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Author
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Topic: letter to my ex aqua make any difference?
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confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 02, 2009 10:21 PM
 
Finalyyyyyyy..i met him!! i apologized and gave him the letter. ........o boy! this is one extremely emotional aqua i am dealing with!
i said i accept our moving on/going seperate ways.. and then i sincer apologized and explained how bad i feel and stuff.. like i regret what happened and agree its all my fault!..lol that was pretty hard to do but i did it!he had tears in his eyes and he said by doing all this i was making things really hard for him..(he was never so emotional and serious like this i dont know whats got into him).. i insisted i had to do this,i gave my sincerely apology because i felt it was due, thats all ..i did mention how deeply i always cared for him and loved him and always will..then i said bye bye. Diana i couldnt agree with you more than the fact that i honestly feel i am dealing with a cancerian guy here! the only difference is that he isnt hiding by runing away from me..he has always kept all contacts open so i could reach him but he is hiding or more like he has shut down his feeling towards me..gone ice cold!
but his eyes aaah! one could drown in the emotions they held within them..how strictly he kept a firm grip and didnt let them do the talking.. i wanted to scream KNOCK IT OFF!..stop..enough of you act! lol but i just played cool as i dont want to upset him any further. IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 02, 2009 10:26 PM
pire..pls tell me , whats in his mind, i sincerely apologized and he believed me ..gave him lettr.. whats next?. i guess wait and watch,thats the worst part!IP: Logged |
Diana
Knowflake Posts: 514
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 02, 2009 10:26 PM
Aquarians deal with you, ie, the people who hurt them by going ice cold. It's the only way to cope. Just give him space. He will be back. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1021
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 02, 2009 11:08 PM
I totally agree with Diana. He'll be back. I think you did well by giving him the letter and standing your ground. Once he has mulled things over, he'll return.And yes, most Aqua males I have met are EXTREMELY sensitive...kind, compassionate, and when I think of them, I see them all with trembling lower lips. I never understand why they are viewed as this aloof or cold sign because they SO are not. Except when they shut down emotionally... ice over.
And remember, Aqua's traditional ruler was Saturn - Saturn is always hiding his feelings because he thinks no one likes him lol
IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 04, 2009 03:46 PM
Thanks MyVirgoMask and Diana i really hope for the best.
i want to ask you guyz pls tell me when aquas go into this ice..freez , shut down mode, do they think about the one they love or they shut down those feelings from within as well?
are they emotional in the head when they shut down?.. is this mode ever going to end or they move on for good..IP: Logged |
pire
Knowflake Posts: 449
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 11:47 AM
hello confused gemini, i'm happy for you that you found the courage to explain yourself to him. sorry i don't have internet at home and broke my iphone a couple of days ago. quote:
i want to ask you guyz pls tell me when aquas go into this ice..freez , shut down mode, do they think about the one they love or they shut down those feelings from within as well?
if i take my case, i think about the other day in day out. about the other, the future, the possibilities... i can't stop. i act as if they didn't mean that much though. for many reasons, most unconscious. but i think about them, yes. quote:
are they emotional in the head when they shut down?..
do you mean are they not rational in these situations? if i understand it right, and still for me, yes, i'm not rational in these situations. i will be upset to the point of wanting to stop the relationship. but i don't always act on it because this desire is based on anger or resentment. though sometimes, when it hurts too much i stop the relationship. but i think that when he saw you according to his reaction that you describe, he hasn't cut you off of his life. if he says you make it hard for him, then that is what is happening, it is hard (difficult, troubling, not easy...) to consider seriously to stop seeing you ever.
on one side he still wants you. but the reason that brought the crisis are very real too, as real as the fact that he still loves you i think. you need to understand and change whatever was a problem to him before otherwise it will only be like putting some fresh paint over a crack on the wall. it will be pretty for a little while but not very longlasting. and i think longlasting is something that he wants, if you manage to get what else he wants. good luck for you. IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 12:04 PM
pire thank you for your time..i was waiting for ur reply, hmm..you say
"you need to understand and change whatever was a problem to him before otherwise it will only be like putting some fresh paint over a crack on the wall. it will be pretty for a little while but not very longlasting"yes this is what has happened..we got back after a break up and now we split up again!.. i told him honestly i didnt realize after coming back that he was so hurt and kept all that anger within himself all this time..for that i said i have realized first time in my life what my flaws are and i am ashamed of myself and regret many things.. i put in a few details and he was very patiently listening to everything i said, he was quite , serious and couldnt say a word because my words made him even more emotional.. and yes i agree with you, i could see the strong feelings he still had for me but he was shuting off that part of himself.
