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Author
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Topic: Can straight men and women just be friends?
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AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 3341
From: acousticgod@sbcglobal.net
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 17, 2008 06:31 PM
 
I don't think it has anything to do with sex honestly. She's ok with being done with sex.IP: Logged |
MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 770
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 18, 2008 09:33 AM
Gosh, AG, even the WORST choice I ever made in a person turned out to be a connection worth following that brought me my truest little soul mate. Do you find deep meaningful connections with people who really "get" you every day? Why not follow it? Life is too lonely to turn away gifts. If you really seek to benefit her and avoid hurting her, then why not share you yourself while being honest that there are a couple deal breakers for you. Besides... as much as I agree with everyone about not being able to have that kind of friendship while having a spouse etc. (I have all male friends and I bend over backwards to respect the wife and make it clear I am not attracted to "her man" in that way and there is great distance once they are coupled up, it is the only way. What SunShine said.) I think that if you are meant to teach each other and learn from each other, the compulsion will continue. I don't want to get into a Free Will/Determinism debate but with all of the "crazy" stuff we all talk about on this site, it seems worth considering that some things being "meant to be" (even if it's just for a little while and even if some pain is involved) isn't too far of a stretch. Again, if you are honest with her, she can make her own decisions, you don't have to make her decision for her.
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MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 770
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 18, 2008 09:45 AM
Why not just start with a light hearted, "Well, geez, we get along so great! If it weren't for THIS THIS AND THIS, we would be perfect for each other!" just to get it out there so there is no misunderstanding from the start. If she says, "oh, you would never date someone who is a smoker or 10 years older than you?" you can just say, "yeah, those have always basically been deal-breakers for me". Then she knows what's up and doesn't have any delusions. Later you'll explain further after she's dealt with that information.
I'm with you, btw. I will not have a smoker (who would obviously need to smoke in their own home) living with my daughter. Not happening. I also will not live with a dog. Those are my deal-breakers. There are a few more, but those are beyond firm.
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AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 3341
From: acousticgod@sbcglobal.net
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 18, 2008 11:59 AM
I don't really mind the age. I do sort of mind the experience that comes with that age. My Saggie was 6 years older than me, but like me she'd never been married or had kids, so our experiences were similar. We had the similar sense of freedom and independence. Not so with this thrice married mother of four who can't imagine being away from her family.Also, I mind the age with respect to the fact that she fears her own unhealthful habits may do her in prematurely. While most people don't commit suicide, I do believe that some people make peace with being ready to die, which may invite a situation that allows death to happen. Your suggestion to have that sort of conversation is pretty good, though.  IP: Logged |
MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 770
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 18, 2008 12:40 PM
"While most people don't commit suicide, I do believe that some people make peace with being ready to die, which may invite a situation that allows death to happen."  yeah sad and scary
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katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 4393
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 19, 2008 01:15 PM
what happened to "nothing can harm you without your permission?" doesn't nothing include so-called unhealthy habits??IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 3341
From: acousticgod@sbcglobal.net
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 19, 2008 02:50 PM
Lots of things can harm you without your permission, so I think I'm missing your meaning.IP: Logged |
rbridges18
unregistered
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posted December 19, 2008 08:13 PM
I'm kinda in the same problem but I'm tarus and he's a libra. He is about to go into a divorse withhis cappy wife and I don't want him to sart thinking romanitcaly about me. But I really like him as a friend so I can't just tell him to go away.IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 4393
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 20, 2008 06:43 PM
i don't believe that anything can harm you without your giving permission, conscious or unconscious. the first person i heard say that (or read actually) was eleanor roosevelt, wife of a man crippled and killed by polio..and i don't know how old your lady friend is but what do mean, is done with sex? how old IS she?? or is she just turned off by previous bad experiences?? in any case i think it is more than possible to be friends with the opposite sex - but you have to pick them carefully... IP: Logged |
Isis
Knowflake Posts: 1
From: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: May 2009
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posted December 20, 2008 06:59 PM
Most of my friends are hetero men, and my best friend is a guy who is bi but generally only has relationships w/ women. So I would have to answer unequivocably "yes", straight men and women can just be friends, but it depends on the man and woman in question of course. Even if there is some subtle attraction there I believe people can be good friends in spite of it. IP: Logged |
Heart--Shaped Cross
unregistered
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posted December 20, 2008 11:21 PM
quote:
I also will not live with a dog.
