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Author Topic:   Cancer Man - About Ready to Throw In The Towel!
It's Just Me
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posted May 23, 2008 05:20 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey guys!

So as you know, my Cancer and I took a break b/c he needed space. He told me that he needed a few weeks. I basically told myself that there was goods chance that he would not come back. Well he came back about 2 weeks later wanting to see me. We spent some time together, had a great time and the he disappeared again. He called me this past Monday to tell me that his grandfather had passed away. This is his mother’s father, and his grandmother’s first husband. His grandmother has been married twice. I told him how sorry I was to hear about his loss. I sent him and his family a card in the mail and sent him a text wishing him and his family well this past Wednesday, the day of the funeral. He and I had made plans to go to a baseball game this Sunday, but of course those plans have been cancelled b/c of his loss.

I hate to sound selfish – but this is killing me. When he told me that he needed a few weeks of space that was a month ago. I do not know how much more of this I can take. I understand that he is grieving and I completely respect that. But I can’t help but to start to feel anxious and hurt. I know I cannot say anything to him about how I feel, b/c that would be completely insensitive. I just feel really discouraged b/c I do not see any silver lining, I guess. I do not know when the next we will have a decent conversation with one another, let alone see each other. And of course, that really worries me. I was hoping that the baseball game would be the opportunity to get us back on track. I love him and I want it to work but like I have said before, I cannot make it work on my own and nor do I want to. I want him to want it to work and come to me for support. I want to be there for him during this tough time. But he has not given me the opportunity.

I guess my question is, should I just throw in the towel with him? What do you all think?????

Thanks in advance!!!

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bunnies
Knowflake

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From: u.k
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posted May 24, 2008 05:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You might not want to hear this but yes you need to throw in the towel.
Sorry to sound blunt but here is the message he is sending.
He asked you for space meaning basically:
You are not a priority in my life at all.
He is going through bad times meaning:
You don't figure in my support network.
If you continue pushing you will make him dislike you.
Withdraw and wait. Don't send him a message saying "I am here if you need me"
Because quite frankly, he obviously doesn't.
If you truly want to keep him then leave him alone. When he's ready he will come back to you.
Which leads me to ask "Why do you wan't that anyway?
The bit from Men are from Mars that made complete sense is the "male cave" bit.
DON'T follow him in.
DON'T stand at the entrance shouting "Where are you?
If you haven't read the book then fill in your time reading it while you wait.
You are not reading this mans messages correctly and you will end up pushing him away for good.
Sorry sweet but hang in there and keep yourself as loving as you obviously are xx

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praecipua
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posted May 24, 2008 04:14 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
if you love him u can surely wait before to do that. it's not the right time to be dumped. and maybe neither u nor him really want that.

.... wishful thinking maybe.... but if u love him...

and maybe the reason why he doesn't ask u for support has nothing to do with his feelings for u but could be b/c of himself. a good reason to try to understand him more, don't u think?

wish u the best

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MysticMelody
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posted May 25, 2008 05:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, then a few months mean nothing. If you aren't meant to be together, just pray about/figure out the lesson so you don't have to repeat this pattern if it is painful to you.

I don't know if any of that is helpful, but I felt I had to say something. I wish you faith.

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It's Just Me
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posted May 27, 2008 12:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well I did as you guys said. I left him alone and made no contact with him. However, I had not made any contact with him in the past other than sending him the card. On Saturday he called me and said that he just wanted to be firends for a little bit. I did not put up much of a fight. He said that he is over whelmed and is dealing with a "whirlpool of emotions." He said that he does not have the energy to be in a relatinship and he only wants to focus on getting himself together and being with his family and helping his grandmother get through this tough time. I told him that I understand and that there are no hard feelings.

So, I guess that is that. He kept on making implications on him coming back but I think he was just doing that to lighten the blow. I don't know. But I am letting him go. It hurts so bad and I I already miss him, but like Mystic said, there is a reason for all of this. Obviously, right now (if ever) he does not want me in his life and to be his support system. There is nothing that I can do about that. All my friends are telling me that he is going to come back, Cancers always do. But honestly, I am just going to try my best to move forward and if it is meant to be he will be back. If not, then that's that.

It's weird b/c I really did give him a lot of space. Like I said, other than the card I did not call him or anything.

Thanks so much for you help, guys. Keep me in your prayers.

