posted May 25, 2008 09:26 PM         

No, unfortunately. I've inherited the curse of the Twins.

Wait! Don't run away just yet!

My ascendant is in Sagittarius!!!

posted May 26, 2008 08:06 AM         

Sounds like you've already got it pretty well figured out,
and I dont have much to add to the good advice you've already received here.

What is clear is that he has very different values than you do.
He may shift rather dramatically after his Saturn Return, but probably not before.

I know what its like to have that overwhelming desire for intimacy,
and to feel that human connection is a basic fundamental need,
like food and sleep, and not something you can just repress,
or seek distractions from among your other personal interests.
When food is scarce, we do not return empty-handed from the hunt,
and attempt to resign ourselves to the scarcity of food;
rather, we forge farther afield, until we find food, or die trying.
You may not literally die in physical form, if you dont find love,
but you may literally watch as part of your soul dies;
after that, you wont feel the pain, or have the potential.

For many people, the need for intimacy is more pressing than it is for most.
Astrologically, this has been demonstrated to correspond to water signs, planets, and houses,
and to the condition of the 7th house; including the planet(s) ruling that house.

I suggest that you need not be ashamed of this requirement,
and that, although your needs may change with time,
developing more disinterest in partnership is not necessarily a sign of maturity.
For some people, it is merely a question of growing into their charts.
Other times, it may be an expression of the natural rythms of life:
When the excavation of one area of life becomes exhausting,
we can always find relief by turning to another area of life.
When we have spent years, even decades, exhausting ourselves upon one area of life,
we may spend years, even decades, finding relief in detachment from that area, --
but, if life were only long enough, we would exhaust that relief as well,
and turn back to the very things we thought we'd learned detachment from.

All this restlessness and insatiability is natural,
and it is likely to persist, whether it is focused on relationship,
or on any of a variety of aspects in your life.
Finding your soul mate will, most likely,
serve to divert that restlessness into other aspects of your life,
but, it is also true that the right person, like the right environment,
can do wonders for you on a variety of levels.
Learning to reconnect with yourself, to cultivate self-friendship,
and to tap into your own hidden resources, can also help,
but there is nothing that will entirely satisfy you, as a human being.
Though it may be a spiritual truth, that all we require is within us,
it is no easier or speedier a process to find it within than without,
and both time and effort appear to be requirements for all good things.

Furthermore, I doubt there is anything more effective than relationships
in bringing us to a greater awareness of ourselves,
and of all that lies hidden within ourselves.
Giving our power away to another is just another means by which
we come to see ourselves, and our own needs, more clearly.
Years in meditation may not bring the self-clarity that comes with a broken heart.

Remember,
the definition of codependency is not neediness, but,
an obsession with controling the behaviors of another person.
Longing itself is not a defect, but a source of potentiality;
like praecipua said, the depth of your longing equals the depth of your love.
What you desire is that deeply meaningful connection,
without which you would be drastically unhappy and unfulfilled.
If anyone imagines that they can experience such a connection,
without experiencing a corresponding pain in its absence,
they are fooling themselves, and they dont understand the basic truth,
that, in this universe of ours, what goes up, must come down.
We all need to decide whether we want that high and low,
or if we prefer some even-keeled, uneventful and unimpressive calm.

As Nietzsche expressed it,
"whosoever said yes to a single joy,
said yes to all the woes in all the worlds,"
(or something like that; I'm paraphrasing from memory).
Its called Life, and you either want it or you dont.
You take all the tears and pains and all the joys, in their season.
Does it mean that you wont lament when you lose something?
Of course not. You will lament,
and wish you'd never valued a thing that could be lost.
But all things that can be valued can be lost,
and there is a price for every joy under the sun.
Some may tell you to cling to yourself, because others come and go,
but you yourself will also be lost, and the loss will be greater,
if you have spent greater time and energy on yourself.

