posted May 10, 2009 01:04 AM         

I'm hoping to get some feedback on my current situation (bare with me , I'm a talker, but I swear this is going somewhere):

I've been working on my patience in general for the last few months, but also been moving forward after finally accepting that the almost 5 year relationship I had with a Pisces Male was going in the wrong direction.

I recently met a Cancer Male, he is the youngest person I have ever been attracted to (he's 25, I'm 31[and 11months]. He behaves almost exactly as many of the descriptions of Cancer Males I have read on this site so I know that my "patience practice" is going to be put to the test on this one.

I guess what I'm really looking for is advice on the best way for a Gemini Female who thinks her ascending sign is Pisces to keep this Cancer Male interested in her from afar.

Both of us have extremely full schedules right now. We hit it off famously when we were able to go on a few dates (we've kissed) but our main communication currently is texting (which I initiate 99% of the time - of course). He does share his feelings and what's going on in his personal life (naturally centered around his family).

I just want to make sure that while the connection is too far to look him in the eyes or cook him a lasagna that will change his life, that it is none the less maintained. I am NOTORIOUS for going from one long term (as in years)relationship to the next so this whole "courting" thing is new to me...though strangely intriguing.

He's a real good guy, and I've finally figured out that I'm over the "bad boys" and I'd like to have a good buy in my life. Moving slow is strangely appealing to me and also driving me insane but I think it might be worth the temporary insanity. Any feedback will be deeply appreciated.

Ok. I'll shut up...for now. *smiles while exhaling*

posted May 10, 2009 10:57 AM         

quote:

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. . . I am NOTORIOUS for going from one long term (as in years) relationship to the next so this whole "courting" thing is new to me...though strangely intriguing . . .
He's a real good guy, and I've finally figured out that I'm over the "bad boys" and I'd like to have a good guy in my life. Moving slow is strangely appealing to me and also driving me insane but I think it might be worth the temporary insanity.

---

PS: Loved your "lasagna that would change his life" comment

posted May 13, 2009 01:11 AM         

Thank you for the reply and the encouraging words. It's always nice to know someone can relate. And I look forward to hearing that the "young man" you are interested in turns out to be a Prince.

I (pretend to) remain pateint with Mr. Cancer. Though I am not sure if things are still moving in the "right" direction. I've been texting as I mentioned (usally a Good Morning or a Good Night). Two days ago when I texted him he was at the gym and he texted back when he was complete. I made a joke about "make sure you don't neglect the legs" (we had talked on one of our dates about how some guys focus so much on the upper bady that they end up with a stunning torso and chicken legs). He texted back that he was on it. THEN I made a joke that maybe the reason I don't get to see him too much is because he has chicken legs and doesn't want me to see them. I did mention to him I was JUST KIDDING. He didn't respond and never responded to my Good Night that night either. I didn't text at all today and I didn't hear from him.

Have I offended him? I meant no harm, was trying to keep it light , though I do admnit I was hoping it would get us face to face sooner than later. Should I continue my Morning and Night texts or should I just back up? (AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!)

How do I get him out of that shell?

In the back of my mind I fear that I am texting up the wrong tree. I've read some of the Cancer Males's love forecast for 2009 and it says it's not a good time for him to be in a relationship due to personal/family isues. And from talking to him (without admitting I've been "reading up" on him) I hear him talking alot about things that indicate just that (the personal issues not the part about a relationship). Good guy bad year I guess.

When he found out I was a Gemini he said he wasn't surprised because all of his exes are Geminis.

Well, I don't esaily admit defeat (though I do find myself staring at just that possibility like it's a baby gorilla expeciencing a growth spurt in the middle of my mental china shop). I'm not ready to walk away but I am keeping in mind that he may never actually come out and say he is no longer interested in me but instead will hope I take the hint. (Did he just give me the hint?)

We both already know I'm gonna text him Good Morning tomorrow....

Thumbs extended & fingers crossed,

posted May 13, 2009 09:24 AM         

BUT, the main reason I wrote is to tell you that I loved this:

"cook him a lasagna that will change his life"

and that is the kind of line perfect for an astrology book.

I see Zala already noticed the great line.

