posted May 30, 2009 09:36 PM         

frustration & irritation @ my own posting stagnantion.

in the last two days I have attempted to send the SAME update to this thread AT LEAST 5 times and it WILL NOT GO THROUGH. I finally had the sense to save the post on the computer I borrowed. my computer went 4 repair & should b ready by Monday night. i'll try AGAIN then. Tuesday (@ 1:15 am) begins my birthday.

I miss talking to you guys. I REALLY want to share the latest tidbits with ya. let's 4ward 2 bing back on track by Monday night.

until then, pouting but as ALWAYS, I wish you all

posted June 01, 2009 11:21 PM         

This is a "test" of the Gemini who has been battling her internet access system. If the test comes to a positive conclusion (meaning it actaully goes through) you will be instructed to join me in doing my world (of one) famous happy dance. You are free to add your own twist - but dancing by all is mandatory. I'm hitting submit.

This will conclude the test.

posted June 03, 2009 09:28 PM         

Just in from work. I'm getting the kids settled for bed. Then, FINALLY, I'll be able to give the full update.

We've got a lot of catching up to do........

posted June 04, 2009 12:55 PM         

I posted a LOOONNNGG reply last night. it's not here. I don't know what to do anymore.

posted June 04, 2009 01:51 PM         

After you wrote your book and clicked "submit" did you get a white screen??
That means there's either too many smilies or too much text.
Sometimes clicking the Back arrow on your browser will bring you back to the LL-text-box so you can make corrections and try submitting again. Sometimes not.
After losing some of the most scintillating, profound, fabulously-erudite posts I have ever written in my life to the White Screen of Death, now I compose in Word then copy it into the LL-text-box.

posted June 05, 2009 12:27 AM         

Ok. Thanks for the info. I am definetly getting the white screen too much text but at this point I can't cut it down. What I CAN do is send it instead in a "series". With just the minute of edits, it is all one post. Here goes:

posted June 05, 2009 12:31 AM         

WARNING: If you do not speak Gemini you will be unable to read this post. I could not begin to rethink and restructure the many times I came here to share my thoughts. AS you will read, I started having the sense to save the attempts after a point, so that is where we shall begin.

"Orginal Post"

Ahhh. Ladies,Ladies, Ladies (and possibly a Gentleman or two).

I may start in the middle and work my way out and around on this so excuse if this post reads like bad Pulp Fiction screenplay. OK....

(Just an interesting footnote)I couldn't mention from my phone yesterday, but ironically the same friend/brother that gave me Mr. Cancer's number is the same guy who just betrayed him. Turned out the guy was stealing from him. He looked a little taken aback when I mentioned that's how I got his number again.

Mr. Cancer also mentioned how much he trusts me which I think is another positive check in my favor (from any guy, but ESPECIALLY a Cancer who keeps getting hurt by those closest to him.)

I got a better read on his astrological stats but not as concrete as I think it has to be for a chart. He was born July 15, 1983 in Brooklyn, NY. He didn't know his time of birth, only that it was "mid afternnon" (his remembers his mom telling him she almost had him in the cab on the way to the hospital). Is this enough info to examine his attributes a little closer?

Zala, I was born June 2, 1977 (another Snake here) at 1:15am in Plainfield, NJ.

Anything that can be shared based on the above info you KNOW will be unconditionally appreciated. (For the record, I have already been rightly accused of being a strange little puzzle more often than not in this lifetime so you can feed it to me as raw as sushi.)

I too, am a memebr of the authenticity fanclub and I don't plan on losing my membership ever so I will continue to be me. Yipee!!!!!

posted June 05, 2009 12:40 AM         

Zala,

quote:

{I’m ambivalent about this bit….. First, the “wanting to be a good provider” thing is commendable and admirable. But letting that get in the way of becoming closer to someone you feel a connection with sucks!! Exactly where **is** that point of “achieving all that he feels he should have”?? When will he know?? Will he **ever** achieve all that he feels he should have?? What if he’s 55 when he finally feels like he’s “achieved all he feels he should have”?? Why put life and love on hold like that?? There needs to be ~BALANCE~ in life, saith the Libran :-D}

Zala, once again you've read my mind and posted the transcript. I wanted to say all of this (and more) to him. But we had a few vollies back and forth and I didn't want to push (any harder than I already was). I could see how torn he was AND I knew from looking at him (as you also pointed out), that if I pushed to hard for too long that he would either snap or retreat so I had to be "satisfied" with the few remarks I was able to get in about what really matters to me and leave it at (for now). I figured since we might see each other this weekend AND my birthday is just around the corner that speading time with him would be the best way to make my point. I can show him how nice it can be to be with me better than even I could express in words. If we do get together it will be on Sunday. He may still be out in Brooklyn visiting family so we just have to wait and see how that plays out.

quote:

(He came to my office yesterday (sans cookies ), walked in and said, “Hi Princess” and closed the door!! We yakked for at least 20 minutes (I finally have a chart, yippee yippee!!!!!!!!).)