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MysticMelody
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posted May 27, 2008 01:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You are doing fine. You can give it a couple days and then call and let him know that you just want him to know that you are there if he needs a friend to talk to or to be with him. Just let him know you care about him and that you hope he is doing ok. Then you don't have to contact him again. He will either contact you or he won't. If he contacts you, you are JUST FRIENDS until you have a conversation that says otherwise. Meaning if he starts to kiss you or get romantic you say, "I want to be close to you like that but I thought you didn't want to be involved with me like that. Are you feeling better? Are you ready now to be more than friends?" He might say no and become confused because he hasn't thought about it yet, just enjoys being close to you. That's ok. Just tell him you will still be there when he figures it out.

If he never contacts you again then you will know he is just letting you down easy but I don't think so. He has a lot going on in his life. He is a water sign. It is emotionally overwhelming (which he opened up and TOLD YOU! so you must be important to him) and he just needs some time and distance from emotions and right now he can't erase that his grandmother died etc, but he can back off from you. If he never contacts you again, you can go on with your life knowing you did all you could and it wasn't meant to be with this particular guy.
May God give you peace and clarity.


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It's Just Me
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posted May 27, 2008 01:53 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Mystic!! I think that it is best that I just leave him alone. He knows that I am here for him. But I did let him know that I will not be here forever. I am kind of tired of being the patient one. I do not want him thinking that I will just be hanging around waiting for him to get everything together. Because the fact of the matter is that sh*t happens in life. There are going to be times when life isn't fair and people die or you get laid off, etc. Do you run away everytime things get crazy or do you stick it out. He needs to learn to stick it out. So..we shall see what happens. But as of right now. I am just trying to stay strong and not be sad.

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It's Just Me
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posted May 27, 2008 03:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bunnies,

I just finished reading Better Single than Sorry. It was extremely helpful! But I will look into the book that you refered to. Thanks so much for the advice!

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It's Just Me
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posted May 27, 2008 03:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bunnies,

I just finished reading Better Single than Sorry. It was extremely helpful! But I will look into the book that you refered to. Thanks so much for the advice!

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Tigerlily
Knowflake

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posted May 27, 2008 03:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Tigerlily     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cancers are hard to catch...but if you are patient and prove you can be trusted with a Cancer's tender heart he/she will be yours forever. Maybe he really is just needing some time so he can process things in his life. Cancers aren't as easy to understand as other signs - maybe he's telling the truth straight up and he wants you to wait...and if you do wait for him to process things in his way, he'll come back to you ready for a relationship full throttle. You never know. If you can't wait I guarantee you'll fail the "Cancer test" (not that he's merely testing you and playing games - it sounds like his life is really hard right now and he's just asking for some time to get himself sorted out).

If you're impatient, a Cancer is not for you. I say that for both your sakes.

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It's Just Me
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posted May 27, 2008 06:56 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Tigerlily,

Believe you me I know about patience when dealing with a Cancer. In fact, I have been extremely patient with him over the last year, trust me. But I feel that it would be best for me and my peace of mind to move on. That way, if he comes back then great but if he doesn’t I will not end up anymore hurt than I already am. Obviously, since this is all so fresh in the back of my head I hope that he will return. But the Scorpio in me is preparing myself and my heart for the worst. But trust me, if he comes back (I may not show it completely at first) but he will be greeted with open arms. I love the man.

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MysticMelody
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posted May 27, 2008 07:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Diandra23
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posted May 28, 2008 07:57 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wish you the better of moments .

Cancers are soooo into family and maybe that´s why he is acting like that...needing time on his own.

Time will tell the Truth.

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It's Just Me
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posted May 29, 2008 12:46 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Diandra,

Yes he is a true mama's boy. Hahaha! He is extremely close to both his mother and his grnadmother. So, I know that has a lot to do with it.

Like you said, only time will tell. In the mean time I am trying my best to consume myself with activity and being happy.

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It's Just Me
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posted May 30, 2008 12:48 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello Everyone,

Well the Cancer called yesterday and left a message on my cell phone while I was at work. He said that he was calling to say hi and to see how I was doing and that he would talk to me later.

I really do not understand him. I told him that right now that I do not want to be friends when we broke up last week and he said that he understood that. So, I do not undrstand why he is calling just to say hi when I specifically told him that if he is going to be in my life I wanted him to be in my life romantically and if he could not do that right now that is fine, but for now I would not be able to be his friend.

So, I am really confused as to why he called. Anyway, he did not ask me to call him back so I did not call him back. I sent him a text letting him know that I got his message and that I was doing well and that I hoped everything is going well with him and that I would talk to him later. And that was that.

I wonder what is going through his head.

