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Author Topic:   Taurus needs desperate help with Pisces
starscrowned
Knowflake

Posts: 8
From: Anaheim, CA USA
Registered: Jan 2010

posted January 12, 2010 11:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for starscrowned     Edit/Delete Message
Hi everyone. This is my first time here and I need some serious help. I know very little about this kind of thing. Iím a Taurus female 5/17/84 who has been dating a Pisces male 2/28/78 for more than a year now, off and on.
When we first started dating he was very cuddly and kissy, and we had sex all the time, but I only saw him maybe twice a week and we fought a lot. he had his seperate life and I had mine. Then about 4 months in he started playing the typical pisces head-games and I didnt understand the pisces at all so i became incredibly insecure and jealous. I didnít understand why he wouldnt add me to his facebook, why he still flirted with exes and kept errotic pics of ex gfs. I broke up with him 4 times now and in September asked him never to call me again because i was through.

In late October (after 3+ weeks) he practicaly begged me to come backÖi was still in love with him so I did. Things have been very different. We practically live together, though we have seperate apartments and we do everything together. I understand him so much more so there is no more drama, but he wont kiss me at all!! We have sex MAYBE twice a month, and we only cuddle when heís been drinking. I dont understandÖhe always initiates me coming over and our relationship seems fine, but I dont understand why we arenít more physical? Iím afraid to say anything because i know heíll either divert or lie to not hurt me, and Iím afraid to initiate sex at at allÖdoes he not want me? is he only with me out of fear of being alone?
i never know what to believe sometimes. one day heíll tell me heís never liked anyone as much as he likes me (he even said "I love you" once) and asks me to move away with him, the next day he doesnít want me to sleep over and seems distant. We donít fight at all anymore but we dont do anything else either (hardly)Ö When Iím with him I never suspect cheating, although I have a strong feeling he was with someone else when I first met him and Iíve a gut feeling he was with someone else in october when we werenít technically together. I suspect she was the reason for the fighting and breakup.

I am more than willing to work with him if I only knew what he wanted from me, you know? If he wants space bc he needs space, totally ok with that. But I just donít get it sometimes. I am very giving and understanding, but I have needs tooÖ Someone please please help.

I've asked several sites and no one can answer me. The Pisces men on this site seem amazingly insightful. I would SOOO apprecaite your help on this! I can't stop crying and its becoming overwhelming.


------------------
><> Taurus Girl

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Deux*Antares
Knowflake

Posts: 724
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 12, 2010 11:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Deux*Antares     Edit/Delete Message
You already know the answer to your question. My question is: are you happy with him? If not, then why are you still with him? Do you think he will change? It doesn't matter what he wants from you. The only thing that should matter to you is your happiness. I think you already know that he is giving you more agony than joy. You need to have a healthy amount of self-love before you can have a loving relationship with a partner.

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GypseeWind
Moderator

Posts: 2267
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted January 12, 2010 01:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
I'm so sorry Starscrowned, that you are in such pain.

I wish I had something good to say.
To Me, the fact that he won't kiss you is a huge red flag.
Some people find kissing more intimate than having sex. So, while he may be able to have sex with you (sometimes) the fact that he doesn't want to kiss you troubles me.
Also, him only wanting to cuddle you when he has been drinking is not a good sign either.

Pisces usually don't like to be without a partner. Yes, they do require alone time, but there always seems to be someone in their lives, tied to them somehow.

I also think you deserve better. I know it hurts, but think what you may be missing out on, by waiting for him to act the way you want. It may never happen, and why should you be miserable?

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starscrowned
Knowflake

Posts: 8
From: Anaheim, CA USA
Registered: Jan 2010

posted January 12, 2010 01:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for starscrowned     Edit/Delete Message
It troubles me as well. And I really don't have any answer to the question. I really am vexed by it.

He seems like he always wants me around. He calls me constantly and wants to see me every day. But I don't know why the intimacy stopped. The kissing only happened at the beginning...who knows. Maybe he really does hate kissing. But the no sex thing is really hurting. I initiated once or twice and he didnt resist, but its just not the same.

