posted May 19, 2008 12:26 AM         

My husband is perfect. Like any good Virgo would be.

My children are wonderful and they adore me.

Our major money worries are behind us thanks to new jobs for both of us.

We bought a house with a (very) comfortable mortgage. (Small house!)

We've been married for 7 months.

We have great friends and a great family life.

And I've never felt more... blank.

How horrible is that?

I feel like I have no reason left to live. Not in a suicidal way, just in a matter of reality kind of way.

Stability seems to have a very horrible effect on me. I feel alive only when the path before me is open-ended. It's not the obligation that gets to me so much as the knowing already what I'll be doing 145 Tuesdays from now.

I don't really know. But I may as well.

I'm a bad wife! My husband is broken-hearted over this. He's given everything to me and I don't appreciate it like I should. I am appreciative of all of this, I just don't... care.

There was a guy I dated before my husband and I got together 4 years ago. This other guy and I were together less than a year but that makes no difference in the way our lives were impacted by one another.

The relationship didn't work for whatever reason, but it was gorgeous while it lasted.

I've thought of him every day. I don't believe I'm in love with him, but he's stuck in my brain regardless.

I wanted to know why so I could make it stop. If I could make it stop I could maybe put more of my heart into my marriage.

So I emailed him. We talked for a few months online then got together last week. I've been completely open with my husband about it-- I don't like secrets like that.

I don't know what I was hoping to accomplish. We had a great talk and our online conversations have continued. We talked about our past relationship and the way we have affected one another.

I don't know what I was expecting. I think he hit the nail on the head when he said, "You were hoping to get some answers about us so you could close this door and move on with your marriage and hopefully find more passion there."

Bingo.

But no.

That didn't happen. Nor did I feel like I should be with the exbf. Nothing happened at all. That was the last place I knew to look for answers.

He and I had an incredible connection, but were unstable. Husband and I get along great, get things done, but lack that special spark.

I'm out of answers and full of questions.

I love my husband in a very loyal kind of way. I can't imagine leaving him as we have come so far together and we are so committed to each other and have such a stable relationship.

But I feel kind of dead.

I'd rather feel anxious than this nothingness. I would like to think it will eventually pass, but it's been like this for about a year.

I feel like a jerk.

Thoughts?

posted May 19, 2008 02:17 AM         

The relationship with your friend was unstable and presented a challenge but sooner or later you would have accomplished that goal as well and regretted/realized that you are truly happy where you are right now.

Count your blessings

posted May 19, 2008 02:52 AM         

this may not have anything to do with your issue but it came to mind so maybe it means i need to share it: sometimes, we get so used to seeing drama in our lives or in other people's lives that we become sort of addicted to it. when things move smoothly we think that there must be something wrong or missing. people call it "soap opera syndrome".

if i were you i will ask my husband to help me discover ways on how we can inject a spark into our relationship and into our family life. see this as a challenge. expand your horizon. and please don't get hung up on the idea of spark imposed to us by the media and by other people.

i remember someone who also seemed to have it all but was so unhappy. her life looked like one unending trip to shrinks, and we people around her agreed that there was nothing wrong with her. i wished i had her money so i could do a lot of things like travel, help other people or contribute something to the world.

pardon my scorpion bluntness. you are right to count your blessings, try to steer your mind towards the positive, and i assure you your feelings will follow.

posted May 19, 2008 07:26 PM         

I may be a little depressed, and if I am it's because I'm bored. Having the ability to move forward and be productive is part of what I need, so I'm glad to have that.

It's the romance/chemistry part that seems to be lacking. We've talked about it for the last three years.

No worries about the old flame-- I'm not looking for a substitute. He and I have remmained good friends through these years, though invisibly. It was great catching up with him but I don't want to be with him.

I'm trying to turn this around. My husband and I have worked very hard on this. AG-- I know too well what you're feeling-- my husband feels the same way and it's very sad for both of us.

I'm a double Sag with a Libra moon and Venus in Aquarius. I think that tells some of the story right there. I'm not built to enjoy security as much as some people are (my husband included.) But I've come to realize that without it I don't have anything else.

Pluto has been going back and forth over my Asc for a while after leaving my Sun and Mars in the twelfth. Is this why I feel like I'm being faced with so many lessons right now?

Still pondering...

posted May 19, 2008 08:04 PM         

I'll go again:

Zala-- I've noticed lots of parallels with our Pixie friend.

