posted September 12, 2008 12:40 AM            

quote:

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"Im sure anyone can be put in this predicament, disregarding which sun sign/ placements he/she has in a natal chart. The only problem is the temptation of infidelity that comes along with it. I personally have never had been in love actively with 2 people at the same time. I think I could love 2 people at the same time, but not be IN love with them....being in love with just one person is already hard work.
If two people are mutual in how they express their love for one another (i.e. open relationships), then good for them but personally that is not the life for me. Just the thought of my special someone telling me how much they are in love with me and doing intimate things with me but then turning around and repeating what he just did/say to some other girl is something that would turn my blood cold."

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My sentiments exactly. Nicely expressed seveneieghtorange.

posted September 12, 2008 03:24 PM            

My ex-boyfriend, who I wanted to marry, was not in love with me and so he broke it off 15 months ago. He still wants to be my friend and has pursued me in the way a man might pursue a woman he loved as more of a friend. All the while, he claims to want to be with me, just not in an intimate relationship.

We have amazing (amazing!) sexual chemistry and I've never felt this way about a man before. But trying to have a friendship with someone when your feelings are so different is impossible, at least for me. Too painful.

So now I'm trying to decide if I should be making more of an effort with my current guy who is wonderful and IS in love with me. Or is this even fair? He knows my situation and he's willing to wait and see.

I have been wondering for some time now if I will be able to ever fall in love again while I still have these feelings for my ex. I believe you can deeply love two people but perhaps really only be 'in love' with one of them. But, clearly, what the h*** do I know?

So I can definitely relate to this thread. Gah!

posted September 13, 2008 05:30 AM            

You need some time. Give yourself some TLC and take care of your heart and soul, first.

posted September 13, 2008 04:40 PM            

Yes. You can love two people at once. You can even be with two people at once. Intimately, romantically, whatever you want to call it.

The kicker is.

rEady?

Honesty.

Some people can handle this kind of situation. It is not easy. It feels wrong and strange to even consider at times. What will people think? Am I some kind of weirdo for having these feelings? Am I a bad person? Am I capable of love, or what?

The basic thing is yes, there are some needs that may be totally fulfilled by one person, and a whole other set that they cannot. Like, say you are a book smart person, but crap at being social or have no common sense... would you consider yourself "well rounded", or would you feel that you were missing something, that no matter how hard you tried, you just could not achieve?

Well... it can kind of be like that. And not just with the sexual aspect. Some people are amazing at emotionally connecting to some part of us, but cannot reach another part. Somebody else may be able to get there, totally without effort, and that has value in your life, too. It should not be cast aside.

Again, I say this is not easy. There are not a lot of people who can live this way. Our natural human tendencies of jealousy and insecurity always come in and play a part. But it is possible.

It is a delicate balance, but as long as all parties know what is going on, and there are some kind of "ground rules" set out, these kinds of things can be really amazing and make us realize why we are in this crazy world to begin with.

What is not okay is to sneak around, hold things inside, and deny ourselves our right to happiness.

There are many reasons why we have the feelings we have. There are reasons we act on them, and reasons we don't. I am not condoning headonistic mass orgy behaviour, but I am saying that a relationship in which you are not getting something from somebody you truly love, and loves you, that you may get elsewhere, does not have to be something to be ashamed of or a secret.

If you are not happy in your marriage, deal with that first. Are your feelings for someone else stemming from the unhappiness and unfulfillment you have at home? Are you "seeking", and therefore vulnerable to a storm of emotions bubbling up for someone else... that is another matter entirely.

I realize that I must have just spewed off a bunch of stuff that makes no sense, but I am just saying...

... be true to who you are. If you feel that your feelings for someone are more than just an "outlet" for something you need to be dealing with internally, then you should explore them. If you truly love two people, and they truly love you... the answer will be there once the honesty comes out. Talk about it. Put it out there.

We don't communicate enough these days. Fear, kills us.

"Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.." ~Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

posted September 13, 2008 08:56 PM            

I don't think what you said was harsh in any way. I'm leaning that way myself. My current boyfriend (if we can call him that) is actually in favour of staying in the relationship with me.

After my last relationship, I was single for almost a year. It amazes me that I am still so attached to my ex. Dealing with that has been one of the primary focal points of my life over the last year. Therapy, therapy intensives, meditation, crying, thinking about it, not thinking about it, etc. etc.

But I digress.

The point is that I feel as though I could fall in love with my current guy, but that my last relationship is holding me back. Perhaps what you suggested is the best plan of action since for me, although I see what ghanima81 was saying, I don't know that I am personally capable of being in love with two people.

That level of intimacy with more than one person doesn't appeal to me. However that's definitely much more of a human feeling than it is a spiritual one.

posted September 17, 2008 08:50 AM              

Well, er, it depends what you mean by "love".

And it depends how far you go!!

"Love",

posted September 18, 2008 03:33 PM            

I was dating 2 guys at the same time, and truly felt i was in love with both of them...for different reasons. One was so passionate, romantic, and swept me off my feet. He taught me how to enjoy the present moment, and be passionate. The other, was so patient, steady, a wealth of knowledge. He taught me to be patient, mature, and demonstative in love. Then at the same time, I have my ex-husband's visits with our daughter where we go out as a "family" and then I fall in love with him all over again too.

posted November 12, 2008 04:17 PM              

If we're talking about love as a deep, tender and "sacred" feeling of affection and solicitude toward certain people in our lives [not in a erotic/sexual way], absolutely. YES.

And then, there is desire and lust. But that'd just make you promiscuous. Hmmm and hmm again.

posted November 16, 2008 03:31 PM            

Lol I'd have to agree and say a big resounding "NO" my pluto aspects just won't let me do it.

"Sometimes you love someone but circumstances have it that you can't be with that person. So you repress and put into the back of your heart/mind the love you have for person A so that you can function and find someone else. But truthfully, your mind will want the current person while your heart will want the person that circumstances prevent you from being with."

posted November 16, 2008 06:28 PM              

i think, though, it really is about focus. i could theoretically be in love with several people at once, but what that is is allowing my focus to be upon them. it's easy to form crushes, and then there's the thrill of being intimate with people when there is a basis of attraction and you enjoy one anothers' company. and all the good lessons and joys you can uncover, in different ways with each partner. it can even go fairly deep when one loves many simultaneously, i'm sure..

but not deep enough for me. i want the kind of depth that unites two souls as entirely as is possible. i want a focus WITH that person. i want to know that our love and commitment to one another is a closed circuit between the two of us, because that is uncomplicated. and i believe the true depths of love can only be explored within this context.

posted November 16, 2008 07:04 PM            

Repression Repression yep helpful

Oh yes, and those intruding thoughts... they sure add an interesting element that genuinely prevents the most complete closeness.

But hey, everybody does it. If it's not some other person, it's a "crush" from work or a porn magazine or some "star" that you "just looooove" and idolize. Who has complete closeness and if it is achieved... how long does it last?

Yes, I'm feeling bitter-ish. But think about it.

Here's the best philosophy...

posted November 17, 2008 12:28 PM            

The other one I thought I was falling in love but now I am just confused.

I have been completley honest with the person that I am living with about my feelings and how I don't feel like I love him.