ooooooo boy..u "lovely yet silly, soft yet stubborn emotional boys" a girl jst cant help falling in love wth u 
hmmmm... i hope he sees there is something left to come back to.... o pire pire pire btw if you still think so much obt the one you loved ..why did you let go?.. (its ok if u dont answer) IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 12:06 PM
but he keeps saying he has no feelings for me ..he doesnt love me anymore.. why is he saying that?..not only to me he says this about me to everyone else too..  he says i killed/ destroyed/ damaged his feelings..*sob IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1021
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 02:30 PM
Confused Gemini, I think you've done the right thing by just putting out there how you feel.... but don't grovel to get him back, whatever you do! It's enough to apologize, tell him you love him, and that you still want to be with him. You've said what you've needed to, and now it's best to withdraw and let him know that you are. Again, when he's ready, he'll be back (and he will), but I can assure you that when someone acts or says that they have doubts toward you, your trying to argue with them about it WILL and DOES make them stubbornly hold on to their doubts.
Believe me, lol.
It's best to just say how you feel, as you did, and then withdraw.
Then, after about a week or so has gone by, check in with a friendly call or email ... nothing heavy or emotional, something PLATONIC, just to say HI. That way you put out the message that you still want to be in his life if even as a FRIEND. You don't even need to TELL him this (in fact, don't tell him in too many words. Use action to convey your intention!), but just do it and be very no-strings-attached in your attitude.
After doing this for a while, he will realize there is NO PRESSURE from you. It's pressure which is making him back away. He wants to be able to feel as he feels and not be obligated to promise anything right now, and he needs the message from you that this is OKAY, and that you will still respect him as a person.
Ultimately, this is how you SHOW him that you have respect for him as a person. This is how you SHOW change, that you are willing to change in that you understand and respect his issues in the relationship.
And in turn you keep your own self-respect in the process.
This is how to handle the situation with grace, and how to see progress. It might not be the most romantic way to get someone back, but it is effective because it's solid and gives substance.
Look at it in seasonal cycles. This is a wintry time in your relationship, but it doesn't stay winter! Seasons change, and spring always comes back! The only thing to do is to just prepare for the chill in the weather and wait until it passes, because it does 
IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 04:44 PM
MyVirgoMask i am in no contact with him and dont even want to.. i have never pestered him with calls or messages after any break up..
i only want him to contact me when ever he is ready. thank you for your reply , yes it is not a romantic way rather cold but effective way of getting things back to normal if they ever can be, this is the only way, nothing else can work.
your advise is straight and honest, thanks. IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1021
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 04:56 PM
I'm sorry hon, I was under the impression that you'd been contacting him - my apologies! IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 05:58 PM
MyVirgoMask pls don say sorry for anything.. your advise is very precious to me you gave me your time and i really can relate to what you have said IP: Logged |
woah city
Knowflake Posts: 264
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 06, 2009 06:16 PM
mVm, stellar advice!it's really good in general but also applies especially well to the aquarian mind, i think. we need freedom and respect for our freedom above all. we MUST come to our own conclusions, in our own time. and i would also like to add that when we seem shut off, or distant emotionally, it is actually our way of protecting ourselves from interference into this process, and generally means we ARE experiencing a great deal of emotion. it is just our need to remain fully independent in terms of coming to terms with our feelings and putting them into a larger context of understanding, so that we know that when we make a decision, we mean it. and will stick to it. that's the fixity of aquarius, and the paradox and deeper reality of the devoted nature of aquarius that is lost on most people who just see us as cold and/or flakey. that is just our way of protecting ourselves, not unlike cancerians or scorpios. but trust me, if we love or loved you, you are on our minds and we are definitely working through our emotions under the placid or aloof surface of how we appear. IP: Logged |
pire
Knowflake Posts: 449
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 10, 2009 06:17 PM
quote:
pire btw if you still think so much obt the one you loved ..why did you let go?..
