posted June 26, 2009 04:57 PM         

After dinner he said "l thought the veal was a bit tough"
so i said "yes it was, i was just being polite"

He replied "i wanted you to say that... it was a test"

WTF?!?!?! lol

posted June 26, 2009 05:39 PM         

Believe that!!!!

"i disagree bunnies. we WANT to be vulnerable. takes someone pretty special to open that up in us, though. we want to know someone's heart, soul AND mind. all the ways they tick. if it feels right and we finally know it, we want to give our all, too."

posted June 26, 2009 08:38 PM         

I thought i'd really see what he's made of so i told him i'd do his chart (as he hinted a month back that he was interested) so l said "would you prefer your chart describing you or our charts 'together' (ooooh, scary word) describing our relationship?

He said "BOTH! X"

The wind is gonna stop in its tracks whilst he is reading our synastry analysis LOL

Lil bunny he is.. a bunny in my headlights. He loves me, i do know that. When l see him he says over and over "it's lovely to see you..." cos its his way of saying "mmm baby i missed you!"

He's warming up and last time he was all over me... cuddled me all night and just couldn't stop hugging me all evening and pinching my bum!

posted September 19, 2009 04:49 PM         

My Aqua man has driven me up the wall in the last 48 hours...in the last week, actually, to the point that we are no longer speaking (I think) and I have gone no contact on him (or he might have gone NC on me first...not sure). Our formerly spectacular communication has lapsed into almost nothingness, we had a fight on my birthday a couple of days ago, and the entire interaction between us has just been very cold and icy this past week.

What is this, a war? I am very Plutonic in love matters, very all-or-nothing (Venusian Scorpio, lunar Taurus) and he is Venus in Aries/Aries Moon.

Have I been too loving? Too available? Probably so. So apparently I have to treat him like dirt in order for him to play nice. Supposedly this man is a soulmate so I will play the "ignore you for a week" game to see if he comes to his senses. After that I'm out...

If it's war, we can do that. No one will beat a Scorpio at that game BUT...I was really hoping those days were behind me.

UPDATE: That was fast. While I was writing this, he texted me hello. This after standing me up for a dinner date and I didn't find out from him--heard it from my girlfriend first several hours ago that he wasn't going. He didn't even have the courtesy to tell me...I have responded very non-chalantly to initial text and am ignoring the last one (we are talking about nothing) and will see what happens.

Games, games, games! I can play but I hate this.

posted September 19, 2009 05:18 PM         

quote:

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Supposedly this man is a soulmate

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I'm sorry, I am going to be a bit blunt here: What kind of crap is this? Who said he was your soulmate and why? IMO, a soulmate should act like one...

posted September 19, 2009 07:53 PM         

I had a soulmate reading by a very well respected member of this community. I feel the reading was truth; this man and I are deeply connected and I do feel that the reading confirmed the past life karma and bonds and things I'd already been feeling. He is definitely a strong karmic soulmate, and apparently our past lifelines were quite beautiful and harmonious (we have lovely tropical and draconic synastry), and this relationship started off as such, so I don't know what's happening.

I know he is very insecure about my feelings for him. I've been hesitant and cautious with him in some ways, and very open in others. I've admitted to him that I'm having a hard time opening up, and he told me that "I can't run forever." The last week or so, I guess because it was my birthday coming up, I did change the paradigm and get a little clingy. I was disappointed by the non-event he made my birthday and criticized him for it--since then we've been really on the rocks. If only I had read all the Aqua guy threads and realized that they just don't "do" special occasions! I know his feelings were hurt by how I reacted, but mine were too!

Earlier this evening, while meditating on the whole situation, I intuited that a few other things I've done within the last week or so may have caused a raging insecurity in him. I think the whole dinner incident today was him asserting himself and trying to regain "control" (we were supposed to be going out with another couple that are our mutual best friends and never quite firmed up the plans but why did someone else know for sure he wasn't going and he didn't even bother to tell ME that--I was out buying a dress to wear for goodness sakes!). Most of the challenges revealed in the synastry/composite have to do with either "control" or "communication".

