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Author
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Topic: When an experience hurts you....
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heartfocus
Knowflake Posts: 160
From: Northern California
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted November 03, 2006 12:40 AM
 
I have a hard time getting over experiences which hurt. Not petty things - I can forgive my friends, forgive just about anyone - but large experiences that hurt, I can't seem to get over. Then tonight I was watching Larry King and he had on JZ Knight plus some motivational speakers, and one of them said something that hit home: Ask yourself, "how can this serve me?" about an experience that harmed you. What a lightbulb moment! I need to use that one. IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted November 03, 2006 01:45 AM
yeah. know the feeling all too well........IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted November 03, 2006 01:46 AM
PS: I need to use it, too.  IP: Logged |
heartfocus
Knowflake Posts: 160
From: Northern California
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted November 03, 2006 01:27 PM
How does one figure out, then, how they can benefit from a terrible experience? I've been wracking my brain on a couple of them and I guess I'm just not a positive thinker or I could think of something!------------------
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential
is invisible to the eye."
-- Antione de Saint-Exupery IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 1454
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 03, 2006 01:31 PM
You have to go deep, real deep to figure things out sometimes.. IP: Logged |
heartfocus
Knowflake Posts: 160
From: Northern California
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted November 03, 2006 01:40 PM
Yes well does anyone have any examples of successfully thinking how a terrible experience served you or benefited you?IP: Logged |
and
Knowflake Posts: 1064
From: Meet me in Montauk
Registered: Jun 2006
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posted November 03, 2006 01:46 PM
love isnt enough to make it work.------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"-Khalil Gibran "The only people I would care to be with now are artists and people who have suffered: those who know what beauty is, and those who know what sorrow is: nobody else interests me."-- Oscar Wilde-- "De Profundis" IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 1454
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 03, 2006 01:49 PM
I will use this for example I have heard plenty of ppl say this. Suppose you are so inlove with a guy and he breaks up with you and you are totally heart broken and in the mist of healing your heart you discover your spirit side and then you meet another Awesome man but only this time he loves you as much as you love him and wants to marry you. Because you endured that heart break and got some spirituality and was able to open your heart again and love again you met a better person for you and is more happier then you were before. had that not happened you would not have known. I have had friends say after the fact I am glad now that he broke up with me bc he moved me closer to my husband. There is always a silver lining you just have to want to see it.. I also keep in mind that everything that happens to me that is bad some good will follow.. IP: Logged |
lovely*
Knowflake Posts: 1839
From: CA
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted November 03, 2006 01:56 PM
heartfocus, sometimes you just need to allow some time to pass before you can apply your hurt in a positive way.  IP: Logged |
heartfocus
Knowflake Posts: 160
From: Northern California
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted November 03, 2006 06:08 PM
Yes, allowing time to pass is important, but I'm not even talking about a love interest. I'm talking about other events that hurt me. One happened 5 years ago and went on for several years. I still can't get over that or see a silver lining. Its a long story, I won't bore you with details.I'm just looking for a way to get over bad, bad hurts (that are not necessarily heartbreak related) and to find the silver lining. Meditation? Reading self help books? Making a list of possible ways that the hurt served me (even if they are unconvincing to me)? IP: Logged |
BlueTopaz124
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted November 03, 2006 09:23 PM
Sometimes what you learn isn't necessarily going to be positive, but something that helps you. Maybe you learned what to avoid. Or, maybe learning to let go of certain things. The lesson is always there, but agree, sometimes just time is necessary. If it's the loss of someone, while sad, the lesson could be to learn to love more while people are in your life (not you specifically, generally) IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 10462
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted November 04, 2006 03:57 AM
...focus more.  IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6865
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 04, 2006 06:54 AM
I agree with and about the love thing...Sometimes its not enough, because the person giving love may not have the same perception of love as the taker..... If you get my drift... Love is many things to many people and sometimes loyalty, honesty and integrity dont enter into the realms of love for some. My ex hubbie said he loved me more than anyone in the world, but he lied to me and let me down a lot and played headgames with me... Is that love.....? Not to me it aint....  And in answer to the question, how did it serve me? Made me more wary and taught me self preservation, (until the next time). I think we reach a point indeed where the lightbulb bursts forth!!!!! It may take a few kicks and broken hearts, but it can be done...
Sue
xxx IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6865
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 04, 2006 06:59 AM
Maybe it comes with age too....Cos I have had a few knocks of late, wont go into the boring details but its entailed being let down by two family members (since my mother's death) and a friend not proving to be so loyal as I had thought. Now I wasnt totally unaffected by these things, but have handled it a lot better than I would have say 10 or 20 years ago, when I would have slipped into the "poor me" mode.... I suppose thats a part of maturing.... IP: Logged |
heartfocus
Knowflake Posts: 160
From: Northern California
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted November 04, 2006 02:55 PM
Maturation would be one important aspect of getting over things, that's for sure! But if you've had a hard time getting over things all your life, it could also be called an "Adjustment Disorder." I looked it up. It probably means the same thing. The inability to mature in a certain way. How does one learn maturation?IP: Logged |
geminian34
Knowflake Posts: 7
From: Thousand Oaks Ca
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted November 04, 2006 03:38 PM
Really agree with the question how has this experience served me comment but I think it's also helpful to ask yourself how your anger and not being able to forget is serving you also. Sometimes we hold on to hurts because being free is really scary. Yoga has helped me with this. I think it's the breathing..it helps me be able to let go and realize that the universe has a plan for us and whatever has happened is all part of my journey. Good luck!
