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Author Topic:   Can straight men and women just be friends?
Mama Mia
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posted December 15, 2008 01:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Well I will be honest, I have a few guy friends and I know that they all liked me, but they sensed that I was not interested so why bother being rejected. But I say this to say I guess men and women can be friends but usually someone is likeing someone even if its secretly..That has been the case for me..

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AcousticGod
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posted December 15, 2008 04:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah, that's kind of what I'm hoping for. I hope she doesn't ever try to pursue it.

I think she's just taken the liberty of asking herself, "Why not?" a few too many times. I would be tremendously easy for her to be in a relationship with, so her mind's answer to that question has to be positive. I do believe she's fair enough to put herself in my shoes, though, so there's a decent possibility of her never going too far with that idea.

quote:
Cappy and Taurus combos are always fun in any relationship.

Yeah, Taurus' are awesome.

quote:
I know you don't want to hurt her, maybe you could talk about it and clear the air, so she doesn't get hurt when you meet someone to love someday.

I can't imagine a scenario where that plays out and the friendship stays perfectly in tact.

quote:
I think your best friend and lover should be the same person.

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LetsDance
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posted December 15, 2008 06:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
'

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yinyang
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posted December 16, 2008 01:34 AM           Edit/Delete Message
AG, are you positively sure that you are not in the least bit attracted to her? I think the fact that you're giving so much thought to the possibility of your friendship turning into something more, shows this. But I could be wrong.

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MyVirgoMask
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posted December 16, 2008 01:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
Well, of course I am almost certain she would be contemplating something more than friendship. She'd be crazy not to if you guys have such a great connection.

You've mentioned, AG, that you may not 'fit the mold', but she's also changing that. And it feels to me like she might be fishing to see if you might be interested - it's pretty natural. And she dropped a hint right into your lap by saying she's looking more for companionship...I can't imagine that this doesn't include SOME passion.

As for whether guys and gals can be friends - well, sure. Best friends...hmm. Sure...for a little while.

But then....

1. I completely agree with Sunshine_Lion in that your best friend and your lover should be the same. Nothing more annoying than the surrogate boyfriend/girlfriend 'best friend/'buddy' who is always in the picture...one of you gets romantically involved with another person, and there's almost always this little unspoken power struggle.

2. I just don't feel it's possible to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex without romantic tension rearing its head. I've seen it happen way too many times, have experienced it many, MANY times myself. I have a ton of male friends, and if I really want to keep the friendship, I have to keep a distance because one of us will develop feelings. Seriously. If I like you THAT much, how can I NOT contemplate having a romantic involvement?!

So, AG, I don't know how often you hang out with this woman, but if you don't have romantic feelings for her, then maybe cut back on seeing her...I'm just saying that from my own perspective it's very easy to let the feelings develop when there's a routine with seeing each other. And God only knows we earth signs tend to respond well to that kind of stuff (well, it is for me).
I don't think you need to spell it out to her in the form of a 'talk'...but if you do, that's cool too.

However, if you do have feelings for her, then maybe act on it...it sounds like you're overthinking things slightly as well if you are attracted. Your differences, etc...is that what's getting in your way? Are you just being her friend because you value her friendship, or have your own feelings developed and you don't know how to deal with them without potentially jeopardizing the friendship?

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AcousticGod
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posted December 16, 2008 02:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
AG, are you positively sure that you are not in the least bit attracted to her?

Romantically, yes. Otherwise, I'm attracted to some of the aspects of her personality.

quote:
So, AG, I don't know how often you hang out with this woman, but if you don't have romantic feelings for her, then maybe cut back on seeing her

Exactly. That's the earthling way.

quote:
Are you just being her friend because you value her friendship

Yes. She's super cool to hang out with. We're both private, secretive, funny people, and when we're together it's almost like a perpetual inside joke or something. Sometimes it's a bit Plutonian where we may be a little too much inside one another's minds.

