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Author Topic:   Settleing.. For 2nd best...
Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 977
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 06, 2006 03:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
I was chatting with a girlfriend of mine and we got on the subject of settling. I was just wondering how other ppl feel about it..

I will give an example of her situation.. She has a guy that she is inlove with and he is inlove with her. For some reason he is very withdrawn from her he turns hot and cold. So they can never stay on the same page.

Then she has this other guy that adores her and from what I see she likes him too but the feelings are no where near as strong as the other guy. She has often told me that the other guy is her soulmate and they both know it. He just has some emotinal issues and needs to grow up..

The other guy is trying and he is open and so forth but she can't pull her self to get with the other guy bc she is so inlove with this other guy. She does enjoy guys 2's company and she is very comfortable with him..

have been in that situation myself it is hard to tell ppl what to do. Anybody ever been in this sitiuation and what did yo do or what do you think you will do??

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spellbound
Knowflake

Posts: 112
From: Illinois
Registered: Aug 2005

posted June 06, 2006 03:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for spellbound     Edit/Delete Message
Hey MM, glad to see you are still floating around here.

My advice to her is to follow her heart. That's the only thing she can do. There are certain things that you want out of relationships and then there are the things that you need to survive. Either way, relationships are hard work, but both have to be fighting for it to work. The burden of keeping things alive cannot fall solely on one person's shoulders. It is not fair.

Settling for second best should never be an option. By doing that, you are doing yourself a major disservice and saying I am not worth what I need to make me happy. Ultimately, it ends up creating bitterness, resentment, and hostility towards the other person when in all actuality it is you,(or in this case your friend), that is not being honest with herself. Believing that what you want is worth the effort is a start. Hurting someone else just because you feel that's the best you can do, is never fair for them either. She has to be honest..

And it's definately true that one person can provide many things that another person cannot. That is the beauty of human nature and relationships. We all have unique experiences under our belt for other people, and ourselves, to learn from. She needs to figure out which of the two has what she needs for her to be happy, or find a way to make herself happy on her own. She needs to sit down and weigh her options, listen to her heart, and think with her head. Being stuck in limbo is never a fun place to be, but she has the tools to fight her way out. All she has to do is take that first step...it's always the hardest though.

Good luck to your friend..

How's your Aqua man doing?

SB

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 977
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 06, 2006 04:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Hey SB that is good stuff I feel the same way as you..

My Aqua man is doing ok.. Thanks for asking..

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writesomething
Knowflake

Posts: 186
From: meet me in montauk
Registered: May 2006

posted June 06, 2006 06:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for writesomething     Edit/Delete Message
life is too short for 2nd best....!!!

trust me if it aint love, it wont last.....too many regrets will creep up later...but then again its hard to say, circumstances come into play and sometimes people get tired of having standards and settle....it always depends, and it always comes down to following your heart.....

------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

-Khalil Gibran

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hippichick
Knowflake

Posts: 404
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006

posted June 06, 2006 09:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER SETTLE!!!!!!!!!

Spellbound right, sets one up for more than it is worth!

And following the heart is always the right thing to do!

RELATIONSHIPS ARE FOR LEARNING!!!!!!!!

(Sorry, you know what I would have said anyway ahhhhh...... venting feels good!)

Terri

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