posted November 29, 2009 08:45 AM         

And don't go back.

Forgive him. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. And be honest with yourself so you can be honest with others.
No more lying. No more games.

posted November 29, 2009 09:05 AM         

Who of us has not made silly mistakes in the name of love? I could write a book about so called "wasted years".

But it doesn't mean you're a "loser". It means you're human and you fell for someone's promises, someone who can't deliver. Move on.

About the abortion, I'm sure you are forgiven by the Universe. Don't beat yourself up about it.

posted November 29, 2009 10:19 AM         

I think your only fault is being a very attractive girl and being so generous with your love. They wouldn't be negative things , these traits mean that it would be natural for you to be with someone who would secretly worship you. And this guy obviously did , but it became a disaster because you promised all your love to a very immature person.

Belgz obviously, he is very very immature and if you had a child together he wouldn't be able to father him well. And I can only say this after having read your entire post- he is not a mature responsible indiviual. You can try giving them a hand, you were an opportunity for him to stand up for himself and defend and take care of the girl he was clearly quite in love with !, but he failed.

Being able to conceive or not, him/his family not showing up after your abortion.. These don't seem to be so important to me. I'm sorry you had to go through that but what I'm really sorry about is the time and love you gave to this one person. Astrology didn't do that, it can't, it can only be a nervous habit checking charts and so on, IT WAS YOU and only you , and your good heart that wanted to believe in the best of this guy, and in your relationship. I respect you because no matter how twisted the dynamics of relationships can be-love and relationships are valuable delicate things. They sometimes deserve such sacrifice.

posted November 29, 2009 10:39 AM         

Everyone's advice is what I would say too. Let go of him and leave him in your past. Forgive yourself too. You're NOT effed up! Not one bit. You are just like the rest of us, trying to make sense of this life, making many mistakes through it and learning a little bit about yourself as you stumble across this realm.

Another human being, although they may try, can NEVER break you. They can try and get away with bruising you here and there, but your spirit and soul are not theirs to break. We break our own spirits; and when broken, we can mend it to how it was before, apart from the scars left behind- scars that symbolize strength.

This too shall pass. That's the promise this universe has for us, that is, nothing lasts forever. You will heal and when you come out on the other side, you will be stronger than before. You will radiate an even more wonderful beauty than you've ever known yourself to be, and when that happens, you might attract someone who wants to retain that beauty and not destroy it.

Just concentrate on getting better and stronger. Take it one day at a time. Learn to look after yourself because you're the only person who can look after you.

I have faith that you will be better, and are getting better with each day that goes by, even though it might not yet show. Just do yourself a favor and not EVER go back to this guy again because he fails to appreciate how wonderful and special you are.

posted November 29, 2009 10:58 AM         

I have tears in my eyes reading your posts. I just want to give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok.

First of all, you have to forgive yourself for the abortion. You made a decision, it's in the past, and you will have the opportunity to be a mother one day. I promise! It wasn't meant for you to have a child with this man, and in hindsight, that is such a good thing! I agree with everyone else that mastering the art of forgiveness in this situation will be soul-changing for you: forgive yourself, forgive him, forgive his family. Embrace forgiveness and fill your heart with the love that you want to give your future child one day. But you can't love ANYONE properly until you love YOURSELF first. Take the time to love yourself.

As far as that self, that wonderful, kind, gives-all-to-love self that is YOU, you are not a bad person. We all make mistakes. Love can make us do crazy, crazy things! You loved someone deeply and they hurt and betrayed you. But you can turn it around. Leave now, leave forever, don't look back. He is so bad for you, and the relationship is clearly emotionally abusive. You don't need him OR his craptastic family! Don't waste anymore years of your life on this man.

I wish you all the best and I want to encourage you that things are always darkest before the dawn. The dawn of your new life is approaching so stretch your hands towards it and reach for the light. Everything will be alright.

posted November 29, 2009 11:09 AM         

And that's what I want to tell you: it's ok to feel sad. Society has a way of making us feel bad for being sad when relationships end, which is one reason why this world is so messed up. People don't allow themselves to feel grief properly. But a relationship ending is like a death in some ways because it is the end of the hopes and dreams that you had for yourself and that person. So naturally, you will be sad, depressed, not feel like shopping, not wanting to go out, etc. And that's ok. The faster you embrace these sad feelings, the fast you will process them and be able to release them.

