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Author Topic:   Old flame snuffed out
Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1133
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 10, 2007 11:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
Just found out today that the ex-Cancer has moved a boyfriend in with her.

18 months since we split and its taken this long to feel closure. I don't speak to her and we live miles apart, no contact at all.

I needed to hear it, but it still brings that sickening pang to my heart.

I hope she's happy. I feel I'm finally free of those useless wistful thoughts that I couldn't put away.

A fantastic psychic said she was yearning for someone else now but ironically would be the one out of the 2 of us to look back with nostalgia. Which is odd as right now she looks back with nausea lol. He has been right on the money in 3 readings now though (he's on Ebay believe it or not if you'd like a recommendation).

Just wanted to let that out really.

Swerve

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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 1798
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted April 10, 2007 11:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Love to you Sweetie...

Your queen is out there keep going..

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Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1133
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 10, 2007 11:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks Mama

Swerve

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Taurus80
Knowflake

Posts: 595
From:
Registered: May 2005

posted April 10, 2007 01:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taurus80     Edit/Delete Message
you're a great catch Swerve!

any girl would be lucky to have you

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CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 585
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted April 10, 2007 01:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
Sometimes a cold hit like that is exactly what we need. Your heart is free now. As you well know, I agree with Taurus80 and think you're a great catch Swerve. This was just the news you needed to open your heart again.

Love will find you now darlin.

CC

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Xodian
Knowflake

Posts: 414
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006

posted April 10, 2007 06:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xodian     Edit/Delete Message
I know it hurts; God I know how it hurts man. I mean to some, exes, are exes. But no one can ever understand the fact that this is a person who you spent a great deal of time being so close to. I don't think any can totally let go of such a deep connection.

But again... I think you ahve realized it yourself that she needs to move on and well... bringing back old flames to her would only hinder that process. If its in the cards then it'll happen. However, that doesn't mean you can totally break off your connection. You guys are still friends I take it. Good, its best to keep it that way for the time being.

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BlueTopaz124
Knowflake

Posts: 1126
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004

posted April 10, 2007 10:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
Swerve

It's tough, I know... Look how far you've come

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Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1133
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 11, 2007 04:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks guys.

I think I was actually waiting for this in truth.

I'm just worried that it so closely resembles obsession so I am going to meditate on that for a while.

Unfortunately Xodian, we are about as far from friends as you might get. Time heals though in truth and it's just a sad goodbye rather than a wrench on the heart as before.

So , Blue Topaz, looks like hopefully you are right, thank you.

Swerve

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Tigerlily
Knowflake

Posts: 116
From: Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, Aquarius Rising
Registered: Nov 2004

posted April 11, 2007 12:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Tigerlily     Edit/Delete Message
When one door closes, another one opens.

In truth your Cancer wasn't wrong for you for the time she's been in your life and your conciousness - she taught you things you needed to learn about yourself and others. It's always a beautiful blessing to be free of your illusions. The more truth you learn the clearer your path will be. Now you can attract the right person (the one who will mirror to you the lessons you now need to learn and/or the one who will provide love and support on your path).

If you feel you have obsessive tendencies really delve deep and try to get to the root of why you obsess. Do you get too attached to lovers? Look at why. Perhaps your very worthy and noble intention is to connect and share with another on the deepest level. But...when that intention gets filtered through Fear it turns to obsession. The question is what do you fear?

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silverstone
Knowflake

Posts: 1485
From:
Registered: Mar 2006

posted April 12, 2007 03:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for silverstone     Edit/Delete Message
Sometimes it's for the best, Swerve.
I think I read somewhere that you are a Piscean...

Interesting, a Cancer! that's such a good match for Pisceans.

Cancers can be too possesive at times but to a certain degree, Pisces likes to be protective.

Pisces never stops waiting and wishing. Don't worry Swerve, you'll find the road that follows your heart and I know that deep inside you,
you probably already know that being a Pisces

------------------
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

~Robert Frost

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Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1133
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 12, 2007 04:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
"Perhaps your very worthy and noble intention is to connect and share with another on the deepest level. But...when that intention gets filtered through Fear it turns to obsession. The question is what do you fear?"

Tigerlily - I honestly am not sure. I would imagine it's something related to knowing that if I reveal myself too much to others they are shocked by what they see. They can't get their heads around me, fit me into their picture of the world - I'm too "out there".