YEAH ZALA!!!!!!! I'm SO happy to hear this. I knew our charms could not be sidestepped indefinetly. Will having the chart help you to figure out the best way to navigate your interactions with him or...

(AND THAT's THE END OF WHAT WAS SAVED.I will strive to recreate the remaining post starting now

...is it more like getting to take a peak in someones window - you can see in but you can't control/affect what you see?

I like to think that he didn't bring the cookie just so he would have another reason to come back to the office and see you sooner than later. And you can't convince me otherwise!

posted June 05, 2009 12:44 AM         

OOOHHHH....I remember also that Mr. Cancer said another reason he couldn't(/wouldn't) commit at this time is becasue he is very emotional and he didn't want to put me through that. ( I almost fell off my internal chair but I held as steady as I looked on the outside, though INSIDE I was thinking: YOU ARE A CANCER MALE, when WON'T you be emotional???) I told him to remember he was saying this to a Gemini - I'm as likely to ride the emotional rollercoaster as I am to offer to share my seat so someone else can take a spin too. He acknowledge, but also said it is still a bit different. In retrospect, I am wondering if he may be catching up on his astrology as well because that is exactly the case from my readings of Geminis and Cancers. Hmmmmmm....

He texted me last night and said: "It was definetly good seeing you. If I don't go to Brooklyn this weekend, I'll go to the bamboo forest with you." (That's a spot I mentioned to him during his last visit, it's an actual forest.)

My birthday is Tuesday so I am actually thinking that I might just suggest we wait until then to meet. I've made appointments to get my hair flat ironed ( a RARE treat), along with a day at the spa on Tuesday. We would meet after that.

And one last thing. You HAVE to excuse my tacky french. I couldn't resist attempting to blow the dust off of it here when I discovered l'affection de mon ami pour la langue.

J'adore le français mais j'étais la seule personne que je connaissais qui l'a étudié - et c'était si jadis.

Je promets de m'améliorer, mais faire pas me cherchent pour arrêter cet anytime bientôt.

OK. Il est fini.

Paix

p.s. I have since checked the forum you mentioned Zala....ehhhhh....it may become my cup of tea in the future but for now I'll just play the voyeur and let the others blow the steam.

And that concludes all the attempts I saved, then cut and pasted together. That weekend along with my birthday have come and gone. My birthday was GLORIOUS!!!! I thoughouly pampered myself and had a great evening/morning(didn't get home until close to 5am- that's SO not my world anymore but it was on my birthday and I LOVED it).

posted June 05, 2009 12:52 AM         

None of the above took place with Mr. Cancer. Never saw him.

He worked a 12 hour shift from 3am to 3pm the day of my birthday and when he called me as soon as he got off I could literally hear his body screaming for sleep. He sounded bad. He said he was gonna take a nap and then get up and go out with me. I was in no rush as I was in the middle of my spa day and totally knew he wasn't capable of functioning in his condition. I also knew from my own ecperience that when one is as tired as that - there is no such thinga as a nap- its SLEEPTIME.

I also had the good sense to have a backup plan. A friend of mine (male Sagatarius) was going to a music competition in Philly in the evening and invited me along. And it worked out perfectly with all the wonderful things I spent the day doing solely for myself for a change. I finished my last treat and my friend pulled up to pick me up and off we went. Mr. Cancer had said he would call when he woke up but I never heard from him. I didn't really expect to though.

During that one conversation we had on my birthday I also found out that it was also his Grandmother's birthday. He's as close to her as he is his mother. Is that good for me (or creepy)?

