posted February 04, 2007 06:05 PM         

I don't.

I'm realising that now after a series of dates that go nowhere. Have a great time but it seems more like female buddies.

This isn't bothering me so much because right now I'm learning about myself in a period of transition and healing.

But I just feel I'm not looking for something ordinary, I can't settle for something that doesn't feel right.

I feel too that the women being the intuitive creatures they are sense this early on and realise we are just not walking the same path.

In truth I meet very few people I can really connect with, men or women, very very few, in fact none.

I used to operate from a place of loneliness and need, but now I'm quite relaxed and growing more confident. I expected this to open me up to new possibilities and see people in a different light but in fact I'm getting even more fussy!

I would like to have a relationship with someone but right now I don't feel I'm ready.

But I have yet to meet a girl who turns me on in mind, body and spirit and who's to say I would be worthy of her anyway?

It's all very confusing. I just feel so connected to things other peple don't even know exist.

Where is that woman that will inspire me?

Anybody have a perspective on this?

posted February 04, 2007 07:39 PM         

I have often said, lately, it would take me in a man's body to captivate me, totally~~~

posted February 04, 2007 09:01 PM         

One thing I can tell you, Swerve, is that inspiration is everywhere... but I know what you are saying.

This is my favorite line, and one that resonates strongly with me: "But I have yet to meet a girl/(guy) who turns me on in mind, body and spirit and who's to say I would be worthy of her anyway?"
It's been over 3 years since I bothered, and I shouldn't have... or maybe I should have. He wasn't right, but I was so happy to find someone with education, faith, and a familiar background that I could relate to... I went blind to the rest. What did I learn? No dogs, have to deeply investigate what kind of parent he is, about 10 other things...
Sometimes I think that the waiting and standards are good, and sometimes I think I want to just jump in and experience whatever the Universe is putting in front of me. I need to grow to be "worthy" of what I want, so I try to grow with the least pain when possible. I've decided on a middle ground lately, enjoying the qualities of the people, and the experiences that are around me. Well, I enjoy most of them. I'm sure that what I want... or more importantly, what I need, is to be found in the most vibrant of these opportunities.
Hmm... still formulating this in my mind.

I do think that it is easier to be grateful of gifts when you don't have many expectations... but maybe some learning experiences will help me to be grateful even with expectations, or have less expectations even when it is accepted.
Yeah, I'll just keep on working on being perfect so that I can be worthy of the perfect person I am looking for...
Oh look
I answered our question

On the other hand... (said the Libra) (this could take all night) I know I can't get close to someone who doesn't have the "awareness" and I don't seem to find a huge amount of people to interact with on these levels, especially near to my "age".

I went to a psychic/priest during a serious relationship about 10 years ago and asked about my "true love", if the guy I was with was him etc. lame Libra kid stuff. He did some brief meditation and told me he kept seeing a rose. I left thinking, WHATEVER, big psychic. I was discussing my lack of faith in Syvia Brown with my mother (who loves her) about 4 years ago and I got to the part where I told her what a crock it was because all he could tell me was he saw a "rose" and I immediately got a surge of energy through me and tears burst out of my eyes as I realized that I had named my daughter "Rose".
My favorite commercial is still the Johnson baby shampoo commercial (that shows a smiling baby in the sink) explains, "You always thought your type was tall, dark, and handsome... who would have known the love of your life would be short, fat and bald."
Rose taught me what true love is all about, and it's a tall order for a romantic love to fill.
Well... there's "A" perspective anyway...

posted February 04, 2007 09:22 PM         

How can you chose a person from a catalogue? On paper, my ex and I were perfect together. He was a complete narcissist and I grew to be repulsed by him. I can honestly say I was never in love with him, it was the idea of us that I loved. The reality was awful and almost crushed my spirit. Almost.

Now theres a new guy who has all the personal qualities I never knew I wanted (he even apologised for accidently swearing in front of me the other night) who is absolutely perfect and I adore, but we appear to be the most unlikely of couples.

