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  The Seven Stages of Grief

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Author Topic:   The Seven Stages of Grief
venus in gemini

Posts: 266
From: Florida
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 02, 2010 05:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for venus in gemini     Edit/Delete Message
For anyone going through the pain of loss, I hope this helps...

The Seven Stages of Grief

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

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Posts: 13
From: kokomo, IN, USA
Registered: Dec 2009

posted January 02, 2010 06:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for seeleah     Edit/Delete Message
Hey hon...thank you for the post. It was timely that you did this today when this particular subject came up to me today The universe works in interesting ways. Anyways, I am going through a divorce right now and in many ways, as you know, you go through these exact stages. Thank you for posting that..and my heart goes out to you. May we both get through this and be better people for it hang in there honey.

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Posts: 2531
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 02, 2010 08:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you VIG

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Posts: 74
From: Virginia
Registered: May 2009

posted January 08, 2010 04:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for JustAmanda     Edit/Delete Message
Wow...this is great. Thank you for posting this Venus! I too am going through a very bad divorce, one of which I did not want. So, the "death" of my marriage is very much real. I have been in the Depression, Reflection, Loneliness state for several weeks now. I *think* I'm finally coming out of it a bit...but these emotions are very real.

Thank you agian for posting.

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