I notice that she tries to figure out how my mind works. I come across as extremely respectful and tolerant of her, but she knows that there's judgment for people inside my head...because we talk about it. We work together, so when we're talking and I judge someone to be a certain way, and she agrees, she knows that despite my properly tolerant exterior that inside my head lurks a more critical mind. Chaulk it up to Cap Sun/Gemini Rising showing the restrained exterior while my Virgo Moon rules the interior. Now that I think about it, that must be why she probes that aspect of me. She must be wondering what my mind privately thinks of her, because everyone generally gets the easygoing me.

I am positively certain that I would immediately seek to jeopardize a relationship were one to ever miraculously occur. Ultimately, my relationship mindset is ALWAYS, "Will this work long term?" With her, the answer is an obvious no on several levels. And the things that do turn me off about her would make me indifferent towards her in a second if I had to deal with them intimately (indifference is the opposite of love). Things like cigarette breath. I'm a former smoker, but there's no way I want to be with a smoker. No way. And things like this...you know, vices...there's really nothing a person can do to make a Taurus stop them.

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MyVirgoMask
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posted December 16, 2008 03:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
"That's the earthling way."

Man, that sounded totally Vulcan. LOL.
Sorry, I find it really endearing actually.

Wow, you really do stick your guns, AG. I try to and even ask those same long term questions, but my heart rules me unfortunately in a really yucky way (see why I admire Virgo moons now?) and in the past I wasn't able to make the best of decisions.

I'm sure you'll do the right thing in the end, regardless

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Peri
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posted December 16, 2008 04:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message
i am sure they can

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MysticMelody
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posted December 16, 2008 11:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
You say you wouldn't put up with a smoker but if the right chemistry came along, it wouldn't be as big of a consideration even if it is a HUGE consideration (she said, thinking of a couple experiences). There's something more out there for you and for her. Right now you are together to help each other get to that point where you are ready for the "something more". You are Soul Friends. Talk about it.
Be brave.


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AcousticGod
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posted December 16, 2008 11:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
Wow, you really do stick your guns, AG.

I only have one fixed planet, but both my Sun and Moon are in fixed houses (8th and 5th).

quote:
in the past I wasn't able to make the best of decisions.

You and the rest of the world.

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cancerrg
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posted December 16, 2008 11:05 PM           Edit/Delete Message
My experience says No .

Though the ideal thing is we should be friends but practically its IMPOSSIBLE.

Lets see it this way , what is theinitiation point of a love relation and friendship - its the wavelength .
Now a the best wavelength relation get termed as Best friendship and if all other variables(bachelor hood or engaged ,sex of the opposite person ,age etc. ) are positive too - its turns into a love relation .

I and a scorp male friend have always discussed this point .The only difference between him and my lady love interest is i can not have sex with him .(simply straight)
Otherwise if one of us was woman , we would have been the best couple . The understnding and emotional touch is so strong which is rare to find in couples .

so my experience tells me men and women can be friends but never very good friends .

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AcousticGod
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posted December 16, 2008 11:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Sounds about right, Cancerrg. Thanks for sharing.

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cancerrg
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posted December 17, 2008 11:07 AM           Edit/Delete Message
i hoped it would !
so howz life otherwise, Brother ?
Any plans for marriage or something .

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Amber24
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posted December 17, 2008 11:10 AM           Edit/Delete Message
cancerrg, you're totally right! I have many simple friendships with guys, but in my experiance, when you start sharing the deep stuff, someone gets attracted, lol.

I, for one, am always in love with an aspect of someone, just not the whole person, haha. I know I'm not capable of it cause I can always find a reason to find a person atractive. So I end up flirting and they think its serious, then they want a relationship and I freak out, lol.

I guess it really depends on the people. But in my opinion, close, close friendships with members of the oppistie sex are impossible or at the very least, highly difficult.


------------------
Sun - Pisces
Moon - Leo
Mercury - Aquarius
Venus - Aquarius
Mars - Taurus
Rising - Cancer

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*lovely*
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posted December 17, 2008 12:53 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Ag, what happened to the Sag gf... you were living with?
That could help send the message if you are already involved with someone else.

