asked if you had been happy in the relationship and it sounded like you had been short changed. I know you see him as someone that can "potentially" be something special. Yet, if he is NOT treating you that way or hasn't in the past, what is the chance of it getting better?

When I left my Ex we still had a small amount of contact. I moved out without really telling him (he knew I had gotten my own place, but I left about 3 weeks early). I still had to finish packing and get the movers out..etc...

I had tried to schedule my time at the house on days where he wouldn't be around, but then he started to take time off of work so that he would be there. I knew he was hurt - he had that wounded puppy look to him.. BUT, I also knew he was hurt over losing an OBJECT (me). I cannot know exactly what was in his heart, but I knew the hurt was real. Yet, I had to sit back and look at the circumstances surrounding our break up and why I wanted to move on.

The contact we had was emotionally killing me. He would come up to me and ask to hold me. He would tell me how much he loved me and just wanted me in his arms. YET... there were no promises of what a future could be like UNTIL I had moved out completely and cut off all contact.

The last time I had to go back to the house he tried hard to get me to hug him, touch him.. even look at him. I just carried on with the cleaning and getting the house squared away for inspection. I made small talk and when we were done I just wished him luck and left.

I wouldn't return his calls or texts. I KNEW in my heart that he would NOT change...

When I did allow him back in to "talk" and discuss the breakup.. he used that as a way to try and get me back. Then came the gifts, the loving texts, the phone calls...etc...

I was in an emotional turmoil because I knew what we had been through, how hurtful and deceiving he was, but at the same time I FELT his pain and wanted to make it better. Still, I wouldn't let down my guard.. and this time I waited for his trueself to come back to the surface.

He even said "I have never known you to be this independent and strong. You've changed"

I hadn't changed.. I just went back to the real me and the real me didn't want the emotional blackmail that he always used against me.

In the end I left him a message and said "NO MORE CONTACT..." period.. done..the end. He called after that and left a message and again a few days later. I didn't return any call. I won't because it is unhealthy to be with someone like that.

I learned that being on my own was more satisfying that being in a relationship where I was constantly questioning myself.

I know you understand what I am saying. How many times did you cry after hanging up the phone with him because he took something the wrong way. How many times did you get that gut wrenching feeling because you KNEW he was not being as loyal as he pretended to be.

Do you want to go back to that? Do you really think you can be happy with him?

I understand how darn hard it is.. but giving him a "proper" breakup will only allow him to get deeper into you. I hope it turns out well. Please feel free to keep asking for advice and letting us know how things are.

We all do it

One more word of advice.. .once you leave these people and get back to who you are (as the therapists would say.. when your glass becomes full) then you will be able to meet that person that will treat you the way you should be treated.

posted February 15, 2006 01:55 PM         

"As being one myself, I would say you just have to be really blunt about it. Say you no longer have any feelings for him and do not lie about who you may have feelings for, because if you have any intention of remaining friends at all, and you're dishonest about anything in the breakup, he'll sever all contact from you forever.

You'll become his worst enemy for being disloyal to him."

LOL... are you reading the posts about this guy? Would you want to remain friends with someone that told another "possible" lover about intimate problems the two of you shared and then have that lover call your mate?

That is disloyal. I don't think Trina is talking about lying to him about being with someone else. She is just talking about cutting the cord.

As far as worst enemy ever? LMAO... Taurus, in my experience, doesn't expend energy on that as much as their pursuit for good food. LOL... If anything she will either become someone he will continue to pine for, yet hate, or she will no longer exist.

Neither seems like it would be so bad after what she went through. I don't miss my ex at all.

posted February 16, 2006 09:49 AM         

I don't understand what you mean by "Eliminate" his thoughts about me?? EXPLAIN please?

Anyway I am stronger. I am feeling like it is the end of a bad time in my life altogether.

I met with my ex-fiancé yesterday. He explained a lot of what my T was trying to get from me. And, I got why he was stringing me along. I do have the gut wrenching feeling that he is talking to someone else. But you know what?? He will never find someone like me! I know that now. But I have a feeling he will be calling soon. I just know it.

Pidaua:
I won't talk to him though, I know what you mean by not wanting to look into his eyes or even talk to him. He has that lost puppy look on him, that you just want to give a home. I think it is the Bad Taurus way of manipulating you into staying with them, then treating you the same way, because they know no better.

Your advice has helped. Thanx for hearing me out. I don't want to get back to where I was with him, I am always evolving and always honest, I'm going to be the person I set out to be.

posted February 21, 2006 06:41 PM         

I wouldn't say that his threw you out like a piece of trash. I think it is what Nih said concerning "eliminating" you out of his thoughts. That means, he moved on (or had someone or is losing himself in another because of his own pain) The other side of the coin. If he is one of the EV's we discussed he is not capable of true love- so things will not hurt him on that emotional level as they would a normal caring person.

Now, I am sure my ex-taurus is saying the same thing. "Why did she decide to have no contact anymore" thinking I was disloyal to him or threw him out like trash. But, I had to have that no contact in order to save my own mind.

It is better to move on but I know it hurts. I felt your pain when I first left the Taurus. I was racked with the gut wrenching pain that seems to radiate throughout your body. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and found myself vacillating between extreme anger and hurt.

I just kept telling myself that that pain would pass and that something / someone better would happen in my life. I looked at it all as I would transiting Pluto effect. (Fitting since Pluto was sitting on my Venus / Sun / IC at the time and still is).

I am sure that you are hurting deeply. Never feel bad about venting here- that is what we're here for.

posted February 22, 2006 11:37 AM         

And when one says "go away for good" they have to mean it.