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cancerrg
Newflake

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posted May 31, 2008 02:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cancerrg     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That hi meant , he wants to be in your life . and i can bet on this one .

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It's Just Me
unregistered
posted June 02, 2008 11:35 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think this Cancer is nuts! Hahaha!

He called on Thursday and I texted him back. He called again on Friday but I was in the movies and was unable to answer he phone so he left a message. Then he called early on Saturday morning and left a message. He sounded kind of irritated that I had not been answering my phone. After he left the voicemail he sent me a text saying, "I am trying to talk to you but you do not seem to want to talk to me." So I texted him back telling him to give me a call back when he got a chance. He texted me back by saying "ok. I miss you." Then he calls a few hours later and just makes small talk! He asked how my family was doing and how I was doing and that was it. He did not mention why he was calling me like a mad man or why he sent the text saying he missed me. He just made small talk.

I do not get him! Why did he make such a big effort to talk to me to just make small talk? I am so confused!

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let ther b light
Newflake

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posted June 06, 2008 01:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for let ther b light     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hey
read the entire thread...just want to say i really do know how this kinda thing feels...i'm sure it must be difficult...but you seem to be very sensible so i dont think i need to give you any advice!
but here's what i think..

"I do not get him! Why did he make such a big effort to talk to me to just make small talk? I am so confused!"
i think he was missing you...he wanted someone to talk to maybe coz he's been having a rough time..he needed to know u r there...he prolly likes you a lot but is'nt sure of his feelings yet. he thinks he can do without complications fr right now....

"But I did let him know that I will not be here forever."
i think thats prolly why he tried getting in touch with you. maybe he does not know it himself yet that he really likes you...

thats my guess!..i cud be wrong! but i think he does love you...

keep us posted


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MysticMelody
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posted June 06, 2008 01:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:

Then he calls a few hours later and just makes small talk! He asked how my family was doing and how I was doing and that was it. He did not mention why he was calling me like a mad man or why he sent the text saying he missed me. He just made small talk.

I do not get him! Why did he make such a big effort to talk to me to just make small talk? I am so confused!


He's just feeling the situation out to see exactly how mad and unforgiving you are feeling about the situation before he opens himself up to attack. Just be loving and let him know you still have a lot of feelings and issues to resolve from when he "left" but that you are so glad he called. Just tell him the truth and be kind... you "love" him, right? Communicate with him. He cares about you.

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MysticMelody
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posted June 06, 2008 01:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
he thinks he can do without complications fr right now....

nice thoughts let there b light

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Aphrodite
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posted June 06, 2008 01:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Heya It's Just Me!

Is this the guy you mentioned you were seeing casually on past threads?

I live in SF too. Girl there are so many guys out there! And yes I mean straight ones LOL.

Take care of YOU first, before anybody else . Who is taking care of It's Just Me? B/c she is hurting too right now and a part of her is wanting to take care of someone else who hasn't been there for her . . .

Let your boy's messages go to voicemail. He knows where to find you. Please consider quitting the phone tagging, SF is not that big. He should be driving over to see you!

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let ther b light
Newflake

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posted June 06, 2008 02:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for let ther b light     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks MM!

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yaosers
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posted June 06, 2008 09:12 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's Just Me:
quote:
He did not mention why he was calling me like a mad man or why he sent the text saying he missed me. He just made small talk.

I do not get him! Why did he make such a big effort to talk to me to just make small talk? I am so confused!



Heya "It's Just Me".

I'm neither a Cancer guy nor an astrologer really, so I couldn't give you any input from either of those perspectives.

Socially speaking, however, I think that he does really like you and want to be with you. I pretty much expected that he'd simply make some small talk when you finally let him talk to you. Let me explain.

If the male Cancer is as reserved about expressing his feelings and committing, etc., as I've been reading on these boards, I think he had finally gotten the guts to tell you, and had to work up the courage just before calling, each time. He called you three times, on three separate days, and received only text messages in return. Being somewhat of a shy person myself, I, too, would try to cut back on the steam and try to act in a way that wouldn't be seen as "too eager" or "too needy", after three times like that. He simply didn't have the reassurance that he could proceed with spilling his heart when he finally got to talk to you.

All this is for reference only. I have no idea what he said in his voice messages, and I also don't know what you wrote to him in return.

I'm just curious, why didn't you call him back? And, depending on how important he is to you, a simple "I'm sorry; I really wanted to talk with you but I just never had the chance to call you back!" would really help.