Wow, I just realized I had written more than I meant to,
and I probably am boring everybody with this preaching,
but I guess, despite my protestations, I did have a lot to say.

I wish you clarity and happiness.

May you find what you seek,

posted May 26, 2008 08:34 AM         

Perhaps it is not a particular person that we need to find- to fulfill that longing.

Perhaps it is a frequency- of consciousness?

If we are all one consciousness.....experiencing itself in our separate forms....then we are all each other's soul mate....every one of us.
If you love someone and you end up going your separate ways.....it doesn't mean the love you shared was not true....as your heart told you it was.

I feel that "true love" is infinite love.

posted May 26, 2008 08:57 AM         

Yes, I think you said it well.

Ultimately, it is about a frequency.

Other people are just carriers of frequencies.

And, although all frequencies exist within ourselves,
we may indeed require the presence of another,
in order to remind, and attune us.

In some spiritual traditions,
it is believed that the presence of a guru is necessary
in order to awaken the divine potential within.
But the Guru is actually just a carrier of that frequency,
and, if you come in contact with the guru,
it is because you "had it coming", karmically.
I think that instant enlightenment is possible, without a guru,
but it is the same instance of karma catching up with us,
or of ourselves catching up with karma.

What is remarkable about many related stories of instant enlightenment,
is that, often, the experiencers are not attuned to any higher vibration.
They are not meditating, and may never have meditated in their life.
Often, it is that a certain thought comes into the mind,
and the paradoxical nature of the thought is simply realized.
Then, the person is enlightened.

They say that such people must have practiced spirituality,
if not in this life, in many previous incarnations.
Anyway, what I find interesting is the notion of a "carrier",
whether it is a thought, or a person, or whatever.

In hermetic science, there is something called a mumia,
which is any substance serving as the vehicle for another, more subtle substance.
So, when you get a vaccine, the fluid is a mumia for the virus.
When you inhale the fragrance of a rose,
it is the mumia for the spiritual vibration of the rose.
When you are kissed by the one you love,
the kiss is the mumia for the love it imparts.

Hermetic scientists believed that no substance could be transmitted
unless it is accompanied by a mumia which is suited to it.
I speculate that the cure for one kind of longing,
is the presence of a corresponding kind of love,
and that, in order for this love to be transmitted,
what is necessary is the presence of a mumia, or carrier of that love.

It seems to me that the outer world reflects the inner,
no less than the inner world reflects the outer,
and that the outer presence, or arrival, of a given carrier,
corresponds directly to an inner attunement to that karma,
which, according to the instance, may be loving or not.

Whether you search the world, or your own heart, makes no difference.

The world is just a representation of our inner workings,
and its original purpose is to make us visible to ourselves.
But, if the world, as symbol, is too confusing,
we may choose to seek within ourselves instead.
Still, I think that there is no difference,
and this is, ultimately, what we discover.

"Who can find no peace in the marketplace,
will seek in vain for peace in the monastery."
~ Meister Eckhart

posted May 26, 2008 09:19 AM         

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1cfTMdjkYM&feature=related

posted May 26, 2008 09:22 AM         

I even got to shake hands with my "guru", if you want to call him that. Though the real guru is within.

I can't wait to spend more time with the people I met up with, when they meet up again, and perhaps go on this camping trip they might be arranging for July.

I feel I don't need a relationship any more to find happiness.
I do need true friends.

posted May 26, 2008 09:48 AM         

And there is plenty more where they came from.

I'm presently compiling my writings for a book and hoping to publish.

Again, thank you so much.

And no need to be humbled; it takes one to know one, right?

posted May 26, 2008 10:01 AM         

That's great!

I'm so happy you are finding your scene.

Go with it!

posted May 26, 2008 10:04 AM         

quote:

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I'm presently compiling my writings for a book and hoping to publish.

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posted May 26, 2008 10:30 AM         

There were many lessons involved in those relationships I went through and I had to go through them, though painful for whatever reasons. You will have to figure out why you attracted this type of character into your life and what can be learned from it and what to do with it/him.