AG-- I know your end of the situation is rough, too. What can you do when you've done everything? She's a Sag too? lol. Go fig!

oneruledbymars-- one of the best things about my husband is that he is very accomodating with this. I should say he goes a step further by encouraging me to go out and do different things. And I do. But I can find all the happiness in the world out there-- what I really want is to find out how he and I can have it together.

fieryscales-- I love your "I don't know what to say." It made my "I don't know what to do" giggle out loud! I was truly touched by that.

lalalinda-- I think you're right about that. I am feeling bored and restless. I've got lots of things that feed and nourish my mind and desire for security. It's my emotions that could use a little stoking. I don't take any of it for granted, but what I have to give is different and I wish I had a better way to express that in this relationship.

posted May 19, 2008 08:05 PM         

Lana-- my husband and I are actually considering counseling. We're both willing to do whatever it takes! I am probably a bit depressed, but I know why. It's the squelching of the energy I have to give. That will get you down after a while.

bunnies-- (I'm curious about your name by the way. Fill me in!) The romantic problem I'm having has been going on longer than I've been at this job, but it's difficult to deal with both simultaneously. You've given me a good reminder to keep the two separated.

posted May 19, 2008 08:25 PM         

A few things to us Saggies that will seem like walking death is: predictability, a certain amount of stability (although the logical us knows there is no other way to be, except stable) and having no way out.

You mention that stability has a horrible effect on you and only feel alive when the path is open-ended.

Something important, is to feed our souls, light that spark. To make us feel alive. You and your hubs have built your foundation for a life. What about now creating the means for **you** to live?

In order for you to be able to give in your relationships with any amount of passion, you need to feed your soul. Feed it with whatever makes you sing and puts that Sag sparkle, passion and life back into your eyes.

Is there something you are curious about spiritually that you want to know more about?

Is there a hobby you gave up when you created your family?

Is there an interest that you've always wanted to pursue? Can you take a couple of hours a week to look into it?

Go back to school? Take a class?

We have very similar placements in our charts, and Sags are always searching and learning, satisfying our curiosity.

I know you will find it. Just having the vague feelings you are, knowing you are missing something, means that you are on the brink of a quest...

Every Sag I know has in some way needed to be on the path, learning *something*, always expanding and growing.

As a parent, Saggies are the most fun, we're like children ourselves, so your babies will benefit the most, having you as one of their parents.

posted May 20, 2008 02:51 AM         

quote:

---

I'm trying to turn this around. My husband and I have worked very hard on this. AG-- I know too well what you're feeling-- my husband feels the same way and it's very sad for both of us.

I'm a double Sag with a Libra moon and Venus in Aquarius. I think that tells some of the story right there. I'm not built to enjoy security as much as some people are (my husband included.) But I've come to realize that without it I don't have anything else.

---

posted May 20, 2008 05:11 AM         

The counselling is such a good idea, counsellors will generally counsel you seperately as well as as a couple so any medical/psychological issues that come up could be uncovered.

posted May 22, 2008 09:34 PM         

Fieryscales-- you are an absolute dear. The people in your life are lucky to have you.

Aphrodite-- thank you for your thoughts!

Lana-- you're right. Thank you!

bunnies-- I'll have to read up on Stuart in HC. Interesting relationship, coming from an Aqua-- makes me think of Alice in Wonderland. I didn't think you came off as a pompous ass at all... I like your approach. Thanks for sharing your story. It doesn't make me feel better or worse, but it is worth contemplation. How young do you think is young? I'm kind of neither, but I think I often come across as younger than I am. I'm not immature or naiive, but I do have a little more "faith" I guess than most others my age. Maybe another Saggi thing?? (And I'll probably always be lured by the promise of more exciting relationships... heehee... I'm a safe bet once committed, and I am, but I'm a wanderlusty girl if there ever was one!)

AG-- where does she seem to be stalling out? Do you think it's a capricorn/career/ambition thing or something deeper? Mutable=scattered energy? I didn't know this, but there's a lot I don't know. Being pretty mutable myself I find this interesting.

OzMeg-- it does sound like depression. I've been treated for it in the past so I'm glad to be able to recognize the signs in my own life. The difference is that I know the reason for this. So yay for moving out of the clinical zone and into the circumstantial craziness! I'm a big believer in counseling though-- I look at it the way some look at mani/pedi's and massages. I think everyone should go!

MysticMelody, thank you for the links. I haven't checked them out yet, but the content looks exciting!

********************************************

AND!! Not only have all of you helped me out this week, but last night my best friend called (I haven't had a chance to speak with her in almost a month) and she wants to talk about this problem she's having lately... she has everything she wants with her man but feels like she has nothing. Sound famiiar? I thought of every one of you and passed your thoughts on to her and she called today to say she's feeling much better already.

posted May 22, 2008 10:08 PM         

Bunnies, I tried to find your story but couldn't. Do you remember the name of the thread or who started it?