He got real emotional during our conversation. He was upset because he was so tired but he wanted to spend time with me. He said he thought I must be starting to think he was just coming up with excuses because all these bad timing situations keep preventing the majority of our plans. I reassured him that I understand what he is up against right now and that I admure his drive. I reminded him that his health and well being are the bigger priority and that he really needed to get his rest. I told him that when our time finally comes it'll be just as fantastic as all of the other times and because it isn't as often as either of us would like we will appreciate it even more when it finally happens. He was eventually calmed. His awe at my very existence only magnified. I left him mesmerized but step with me now into the reality of what was really going on.

posted June 05, 2009 12:55 AM         

On no other day,on God's green earth, would I be capable of being so nonchallant to a conversation that developed into the cancellation of major plans I had with anyone, let alone the person responsible for me losing my posting virginity at the tender age of 31. (Ah, I remember 31 like it's just a few yesterdays away.) But on my birthday there's a natural mystic in the air....I don't get upset. I just fully embrace life and the day as it comes and remain determined to have a killer time no matter what I do - even if I am sitting at home. And so it is. Besides,I knew the track record with our get togethers as it was so it really wasn't the shcking news of the day. (Finding out it was also his Grandmother's birthday got a bigger reaction from me.)

He came by after work today. (no more 12 hour shifts for now) He stayed for about an hour. He was happy to see me. He was also stressed by the multiple text messages he got during his visit, which were why he said he was unable to stay longer. We made what has become our routine attempt to make tentitive plans for an upcoming weekend. I hold no specific hope for the timing of our next encounter. I'm pretty confident there will be another one but I think we all can see I'm working on about a 33% success rate for physical meetings. (I may be being generous.)

He really seemed so much more at peace and happy when we were talking vs when he was dealing with what was going on on his phone and his family issues. He said he was gonna stop by again after work tomorrow around the same time. We'll see if he actually makes it or not. (Editor's Note: He did not.)

I do still think his intentions are genuine. He's got a HUGE edge over 99% of my past relationships though because looking at this on a deeper astrological level has really helped me digest so many of the alternative reactions that could (would) have come spewing out of me otherwise.

...more

posted June 05, 2009 12:59 AM         

It really is unfortunate that I can't spend more time with him. It takes so much to get him out of the shell. But when he is out I would almost describe him as relieved. He takes on so much responsibility for his inner circle. It puts an incredible admittedly self-induced pressure on him. But I can see that he enjoys having the opportunity to just relax when we are together. I also see him exposing more of the emotions he has at play. I do not judge. Who am I too raise brow at a mood that likes to ride the see-saw? My mood has been seen on more than a few occassions running at top speed into the playgroung screaming "THE SWINGS ARE ALL MINE!!!". Do you think I am insane for actually thinking it is a good sign because it means he is starting to feel comfortable enough around me to let his guard down?

Well my friends,now I finally feel we are all back on the same page. I hope that after all the delay you do not feel reading all this was in vain. I'm possibly delusional but I still think there is hope here. If you convert Gemini eternities back to standard time (a practice I rarely participate in myself, but for the sake of this conversation I will indulge) it's not been THAT long that all this "Reflect"tion has been taking place.

So I'm holding on. To my thoughts that start with happy. And a back-up copy of this post.

Until next time,

posted June 05, 2009 03:45 AM         

sounds like he REALLY likes you. for a cancer to MAKE a lot of plans, i think, is a really terrific sign. nevermind his poor followthrough; that's the crab dance for ya. i had a thing for a cancer a couple of years ago that didn't pan out and i must say they do confuse me, however i'd also take it as a wonderful sign that he WANTS to be able to provide for you. i agree completely that somehow you have to unstick his mind from his perceived necessity of this, though. that seems like the big looming obstacle, and also, possibly, like self sabotage. from what i know of cancers, though, these things are slooooow going. just keep reassuring him. they love that stuff.

posted June 05, 2009 10:44 PM         

quote:

---

YEAH ZALA!!!!!!! I'm SO happy to hear this. [re: Cancerian-Martian’s chart] I knew our charms could not be sidestepped indefinetly. Will having the chart help you to figure out the best way to navigate your interactions with him or....is it more like getting to take a peak in someones window - you can see in but you can't control/affect what you see?

---

quote:

---

OOOHHHH....I remember also that Mr. Cancer said another reason he couldn't(/wouldn't) commit at this time is becasue he is very emotional and he didn't want to put me through that.

---

quote:

---

Je promets de m'améliorer, mais faire pas me cherchent pour arrêter cet anytime bientôt.

---

quote:

---

During that one conversation we had on my birthday I also found out that it was also his Grandmother's birthday. He's as close to her as he is his mother. Is that good for me (or creepy)?

