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Author
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Topic: Not sure whether to forgive and forget!
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GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted November 03, 2006 05:02 AM
 
Thanks for all the insights and advice. I really do appreciate it... it's been a bad day today. I've been going around getting more and more angry about 'the incident'... whether I've got it out of proportion I don't know. Maybe I have. I think he put a foot very very wrong in a moment of badly placed attention-whoring. There's no way around that. He is an attention seeker and it IS his way of making himself feel good. Given that it was a one-off incident, I'm not sure that it constitutes overall emotional abuse, BUT now that you've pointed it out I do agree that it was an abuse of the boundaries!!! I've only had to discuss this with him once before, and that was a year ago... he completely stopped the flirting behaviour, which I guess is why I've been so shocked and angry that he suddenly did this! It came at a bad time for me as well... I have been feeling so bad about my looks lately. It sounds pathetic but I had a bad hair appointment five weeks ago and it was a shock to my system to suddenly have a hair colour I hate and that really doesn't suit me at all... I know it's dumb to be so affected by something as trivial but it shook my confidence to the core... I actually went into a type of mourning or grief about it. It's been hard for me to walk around like this for five weeks and to feel like I'm not myself and that everyone else looks better than me. I know that's a serious problem all of its own, and the only person causing it is me... Anyway... I've always trusted my Gemini, and I suppose when he did this it shook my trust in him... although it was only a brief flirt and not even an up-close one, it hurt me and it might take me a while to get over it.Anyway tonight he asked me what was wrong... and I said I was still mad about yesterday. He listened to what I had to say about boundaries and respect, and while he still didn't ADMIT anything I could tell that he realised he badly misjudged how I would react and that he regretted it... like I said, he got way too cocky. He's gone a bit quieter than usual tonight and is being ultra-nice. If he ever does this to me again I really don't want to go through the drama or games... I want things to work with us, and I know that he does too, but I need a relationship that is honest, no game-playing!!! Slinking off to nurse my bruised ego now... :-| IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6853
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 03, 2006 05:39 AM
Sorry...I dont want to offend....just my intuition speaking and after three marriages and all.....If you were to go on and marry this guy and have babies with him....well I think this "behaviour" of his could become a problem. Parenthood puts huge pressure on a marriage at times, so if a guy has a propensity to flirt and be on the look out, well having the responsibility of fatherhood MAY worsen this condition. Its so easy to "be in love and mad about each other" when the relationship is in the early stages, but long term marriage and parenthood puts a totally different prespective on things. Take it from me, sleepless nights, tiredness, lack of money etc etc, could change things for ye drastically. I have seen the most "loved up" couples on the brink of hating each other when they spend day in and day out with each other, raising the kids, paying bills etc. You probably have no intention of marrying this guy, or having his child...but its just a hunch and I wanted to help.. Good luck to you...I hope things work out for ye..  IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6853
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 03, 2006 05:46 AM
GemloverI was married to an Aqua guy years ago...he had Gem rising and Moon in Scorpio. He was a nightmare socially...he used to flirt with all the women...have them sitting on his lap and all that sort of craic...he drove me mad. When I left him, he was devestated...fortunately I didnt have a child with him, but I was so glad to get away from his game playing...it hurt me very much. The guy I am with now doesnt flirt at all...he is shy, loyal and very respectful of me. The relationship isnt perfect,,,we have been together 18 years and have an 8 year old child together... Its been very tough...but he never does that flirting thing. Of course he looks at other women....if he didnt I wouldnt think him normal  (as I look at other men), but as Pid says there is looking and looking. I wouldnt feel safe around a man like that, especially if I was married to him and had his child....no way.....the woman then is in such a vulnerable position... Be careful sweetie...mind that heart...  love to you Sue xxx IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted November 03, 2006 03:40 PM
Thanks Sue... wise words. But we already live together and have been planning to have kids in the future! The thing is that this hasn't been a problem in the last year, but now that this has happened, although it was a flippant and fleeting one-off, it's thrown me into a quandary. I'm being forced to re-evaluate the whole thing. But I won't know how I really feel about it until I've calmed down some more and I can think about it objectively. D*** these transits!  IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted November 03, 2006 05:22 PM