typical uranus. a crazy decision. or more exactly a sudden decision. a moment of being fed up with all the complications. the pain, the sorrow, the desires, the attempts, the desillusions... just a moment of "that's enough, i can't take it anymore" also a need to see life moving on because it feels like it will never change, it will always be pain or deception, and the idea of it being always like that is just unbearable. you know, without being pompous or proud, i think aqua truly analyse the situation. i cant honestly say they are necessarily always perfectly objective because we are humans, but i truly think what makes aqua... aquas is that they sincerely try to analyse the situation and are ready to make sacrifices if
a) they are not impossible to do (even though impossible is sometimes manageable )
b) they are based on something objective
c) they are not useless and c) is major. personnally, i try to think the situation over and over, to see what would happen if i did this, if i did that... if at the end i believe that it is useless, then i open the door for the sudden reaction to quit the relationship, and then, it could be anything that trigger the actual moving on. but, all this time i'm waiting to be proven wrong, to have facts contradict me. and real, tangible proof that it could work. that is why i tell you to accept to consider what he complained about because that is probably a real problem. and ultimately, his advice is in your best interest. provided he was objective. cause with him or anyone else, he was pointing to something that could eventually be improved to make your life better. ps: as a cancer rising, sometimes feelings (good and bad) make the words disapear. nothing comes out. there is not necessarily a reason for that, it's almost like if whatever it is was making you speechless. IP: Logged |
Diana
Knowflake Posts: 514
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 10, 2009 08:15 PM
Peri,if at the end i believe that it is useless, then i open the door for the sudden reaction to quit the relationship, and then, it could be anything that trigger the actual moving on. but, all this time i'm waiting to be proven wrong, to have facts contradict me. and real, tangible proof that it could work. Omg, totally! IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 10, 2009 08:21 PM
pire.. reading your post is like i am reading his exact feelings..
this is exactly what he did! his decision was sudden! out of the blue! but i know it accounts to many things, at this point he was frustrated that we always had these fight , he was frustrated because of his downfall as the recession hit him really bad.. he was upset because during all this misery in his life i doubled his agony by hitting hard on his bruised ego..as you have put it so perfectly "a moment of being fed up with all the complications. the pain, the sorrow, the desires, the attempts, the desillusions... just a moment of "that's enough, i can't take it anymore" you have said "also a need to see life moving on because it feels like it will never change, it will always be pain or deception, and the idea of it being always like that is just unbearable. "
the moment we broke up yes he said 'you will never change you will always be the same and he doesnt want a life like this'.. i really appreciate your previous post where you told me to write that letter that he will read again and again and to sincerely ask for forgiveness.. because i know deep in my heart that it has effected him, if we get back together or not atleast i am satisfied that my words, my apology had an effect on him..he was speechless and felt some what guilty.. that hate he had for me even before i started the conversation was no longer there in the end..
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MsCandeh
Knowflake Posts: 78
From: Australia
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted August 11, 2009 03:39 PM
confused gemini,I hope everything is works out for you.. sometimes these things can take time .. but it will work out the way it was meant to in the end ((HUG)) I know how hard it is, especially the watch and wait part! What pire has written more than likely applies to Aqua moons too .. I am going through a sort of similar situation with an Aqua moon, who sounds exactly like what pire has described! There's nothing you can do but wait. Time is on your side though Just remember - You'll get through this!  IP: Logged |
confused gemini
Knowflake Posts: 23
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted August 11, 2009 04:46 PM
MsCandeh .. i love all of you!.. you have been so kind and supportive to me, i am really broken,shattered,in bad pain .. bless all of you who have given me positive sunshine.. may we all be blessed with love and happiness in our lives..no one deserves to suffer 
IP: Logged |
Crabplanet
Knowflake Posts: 5
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 12, 2009 01:04 PM
Confused,I've been through I don't know now how many ups and downs, apart, and back, with an Aqua. Right now it's icy-cold. Both of us. There's no communication, I ended with the phone;;;It's crazy. This time it's me who is distant. With time, we'll be back. I've learned to be patient, time doesn't really exist, I have all my time. IP: Logged | |
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