And Hello Gemini Girl "I reflect"! I enjoy your rambling (another Libra here, Zala too) and will probably have to reply to more of it since I enjoy reading it so I hereby dub you Reflect for short. hehe

posted May 13, 2009 11:23 PM         

quote:

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a baby gorilla expeciencing a growth spurt in the middle of my mental china shop

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I dunno, Mel – I don’t necessarily think he was offended by the “chickenlegs” comment, especially if they were joking about it before….. perhaps he was taken aback, thinking “oh no, does she really think I have chickenlegs??”

Were I you, IR, I might slow down a bit on the texting – maybe only once a day
And give him a few days off from time to time – so he can miss you and your texts and your fabulous wit

posted May 14, 2009 03:49 AM         

This just in: So....after “much deliberation” on my part I twisted my own rubber arms with matching thumbs and sent him a text. Did you really expect any differently?

He said he was gonna stop by my shop when he got off work but three hours after the time I thought he might arriveand there was still no sight or sound from him I called. He was on the side of the rode missing one specific tool to change his flat tire himself so he was waiting for a tow truck to bring it to him.

I: 1. Expressed my sympathy for his situation. 2. Suggested we postpone the visit for a less stressed day . He suggested the next day but I am unable as I have a proir commitment that is unbreakable. (In my mind I even tried - I shot at it with every possible scenario and found it impenetrable.) We chatted for a few minutes and ended on a positive note. Oh…. did I forget to mention that I couldn’t resist asking him why he didn’t call to let me know about the delay even though I already know he does not move like me when it comes to the communication initiation. He puffed his chest and said he was gonna drive over with the donut on his car as soon as the tow truck came.

Why can ‘t every package of common sense come with the application brush I always seem to need when it comes to deciding when it would be better to let some things go without making a vocal comment on my end. (But I swear it feels like my head will actually pop off if my point is not on record or my questions go unasked. Seriously, you guys.) I knew what to do and not to do and yet I still went ahead and did what I do and opened my big mouth. I told him not to do something so unnecessary as chancing damage to his car by driving into town on the donut to show me he was sincere because I trust him (though I may have forgot to add the wee little fact that I have been posting our every interaction in summary or in whole for the last 3 days at the door of those in the “KNOW” and asking if their critical analysis can come out and play with my little scenarios).

Reading the way this would play out before and even as it is happening does nothing to desensitize this Gemini to the actual experience of the bite. I know he’s moving in his own sideways fashion, (pretending? to be) oblivious to my desire to move FORWARD. He may be ruled by the moon but it feels more like he is the moon and I am the water he draws in. I wonder at this moment if I am also attracted to the challenge of the situation? He is a complex puzzle to unravel. However I strive not to lose interest once this riddle has been solved. Right now he’s totally got me and I’m truly hoping he’s moving in the right direction to keep me. We shall (EVVVEEEENNNTUAAALLLLY) see…

P.e.a.c.e.,

IReflect

P.S.

Mel, Zala is right, I don’t think it was the chicken leg comment that made him go back into his shell…but I do think it was probably the part about him not coming around much. He had some family and financial troubles in the last couple months that he is just coming out of and I think he is a little sensitive about letting someone new in after such recent trust issues in his inner circle AND also not always being able to do “something special” as he likes to put it even though I’ve made it clear I am just as happy with a walk in a beautiful park. I have since given him a good (none over)dose of praise though to make sure there is no question I think he is one of the best things since sliced bread.

And Zala, you are ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON with the cutting down on the texting comment. I know it’s rather hard to tell from the brevity of my posts here *leans in and whispers while nodding* but sometimes I start talking or texting and it’s like I can’t stop……

But I vow to do my best to keep my texting compulsion to once and a (maybe a few) whiles. That only applies to him, you do realize. Right? *I look at you with a cheesy grin that says “come on, throw a girl a bone here”*

posted May 18, 2009 03:01 AM         

I've slowed down and finally realized what was staring me in the heart the entire time:

The universe has given me exactly what I need right now. I'm not ready for another relationship. I need to focus on myself. There is no need to rush into anything with anyone at this moment in my life. It's comforting enought to know that I can attract the attention of a good guy and when the time and place are right everything else will fall into place.

I'm not giving up on him. But I am done analying him. He knows where I am and if he decides to move in a direction that will bring him closer to me so be it. Until then, I'm gonna "control" what I can: me.