It's like the ultimate form of rejection because you know it is only a matter of time or a matter of deception. But when you fall part of the act is losing control and opening up. That's when the end is in sight.

It's a conundrum alright.

Women in my experience fall for bad boys (sometimes, and at differing degrees for different time periods) because there is an out of control, what happens next, kind of buzz to it, which I understand completely.

I'm not a bad boy, but I'm certainly not a wimpy nice guy, more a different breed altogether. I think it would take a spiritual woman to understand me, someone who knows the true depth of experience of life. A woman who's feelings were strong and true, and probably much more grounded than me.

Silverstone - thank you. I actually don't feel like a typical Pisces at all, espescially with what I read on the site about other people's experience with them.

But if I HAVE loved you, part of me ALWAYS will.

I am also NO Angel.


Swerve

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1148
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 12, 2007 05:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
Women in my experience fall for bad boys (sometimes, and at differing degrees for different time periods) because there is an out of control, what happens next, kind of buzz to it, which I understand completely.

I'm not a bad boy, but I'm certainly not a wimpy nice guy, more a different breed altogether.


Hi Swerve, isn't it the same way with most men too?

A person as rare as you deserves a woman just as special. I know that it doesn't help with the rejection you feel from most women, but who knows, 'she' might be out there struggling with very similar feelings, going through life wondering when she will meet someone like you !


ILWL

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1148
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 12, 2007 05:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
I feel a little hesitant about saying anything to u, because it might sound like i am giving 'advice'....which i feel you don't need. i feel that you are a very wise person yourself and know all that we all are saying here. so please consider what i am saying here in the light of a reminder, rather than advice.

I know how tough it is to know that you can be rejected for being right, for being good, for being all that you think another person could ever want. Perhaps this is a test of your faith? your faith in yourself?

My own personal experience is that pain is meant to teach us something about ourselves....either that, or we refuse to change when we should, and bring unnecessary suffering upon ourselves. perhaps you need to stop 'looking' and learn to be happy in your own skin? learn to let go ?

I am not you, so of course i don't know if this holds for you. May be its just a cappy thing- my trying to find 'lessons' in everything that happens.

Do you have any hard transits going on right now? that could give some idea about your bearings.

hang in there my friend! some day the dots will connect...

ILWL

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CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 585
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted April 12, 2007 09:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
ILWL, I'm much the same way that you are. I always try to see what lesson life was trying to teach me whenever a relationship ends.

The problem that I'm finding is that I can't seem to break my patterns - no matter how much I analyze and try to figure out what I've done wrong. For me, feeling is everything. Even if I feel pain, I often think that is better than feeling nothing at all. Pain makes me feel just as alive as love and joy do. This could be a good explanation as to why I hold on to old lovers for as long as I do. Once I let them go, without an immediate "replacement" on hand, I feel dead inside.

I got an email from one of my ex's a couple weeks ago. There was nothing significant to the email, and it wasn't bad, but while I read it I thought to myself, "Why am I still talking to him?" The feelings are gone. Gone, gone, gone. True he never treated me the way that he should have, but I have clung to his essence for so many years that I just don't know how to be without it. I should have felt released, and triumphant, but instead it was a very bittersweet moment for me.

I feel generally lost and miserable when I don't have someone to desire in my mind. Whether I'm fantasizing about being with them or actually being with them...it just makes me feel a lot less "lost."

Don't know if that's the situation Swerve is in or not, but I know that he has longed for this Cancer for quite some time, which I can understand. I'm one that loves rarely but completely. Once it is there, it always will be. Sometimes the feelings morph into different kinds of love though, and that's what is bittersweet for me. It becomes the past...a chapter of your life that is finally, completely...CLOSED. That's a little sad.

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Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1133
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 12, 2007 10:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
Yes Cranky for me it's the finality of these situations.

I feel connected to everyone and everything anyway and to force myself to "let go" in a social sense is practically impossible.

When I meet friends or people from my past they usually remark how my attitude hasn't changed with them at all, as if we saw each other yesterday.

I just don't do superficial contact. If I have tasted your essence I know you, I always will.

Obviously, if the situation demands that I forget that becomes a problem.

In my heart I know connections never really die anyway. We will all come together again at some point here or somewhere else.

