posted February 13, 2006 04:17 PM         

Had a 2 and a half year relationship with a libra which was just a terrible mess from the beginning. Nobody truly loved one another and I guess we just held in there for the convenience. Although, the things she did during the relationship definitely aren't helping me much in my current relationship.

I've always been a very jealous man, also pretty paranoid about everything. I've always felt that I need to know everything about everyone around me and if I can't account for someone I care for's time, I will never be satisfied.

Alright, so I have gotten involved in a relationship with a Pisces woman that I have known for close to four years. During the time we were not together we were pretty strange friends. I was pretty cold hearted to her one minute and very sympathetic the next. I just guess I thrived on seeing the emotions flail up for someone I really had no obligation to at the time. She told me her problems and I told her mine. We were pretty good friends, but we argued a lot (mostly of my causing and my bull-headed attitude).

Now, we are definitely in love and have been through many things together that make me want to be around her forever, and she assures me, very much so, she feels the same. Her birthday is March 16, 1986 born at 5:46 AM and my birthday is May 6th, 1986 born at 5:37 AM.

Now, in my previous relationship I was always paranoid of anything and everything, and in the end it was all for good reason as my suspicions were always true. This situation is so much different. We found out she was pregnant last month and not even a week had passed and she had miscarried. It was, and still is, a very difficult thing for both of us. It has made us extremely close to one another and made me feel extremely important to another human being. Never have I ever felt this way.

She depends on me, and as little as she sees it, I depend on her as well.

Now, my dilemma is that she had a fling with my best friend of 13 years before we were ever involved, and has openly told me of her past indescretions against her ex-boyfriend and the reasons why (he was very bad for her, a Leo). So I know pretty much everything there is to know.

But, knowing we're in such a better situation than she has every previously been in, I have the confidence that nothing will occur against me, but I know how pisces women are prone to cheating and need a lot of attention .

Needless to say, I've been pretty paranoid whenever we're not together even though we talk all the time. I just can't help but fear that the same things will happen to me that happened in previous situations.

Anyway, I think that is enough for now. I am beginning to get winded.

posted February 13, 2006 06:40 PM         

You said;
"But, knowing we're in such a better situation than she has every previously been in, I have the confidence that nothing will occur against me, but I know how pisces women are prone to cheating and need a lot of attention ."

Listen to the first half of what you are saying, and also the fact that you are in love with her and hopeful.
Anyone of any sign, in any situation in any way CAN cheat....
Don't let that take up much of your focus.
Just love each other and stay close and communicate.
I recommend going to www.astro.com and inputting your birth information to get a chart for each of you ( birth times needed)
Then you can see what other personal contacts your planets and houses make in synastry, as well as independently.. for better understanding.
Sun contacts good though.. I mean, Earth and Water.. but yes, you are fixed, she is mutable.. you will most likely be harder to change than she will.. she would be a moving vessel, changing depending on the container she's in..
the good news about human interaction, is that if your container feels right to her, it's already a smooth ride.. seems like that works.....

posted February 13, 2006 06:51 PM         

I am positive her information is correct, but I may be a few minutes off on my birth time. I don't know how much difference it makes.

MY CHART:

HER CHART:

I have to run to the store but I will be back to give more info.

posted February 13, 2006 07:49 PM         

Is it that the bull is the just being and many other star signs are just cowardly in the ways of love?

My Pisces has opened my eyes more than I have ever thought possible. I used to be stubborn and saw only through a narrow hole and anything I did not want to witness was not seen by me. I was opened to a whole new dream world. A world where I can strive to be something never thought possible.

I have only thought myself to be in love once before, and in hindsight, it is extremely pale in comparison to what I have now. We complete eachothers thoughts and we have, at least once a day!, started speaking the exact same thing at the exact same time, or pointed out the same obscure thing that was hidden from our eyes. It leads me to believe that I have found my true self in this person.

This is something I am fearful of losing, but I should not fear my loss and embrace what I've got. There is no worth in living with paranoia. However difficult it is to do.

posted February 14, 2006 02:52 AM         

I wanted to talk to you about jealousy. My husband was very jealous when we were younger. He has grown a lot over the years. Growing out of his jealousy was one of the best things he ever did for himself... and for our relationship. (I am the polar opposite of jealous. In fact, if a chick is looking at my man... I get happy. I like it!)

It seems we have a lot in common, you and I. I once had a fling with one of my husband's childhood friends. It was before I even knew my husband, but it created some issues.

His friend and I were friends in high school. We hung out a lot. After high school we got together pretty often. One time, while we were both pretty drunk, one thing lead to another... and I slept with one of my good friends.

Fast forward two years to when I met my husband...