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sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6865
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 04, 2006 04:08 PM
"How does one learn maturation"Good question..!!! I can only speak for myself....it was becoming a mother and being responsible for our child, that helped me to mature, a lot, I feel. Also being married three times taught me to look at myself and what I was doing and where I was going. Oh yeah and having a near death experience makes one feel very different about life... some things seem insignificant somehow...! I dont think one learns to be mature, it just happens, often through a series of unfortunate events, so to speak... IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 6865
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted November 04, 2006 04:10 PM
"How does one learn maturation"Good question..!!! I can only speak for myself....it was becoming a mother and being responsible for our child, that helped me to mature, a lot, I feel. Also being married three times taught me to look at myself and what I was doing and where I was going. Oh yeah and having a near death experience makes one feel very different about life... some things seem insignificant somehow...! Working as a healer also helped me,,,to listen to others' stories and learn from that helped me to grow up! I dont think one learns to be mature, it just happens, often through a series of unfortunate events, so to speak... IP: Logged |
Motherkonfessor
Knowflake Posts: 564
From:
Registered: Oct 2003
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posted November 04, 2006 05:40 PM
heartfocus- i also saw that same Larry King... I don't normally watch television, and a roommate turned it on. It felt like I was obligated to watch it, and it came at such an opportune moment for me.. i have a hard time letting go of past events that were/are painful. I am the person who always sees the glass half empty. I wish I had words to help you see "it will all be ok" but i don't... i am trying to learn how to think/feel/act positively. I don't understand how to take the ideas presented in that show, or the kind words of people here, and implement them.. How does one overcome the conditioning of childhood that tells you "you are nothing, you don't exist, your feelings don't matter- you don't matter"?
How does one believe in a benevolent Universe that only wants good things for you, when you constantly receive visceral reminders that you STILL are nothing? (i know these are general statements, but to detail the specifics would be difficult for me and tedious to readers) When I hear or read statements that illustrate that what you put out comes back to you, that the soul will receive what it needs/wants from the Universe.... it makes me feel worse! My soul wants suffering? My soul wants emotional, physical, and mental abuse?
WTF is that all about? The only thing maturation has brought me is a greater schism between my Inner Self and my Outer Self.. I grew tired of wallowing in my own $hit, so I put it away. My family and friends think I am "so much better" because I don't have my biannual nervous breakdowns anymore. I don't talk about my low self esteem, the nights I cry myself to sleep... I don't date, and don't even try to. I put on a happy face and function normally, because I have learned that sometimes, you just have to suck it up and get on with it. I put my emotional dramas behind me with my twenties..my Saturn return taught me that. I am not saying this ideology is "the way" and its probably not good for me... or anyone. I have just surrendered to it, and maybe thats the only lesson, the only answer I am going to get about it. MK IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 7940
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted November 04, 2006 07:47 PM
I have so much to say..but don't know how you will take it...these hurts these pains..this Earth
and the Universal God Laws..you get
what you give..you reap what you so..
you carry this from each life lived..
to balance the wrongs..til you Master
yourSelf ot OverSoul=God...
when someone hurts us..it is our karma
you must forgive..come full circle
release the negative
see the positive..you have most definitely
learned Something... these are lessons..and you are growing
into knowing..
LOOK..you are here..at LindaLand...
talking about Why???
life is so hard..and painful
it is what we make of it...
so much more to say...
everything happens for a reason IP: Logged |
oceangirl
Knowflake Posts: 5
From: los angeles, ca, usa
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted November 04, 2006 10:55 PM
mamamia thank your for your post from yesterday. i was skimming thru the replies & wondering why my heart is always broken & feeling sorry for myself & then i read your reply "there is always a silver lining to every cloud" it is so true...that the heartbreaks eventually lead you to someone really good. thanks for adding a positive to my day IP: Logged |
heartfocus
Knowflake Posts: 160
From: Northern California
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted November 04, 2006 11:13 PM
>>it's also helpful to ask yourself how your anger and not being able to forget is serving you also. Sometimes we hold on to hurts because being free is really scary.<<This is really good. This is what I'm talking about. I need to find out how my "anger and not being able to forget" is serving me. I'm back to square one. Could you expound upon why "being free is really scary"? IP: Logged |
Motherkonfessor
Knowflake Posts: 564
From:
Registered: Oct 2003
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posted November 06, 2006 01:04 AM
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. From:
A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Chapter 7, Section 3
by Marianne Williamson
sorry my post was such a bummer.
MK
IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 10462
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted November 06, 2006 08:22 AM
Motherkonfessor!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I wanted to jump for joy when I read your post. That is TRUTH. Plain and simple. Thank you for that. To me, your post was far from a 'bummer'. btw. I recently bought A Course in Miracles
after/because of reading Disappearance of the Universe and Your Immortal Reality by Gary Renard.
If you havent read them yet, I think they are books that you would love. Shine on.  IP: Logged |
Swerve
Knowflake Posts: 869
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted November 06, 2006 08:25 AM
MK - I feel like you, I really do. I get it completely.Positive thinking to me is a waste of time as it is drowned out by the emotions that are wrenched from you by a cruelly teasing universe that will not leave you in peace, even to hide. Meanwhile, everyone else tries to give their advice about something they have never experienced which is painful to endure in itself, and very annoying and frustrating. What I am currently doing is "sitting" with my feelings. Not repressing them, not expressing them, just being with them. You'll find its just about the most difficult bloody thing you will ever do, but the effects are very very tangible and effective. You find yourself able to look your fears directly in the eye, and this includes such things as lost relationships, low self-esteem etc. This is all relevant to the thread. Just accept that they are there and they exist for a reason and sit with them, and look at them and question them. Your demons are as tired of the battle as you are. They are willing to talk to you....they even need it. Thats positive thinking in it's truest form and far more effective than intellectual psycho-babble that is just not relevant to "the tortured". Good luck. Swerve IP: Logged |
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