Oh I forgot to mention, he's already the daddy of a teenage daughter and he believes very much in family... he's already spent the sleepless nights, with no money, and from what I can tell, he coped fine and that was in his early 20's - even throughout a stormy relationship with his daughter's alcoholic mother (she was violent, and when he left her, she sent gang members to beat him up)... he's been through a lot in his life. He never really felt loved, no one ever told him they loved him, he never even had a Valentine's Day gift before he met me... and I guess because I do love him, I'm willing to weather a relatively minor one-off mistake IF he is going to learn from it... this is the only stable long-term relationship he's been in, and he's learning how to relate in a way he hasn't before... I wouldn't put up with this on an ongoing basis, believe me. I still do feel hurt and now I feel like I have to be on guard... maybe all I can do is just guard myself in the meantime and let fate do its thing. Time will tell whether this will work out or not.IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 98
From: Brooklyn, NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted November 03, 2006 11:07 PM
God you scare me sometimes with the similarities, barring the teenage daughter (my bf is 20) everything else is same...no Val Day cards before me, no one telling him they love him. ETC wow------------------
Sun-Gemini
Moon-Scorpio
ASC-Libra IP: Logged |
GeminiLover75
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Apr 2006
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posted November 03, 2006 11:35 PM
That's so weird, BUDioscuri! Seems like fate has brought us together in this, don't you think? With mine, a few of his ex's have become my friends. To be honest, they're surprised at the change in him (our relationship has a lot of PLUTO in it, can't you tell!) - that he would do things like give me a special birthday, be caring, etc... another friend of his said that he's finally started to grow up, and get this - she shook my hand for the achievement! I just hope that it won't be short-lived. :-| Today he said that he felt like an a****** . And he's making me a background image for my myspace right at this very moment. So, although my patience has been sorely tried with this, we'll see what happens. IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6853
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 04, 2006 03:36 AM
Good luck Gemlover....Hope all works our for the both of ye... 
xx
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geminian34
Knowflake Posts: 6
From: Thousand Oaks Ca
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted November 04, 2006 03:31 PM
Really agree with the question how has this experience served me comment but I think it's also helpful to ask yourself how your anger and not being able to forget is serving you also. Sometimes we hold on to hurts because being free is really scary. Yoga has helped me with this. I think it's the breathing..it helps me be able to let go and realize that the universe has a plan for us and whatever has happened is all part of my journey. Good luck!IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 98
From: Brooklyn, NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted November 04, 2006 04:10 PM
Dear GeminiLover, I have thought about that myswelf. Given that both of us are going through similar things and similar transitions maybe there is a reason why we have been brought together at this moment. Which i find really cool. Yea a lot of my bf's friends said he matured alot, which is a good thing. Though i think i let him affect me too much. Im a rising Libra and thus troubles in relationships show up in my life a lot. I get depressed and sick and my relatives do wonder why I look like crap all the sudden. Im friends with my bf's old friends as well but not his exes, one hates me (we got together way too soon after their breakup) and the others neither he nor I know where they are. But he is friends with his old crushes who he never got to date and that drives me biserk! He can be very very sweet and caring and I love that, but his Capricorn moon and Aquarian asc makes him very anti emotions a lot of times. Like if something bothers me he does way too often for his own good tell me to "suck it up". But we are working on it. Hopefullly it will be alright.  And lots of luck to you too, i know we all can make it------------------
Sun-Gemini
Moon-Scorpio
ASC-Libra IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6853
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 04, 2006 04:25 PM
Not many men can be there emotionally for their women,,,,it has taken me three husbands and countless conversations with women to realise this....That is why we have female friends...so we can thrash things out, cry, moan, gnash our teeth etc... I think once we realise this,,,,then only then will any illusion around this disappear... And I would never "suck up" my emotions, that is very harmful to the body. My husband gets fed up with me crying sometimes, but I aint gonna pretend to be someone else...thats who he married, that is who I am...like it or not. He is the opposite, cant show his at all...thats why he chose me...to bring his out and 18 years later I am still waiting... Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I feel it is, in the main, true... x IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 98
From: Brooklyn, NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted November 04, 2006 10:42 PM