When my ex and I broke up he tried to maintain contact with me for the two months before he left the state. He KNEW I was dating other guys and had even become emotionally / sexually involved with one.

He told me "it doesn't matter. I expected you to move on, but that doesn't mean I don't love you and want to be with you".

When we talked about getting back together I told him I still wanted to date other men and that he could do what he wanted. He wanted nothing to do with the dating scene (LOL.. or so he said.. remember, I have already established that he is a pathological liar).

In any case, he wanted me to move to TX without question.

I have no problem if he has, in his mind, thrown me out yesterday's trash. It serves me well since I do not want that cancerous relationship (even friendship) in my life.

There is not much difference between a Sag and a Bull when it comes to vulnerablity and having to move on. Most think of a Bull as one that is thick skinned and above emotions. They think of Saggie also as being thick skinned and too flight for emotions.

posted February 24, 2006 06:03 PM         

I don’t want to talk to him because when I do; I can’t think straight. I loose my true self. I want someone to treat me special. Not just manipulate me into staying just so they can keep “the best sex of their life”. I want the whole package. It would make me happy to know that he had a lot of true feelings in the whole matter, but who knows what he feels now -a-days. I truly am not dating nor do I want too. I feel God’s blessings coming down on me. And I know I was just being obsessive; with time I get over it. I know I am a good catch. He’ll realize it some day or another. But as for me I am great.

Ni: I am glad you explained yourself. I feel better to know that he would have some feelings, but may cover them up just like a lot of other human beings would; when trying to mask their pain. I knew he would. It just made me upset to think that he just left it so easy with no pain. And I was feeling all this pain.
“If you wanted to retain any sort of friendship” For me this will not happen, I am not friends with ex’s ( only talk to one on a friendly bases). I am not going to be a friend to him because I feel he misused me in a relationship, why would I give him anything else. My heart was the most anyone would get out of me, I don’t want the conciliation prize. Anyway why would I risk having more feelings pop up later on?
Seems to me, that Taurus people don’t let go of ex’s, they tend to keep them as friends. So that they will in a way always posses them????

Pidaua:

You have described some of the same ways I feel now. It’s like you are me in a parallel universe, he he. Tho not identical cases, I feel that I can relate almost word for word.
” I had to have that no contact in order to save my own mind” This is why I decided to move on, my mind was in shambles, I was obsessed with all the details of the break up, then suffered some more, to think he was talking to someone else. It was driving me mad. I needed to change my life around to focus on the important things in life. I was sucked dry, of all my faith and emotions.

“I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and found myself vacillating between extreme anger and hurt.” This is wear it hits home.

I can’t stress enough on how I feel like this. I am angry and hurt. I’ve lost almost 10 lbs. in a few weeks. I have been down on myself.

posted February 27, 2006 12:27 PM         

You should be proud of yourself. You are doing what most people are afraid of doing. That is, you are able to face the pain, without jumping into another relationship (rebounds are just a way to use another person) and instead you are learning to live and love yourself like you used to.

Being a Sagittarian we are extremely sensitive, especially to other people, even when we do show it. To think we harmed someone or broke their hearts, makes us soul-sick. Yet, we can tend to put up with so much and part of the our heartache stems from the disbelief that someone could have been so callous to us, when we wouldn't seek to hurt anyone.

It does get better. There are times when you least expect it when you get the gut-wrenching pain and he comes into your mind. You may dream about him from time to time (I did almost every night and then he called me) Now I am dreaming of him again.

Should you fall into the dream loop, tell yourself before you fall asleep that in your dream you will let him go. Sometimes our souls still want contact or our subconscious has not been able to let go completely.

You are also feeling the hurt of "BETRAYAL". You experienced it on many counts, from his dishonesty, to his confiding in another woman who then called you with details. Betrayal is a horrible feeling.. lies are an act of betrayal and knowing he may have been talking to another is a more overt act of betrayal.

Again.. it hurts us even more deeply because we wouldn't seek to do that to another person, especially one that we care about.

My heart and thoughts are with you. Please feel free to rant all you want or to just discuss your progress. I know it can really lift up the heart.

posted February 27, 2006 05:22 PM         

Yep.. that's about right. I think it depends on the intensity of the relationship and if there was a friendship present.

For example, there is no way on earth I could be friends with the ex Taurus Sun / Virgo moon. Never in a million years because he is like a malignant tumor. He also had a very hard time keeping close friendships (he never thought of them as friends - more like his endless supply or adoration) from a few of his exes or woman he, shall we say, shared a warm bed with from time to time.

Then again, I am still friends with another Taurus (Sag Moon). He and I had a friendship first and foremost and even if things didn't work out.. well, he's a good guy.

posted February 27, 2006 08:30 PM         

He doesn't like to be the bad guy. so he will check in just to see how I will be towards him. He likes the "adoration" just like Pid said. If I am happy to hear from him he will like that, he will feel like he is so unforgetable. If I am not. He probably will never call again. Just because he didn't get that ego boost. I think that is the egotistical bull way.

As far as, moving into a new relationship. Not gonna happen.........I'm getting well right now. So, I will be able to face him in the future and feel confident enough to resist old patterns. Like the one I have when men take advantage of me, and never treat me right, and all I do is wait till they realize it. They never do.......

He and I will meet again, and just like today; tomorrow I will be out of his league.
The reason I say we will meet again,is cause his brother is my friend. For now I will stay away from the friends just to get him out of my system.

Right now I have a lot of good things to focus on. I am a full-time student with a full-time job. I love school and my job. Those things keep me busy.