I think there are bad things to list about people to stay away from, which is a good idea. You can't make a list for your perfect partner, you can't choose who you fall in love with. "Love if it finds you worthy will choose you".

posted February 04, 2007 10:02 PM         

I can relate -- the older I get the better I get at knowing what I DON'T want..... but what I DO want?? Still a mystery. I suppose I'll know when he walks up and says/does something brilliant

quote:

---

In truth I meet very few people I can really connect with, men or women, very very few, in fact none.

---

posted February 04, 2007 10:38 PM         

Very few people recognize gifts.
I mean, actually see them for the rare beauty that they are, gratefully (as something miraculous that otherwise would never Be) and exalt those gifts in their hearts and strive to return the feeling it stirs, so unselfishly. Because the World is so praised within eyes that can entirely embrace the Beauty within themselves.

A lot of people would say they understand how meaningful Awe and Cherish are.
But do they really? really? Because to understand fully, is to know no other way, but to treat others with the same cherish that is understood. Unfortionately, I don't see this often...it's a rare, precious thing when someone lives what they say.
Those of us that do understand
carry the cross in life for all the others who do not. We take all the profane handlings as a heavy weight onwards. And sit back and watch as the play around everywhere unfolds. Knowing in our hearts, something entirely different than what we see around us.

Swerve,
I feel sad, because you do deserve to experience this magic you already feel inside. I entirely understand the torture and burden of that awareness.
Keep cherishing and you will naturally be cherished, after a few bruises and scars along the way. Each time makes you all the more determined for rarer, more beautiful sharings and communications. Each time is a step closer to that, even though at times it seems diminishing further away.

If you are feeling discriminating, good. That's following your intuition, which knows what you are worthy of and also what you know you could never be happy with. Doubt is natural, don't you think? As natural as Believing.

I sense you're in store for something that will entirely blow you away ~heart, body and soul. Definately do not settle for something, just because it is what the world would think as valuable. Listen to your own Song.

posted February 04, 2007 11:47 PM         

Lia, your name should be Hope

posted February 05, 2007 02:08 PM         

Part of my own problem is having approached relationships from a dysfunctional angle after being brought up by an extremely volatile and unpredictable woman.

Now, I've sorted myself out but previously I lunged from infatuation to obsession and never really gave myself the chance to figure this out normally.

Now I'm ready I only have those twisted experiences and perspectives to fall back on, so have no appropriate experience at all.

Call me a late starter.

posted February 05, 2007 03:23 PM         

Something that I think we all forget when regarding matters of the heart, is patience. I know that I'm guilty of it myself, and it's an easy thing to do when you think about the world we all live in. Sex and love are constantly shoved down our throats in this culture. Society likes to make us feel "imperfect" or "incomplete" because we do not have a significant other by our side. So we actively seek it out, which of course, is the least likely way to find it.

Your idealism is a GOOD thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want and refusing to settle for less...that's what loving yourself is.

I don't know what may work for you, but I've decided to hang up the dating shoes for a while. I'm choosing to fill my life instead. I want to make sure that I'm 100% prepared to be alone for the rest of my life. That means filling myself with joy even though I don't have a partner. I'm taking some chances and risks that I've never taken before, and I'm trying to fight any insecurities and fears that I've had all my life.

Another thing that I noticed you mentioning in your first post is that you feel isolated, not just among potential romantic partners but among potential friends as well. I can certainly relate to this. All my life I've only had one close girlfriend that I felt truly and completely understood me. We still talk now and then but she's a married mother now, and lives on the other side of the country. Things will never be the same. BUT, we shouldn't give up on friendship either, as friendship is one of life's greatest gifts and can enrich the soul almost as much as romance. The only difference is, we don't seek out friendships the way we do love, and that is sad.