That's the larger viewpoint I cannot blind myself to. But making that work in day-to-day life and relationships is not clearly doable.

In fact it can create problems.

Swerve

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1148
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 12, 2007 12:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Cranky,

Let me explain.

I agree that pain is just as necessary as joy. In fact, without pain, I don't think we would even feel true joy. Sometimes I wonder about those who have, at least seemingly, had very easy lives. Do they experience happiness in the same way as I do?

So, given a choice between being 'dead' and feeling pain, i would definitely prefer the latter. But for me there comes a transition, sometimes soon, sometimes after a really long time, that the pain spontaneously turns into joy.

How long that takes, depends on how intense my pain was, and how many lessons i needed to learn out of the experience. Earlier, I think pain was the dominant theme in my life. When i look back, i mostly recall all the negative things that happened to me. Even when there was no 'pain', there was an inner restlessness, pricking like a thorn in my heart.

I had a hard time letting go too. I was, and still am, a hopeless day dreamer. Better be dreaming about someone, than let my mind dwell on the mundane things of life. That was , and is, anathema to me.

About letting go- well at the risk of sounding corny, i fill my heart with love towards that person....i forgive them for any hurt they might have caused me, and mentally ask them for their forgiveness. then i try to accept that God knows what is best for me, and if we are meant to be, we will be. That they are not going anywhere. Yes, they would always hold a special place in my heart because of the moments we spent together. And I just entrust them to God. Its like we have an eternity to be together, and i ask God to make me strong enough to be able to take being away from them, this time round. I say to myself, we will be together, but not yet. and well, then it just happens. the pain transforms into joy. there is no 'killing' of my feelings. i am even able to love them more than I did before, because then the expectations are gone. and then gradually one day i find that i am not thinking about them any more. there is no hole in my heart where they had been, instead there is love, which is now directed at no one and everyone, but it is there.

It makes me think that it is not love that causes pain- it is expectations. The need that we have to want our desires to be fulfilled right here, right now, no matter how unreasonable they might be in the larger context. once those expectations are released, the pain is gone too.

I don't know if this made any sense. But i do believe that joy is our natural, default state. and when i see someone in constant agony-and I do tend to believe that constant pain is largely self imposed- i just can't help thinking that how much better if they be filled with the joy of existence instead.

ILWL

p.s. I am not against pain, just constant pain. living with joy does not mean that you don't feel pain. i cry almost every day. but to live in constant agony, where you forget how to feel joy, that i feel that is is unnecessary. BALANCE, now tht's my favorite word.

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1148
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 12, 2007 12:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
I think I let my love for that person be changed to love for God....and that never goes unreciprocated. He is the eternal lover, the fountainhead of joy.

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CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 585
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted April 12, 2007 02:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
ILWL, you make perfect sense actually. In fact, I think you have a very healthy attitude. Must be all the light, airy, placements in your chart! I would love to be able to look back on relationships the way that you are able to. I can be friends with ex's but it usually takes me YEARS to get to that point. The CrankyCap break up cycle usually consists of 3 phases:

Phase I - Relief, anger, longing, sadness, hurt, suffering, and shock

Phase II - Introspection, emptiness, numbness

Phase III - Enlightenment, forgiveness, closure

Each of these phases take a LONG time for me to get through (phase II being the longest). This is just how I cope. I need to go through each of them. I have tried to "skip" certain feelings with hopes of jumping to the last phase, but it just doesn't work for me. I do go numb for a while...always have. My heart gets very, very cold and I can become cynical during those days. I don't feel anything...can't even cry unless I absolutely force myself to do so. I'm actually in this phase right now. This is when I really live in my daydreams, and withdraw from the world. Physical interaction with people is difficult for me, although I am able to communicate through the written word much easier (like I'm doing now).

The biggest love lesson I've learned is that I need to choose my partners WISELY. Although I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, when I do fall, I fall hard, and completely. I need to make sure that the people I allow into my life are true, honest, and real. Getting over it, letting go, and forgiveness DO come to me, but unfortunately I can often waste years getting to that point.

The next person I decide to let in is going to have to pass A LOT of tests. My trust will not come easily.