We do have a very intense and challenging Grand Cross in our composite that I was told a) the likes of had never been before seen and b) would rear its ugly head if we got caught up in trivial stuff or if there were lapses in communication, and that it was especially important to be aware of it during sensitive Moon activity. Maybe I need to check transits...

I do think he felt me distancing myself this afternoon. The cord cutting visualization felt very painful and weird and I almost had an anxiety attack--normally I feel very empowered and/or nonchalant when I go no-contact on someone. I know him well enough by now to know that the text this afternoon was him "feeling me out" to see how mad I really was and also perhaps a test...if I said anything about dinner, knowing we didn't have a firm commitment, then he would judge me as overly emotional. If I was too forgiving and glossed it over, then I was a wimp that he could walk all over. I did neither.

I dunno...I have read a lot of the Aqua Man threads on this forum and feel a little more familiar with what I'm dealing with (this is only my second Aqua man), but it's a lot to digest...I am used to being the handful in a relationship, not the other way around!

posted September 19, 2009 08:22 PM         

There are people with intimacy problems in ALL signs.

Also, Starr, the cutting of the cords is something which sounds like you did in a reactionary way. You were/are hurt, so you're going to distance yourself, and this cutting of cords is how you will do it. It won't work because you don't really want distance - you want a *reaction*. You're using distance to GET reaction, so you're not really 'letting go', are you? I hope I don't sound like a b!tch here.
I just feel like you're over complicating things.

posted September 19, 2009 08:27 PM         

I think you should just outright ask him what is going on. Aqua likes honesty and directness. We respect it. It's the only thing you can do with an aqua anyway. We DESPISE games and it makes us respect people less and also makes us distrusful.

You need to just put your cards on the table and see what he says/does.

We DO tend to get freaked out and run a bit, but not once we're committed.

posted September 19, 2009 10:22 PM         

quote:

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They don't 'do' special occasions in the conventional sense. I mean, they DO them, but don't expect to get swept away by some perfect celebration...However, IMO it's wrong to just excuse someone who doesn't at least do something A LITTLE special for your birthday, just because of their sun sign!...Don't let sun signs excuse crap behavior.

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He texted me at 6 AM on my birthday (when he first woke up) to wish me Happy Birthday, and then posted a Happy Birthday message on my Facebook that said "Happy Birthday babe, I hope you have a beautiful day." That was all very nice, but I wanted at least a phone call.

I didn't have any expectation for dinner, flowers, a card, or anything (which is very unlike me because I usually require a man I'm interested in to treat me like a Queen on special occasions as a sign of his devotion). But with him, my expectations were very low--we live an hour away from each other, it was during the week, he works late on Thursdays, etc. All I wanted was a phone call. Texting and Facebooking is lame IMO. So at 10 PM when he hadn't called, I sent him a text telling him how crappy that was. I actually thought I was rather restrained. Of course he called immediately and I didn't answer--I was too annoyed by then. So he left a message apologizing for not calling, and then texted an hour later saying he had planned to call all along and didn't know there was a time limit, blah blah blah. Riiiiight. At 11 PM you planned to call all along? I don't care if Aquas do things in their own time or not, that really hurt my feelings because I felt like I had to ASK him to call and then he tried to cover up for himself. Cue exchanging of semi-hostile text messages back and forth a couple times, with the end result being a very cold exchange the following morning where we both said it was over and done with and no use discussing it anymore. The 2 days since then have been mostly him being non-communicative and cold, me feeling like I'm trying too hard, and then the dinner incident today. Cue me going into "well screw this!" mode. Blah!

quote:

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Also, Starr, the cutting of the cords is something which sounds like you did in a reactionary way...It won't work because you don't really want distance - you want a *reaction*. You're using distance to GET reaction, so you're not really 'letting go', are you? I hope I don't sound like a b!tch here...

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(((hugs))) Of course you don't sound like a b!tch. I value your advice tremendously because I know you know where I'm coming from. I guess you're right MVM (of course you are). In my heart of hearts, I wanted him to FEEL my absence and react to it. I didn't think it would happen so soon, but I knew it would happen. I guess I haven't let go then. Letting go is when you really don't care anymore, or when you consciously AVOID the other, right? I just don't know if I'll ever be able to avoid him completely without making our social circle so awkward---we were friends first and share many mutual friends.

quote:

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Are you opening up to him or not? Are you opening up because you want something in return, or because you just want to express how you feel?