I'm rambling terribly here, but the gist of what I want to tell you is...YOU are normal, healthy, and stable. Love will most likely find you when you least expect it, but you should live as if it may never find you. Does that make sense? Make your own soul shine so bright, and fill your life with so much joy that you can be happy either way. Then, if you do fall in love it will be the icing on the cake, the last piece of the puzzle, or the star on top of the most beautiful Christmas tree...

posted February 05, 2007 03:40 PM         

I don't want to come across like I'm unhappy, far from it, it feels like a new adventure.

My question is more one of curiosity and feeling my way through these new experiences.

I think in this regard I have the emotional maturity of a teenager almost.

posted February 07, 2007 10:39 AM         

I reread my post, and it's a bit frustrating trying to express these things I feel so strongly about in a Real blood and guts way, when equally my compassion is aroused. So, instead it comes across trite... like blowing daisies up your *ss.
(thank you CrankyCap for seeing something in my words. )

So many things come into play and have their significance. You seem to be sensitive and aware and you have the ability to look hard at yourself and your own part you play honestly. Probably most hardest on yourself. Naturally, because of your reflective nature, each painful or disappointing experience will awaken you more to your Self (your Core). In fact, the more sensitive someone is, and the more terribly hurtful the experience, and purging and painful the Dark Nights of the Soul, especially Alone, not avoiding reflection with more distraction into other harmful frequencies that will instead take you further away from your Self, the more accelerated is your liberation. And when you are Liberated, equally Liberated energies, most benefitial to you, will naturally appear. Every shift on the Soul level, shifts the world before you.

Well, not that I think it's anything
spectacular, just thoughts, but if you're interested, this might give a better understanding of these probably nonsensical-sounding things like "Core", "frequencies", etc.:

http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/002463.html

edited to say*

I do think Osho's writings are spectacular,
and Steve's thoughts amazing as they always are.

posted February 07, 2007 01:48 PM         

I feel almost the same -- as if I've grown tremendously as a person in the last two or three years, but am actually making fewer new and meaningful connections (and virtually no new romantic ones).

I'm feeling both more connected (to the larger world, universe, etc.) and less connected (in terms of really finding people I can relate to). I don't hate it, but it's really weird.

I'd love to find something unconditional and awesome, where I can accept the other person on realistic terms with all his flaws and he can do the same and we can grow together on similar paths, but short of that it just doesn't feel worthwhile.

posted February 07, 2007 06:34 PM         

Swerve: sometimes it takes some of us longer to know what we want, esp. if we've grown up with disfunction. I wish you the best, open your heart to the possibilities and the one you long for will come.

*takes off Libra hat*

posted February 08, 2007 12:49 AM         

On a more personal note,
I can relate to so many of you here.
I know immediately if he will be the kind of man who will be interested in exploring deeper realms than the mundane, or be able to find meaning in things meaninful to me, enough to truly understand me or not. Most often, they're really nice and good guys,
but I sense that we would remain at a comfort level that would probably be perfectly content for them, but where I would feel lacking, repressed and unfulfilled, for being so different

and in order to meld as a unit of energies, parts of Me would have to be compromised...

and having lived this way for years with someone, I know what that does over time to a person's spirit.

When you come out of an experience like that on the other side, you can't go into things lightly or heavily. Lightly, someone gets hurt,
heavily someone gets hurt. So I tend to cut it off, right at the first intuitions, before some threshold is crossed.
Well...I do find amazing connections regardless, where I feel that rightness, you know? I just feel joyous from it, because I feel alive and free. There's a difference that makes all the difference.
Even though unconventional, I would so much more rather it Be, or have nothing at all, than to have something more conventional without that aliveness.

posted February 08, 2007 01:13 AM         

Mudmama, hey, you are me with some nice tweaks!

posted February 09, 2007 02:03 AM         

It's something you mostly keep quiet to yourself, while taking everything in.
Or write crazy poems to the Moon.