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Author Topic:   Seeking your best advice
artlovesdawn
Knowflake

Posts: 1176
From:
Registered: Jul 2005

posted October 04, 2007 08:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for artlovesdawn     Edit/Delete Message
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balancebull
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From: New York, NY
Registered: Sep 2007

posted October 04, 2007 10:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for balancebull     Edit/Delete Message
I would tell your friend she has nothing to worry about, her husband will never leave her! He will just stay married and continue to cheat on her every chance he gets, because she lets him!

I do have compassion for any suffering the husband may have endured as a child, but that is in the past and this is the present. As long as your friend continues to accept and make excuses for his behavior, the nothing is going to change.

She should ask herself if being married to this man is more important than her self respect and dignity. How can she expect her husband to respect her, when she obviously has no respect for herself?! Love and respect is an inside job. It starts with you.

If she decides that staying married is the most important thing (no judgement - that is her free will choice) then she should be prepared to assert herself more in the marriage, and accept the fact that her husband may change slowly or not at all. Remember, he has free will too.

I would validate her pain and humiliation, but suggest that maybe the lesson in this relationship is learning when to let go. Maybe her husband needs to learn that he cannot treat people this way, there are consequences to his actions, and maybe she needs to learn that we cannot expect other to give us what we cannot give ourselves.

And then, no matter what she decides, I would continue to love and support her. Thats what friends do.

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NAM
Knowflake

Posts: 1926
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007

posted October 04, 2007 10:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for NAM     Edit/Delete Message
That was a great post balancebull.

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Virgo/Aries75
Knowflake

Posts: 138
From:
Registered: Jan 2007

posted October 04, 2007 11:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo/Aries75     Edit/Delete Message
Your friend needs to WAKE THE F*CK UP!!!

This man could bring home a FATAL disease that could cost her her health and her life!!!!!

It's not a matter of abuse, neglect, understanding, love, forgiveness... BULLSH!T!!!

He might use condoms some or most of the time, but who's to say he'll do it all the time?!?!? And they're not 100% either!!!

I can understand and feel her love for her husband and her kindness in tolerating this behaviour, but he's a selfish prick for cheating on her like this and risking harming his loving spouse to his reckless behaviour! And she isn't the brightest bulb in the box for allowing it either! I don't want to get into insults, but she really needs some backbone! Even if she's "ok" with her husband cheating on her every chance he gets, is she "ok" with him possibly giving her a permanent STD(herpes) or a FATAL ONE(AIDS)?!?!

In this day and age, cheating doesn't just have emotional or social repurcussions, it could be FATAL!

I would point this out to my friend.

I would hope that this is all the prompting she needs to protect herself. A wake up call in the form of a positive blood test is not something I would want for my friend.

Edited to add: Sorry for being so harsh, but this is the REAL WORLD!! Not some fantasy romance novel where her kind, tolerant love will set them both free. Her kind, tolerant love could just end up giving her festering sores on her privates for the rest of her life(at best) or kill her!

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miss_muffet
Knowflake

Posts: 823
From:
Registered: Mar 2004

posted October 04, 2007 03:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for miss_muffet     Edit/Delete Message
I believe that for one spouse to cheat, there has to be something wrong with the marriage itself.

I may be naive but I still believe in my heart that if two people truly love each other, no amount of temptation can come between them... locale does not matter...

Look at pidaua and bear as an example. They truly love each other and so even when they are apart, they only think of each other.

No matter what he says, he's cheating because something in his marriage is not satisfying him. I am not defending him. I am only stating a fact.

Unless they figure out what is not right in their marriage, they will always be in this slump.


MM

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CoralFrequency
Knowflake

Posts: 940
From:
Registered: Feb 2007

posted October 05, 2007 06:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
If it was my best friend, you said?

HA..

Ok.. forget advice..

I'd follow the spouse out of town.. pretend I'm interested.. get him reallllll excited.. tie him up to a bed post or something like hmm.. maybe a tree out in the wilderness - with no one around ('nekkid' goes without saying).. and leave him there.

But, I'm an Aries.. lol so excuse my lack of advice.

PS. Something tells me, he'd be cured of any childhood problems that lead him to cheat repeatedly.

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tifavirgo85
Knowflake

Posts: 24
From: apple valley, california, usa
Registered: Oct 2007

posted October 31, 2007 03:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tifavirgo85     Edit/Delete Message
i would hire someone to beat up my freinds spouse

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