posted March 31, 2009 01:02 PM         

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There is NO REASON for you to have let it go this far without telling him outright, directly, firmly and clearly and KINDLY and probably more than once: "I don't feel a romantic connection to you."

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Yes, there is Lucia. And I stated why above. We all handle things differetnly. He is not stupid either.

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There's nothing kind about responding to someone crossing your boundaries by passive-aggressively trying to ignore him.

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Lucia, it's not quite that plain and simple. I could spend a few hours here writing everything out but I wont. I'm not passively-aggressively completely ignoring him either.

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There's nothing kind about accepting flowers from a man you are not interested in with a "thank you." Flowers in that situation are no gift--they're a question, or a demand, depending on how you look at it.

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He knows what's going on in my life and passed the flowers on as more of a "hope you feel better soon' kind of thing. At least, that was the excuse. They were a little over the top. But also knew that I would call to say thank you. The day they were delivered are nights he always has off and he knew I would have to call him and then he could ask me to go out that night. Which he did and I realilzed what was going on.

He isnt as nice to other females (even ones he was dating) as he is to me. And i dont like that. He's put me on a pedestal for some reason and keeps putting me back up no matter how hard i try stepping down.

It's not as simple as saying i'm passively aggressively ignoring him. But I know myself and the situation, Lucia, you only understand it in a nutshell. Was I supposed to drive the flowers back to the shop? He, like other guys in the past have, would then pull the, 'it was just a nice gesture - i know we are just friends' thing. This has happened with him and others before.

Out of the one of two things that is going on that you wrote:
#1 Yes.
#2 I have a very hard time believing that. I've been quite clear. He's now taking advantage of the fact that i just wont come out and say it and thinking my mind will change. I don't appreciate that.

posted March 31, 2009 01:53 PM         

Good luck with the whole thing, stick to your guns and know that it's better to just be as honest as possible.

I hope it can be resolved to the best way possible.

posted March 31, 2009 09:20 PM         

We are doing the best we can, arent we?

posted March 31, 2009 11:22 PM         

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Was I supposed to drive the flowers back to the shop? He, like other guys in the past have, would then pull the, 'it was just a nice gesture - i know we are just friends' thing. This has happened with him and others before.

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Nah, keep the flowers, but use them (or gestures like that) as an opportunity to say. "Thank you for the flowers! I appreciate the gesture, but I wanted you to know that it made me feel a little uncomfortable, because lately I feel like you're interested in something romantic happening between us. I don't feel a romantic connection, and I want to just be friends."

He can say, "Oh, me too! I just sent the flowers as a frieldly blah blah blah etc"

You can say, "Oh, GOOD! I'm so glad, because I don't feel a romantic connection, but I love our friendship, and I just want us to be friends."

You say he's not stupid, and I believe it. I really think it's not clear ENOUGH that you're not attracted to him.

Another thought: it's sooo easy for men to put women who don't want them at all on a pedestal, because we don't exhibit ANY of the qualities that are real turn-offs to most men of all 12 signs--neediness, yearning, desperation. I know some women are ultra-independent even in love, but ALL of us are wonderful and "perfect" when we don't have anything invested in a guy. That's probably why he has a special pedestal for you with no room on it for women who actually want him.

I've attracted quite a few Taurus and Virgo guys who I loved as friends but wasn't attracted to (I have Cap rising and Eros in Taurus and Moon-Venus-Sat in Cancer), and they just thought I was soooo laid-back and gentle and sweet and wonderful. And I'm completely NOT that way with guys I'm romantically involved with--I get clingy and Cancerian and moody!

If the two of you did try to have a real romantic relationship, the power dynamics would likely change.