It's seems one never gets to old to go a little boy crazy from time to time. But now it's time to get back to reality. Thanks again for the support and friendly advice everyone.

I will continue to Reflect,

posted May 18, 2009 03:20 AM         

Me, too! Don't mean to hijack your thread, IReflect!

posted May 18, 2009 11:22 PM         

Let's Dance: no worries. Threads are merely the strings that connect us and I am happy to share a connection with you! I'm gonna check out your post as well...

And now I REALLY have to hope he "comes around" in time. I lost my cell phone (actually think my Pisces ex stole) and I don't have Mr. Cancer's number memorized or stored elsewhere so unless he reached out to me, he's gone forever....

(The universe is really set on keeping me on track it seems.)

posted May 19, 2009 08:42 PM         

Your thread is a little intimidating, LetsDance It would take quite awhile for me to catch up with 270 posts

I have yet to meet up with my Cancerian Martian -- we talk on the phone 3 or 4 times a week, but I seldom see him (we are coworkers). But he says soon he'll be coming in the office because we have to sit down and go over our cost code listings. He said he'd bring me a sucker, but I said I'd rather have a cookie, and he said, "Done!"

posted May 19, 2009 11:10 PM         

LetsDance, I too tried to catch up with your post but my ADD (or my Gemini) kicked in and I was unable to read the entire post. From what I did read it sounds like overall he is a good guy and being that I am the newest member of the Cancer Bandwagon I'd say stick with him. Honestly, I'm starting to think that the Cancer Male may actually be the holy grail to relationship happiness. Keep me posted from time to time here if you can LetsDance.

Zala, willing all is well with you. Yes, it is out of my hands and as you may have noticed, not having control of the situation could really "send me over the edge". But in my heart I know it is a push that will eventually allow me (and any realtionship I enter) to soar. (Why can't it all be as easy for the mind to master and the heart to accept as it is for the hand to type though???? :eek

Quote:

____________________________________________
I have yet to meet up with my Cancerian Martian -- we talk on the phone 3 or 4 times a week, but I seldom see him (we are coworkers). But he says soon he'll be coming in the office because we have to sit down and go over our cost code listings. He said he'd bring me a sucker, but I said I'd rather have a cookie, and he said, "Done!"
____________________________________________

Is there something with Cancers and lollipops? During one of our dates Mr. Cancer mentioned how much he LOVES tootsie pops. I responsed " I know what I'm gonna be next Halloween then." He liked that idea VERY much!

Quote:

_________________________________________

I've been waiting a long time to get accurate birth stats -- I have the day, but not sure about the year and don't have time or birthplace. The subject will be oh-so-casually raised when we meet
__________________________________________

I have been thinking of a casual way to pull that info out of Mr. Cancer too. I definetly will wait until a face-to-face moment though.( I wonder if Cancer males spend as much time tyring to figure us out as we do them? I imagine they must and that's why they take so much time to "make their move".?)

It seems you are certainly doing better than I am in the convo department. Actually phone time trumps text messaging anyday. And three or four times a week Zala? By comparison you're practically engaged!!!!

Peace

p.s. new phone came in the mail today. had all the texts I missed over the last few days resent...none from Mr. Cancer.

posted May 20, 2009 10:01 PM         

quote:

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had all the texts I missed over the last few days resent...none from Mr. Cancer.

---

posted May 22, 2009 11:49 PM         

Computer has a virus so I'm sending this from my phone. Excuse any mistypes- us girls with man sized hands and tiny keypads don't always see thumb to proper button. But moving on........

No Zala, not a word or a text message from Mr. Cancer. I'm doing an event at the State Theatre tomorrow. I mentioned it to him because he also has a retail business/project that could benefit from the exposure but he never got back to me about participating. One half of me is hoping he will pop out his shell long enough to stop by and say hi but the other the other half of me says don't entertain senarios that left unfulfilled will only cause me to pout. (And my pouting can sometimes put Oprah's "ugly cry" to shame so it's DEFINTELY not a good look for me.)*says outloud but more to convince herself* : I'm not gonna go there though.

It's only been a few days but a few Gemini enternities seem to have passed. I know I'm totally being overdramatic so please just indulge me.