Somehow the name of the guy came up and we shared how funny it was that we both new him. I had to tell my husband (who was not my husband at the time, but my very new boyfriend) about the one night stand with our mutual friend. He didn't react well. Neither one of us keep in touch with the friend anymore because it caused such a funk. Now the friend has moved out of state, and there's no relationship to repair. Although, I know my husband would like to have his friend back. They were like brothers way back when, and his jealousy ruined that.

The best piece of advice that I can give you is to continue to talk through these problems with your partner. Own your feelings. Try to decide if they are rational or not. Jealousy is not rational. Jealousy comes from fear... fear of losing what is yours. She is not yours. She is hers. You have no control.

Taurus is prone to jealousy and possessiveness. Being that your Sun and Asc are in Taurus, I'd say that's a double whammy. Try to keep your jealousy and especially your possessiveness in check. I know that is easier said than done.

Baby steps... just being aware that jealousy is unhealthy is a start. Call yourself out each time you feel a jealous twinge. Remind yourself that you have no need to be jealous.

Once you are secure within yourself, your jealousy will fade.

posted February 14, 2006 10:19 AM         

That was a great pearl of wisdom.

posted February 14, 2006 10:56 AM         

I was faithful in a relationship which never called for it. I always had my thoughts about things when I was in a relationship with the previous libra, and I was practically forced to like her ex-boyfriend in which she wished to remain friends with. I guess I sort of accepted her wishes after a long, painful time of thinking whether or not they were still in love. Well, after we had finally broke it off, and during the relationship, she was absolutely adamant about not ever wanting to go back with that person, but who was she hanging out with at the time of our breakup? That person, of course. Who did she, and still is, dating? That person as well. Doesn't help me with my security issues much.

I guess I just have to get over the attitude of everyone being the same way as her and realize that this is a different person. A person which I care for very deeply. Moreso than I have ever cared in my life. I guess I am just paranoid that things will happen again like they did in the past, and I'll lose the love of my life and my best friend in the mess.

Have I thought about completely cutting out my best friend for this sake? Yes, I have, but I honestly believe that I can trust him with my life and he isn't the type of person to anger others. He has been very cooperative with me in quelling the past. I am grateful for that. The only thing that angers me to no end is that they were both in seemingly "loving" relationships, and now that his relationship has ended, he tries so hard to get back his lost love. I almost feel as if I need to make it known of what he did during their relationship. As a sort of retribution for what he did.

He doesn't deserve her. If he loved her he would have been smart enough to control himself.

Anyway, yeah. I feel as if these issues need to be dealt with, but I believe it will be a difficult road.

posted February 15, 2006 11:01 AM         

Suspicious is normal, and it's not healthy for one person to take, take, take.

Never in my life have I ever been jealous or suspicious of someone where it wasn't warranted. And when expressed property it was valued and I was loved even more! It's when the jealousy hurts you, then it's bad.

Some men and women, love jealousy and they incite the feeling because it causes passion and excitement in their lives. When you get older you learn self control.

And then when someone gets you jealous you can say, I am too upset to talk to you right now. We will continue this conversation at another time when you see my point of view.

Love is all about communication and respect, you must be on the same wavelength.

It sounds like your LIbra wasn't like you at all, and hung out in different circles where her behaviour was considered appropriate. To you it was not.

Just as if she swore or chewed with her mouth open, it's not you.

Don't ever forget you have the right to be with someone who is crazy about you. It happens to Taurean types, so you don't have to be alone.

Flighty, flaky, flirty, undependable, these are the kinds of traits that cause concern in someone who is giving all the time. Why fight nature and save your respect for those who deserve it?

Personally I find Pisces to more dependable than Libra in love, because there is more emotion, and therefore more honesty.

Be blunt, be brutally honest with yourself and others and then the suspicions are either reality or imagination.

posted February 15, 2006 11:42 AM         

I've cut people loose due to their "extreme" jealous nature. No amount of reassurance could convince them of anything.

You have to have trust. I'm not saying to blindly throw caution to the wind... but if you can't develop trust, you're setting yourself and them up for a miserable ride.

Edited - Wanted to add that I'm no love guru by any means.

posted February 15, 2006 11:53 AM         

Explain that it is something from your past that you have identified and that you are worried it may affect your relationship with her if it gets out of hand.

Make sure you have plans to take control of the issue and explain this clearly, so that she knows you are fighting your demons and your goal is to be a better lover to her.

If she loves you and is not a very strange Fish without compassion (which you would have guaged by now anyway), she will understand. As long as you are SEEN to be making the effort and winning your personal battle.

I wouldn't be surprised if she started making slight changes to accommodate you without even being asked.

But, the price for this is balancing it just so and preventing her having to give to much, which leads inevitably to resentment.

If the beast breaks the cage and she wasn't even aware it existed it will be much worse though, because then it becomes a trust issue, and those are the hardest to heal.