Dear Sue, thank you very much. I actually did read lots of articles on the diff of communication between men and women and its all in how our society treats gender roles. But it is a toughie, like you said its who I am and I do tell my bf its just me...and you are certainly right about the girlfriends. Though its tough for me right now, second year of college and all my close girlfriends are far away and busy with their own work and stuff...so yea its a bit of an issue. But thank you a ton ------------------
Sun-Gemini
Moon-Scorpio
ASC-Libra IP: Logged |
purple_scorp
Knowflake Posts: 410
From: Australia
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 05, 2006 12:42 AM
Dear BornUnderDioscuri,That's why places like this are a godsend. Open 24 x 7 - covering different time zones - always someone on line, no matter what time of day. We're similar people, on similar paths, experiencing similar situations and learning similar lessons. A soul group if you please. with love
purple_scorp IP: Logged |
Taurus80
Knowflake Posts: 442
From:
Registered: May 2005
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posted November 05, 2006 01:07 AM
and what a wonderful soul group it is purple  he sounds like he is sorry Gem..i wish you or born didn't felt like this..i know it sucks..i use to feel this way with a old boyfriend..but i learned it hurts you SO much more to not let it go inside you, i think your guy learnded from this how NOT to behave, and hopefully he can grow even more... don't be sad..things will look up IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 98
From: Brooklyn, NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted November 05, 2006 01:27 AM
Purple Scorp, you are sooo right. I love this place I am finally able to find people who share my hobby and actually care. Its awesome, i love you all <333------------------
Sun-Gemini
Moon-Scorpio
ASC-Libra IP: Logged |
geminian34
Knowflake Posts: 6
From: Thousand Oaks Ca
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted November 05, 2006 03:41 AM
Just joined myself too...I agree it is so wonderful to have a place to go and speak and read about astrology. Feel I'm amongst friends. I have been reading Love signs every night for a month. It has really helped me. Can anyone tell me my moon if my DOB is 6-16-72 TOB 1:30 pm in Columbus, Ohio? ThanksIP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6853
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 05, 2006 03:57 AM
"A soul group if you please"How lovely....and its true And purple scorp...thanks for all you have done and do for others...  love you
Sue
xx IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 4300
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003
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posted November 05, 2006 09:35 AM
Geminilover, don't mind me as I am not going to say anything helpful here, but I don't see what his past stormy relationship or his daughter has to do with how he acts around you, or how he treats you.His behaviour is his, not anyone elses, he's accountable on his own, and it sounds as if you are rationalizing his behaviour or trying to understand what it means in your relationship. Having a Cancer 8th house moon myself I do see things others do not but it does not mean they are not there, it means they are blown out of proportion by emotion. The best method of dealing with these things you see is to be objective as you can after the fact, blowing up and telling him off is good for your relationship, but at the same time I would think about it objectively later. I am sure he would do the same right??? In no way shape or form did you imagine anything, but it's really his problem to deal with it and tell you what it means, and to decide if he really wants you. Now is a good time to ask about his level of commitment from him, without taking any responsiblity for asking. Natasha
Taurus/Cancer IP: Logged |
Taurus80
Knowflake Posts: 442
From:
Registered: May 2005
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posted November 05, 2006 11:21 AM
welcome geminian34... if you go to www.astro.com, it not only gives you your moon sign BUT also everything else in your chart .. just put in your info, then go to extended chart section..hope this helps a little.. IP: Logged |
geminian34
Knowflake Posts: 6
From: Thousand Oaks Ca
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted November 05, 2006 03:10 PM
Thank you Taurus 80! Also had another question..My cancer man and I recently broke up..The story is a long one and has alot to do with addiction on his part and codependency on mine but I won't bore you all with details. I would like to talk to him though, maybe for some closure. We haven't spoken in six weeks. He used to call fived times a day Do tou think he will call. Will he ever come out of his shell? Help!!!IP: Logged |
and
Knowflake Posts: 1040
From: Meet me in Montauk
Registered: Jun 2006
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posted November 05, 2006 03:21 PM
I couldnt be with a gemini for this reason alone, I couldnt accept this type of behavior.------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"-Khalil Gibran "The only people I would care to be with now are artists and people who have suffered: those who know what beauty is, and those who know what sorrow is: nobody else interests me."-- Oscar Wilde-- "De Profundis" IP: Logged |
geminian34
Knowflake Posts: 6
From: Thousand Oaks Ca
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted November 05, 2006 03:37 PM
What type of behavior is that?IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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