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1148
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 12, 2007 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
i love your sense of humor...the CrankyCap breakup cycle

but i wonder Cranky...if i were so wise then why i am still single. of wht use is all this 'sense' ???

i suspect i am much the same. you know what, i have a theory going about this...we all know the 'right' attitude, the 'healthy' way of thinking. its just tht it is when we get who get hit, all the wisdom bites dust. and we need someone else to remind us of it all over again. may be this is just the 'unattached' me speaking. we'll see how much i have learnt the next time i get into a relationship

i took one whole year to process my last relationship. the ILWL breakup cycle has an additional phase- DENIAL, and it is this tht takes the longest....i have tried to work on it.....as long as i am in denial, i refuse to even accept that the relationship is over.

my air placements only help in the introspection phase....but the cappy part of me takes a loooong time to process rejection.

ohhh, and did i mention the stupid cancer asc which wants to take care of the OTHER person even when they r being a jerk, and justifies everything they do....all the hurt they cause....when i love a person i give myself completely to them, to the extent tht my identity gets merged with theirs. (SN in 7th house). And so when a breakup happens, it devastates me.

another factor, i think, is tht i don't get into relationships that easily. like you, i have set up a lot of tests which must be passed. and when they ARE about to get passed, saturn comes along and says 'time's up'. to tell the truth, i have been in only one major relationship, tht lasted for 1.5 years. other than that, its like i come this close, and then nothing happens. but these i AM able to process a little faster now....only 6 months, lol. the pain is much lesser than before though.

so well....i hope i have learnt...but we'll see how much i'll remember if and when i am in a 'real' relationship....'if' because i sometimes wonder whether its ever going to happen.

ILWL

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1148
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 12, 2007 03:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
its like i am trying to extrapolate from just 3 datapoints here....but hopefully what i say is not going to hurt anybody. might just help them a little. so i see no harm in doing it. but i doubt whether i'll be able to take my own advice the next time round....whether it is general enough to be useful in all kinds of scenario's

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CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 585
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted April 12, 2007 04:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
Hmmmm...I posted to your previous response but it disappeared??? Anyway, no, I don't think you're hurting anyone at all. I understand what you're trying to say. It's a lot easier to be idealistic/optimistic when you're giving advice to someone else.

My crazy Leo friend is in a lot of pain right now. She was recently "dumped" for the first time in her life. She's had a lot of men in and out of her life but for the most part they were always just "friends with bennies." She's used to keeping all of these men around. This last guy is treating it...like a relationship. He's not responding to her calls or text messages and she doesn't understand that. But, generally, you don't keep in constant contact with an ex right after a break up. You need to go through the "phases." I try to give her advice too, and I tend to sound very idealistic when I do it too. Just can't apply it to myself. Although after a break up I'm the opposite of her. I cut them out completely...for quite a while. I don't think it helps the healing process to see or speak to the person on a regular basis when it first ends.

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3170
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted April 12, 2007 05:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
I don't know if you feel comfortable doing this Swerve as I know you're trying to find closure, but what was her chart like? From what you've said about her in the past...she sounds very peculiar for a Crab. I'm just curious, that's all.

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1148
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted April 13, 2007 01:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
Swerve, could you tell me a little more about the psychic ?

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Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1133
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 13, 2007 04:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Dulce, no I'm not uncomfortable with that, but I don't remember her birthtime and I don't think she'd be too appreciative of me asking for it lol!

Her b-day is 8th July 1983 in Nottingham, England. I think around 2pm but can't be sure.

ILWL - the psychic is called Leo and he is totally the opposite of what you would expect. Big hard looking ex-Army boxer, but that just adds to the intrigue.
He's a lovely guy and encourages asking questions about your reading afterwards rather than saying thats it thank you.

Here's a link:
http://myworld.ebay.co.uk/90clark

Swerve

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 3170
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted April 13, 2007 06:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Hmmm, moon in gemini and venus in leo. That would change up a crab quite a bit. She's very social, and even the flashy type. And especially with venus square Jupiter, she sounds like a partygirl....might even over do it sometimes. With your Pisces sun/Scorpio Moon? I dunno. But if I recall, you also have an Aqua venus? Yeah, both your tastes and/or values are probably on very opposite ends of the spectrum (Leo-Aqua polarity).

Although Sun conjunct Mercury in cancer would probably make her extremely intuitive and easily affected by other's moods. I have have the same combo but they're not conjunct by degree and yet it still effects me in that way. Her venus-neptune trine could make her an idealist in love....or into art/theater/etc.

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