Zala, did your Martian Cancer come out his shell for your workplace face to face? I was thinking maybe not based on your reply? Did he just no show or did you speak to him and that's how you found out he wasn't coming. Darling, perhaps we are just SO mesmerizing from a distance that getting any closer is just too intimidating for these gentlemen at this time....?!?! Yeah, I'm gonna go with that. :smile:

posted May 23, 2009 10:33 AM         

No worries about indulging the Twinsian “overdramatics”
I totally understand your “eternities” passing – a weekend with no contact (especially a long weekend like this one) seems like that to me – leaving a feeling of almost being starved for oxygen, as contact with the object of our affections is akin to physical sustenance for the body/mind/heart…..

So, it’s time to start distracting myself (and you too) from these longings and dreams of connection
We have our lives and responsibilities, and we must let the Crabs come to us….. think how annoying it must be for them, being programmed to sidle sideways in order to reach what they want??

posted May 28, 2009 12:23 AM         

ZALA!!!!: Scold me later. Help me now. (that is in regards 2 what Im about 2 say)

SOOO...I found an old piece of paper w/ # of a mutual friend of mine & Mr. Cancer. I called & got Mr. Cancer's #,

Text Me: "hi. remember me?" Him:"what's up with u?". Me:" happy. working. want 2 see u" Him: "can't come 2day. will stop by ur shop 2morrow."

would he come if he really didn't want 2? is it a "pity visit" if he does really show up? if he seems happy vs uncomfortable to be there is there ANYTHING I Can/should do to get things to move along?

as I said b4, I want 2 make sure it is the man & NOT the challenge of obtaining him that Im attracted 2. but I swear I really do think its him I'm diggin'. He's tall dark and handsome (check check check in my book) AND he's family oriented and makes all decisions ONLY after much time and consideration (CHECK CHECK). I mean this in no way 2 sound conceited but SO MANY men express an interest in me & NOT ONE of them shines 2 me in more than a friendly light but MR CANCER.....I think of him so often & it is definetly more than in a "hope we can be buddies" kind of way.

i'm bababling but this phone screen is so tiny I can't even c what I'm writing right now.

is it advisable 2 try 2 move a crab (gently) in the direction I seek him to go? (can a gemini move anything gently?)

I want 2 hug him 2morrow, then sit him down, hold his hand, & look him SQUARELY IN THE EYE & say: I LIKE U & I want to be with you. I like the high regard you have for your mom, the top priority family has in your life, the focus and determination you have for your gaols and ambitions. You are a GOOD Man and I a (PHENOMANALLY) GOOD Woman so let's see if we can turn this into something as special as I c it could b.

Or is it the ultimate nono 2 ask this man out(of his shell)?

IF he comes itll b after 3pm.

help me

Peace.

posted May 28, 2009 09:35 AM         

quote:

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He thanked me for the b’day thoughts, and we had a conversation in the hallway, me still standing in my doorway with my teacup, and by the end of the convo he was flattened against the opposite wall of the hall (couldn’t back up any further) due to my incredible aura of intimidation

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Yes, if I remember rightly Zala, you had "dripping fangs"??!

IR, I wish I could help, but sadly I have ZERO experience of Cancer males. I am tentative in my advice here, but um, don't you think that approach would scare the living crap outta him? If it was a Sag or such I would say go for the direct approach but with Cancers.... ooh, I don't know. But me, I'm a coward and I admire your forthrightness, truly.

Calling all Cancers...calling Zala....

I have been reading this thread from the fringes and I am dying to know what happens.

Did he come?

posted May 28, 2009 03:28 PM         

Crossed paths with another computer. Just checking in briefly for now.

He hasn't shown up yet. He did text earlier and say he "should still be able to stop by".

Cheese: I'll keep you posted. I really am trying to be a bit more "demure" but I guess its becoming increasingly apparent that IS NOT my strong point. In the end, I'm gonna have to be my authentic self anyway because this man or any other for that matter is gonna have to accept me ultimately as I am. When I want something, I go after it. And I'd rather he make a run for it - towards or away. I just need to know what's really up. If he likes me as much as he has indicated in the past I will that he takes this opportunity to make it clear.

I'll check in with you guys tonight - from my phone though because I haven't even had time to take my computer to the shop. You'll have to excuse the "shorthand" tonight. The mobile limits the number of characters I can send (it was OBVIOULSY not programmed by or for a Gemini).