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AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 3341
From: acousticgod@sbcglobal.net
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 22, 2008 10:34 AM
quote:
and i don't know how old your lady friend is but what do mean, is done with sex? how old IS she?? or is she just turned off by previous bad experiences??
I've heard her practically brag about how often she used to have sex with her ex-husbands, but, yeah, now she's done with it. She's 46 I think. It could very well be a body issue. I can't bring myself to give details about that. It just seems disrespectful...even if she'd never see this in a million years. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 4393
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 22, 2008 11:17 AM
i wonder what elizabeth taylor would say to giving up on sex at 46?? speaking of body issues she certainly has some...!!IP: Logged |
Libralove09
Knowflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Oct 2009
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posted December 22, 2008 02:42 PM
i agree with got gemini, but its probably on the GUYS SIDE.as in, if a best friend friend ship develops between a boy/girl, man/woman. one of them is (without telling the other) attracted to them, as far as romantically speaking too. why? because iv became kind of good friends with a girl, and i am/was romantically interested in her. when i realised it wudnt work, i lost interest in friendship with her. (yeh that is a bit shallow, but i couldn't help it). her best friend is a guy, she believes very strongly that he likes her romantically. i think women can probably be best friends with guys without fancying them or having romantic interest. but not the other way round, thats my opinion. IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted December 22, 2008 03:01 PM
"when i realised it wudnt work, i lost interest in friendship with her. (yeh that is a bit shallow, but i couldn't help it)"LibraLove: Did you still have feelings for her though.. IP: Logged |
Libralove09
Knowflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Oct 2009
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posted December 22, 2008 04:19 PM
yeh, not as much though. and those feelings will hopefully go when i find interest in some one else.i think this is a genuine problem with me, because i have 7th in aquarius. becoming like friends with the romantic interest is key, it sits well with my venus libra, which is conjunct my mercury which is in virgo, both of these planets in house III, on the virgo cusp. so very communcative. unfortunately, my mars and mercury virgo refuse to send the signals that are probably needed for a girl to recognize i wan't her. ughr.. so they end up probably thinking i just want to be friends, but i do make a move if i think they like me or have that interest in me, if i can't detect it, i don't pursue them as my interest anymore, even if i still like them. IP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted December 22, 2008 04:26 PM
"yeh, not as much though. and those feelings will hopefully go when i find interest in some one else."Well of course it usually happens that way.. I think this is a genuine problem with me, because i have 7th in aquarius. becoming like friends with the romantic interest is key," I understand that, but if the love you feel for a person is real and genuine regardless of how shallow you may be it won't go away just like that..
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Libralove09
Knowflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Oct 2009
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posted December 22, 2008 04:30 PM
you are right mama mia, in my case with her, it shouldn't be a problem.i was never 100% sure if she liked me in a romantic interest way, sometimes i thought she was, but very quickly this opinion would change. Maybe due to venus opposing uranus? (i hate this fkn aspect, being the venus person in particular..) she put me off, she turned out to be a VERY shallow person in what love is about. she had more interest in money than love. IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake Posts: 60
From: Royal Oak, MI USA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted July 09, 2010 01:37 PM
I'm bringing this up to the top again...It's a good question  One I'm pondering right now myself... IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Moderator Posts: 3676
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 09, 2010 02:37 PM
Absolutely!My BFF, now deceased, was with me for 25 years. Sex free! Nobody ever believed us when we said we were just friends.
But that's how people are sometimes.
GAWD, I miss him. IP: Logged |
Diana
Knowflake Posts: 1937
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 09, 2010 04:44 PM
No, they can't. Only under very rare conditions can they be.
One person always will end up wanting more.
That said, I've been platonic friends with someone for 20+ years, but there was always an attraction on both sides. We never acted on it except once many many years ago.
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WinkAway
Knowflake Posts: 687
From: here, there & everywhere
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 13, 2010 01:34 PM
possible, but rare.. IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake Posts: 60
From: Royal Oak, MI USA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted July 13, 2010 03:43 PM
Wink Away, I'm curious why you said: "possible but rare"?What are your experiences with platonic male/female friendships? IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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