It seems you know he isnt right for you too. You even said it in so many words a few different times, but then tried to outweigh it with the nice things he's done and his positive qualities. I have done this so many times too; tried to convince myself someone was right for me when deep down I knew they were not. Everyone has some good qualities, but that doesnt mean that they are right for you. Everyone has some good qualities, but everyone also deserves to be treated better than the way he has been treating you. By his actions it seems trying to work something out with him or wait for him, would only be setting you up for more heartache and pain. He is on a different wavelength than you are and that's why you are having doubts. Listen to those. It's your intuition working for you. Ive ignored my intuition so many times and really ended up paying for it in the end.

Be warned that he will start coming back around and you are going to have to stay strong and firm in your decision. He's going to say all the things you want to hear too. Just be prepared. I've met many of his kind and they tend to keep doing this type of thing over again. They'll really lay it on thick too, but then a few weeks later they are back to their old ways and the behavior will get worse each time you allow them back - they lose respect. You shouldnt have to wait for a guy to change, grow or "catch up" to you. I've learned the hard way that it never happens, or rarely at least.

This is you and Taleah's time. Though lots of people think they need companionship and sex, I think it's overrated. I think time to grow on your own and single for awhile is just as important as relating. If you can, find ways to be truly happy and comfortable with your life while single instead of longing for something that isnt there all the time. The more you come to love and know yourself as an individual, the better your future relationships will be. It doesnt mean you are automatically repressing anything by being happy alone for awhile either. I think it is a healthy thing for anyone to do - having a satisfying relationship with one'self. Enjoying my life on my own (with others in it of course, just not romantically) has come to be some of the best most fulfilling times of my life. Maybe you will find that to be true for you or maybe not. I hope so though, because you are awesome.

You were with D for many years, correct? You spent many of your teenage years with him up until recently in your twenties? It may feel awkward for you now to be "alone". But like Zala said, lonliness and aloneness are two very different things. You are used to having a male figure/companion in your life. And that has become "who you are". Half of a seeming whole. Incomplete and missing something without a partner in your life.

Also sex and physical intimacy can really change things for women. Youve probably heard all about this and the findings on differences in brain chemistry in men and women after becoming sexually involved. Did you start to feel differently about him after you became sexual? That may have something to do with your confusion.

quote:

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I'm a very needy person as far as love and security goes, I want someone to share my bed with and have lots of affection. He is also needy but in a social interactive way. He needs people around him all the time, lots of action, laughs, drinking, ect...

I don't want flings I just want a real partner.

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Figure out how you are going to fulfill that last "want" - that is more important than a warm body in your bed. It isnt through an unstable man who isnt respecting you and your feelings and isnt keeping promises. These types of people and situations can make you feel more empty and alone than if you were sleeping by yourself anyway. You can be lonely with someone - which often feels like it doubles your lonliness - or get into yourself and your lonliness and let it speak to you and do some healing work and understand yourself, your true wants and need on a deeper level. Sometimes relationships can be like a full time job. And ones like this are stealing your precious energy and hurting your heart. Something you really need for your daughter and yourself.

People say physical intimacy is something everyone wants and NEEDS, but I have come to find differently. Humans think they "need" a lot of things, but that doesnt mean all these needs are good for them or really necessary. I'm not saying physical intimacy is "bad" and no one really needs it, it has it's purpous, but ultimately I think it's best when two people are connected on a higher level first and then it becomes ten times better. Dont settle for someone who can only barely fulfill you on a couple of levels.