---

quote:

---

He got real emotional during our conversation. He was upset because he was so tired but he wanted to spend time with me. He said he thought I must be starting to think he was just coming up with excuses because all these bad timing situations keep preventing the majority of our plans. I reassured him that I understand what he is up against right now and that I admure his drive. I reminded him that his health and well being are the bigger priority and that he really needed to get his rest. I told him that when our time finally comes it'll be just as fantastic as all of the other times and because it isn't as often as either of us would like we will appreciate it even more when it finally happens. He was eventually calmed. His awe at my very existence only magnified.

---

quote:

---

Do you think I am insane for actually thinking it is a good sign because it means he is starting to feel comfortable enough around me to let his guard down?

---

What a wonderful update!! Thanks for sharing the proceedings with us ;-))
For my part, I got an unexpected visit from the Martian this morning just before lunch, and we had another lovely chat in my office. I found out some AMAZING things, such as, the state flower of Minnesota is the pink lady slipper and that it grows in shaded forests!! I am much the richer for this kind of invaluable information, who knows what kind of gameshows I might be the winning contestant on in the future!! ;-D

posted June 06, 2009 01:53 AM         

Woah City: Wow. Really? You think he REALLY likes me based on the insanity I have posted here? Thank you for that. It is nice to think I am not just imagining this connection I feel we are developing in spite of all that seems set on disrupting it. I will do as you advise and continue to reassure and compliment him. It does seem to help.

quote:

---

however I'd also take it as a wonderful sign that he WANTS to be able to provide for you. I agree completely that somehow you have to unstick his mind from his perceived necessity of this, though. that seems like the big looming obstacle, and also, possibly, like self sabotage. from what I know of cancers, though, these things are slooooow going.

---

Slow? Who you telling' sister! *smiles* But you do raise an interesting possibility that I never thought of: self sabotage. I guess he could. Not my scene anymore but there were definitely points in my past that I did just such things when was a little younger and not as conscious of the fact that I am entitled to genuine happiness as I am now. He's 6 years my junior and I know that even though it wasn't that long ago I have become a different person at 32 than I was at 26. (He is still way more mature than I was fully willing to be at his age -God that sounds weird "when I was his age".) I don’t know…

We see each other so rarely that I haven't gotten to ask more than a handful of the questions I really want answers to. I try as much as possible to keep our time together light. I don't want him finding out from first hand experience that I am one of the top interrogators on the planet when I want to be. But what I want more in this case is to find out what happens when I take it slow. True, it is not by my hand that this was the only option that was dealt, but as I mentioned early on in this post, I presented myself to the universe as someone who has no patience but who also was striving to obtain that very thing. And in walks Mr. Cancer. Even if I don’t end up with him, I know I am going to get something out of this experience. Already, I found this site trying to better understand him and it turned out to be a blessing to towards better understanding me.

Crabclaw, it is unfortunate in your case to find out just how accurate the stars can be at telling where we are at points in our lives. I will that future forecasts tell of brighter days. A HUGH THANK YOU for the Cancer Male perspective. I have thought of cooking but it’s tricky right now because our encounters are never guaranteed and my current vision is still to introduce his soul to my lasagna (YES. it IS. THAT. GOOD.) that is prepared over hours from scratch and prefers to present itself almost immediately once out of the oven. The first supper can be as telling as the last. I can’t think of an adequate substitute. But I’m a foodie so maybe if we could just get ourselves to a restaurant…

I really do appreciate all the different perspectives I get here.

I’ll be back when something else happens. And I’m gonna learn how to make my posts shorter.

posted June 06, 2009 02:52 AM         

Zala, I haven’t refreshed my browser in some time so I just saw your post.

Mr. Cancer was born in the Brooklyn that is one of the five boroughs so I’m pretty sure that’s Kings County.

quote:

---

Oh for Heavens Sake!!!!
When does he plan to become more stoic – has he set a date for that goal to be reached too?? ;-D

---

I agree he is going a tad overboard with the idea that I must be somehow shielded from his emotional state(s), but I’ll allow him a few delusions of his own for now. As you noticed, I can be prone to having my own.

quote:

---

For my part, I got an unexpected visit from the Martian this morning just before lunch, and we had another lovely chat in my office. I found out some AMAZING things, such as, the state flower of Minnesota is the pink lady slipper and that it grows in shaded forests!! I am much the richer for this kind of invaluable information, who knows what kind of gameshows I might be the winning contestant on in the future!! ;-D

---

I’m such a fan of random tidbits of information. Count me in as a lifeline if you find yourself in the hotseat!