"earthling"... lol..hehe

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AcousticGod
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posted December 17, 2008 01:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
That's funny. I started writing this before you asked, lovely. (We didn't live together, though we'd have liked to have.)

quote:
so howz life otherwise, Brother ?
Any plans for marriage or something .

Life is ok. A little difficult, but not too bad.

No plans for marriage. My girlfriend of two years decided to move back to live with her mother. It wasn't a move I could afford to make, and I wasn't sure I wanted to live where her mom lives.

Her and I had a good connection that could have lasted several years, but her nature wasn't steady or settled. She was always battling depression, and searching for some way to feel better about her life. She was easy to love and care for, but she knew no peace.

Usually when you split with someone you can justify to yourself why it wouldn't work. With her, I never really had reason to, because with my Mercury conjunct her Sun we got along quite easily. I don't know if it would have eventually gotten on my nerves that she couldn't find peace, but I didn't really struggle with that while we were together.

No new girlfriend prospects on the horizon.

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taurus/gemini cusp
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posted December 17, 2008 01:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for taurus/gemini cusp     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry about you're recent split AG. I feel like your ex sometimes, (a lot of inner chaos) but I'm hoping I'll chill out as I age....

You're a cool, independent cappy and very generously spirited - it's no wonder she likes you.

But.....

Obviously depending on her other placements, she's still a Taurean! Even if she's thought about it, she probably won't do anything impulsive and as a more mature lady, she's probably wise enough to know where to draw the line. As are you, it would seem. By continuing your friendship, you're not doing anything wrong, as long as you've made it subtly clear where you're at. Being a Bull myself, I bet she gets it!

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taurus/gemini cusp
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posted December 17, 2008 01:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for taurus/gemini cusp     Edit/Delete Message
PS) I reckon it's possible for men and women to have platonic friendship, yeah.

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AcousticGod
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posted December 17, 2008 02:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
It seems like you're mixing my ex with the Taurus. You know they're separate people, right?

My ex was a Sag. She was also older, but only 6 years older.

quote:
Obviously depending on her other placements, she's still a Taurean! Even if she's thought about it, she probably won't do anything impulsive and as a more mature lady, she's probably wise enough to know where to draw the line. As are you, it would seem. By continuing your friendship, you're not doing anything wrong, as long as you've made it subtly clear where you're at. Being a Bull myself, I bet she gets it!

Yeah, me too.

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taurus/gemini cusp
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posted December 17, 2008 02:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for taurus/gemini cusp     Edit/Delete Message
Naw - I definitely meant your Saggie ex!!!

(I have a Uranus singleton in Sag - perhaps responsible for any similar mental turmoil?!)

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AcousticGod
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posted December 17, 2008 02:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
It can't be easy having all of her t-squares, and near Grand Cross in Mutable signs.

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taurus/gemini cusp
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posted December 17, 2008 02:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for taurus/gemini cusp     Edit/Delete Message
Try having one in fixed signs!!! It means I can throw nightmarishly stubborn into the nutter mixture!!!

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AcousticGod
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posted December 17, 2008 02:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message

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katatonic
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posted December 17, 2008 03:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
well i want to weigh in on the positive side of the question here. i know a lot of people have trouble being "just friends" with the opposite sex but that just shows their immaturity in my opinion.

i have and have had several male friends in my life, it never went anywhere and even though SOME of them obviously found me attractive, they never made a move on me OR let it interfere with our friendship.

i find it hard of course to be friends with men who buy into the "its not do-able" belief. because even if i have no designs or desires on them they think i do!! which makes them impossible to deal with whether they fancy me or not...

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katatonic
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posted December 17, 2008 05:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
Acoustic, i just wanted to add that i have had quite a lot of younger men in my life - some my own friends, some my daughter's (that's REALLY younger) - and though i have found many of them attractive enough to KIND OF flirt with, i would never in a million years have been interested in anything more from them!! they are males and attractive but that doesn't mean i want to drag them into my cave...

just to say i wouldn't worry too much about your friend, who probably values your friendship more than your pants...

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