Good luck.

posted February 15, 2006 11:35 PM         

And that is also why I pretty much stick to women who are attracted to me first. If I have to compete for a woman's attention, then I probably don't want it.

posted February 16, 2006 01:10 AM         

Saturn in 7th house in opposition (aspect) to Venus/Chiron in 1st house ..
Sun / Mercury and Moon in 12th house

***Astro Help***

this is a good 'intro' to astrology and relationships ..
* http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/A.F.L.G.html *

good for 'aspect' information .. maybe *transits* as well ..
* http://www.cafeastrology.com

* http://astro.com *
* http://www.aquarianage.org *
* http://astrologyweekly.com/learn-astrology *
* http://www.horoscope-x-files.com *
* http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com *
* http://www.astrology-numerology.com/astrology.html *
* http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_transits_e.htm *
* http://www.san.beck.org/Astro.html#1

try 'looking' at your chart thru this site:
* http://www.geocities.com/wilsontctc *

posted February 16, 2006 01:28 AM         

Never have I ever felt like just coexisting with a person would suffice. We can just sit, talk and pretty much do nothing for hours on end and not have a single dull moment. I think she fears her past more than I fear her repeating it. That is the vibe. She is more afraid of me not accepting her bad situations and just feeling awkward all the time that she is afraid of losing me. So I assure her that it won't happen. That, to me, shows me I've got a keeper.

posted February 16, 2006 03:27 AM         

this link may help u to understand the 12th house placements ..
http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/h.xii.html

and as Chiron features by aspecting other placements in both your natal charts ..

Chiron in astrology ... info links ..
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_chiron_e.htm
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_wounding_e.htm
http://www.martinlass.com/healhand.htm
http://www.martinlass.com/chiron.htm

and suggestion .. check out the 'clik to veiw ' re the free charts at astro.com ... there should be interps. for all the major placements and connecting aspects ...

posted February 16, 2006 08:00 AM         

That vibe you talk about for me is so elusive but so addictive when you get it.

Really sounds like a great start, I wish you luck and love mate.

I also respect your honesty and as a fellow Piscean I bet she senses this and absolutely swims in it. It is very good for her soul to recieve such understanding and compassion, don't forget that you are good for her, should keep your spirits and levels of security up.

posted February 16, 2006 09:01 AM         

However, what if a woman "has" expressed her devotion to the man who was jealous? What if she assured him and showed him that other men didn't interest her to the point of exhaustion and it still didn't help?

Can the woman (or man) help how someone of the opposite sex reacts to them? No.. but they can decide how they will react in return.

I've been in a situation before where I didn't even feel comfortable going some places with a person due to being afraid the guy would look into reactions from others. He would see advances where I was completely oblivious.

What can one do in that situation?

I couldn't handle it any longer... I wasn't insensitive... I just couldn't understand how to fix it. We had discussion after discussion about it... I would think it was settled... nope.

Granted this is looking at a more extreme case (maybe? he didn't ever become raging; but did put me through a lot of emotional turmoil due to it)... but it does put both people through hell and it doesn't necessarily mean the other person is insensitive.

Also, as bad as I hate to admit it... I can lean to jealousy myself at times. It's never did me an ounce of good.

Nihililve: You did the right thing by getting it out. She needed to hear your concerns. Much better to voice it than let it stew inside. Now she knows... it's up to you to trust and her to respect your feelings.

From what you say, I think you and her really have something special... if someone is willing to throw that away, they weren't worth the pain.

posted February 16, 2006 09:57 AM         

(by the way, I have been rivetted to all the responses on this thread, feeling pride and admiration for my fellow LLers)

One may be 'unfaithful' in a relationship... usually, though not always, it isn't a case of just playing around, "I can't help it" or various ego filling needs that you hear on talk shows...
In an everyday sense, it usually starts with unmet needs, a feeling that things aren't right.. and can snowball.
Cheating does not indicate a cheater by nature. One can cheat in a relationship, out of character for themselves, simply based upon the needs being unmet in the relationship.. a greater need, and it usually results to them leaving the relationship.

But if entering a new relationship, where all the needs are met... they shouldn't be thought of as a 'cheater', as it was situational and must be treated with understanding of the situation, not as a character affront.
We respond to the containers we are placed in. It doesn't mean we can never change shape when in a better container.
Work on making the container a good one.
Change the focus.

posted February 16, 2006 12:24 PM         

If the woman has expressed her devotion, and has done nothing extraordinary to show that she feels otherwise, then she's done all that she can do. I agree with cutting out the extremely jealous or insecure man.

I felt the need to say something, because I don't get the impression from Nihilive that he's the psycho jealous type. I've got a lot of Taurus friends, and I haven't known any of them to be psycho-jealous. Possessive, yes, but in a wonderfully sweet and romantic way. I've seen my Taurean best friend remind people that, "She's my wife," and it never comes off in an awkward way or anything.

posted February 19, 2006 07:44 PM         

Glad to hear of the conversation!

Natasha