I think both MysticMelody and Aphrodite made good points. MM basically said the same thing I'm trying to tell you now, and that is to let him know that you still like him and that you're glad he called and want him to call you and see you. Aphrodite's suggestion to let his messages go to your voicemail and let him come visit you, however, I don't think would really work. He would need more confirmation that it'd be "ok" before doing anything more, especially at this stage in a relationship. Besides, he might've wanted to ask you out, or ask to come over when he made the calls earlier.

But if he wasn't sure that you'd be there to open the door and let him in, he'd never come over especially at this somewhat early stage in a relationship.

That's just my two cents. I hope it wasn't too terribly long or confusing a read, and that it was helpful!

------------------
Sun: Pisces
Moon: Scorpio
Mercury: Aries
Venus: Aquarius
Mars: Pisces
Jupiter: Cancer
Saturn: Virgo
Uranus: Scorpio
Neptune: Sagittarius
Pluto: Libra
Lilith: Leo
Asc node: Virgo

From ]http://cafeastrology.com

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It's Just Me
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posted June 10, 2008 12:19 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello All!

I was out of town must of last week and this weekend. So, I am just now getting a chance to read through everything. Thank you guys so much for all of your responses!

First to answer a few questions:

Aphrodite – yes he is the one who I have been seeing for almost a year

Yaosers – I did not answer his phone call at first b/c I was a little mad and a lot hurt!

So, he called last Wednesday while I was at work and left a message. For some reason, I did not get the voice message until that night right before I was about to go to bed. He said that he was just calling to say hi and tell me that he missed me. I did not call him back b/c I was really tired and had an early flight to catch the next morning. When I landed in Texas the next morning I saw that he left me another voice mail that morning (while I was on the plane) he left another message saying that I am harder to get in contact with than Barak Obama. Lol. I texted him back and let him know that I had just gotten to Texas and missed his call b/c I was on a plane. He called me later that day and said that he wanted to see me that weekend (this past weekend). Obviously, I could not see him b/c I was out of town. He called me yesterday twice and left one voice message. I did not answer the phone bc I was at work. But I did call him back. I think he was at work when I called him back – he works the late shift. So, I had to leave a message. So, at this point we are playing phone tag. Hopefully, sometime soon we will get a chance to really talk and get down to business. Hahaha.

I will make sure to continue to keep you guys in the loop.

Wish me luck!

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It's Just Me
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posted June 11, 2008 11:53 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am so upset! So, the Cancer got in contact with me yesterday. He asked me if I met any guys while I was in Texas and if any of my friends had hooked me up with anyone. I really did not answer his questions directly, because I felt that it was really none of his business. He also asked if he could see me on Saturday night. I told him that he could. As the conversation went on, he asked me what I had been up to and I told him that I had been doing alot of thinking and he asked about what. I told him that I have decided to wait for God to bring me a man, and to no longer look for one. Also, I do not want ot waste my time just dating around right now or being intimate with a man unless we are in a commited relationship. We got off the phone shortly after b/c he had just gotten to work. He called me later that night while he was on his lunch break at work. He brought up Saturday night and confirmed the time. Then I aksed him did he want to meet somewhere and then he got really quiet and said that he did not know where he wanted to meet b/c of what I said earlier. To make a long story short, I guess me telling him that I did not want to be intimate with anyone unless we were in commited relationship threw him off. So, then I aksed him if he only wantd to see me to have sex and he said no he wanted to see me b/c he missed me and wanted to talk but he also missed being initmate with me as well as spending time with me and laughing with me. So, I told him that I had made up my mind and did not feel comfortable being initmate with him with us not being in a relationship and that I did not want to put myself in a vulnerable siutation where I could get even more hurt than I already am. He was really quiet and I think he took my decision as a personal thing against him. He finaly got off of the phone b/c his lunch break was over. He told me that if he was not too tired that he would call me when he got off of work or he would call me today.

When I got off of the phone with him I was really hurt. Now, I feel as though the only reason that he wants to see me is to have sex. I honestly would have never expected this from him. He has never acted like this before. In fact, when we were dating there were times when we would spend the night together and he would just want to cuddle. I would have never thought that he would just want to use me for sex! He knows how I am. He knows that I cant just have sex and have nothing else attached. If he is just horny I dont understand why he didnt just call up some girl who will just have sex with him. It really hurt me that he came off like this. I feel stupid -here I am thiking that the reason he has been so persistant in getting in contact with me and wanting to see me is b/c he wanted to work on getting back together and the reality is he just wants to have sex. Or, atleast it appears to be that way.

What do you guys think?

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