It is ok to make new friends, and in fact I encourage you to do so, but please don't jump into another relationship because you are lonely and/or are trying to numb the pain of ending things with your boyfriend. Master the art of self-soothing. You are your own greatest companion, your own greatest healer.

Stop idealizing your boyfriend. Hopefully your ex-boyfriend. Not spending time with you after your abortion was heartless and cruel. Manipulating you and making you feel bad while pregnant, and now, while thinking you are pregnant are not the actions of a good man. They are the actions of a coward and a snake. Don't cover up the bad with good.

In fact, a good exercise for you to do, one that will help you through introspection, is to take some quiet time and write down all the things you want for your life. Write them down, and where you are now, and where you need to be in order to obtain them. One of the things you want is a good man, so write down the qualities of a good man. Your perfect man. Be very specific, even down to the color of his eyes, and when you are done with your list (and hopefully it's a long list), you will see that none of those qualities are a man who would abandon his woman while she carried his child or allow his family to disrepect his mate.

posted November 29, 2009 11:33 AM         

Blaming the ex wont help either, and neither will blaming yourself. Its about taking responsibility and moving on.

The other thing you have to do is tell him the truth about your pregnancy or lack thereof. By keeping him thinking that youre pregnant youre subconciously trying to hold on to him with everything you have, and you cant!

Also just because hes a great guy to his family doesnt mean he would be great for you. His parents mean more to him than you or any potential child you may have, its something you have to accept. Its harsh but its the truth.

Ive seen your picture on here once aswell and youre soooo pretty, do yourself a favour and reclaim your life from this ugly situation. Its all up to you.

posted November 29, 2009 12:49 PM         

Here is something to help, for when you are ready:

Mastering The Art of Letting Go

Over the course of my lifetime I have had many friends, family and one exhusband whom I had to say goodbye to. Sometimes I was the one being left behind, such as when my sister died. Sometimes I did the leaving such as occurred with my ex. Sometimes we both did the leaving such as with some of my friends. The pain of letting go is not imaginary. It’s physical. Even when both parties agree it’s time to let go, the pain is still there. Letting go is tough because the mind with its discernment of “it’s time!” can be out of sync with the heart which loves without judgment or reserve.

There are two aspects to master when letting go of someone. The first is an emotional/chemical aspect. Just because the other person that you’ve loved has turned into an abusing ******* the heart doesn’t flip a switch and stop loving. This can be a physically painful time. The brain has been creating chemicals associated with the feelings of love generated with an energetic link to the loved one. When the energetic link is severed, the brain stops creating that chemistry and the cells of the body go through withdrawal symptoms. Hence, the physical pain of it all. This of course doesn’t include the anguish and grief of the heart. Grief is a group of emotions that has it’s own sense of timing. Your task is to be mindful of feelings of grief and fully experience them. Like the waves of an ocean, grief will rise at certain times and then recede. Breathing through the most potent part of the feelings will help the waves recede more quickly.

Below is a meditation that you can use to support the body as it goes through physical changes when letting go. If you’re with someone who’s willing to do this with you as a ceremony for saying goodbye, please share it with them.

Bring your awareness into your body with your breath. See the person you are letting go in front of you. Acknowledge that person and express appreciation to her or him for all the gifts they have brought you. Take your time with this. When you are ready state, “I choose to release our energetic, karmic, physical, and emotional/mental bonds of relationship in the vibration of love.” Send yourself and the person a heartfelt blessing for the next stages of your journeys. Now, tune into the feelings of love that you first felt for the person. With your perceptions and intention, shift that love link from the person to the Divine Source of love. This Divine Source is known as the Beloved in Sufi teachings. Allow your feelings of love to link to this Beloved. Feel yourself receiving the love from this source and expressing your love to this source. Affirm that all your relationships now and in the future are infused with the Beloved energy. Affirm that you aren’t losing love or the connection to the Beloved, only shifting the form. In the beginning process of letting go, repeat this meditation several or more times during the day.