Keep me in your happy thoughts. (You should probably leave a little room in your "keep your foot out of your mouth and off his neck" thoughts as well. I can already feel something bubbling up inside of me....)

posted May 28, 2009 08:14 PM         

He just left.

He wouldve stayed longer but I hv appointment out of the shop I could not miss so we had 2 say bye.

It went......well, let me just lay it out & u tell me:

We talked about the usual. Family, recent issues in our personal life, the cold he's getting over.

He stood by, smiling eyes, enjoyed watching me interact w/ my kids (they always come 2 work w/ me).

He told me how good I looked & how much he's missed me. I saw the pain in his eyes when he shared some unfortunate news about losing another friend/brother 2 destroyed trust.

He mentioned he thought I was gonna invite him 2 my graduation (I didn't invite anyone. Been so long I honestly 4got that part.) He's gonna spend my birthday w/ me & asked what I'm doing this wknd.

AND THEN....I looked him right in the eye sockets & laid it all out: I'm feelin' him, I'm not a casual kisser so those smootches on our dates were a big deal 4 me, & I want 2 move 4ward - TOGETHER.

He smiled. And wiggled. Looked flattered.... & torn. Said how much he likes me 2 & how much I'm on his mind. BUT bcause he's not achieved all he feels he should have @ 25 he doesn't feel he can really give all he wants 2 a relationship. He must b able 2 b a good PROVIDER. He says we hv bad timing (remind me 2 destroy ALL clocks & pause rotation of the planets) bcause he cs us bing 2gether but he has 2 feel financially stable 1st. I HATE THAT. I explained in my best nonconfrontational debating style (yes such a style does exist) that hving or not hving $ does not affect my heart. If he had $ & suddenly lost it (again) I wouldn't feel any less 4 him. He seems 2 appreciate my stance but he is very hard on himself. I could almost c his inner struggle, 2 find the will 2 let go & let love prevail but in the end he remained mostly in his shell. I think?

I didn't send him running away (I could c he really didn't want 2 leave) but he didn't commit either. If we actually get 2gether this wknd that will b awesome & he's taking 1/2 day @ work 4 my bday.

???????

What say you?

posted May 28, 2009 09:18 PM         

Am starving and waiting for pizza delivery!!
IR ~

quote:

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would he come if he really didn't want 2?

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quote:

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is it advisable 2 try 2 move a crab (gently) in the direction I seek him to go?

---

quote:

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In the end, I'm gonna have to be my authentic self anyway because this man or any other for that matter is gonna have to accept me ultimately as I am.

---

It sounds like your encounter at the shop went very well – YAY!!!
I’m glad you actually laid it all out – I don’t see anything wrong with asking where you stand, and telling them where they stand. I like that much better than pussyfooting around the truth of one’s feelings. And if one’s feelings are not or cannot be returned in kind, then I think it’s better to know ASAP so one can nip one’s obsession in the bud :-D

quote:

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He smiled. And wiggled. Looked flattered.... & torn. Said how much he likes me 2 & how much I'm on his mind. BUT bcause he's not achieved all he feels he should have @ 25 he doesn't feel he can really give all he wants 2 a relationship. He must b able 2 b a good PROVIDER.

---

posted May 28, 2009 09:30 PM         

You really fancied that dripping-fangs thang, didncha??
It *was* an apt metaphor
And after all, I *was* born in the Year of the Snake…..
The fangs are inching ever closer to being sunk into the object of Mme Zala’s rapt attentions
He came to my office yesterday (sans cookies ), walked in and said, “Hi Princess” and closed the door!! We yakked for at least 20 minutes (I finally have a chart, yippee yippee!!!!!!!!).
He’s earned a very soft spot in my heart, because last year out of the blue he called me “Sunshine.” That was my dad’s nickname for me when I was a little girl, and I really love others who are perceptive enough to tag me with the same monicker
So, things are proceeding as PA said they might, and I’m enjoying the heck out of getting to know this fellow Libran ;-))
No red flags yet, just a regrettable habit on his part – he’s a smoker

posted May 28, 2009 11:26 PM         

So much to say, mais excusé moi, mon temps peu.

OK, truth is this is too much texting even for me. And I can't review the end of the thread to respond properly. When I'm settled at work tomorrow I'll get in front of a comptuer..

Until then,