It’s good to be back.

Peace

PS. The fire is contained. Healing light inside its flame. Will not seek to warm the water past the feel of summer rain.

posted June 07, 2009 11:06 AM         

second , i am somewhat sure on this - he doesn't want to show his vulnerabilities to you still . i mean , he might be serious about you but he doesn't want to show his emotional dependency , inother words he wants you to know he can be very comfortable without you too (incase something untoward happens between you two ) thats the reason behind his gaps of communication .
Actually all this is more about him than you , by doing all this he is just trying to reassure himself of his ability to handle any untoward emotional turmoil .
the infamous defence meachnism , if you remember

posted June 07, 2009 02:18 PM         

Hey sm, good insight. I will try to keep it in mind when I speak to him that he may be just as concerned with getting his feelings hurt as I am.

We talked yesterday. We MIGHT see each other today. I'm not pouring concrete on these plans though.

In the mean time, I'm enjoying a day off. Gonna take my son and daughter to get (another) pet goldfish. Only one of the first three we got last weekend made it through the night so "Dorothy" (as my daughter tells me is HIS name) is lonely and in need of a buddy to swim with. I can at least make sure one of us has someone to hang out with.

I'll have (probably another diasppointing) update tonight.

posted June 08, 2009 05:55 AM         

well it is just my impression that if a cancer is making any advances, even if only theoretical, then he MUST have some feelings. they aren't fond of risk, so this is what my intuition tells me. also his sidestepping regarding his emotions and desire to take care of you indicates to me that his deeper DESIRE runs in that direction (toward you) but he's just doing the typically exasperating cancer dance (well this is my experience of them, which is limited!). what i mean is, i think if he wasn't interested, he would not bother at all. that is not to say it will be easy to pry him out of his shell. in fact, i would advise against it!! but i think with enough time and patience he will learn to feel safe with you and things can move forward. when i was interested in a cancer i read several old threads here on LL (LEXX directed me to them, there are quite a few from a while back) and it can take them an EXTRAORDINARILY long time (and cause a lot of confusion) before they feel ready or good (or whatever) enough to commit. not exactly encouraging, but at least you know he fits the pattern!

posted June 10, 2009 01:24 AM         

Hi everybody. So I wish I had more exciting news but I think we have all come to the general consensus that I have boarded a train that may or may not arrive at a romantic destination at some point in this lifetime and even if it does........it's taking the scenic route (on the way it will be making stops at confusion and restlessness).

woah city, it is easy to agree with you when I am face to face with Mr. Cancer - at those moments even though he has reasons for not wanting to make this some sort of official relationship he does make me feel like he does like me. He has made little comments like "I would NEVER cheat on you" and on one of our earliest dates as we were riding home he said something about love which I didn't quite catch - but he did quickly follow it up with the words " I guess it's too soon to be talking like that" as he looked at me quickly from the corner of his eye. It’s just these spells in between when the text messages aren’t always returned and the plans are often not followed through on that I resume questioning the validity of pursuing this.

It’s dangerous for me….the whole “don’t pry” thing. I understand it. I KNOW it is the best way to handle this. But sometimes this Gemini goes on automatic pilot without intention and in that mode I tend to push and pry. It’s a big challenge for me.

And I TOTALLY want to cook for him. The trick is making sure he shows up for the lasagna. If I spend half the day cooking something from scratch and he doesn’t show up I might lose it. Seeing that side come out of me would most likely dissolve any chance of this developing further. Also, I would be renting a space to share this “home cooked” meal with him (the money is not the issue)…..I don’t want to invite any male over my house who is not my children’s father – I’m just not ready to bring that energy into their home until I really think it is coming from someone who will be around for more than an eat and run.

We didn’t meet on Sunday. He said he would call but that ended up being around 8 at night. I had called him prior but got no answer. When we did speak he asked why did I call when he told me he was going to. We were still in middle of conversation when he asked if he could call me back in a few minutes. Never did.

He was silent from then until last night. He text goodnight. (I text the same to him first.)

I’m gonna do as Zala suggested early on and that is to lay off the text for a while. I want to say it will give him a chance to miss me but off course I wonder if he will even be able to see I am gone from so deep down in that shell.

Zala , any luck with the chart of he or I (or "us")? I bet I have an idea what it’s already trying to tell me but I would love to be told more accurately from a better knower such as yourself.

Let the text blackout begin!