Sometimes, you are ready to let go but the other person isn’t. This can cause pain for both of you, as you feel his or her pain as well as your own. Or the other person is perhaps mentally unbalanced and isn’t going to let you go in a healthy and perhaps even frightening way. What’s being asked for here is a karmic intervention. The Lords of Karma are a group of beings who, with your request, can bring a karmic intervention. This involves not only releasing all karmic contracts and energetic connections, but balances the energetic scales between you and the other person. When you withdraw your energy from another person in any state but love, it creates a rebound affect that can snap back and affect you. Karmic intervention brings in energy in the vibration of love for both sides. There’s no judgment about right or wrong. It’s a blessing for everyone. This also works if someone has left you abruptly, and you are finding it hard to move on. Before beginning make sure you’ve done the energetic healing above with the person involved.

Follow your breath and bring your awareness into your body. Ask to connect to the Lords of Karma. Ask for a karmic intervention with (name of the person) in past, present and future. Wait for the energy to quit shifting before you move on. Next ask for a karmic intervention with anyone else who might have been affected by the break up. If you know who these people are say their names one by one (such as your children, coworkers, etc.) After each name wait for the energy to move through you completely. You may get intuitive insights at this point to ask the Lords of Karma. Make your request. If it isn’t accepted, there’ll be a nonresponse. Complete by expressing gratitude to the Lords of Karma and all the people you are letting go.

As the initial physical and emotional responses of letting someone go balance out, you can begin to turn toward the future and open your heart to future possibilities.
http://scienceofenergyhealing.com/mastering-the-art-of-letting-go/

posted November 29, 2009 12:55 PM         

We are all human, and this isn't nicely packaged censored american tv show. Stuff happens. We all make both good and bad choices. Life happens while we plan for stuff (like Lennon said) ... you did the best you could.

I am in astrology hating phase as well. It's made me a little delusional so I really do know what it's like.

Do the best you can. That's really all anyone can do. And don't beat yourself up over any of this.

posted November 29, 2009 03:02 PM         

I know a Cancer lady who was married to a Taurus for 8 years in her 20s. They tried to have a child for a very long time but it never happened. She also had some health problems and she thought she could not get pregnant at all. Their relationship went down hill and eventually they split.

A couple of years later she met another Taurus man (through work, not clubbing). She was so sure she couldn't conceive that she had completely given up and she wasn't taking the pill or anything. Unexpectedly she got pregnant at 31. She is now in her early 40s, married to the second Taurean with a beautiful daughter (Cap/Gemini/Pisces Asc)

You can't predict what happens in life, so maybe this is for the best. Maybe it’s just not meant to be with this guy. He sounds very possessive & immature. Not a good combination.

I think you should follow through with the gut feeling you had in 2007 and stay in Germany with your family for a while! I think you need to be away from this person..
:edit: Also - it's probably best not to let him know you are leaving. Simply cut contact. Send him an SMS saying you are not actually pregnant (once you're in Germany - not before) & never speak to him again.

posted November 29, 2009 04:06 PM         

You're plenty young enough to meet someone else and have the family you are craving. It will work out better than things would have been if you had stuck it out with this person.

I always liked your posts. You sound like an honest person, no, not always perfect but few people are - at least you admit it.

posted November 29, 2009 08:49 PM         

you deserve so much fuc@ing better then a taurus with a cancer risging oh please.

you tell this mamas boy to take his knickers and p!ss off. find your self a nice bloke eyy. And if he tries to mess with ya call me ill grab him by his yardballs and yank em off right.

you need to heal yourself, spend some time alone and meditate, and just find some spiritual healing. for yourself it would be good for you.

posted November 30, 2009 04:43 AM         

Well, I can't speak for all the users on lindaland. But I think they'd all agree with me
that, it must have taken you a lot of courage to say that openly on this forum and share it
in the open like that. You deserve a pat on the back for that.

Your not that old, as long as your not in your mid 30's your still young and
besides he doesn't deserve the financialy security you have already secured at your age.

Movinging into a house at 26 is pretty good and having most of the financial ground work
you need is also something you should be proud about.

I know plenty of 20 yrs olds that are having worse financial problems, let alone moving into
a home they can afford.

I'm trying to highlight the postive things in your life that you should think of that can keep you going forward

------------------------------------------
Capircorn Rising
Gemini Sun, 5th House
Aries Moon
Mercury in Gemini
Venus In Taurus

posted November 30, 2009 07:34 AM         

"Don't fight against it!, it will come back more worse.."
I got this advice myself when I was full of pain, anger, hate, disappointment etc.
It helped.

~~~~Theres so much i want to say to him but im holding back because i know nothing will change and it will just be me subconciously still trying to hold on by proving hes wrong.~~~~