Sexual energy is powerful, sacred and also can and should be channeled into other things until the right guy comes along. I dont believe one should give into every desire because it's THERE and obviously SEEMS like it's natural and MUST be expressed through the obvious way. Giving into every desire and releasing sexual energy in the typical way just because it's there in your system makes one weak in many ways. Kundalini energy is very valuable; precious. It is Life force. Be choosy in who you share that with. Dont begin new karma or get energetically attatched to energy suckers.
Oop! Going off now! Sorry. lol

You said you are needy as far as love and security goes. I would stop saying that to yourself. I think it may be that really you just want a Man. Not a little boy which there are plenty of, that you have to wait around for him to grow up. I think you have done a lot of work on yourself SunChild. You are wise and mature and you cant try to make yourself fit with a guy who is speaking a different language, so to speak. It will drain you and leave you with a broken heart.

Maybe find some hobbies or other things to focus on for the time being. Prepare for the right guy to come into your life at the perfect time. You dont need to fill your days and nights (and thoughts) up with a person who doesnt want to grow with you and care for you in the way you deserve to be cared for. You have so many gifts to share with the world. Please dont waste your time and energy on a guy who is breaking your heart.

Stop looking out the window waiting and hoping he will show up. Show him the door and wish him well on his way. You deserve to be treated better. I hope you really get to know this.

posted May 26, 2008 10:36 AM         

quote:

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I have few regrets in life, but not heeding the warning of relationship "red flags" is one....
-hippichick

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posted May 26, 2008 10:41 AM         

quote:

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I had always imagined myself single for a while doing what i love to do.

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Well there you go! We always know the right path to take. If this is one of your dreams, go with it. I understand that another dream may be to find the perfect man, but he is not here yet, so perhaps it's time to follow another dream of yours in the meantime. If you dont start on it Now, you might wish you did years down the road and not ended up with an alcoholic or someone who hasnt been treating your right for a number of years. Nip this one in the bud, Bud.

posted May 26, 2008 11:17 AM         

quote:

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no he wasn't spiritual and used to joke about my beliefs, and i knew he just didn't know so I never took offense. I really really want a spiritual partner, it almost seems insane that i would hook up with someone who wasn't.

We got physical very early in the relationship. And I think that's when he didn't take me seriously.

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posted May 26, 2008 11:33 AM         

quote:

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If we are all one consciousness.....experiencing itself in our separate forms....then we are all each other's soul mate....every one of us.

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posted May 26, 2008 12:07 PM         

quote:

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but ultimately I think it's best when two people are connected on a higher level first and then it becomes ten times better. Dont settle for someone who can only barely fulfill you on a couple of levels.

Sexual energy is powerful, sacred and also can and should be channeled into other things until the right guy comes along. I dont believe one should give into every desire because it's THERE and obviously SEEMS like it's natural and MUST be expressed through the obvious way. Giving into every desire and releasing sexual energy in the typical way just because it's there in your system makes one weak in many ways. Kundalini energy is very valuable; precious. It is Life force. Be choosy in who you share that with.

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quote:

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I think you have done a lot of work on yourself SunChild. You are wise and mature and you cant try to make yourself fit with a guy who is speaking a different language, so to speak. It will drain you and leave you with a broken heart.

Maybe find some hobbies or other things to focus on for the time being. Prepare for the right guy to come into your life at the perfect time. You dont need to fill your days and nights (and thoughts) up with a person who doesnt want to grow with you and care for you in the way you deserve to be cared for. You have so many gifts to share with the world. Please dont waste your time and energy on a guy who is breaking your heart.

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quote:

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I believe this too, LTT. And also more like, we are all each other's Teachers. We attract everyone in that we can learn something from, mostly about our selves. Everyone is God in Action. Yet, it's important to respect the Creator Force/Energy within our own selves (and within others) and let "in" the people who recognize and respect this part of us and others as well. "Sleeping people" dont know this and thus can be expected to act accordingly. They tend to bring many lessons and frustrations. Talking with them is like trying to have a conversation with a deaf mute person.

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posted May 26, 2008 01:13 PM         

quote:

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Life is about experience; get every drop of juice out of that orange before discarding the peel.

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SunChild ~
Here's an interesting blog post: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=195759064&blogID=399375813