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A little of both. Sometimes I'll have such a powerful feeling towards him, that it feels like I will burst. So I have said things to him like "I'm crazy about you" and he responded with "I'm crazy about you too." But some of it is me not wanting to share unless he shares---putting myself out there and being vulnerable feels so risky. We both tell each other that we think about the other a lot, etc. I am usually the one to say things like "I miss you." He will say things like "I wish I was next to you right now." He is the one who talks more about "us" in the future...even future kids (!). So we are equally open in that regard. I just haven't told him how much I want to be in a relationship with him, or that I want to be exclusive, etc. I want him to initiate that.

quote:

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You need to just put your cards on the table and see what he says/does.

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Diana, this terrifies me. How come I have to be the one to do it? Why can't he? LOL. I know I sound juvenile but c'mon! I am SO TIRED of always being the risk taker in relationships, of being the one who makes things happen...

quote:

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I'd like to see the synastry thread. I wouldn't put my life's hands or make relationship decisions based on synsatry though.

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It's in Astrology 2.0 page 5, entitled "Soulmate Synastry but No Immediate Bang?" The "plain jane" synastry (no asteroids) is good with a couple of nice soulmate aspects but once the asteroids were added it got really awesome (well except for the composite Moon/Venus/Pluto t-square turning into a Grand Cross with a lovely Nessus/Dejanira square on top--THAT was ugly).

quote:

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I agree with Diana about the synastry. It's so true. I've seen the lamest synastry some couples I've know who are totally dedicated and happy together for years. You just never know.

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LOL @ "lame synastry". That made me chuckle. I do think we can get too focused on the astrology sometimes, which is why after I got my readings I took a step back and just enjoyed the relationship for what it was. However, with all this crap going on, it has made me look at the astrology again for an explanation.

quote:

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How long have you been together?

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Hmmm. I can't say we ARE together yet. He's not my boyfriend yet. We haven't had the exclusivity discussion. I had accepted that we might not actually have "the" talk and it would just evolve naturally. People just starting to see you as a couple & you seeing yourselves that way, etc. That has already started happening.

But to answer your question, I've known him for 2 years. I've known he was into me since January. Our first offical "date" was in mid-August. So I'd say we started officially "seeing each other" about a month ago (wow, it feels MUCH longer than that...)

By the way, I don't know if this makes a difference or not, but we haven't had sex yet...

quote:

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I also think the element of friendship is important too. They say it's truer for Aquas, and I don't know....

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Good advice, Diana. Well we were friends first. So much so that even after we acknowledged an attraction between us, we kept the friend vibe for awhile. And yes, it would be tremendously awkward and painful for us both if we couldn't recapture that. He really is a very laid back person and the tension has to be upsetting him.

On a side note, finding that synastry thread for you, Diana, made me go back and read Todd's analysis of the composite and damn he's good! Cuz yeah...we're pretty much there.

posted September 19, 2009 10:54 PM         

I'm kind of in the same boat myself... but I have to admit, I am being forced in a way to be more vulnerable simply because I want to.
For me. Not for him. I think this is a personal decision that you make regardless of the other. They can be catalysts for the feeling, but the feeling is yours. And the expression of it is yours.
And I really feel like you guys are just making a transition into couplehood, so it's a little rough. And you're freaked out, and feeling vulnerable, which is normal.
It's just interesting to me how we sometimes are like, Oh, I don't want to be vulnerable, but then we really ARE. It's like we hate ourselves for the feeling. And the other for bringing it out

I personally don't think it's necessary to lay your cards on the table (but then we all have our own ways of doing things) until you're comfortable. BUT, I think it's a good idea to express your feelings to him as you feel them.... that way you don't become emotionally constipated (I tend to do that myself and have to keep myself in check)...

posted September 21, 2009 02:20 PM         

I am feeling much better today. Working on that "receptive" energy you mentioned to me before. When I feel myself getting anxious about it, I take a deep breath and remind myself that things happen as they are meant to happen.

In some ways, I regard this as a test. I know I'm approaching my Saturn return. How I approach this and other setbacks will reveal my true maturity.

I'm ready.