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As brilliantly described in Dr. Helen Fisher’s “Why We Love,” here's how you know when you’re love-struck:You’re suddenly shy, at least initially. Even the most confident can feel timid, anxious, awkward, and even fearful around a crush. You may turn pale, flush, tremble, stammer, sweat, feel dizzy, breathe faster, get weak in the knees and have “butterflies in your stomach.” While such symptoms are flu-like, you’ve been struck with no more than a love bug.
You’re suddenly manic. You may have lost your appetite or find yourself sleepless, yet feeling totally energized, even hyperactive. Know that you have your brain to blame. Elevated concentrations of dopamine, and its chemical derivative norepinephrine, are basically hijacking your brain, lowering your serotonin levels. These neuron-transmitters, known as monoamines, are what make us feel loopy with love.
You’re obsessed. Your “love object” has taken on what psychologists call a “special meaning.” This sweetie has become unique, novel, and all-important — the center of your universe. You are infatuated, focusing your energy and passion on every little thing associated with your honey.
Elevated levels of dopamine in your brain make for more focused attention and motivation in directing and attaining your amour goals. You are consumed with “intrusive thinking,” fantasizing and daydreaming constantly about your beloved. One survey found that the love-obsessed reported thinking of their beloved for more than 85 percent of their waking hours. Not surprisingly, couples can describe how they fell in love with each other years later.
You’ve changed. You may find that you’re revamping yourself. Between your clothing style, mannerisms, habits, and even values, you’re willing to do almost anything and everything to win your loved one’s affections.
You’re on the ride of your life. Until the relationship offers security, you may feel like you’re on a roller coaster. When things are good, you’re on “cloud 9.” But if a loved one is unresponsive right away, indicates something negative, seems indifferent ... basically, does anything to rattle you, you may feel despair, depressed, rage, mopey and listless until the situation is resolved. In Fisher’s survey, 79 percent of men and 83 percent of women reported dissecting an adored one’s actions.
You’re sporting rose-colored glasses these days. Passion makes for perfect. While the love-struck can name faults their love object has, unlike the rest of us, they see these defects as charming and endearing. Love is blind. And you are willing to go to great lengths to make sure that the illusion you’ve created remains unscathed.
You have no desire for anyone else. You want sexual and emotional union with your one and only. Yet while lust — the craving for sexual gratification — is a major player in your passion pursuits — the desire for sex and monogamy are less important than the desire for an emotional union. Men and women ache to have their love returned more than anything.
Believe it or not, it seems that Mother Nature wanted to bestow all of the aforementioned on us during the attraction stage of coupledom. Lust is said to have evolved to motivate humans to seek sexual relations with almost any semi-appropriate partner. Romantic love, however, helps us to focus our mating attention on a specific person, helping us to conserve our energy and time with one courtship. Feelings of attachment, and its components of peace, calm and security, then take over for the long haul. With many arguing that this passionate state of affairs lasts no more than two years, be sure to enjoy this love drug while it lasts!
Lindaland
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posted July 22, 2008 01:12 AM
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