Do you think its just that he's used to me now after a year and he's more comforable? He takes good care of me but he just doesn't touch me :-(

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GypseeWind
Moderator

Posts: 2267
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted January 12, 2010 02:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
I don't know. hmmm, have you ever just come right out and asked where you stand, what does he see in the future for you? Are you just like a best friend with sometimes benefits or does he see a long time future with you?

Do you know if he has had intimacy issues in the past, or what his childhood was like?

Also, can you post his chart, you will get more responses if you have the actual picture chart up.

I was drawn to your question because I am involved with a Pisces myself. They are very complex, aren't they. Mine does the same things about being really verbal about stuff one day, and then sort of cold the next, but when we were together the first time (right now, it's a long distance/computer thing) he was VERY physical, that is why I suggested you post his chart.

*Also, RE: drinking, alcohol is a depressant. How much does he use it? This does effect libido, and also he sounds like he may be depressed. Pisces keeps alot to themselves, maybe you are right about the girl from before, and maybe he is trying to get over her in his own way? I don't know, just a thought that popped in my head.

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starscrowned
Knowflake

Posts: 8
From: Anaheim, CA USA
Registered: Jan 2010

posted January 12, 2010 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for starscrowned     Edit/Delete Message
Here is is info according to an astrologist I've consulted:

Sun 9 Pis 45 Pluto 16 Lib 14
Moon 18 Sco 27 N. Node 6 Lib 06
Mercury 11 Pis 08 Asc. 15 Gem 34
Venus 18 Pis 48 MC 0 Pis 45
Mars 22 Can 18 2nd cusp 9 Can 48
Jupiter 26 Gem 12 3rd cusp 3 Leo 43
Saturn 26 Leo 08 5th cusp 3 Lib 17
Uranus 16 Sco 22 6th cusp 10 Sco 05
Neptune 18 Sag 12

Tropical Placidus Standard time observed
GMT: 17:00:00 Time Zone: 5 hours West
Lat. and Long. of birth: 25 N 34 49 80 W 20 49

Aspects and orbs:
Conjunction:7 Deg 00 Min Trine: 5 Deg 00 Min
Opposition:5 Deg 00 Min Sextile:4 Deg 00 Min
Square: 5 Deg 00 Min Quincunx: 3 Deg 00 Min
Conjunct Asc: 3 Deg 00 Min Above, 5 Deg 00 Min Below


I dunno his exact birth time so that is estimated.

As for drinking. He's an alcoholic. While this does decrease libido, as you said, we used to do it all the time, drunk or not.

Its so hard for me. I love him dearly but find it hard to express myself for fear. I appreciate any and all help.

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starscrowned
Knowflake

Posts: 8
From: Anaheim, CA USA
Registered: Jan 2010

posted January 12, 2010 03:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for starscrowned     Edit/Delete Message
Here is is info according to an astrologist I've consulted:

Sun 9 Pis 45 Pluto 16 Lib 14
Moon 18 Sco 27 N. Node 6 Lib 06
Mercury 11 Pis 08 Asc. 15 Gem 34
Venus 18 Pis 48 MC 0 Pis 45
Mars 22 Can 18 2nd cusp 9 Can 48
Jupiter 26 Gem 12 3rd cusp 3 Leo 43
Saturn 26 Leo 08 5th cusp 3 Lib 17
Uranus 16 Sco 22 6th cusp 10 Sco 05
Neptune 18 Sag 12

Tropical Placidus Standard time observed
GMT: 17:00:00 Time Zone: 5 hours West
Lat. and Long. of birth: 25 N 34 49 80 W 20 49

Aspects and orbs:
Conjunction:7 Deg 00 Min Trine: 5 Deg 00 Min
Opposition:5 Deg 00 Min Sextile:4 Deg 00 Min
Square: 5 Deg 00 Min Quincunx: 3 Deg 00 Min
Conjunct Asc: 3 Deg 00 Min Above, 5 Deg 00 Min Below


I dunno his exact birth time so that is estimated.

As for drinking. He's an alcoholic. While this does decrease libido, as you said, we used to do it all the time, drunk or not.

Its so hard for me. I love him dearly but find it hard to express myself for fear. I appreciate any and all help.

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vapor-lash
Knowflake

Posts: 541
From:
Registered: Nov 2009

posted January 12, 2010 10:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
*sigh* I don't know where to start..

I'll try to break things down because I had a lot of *thoughts* when I looked at your synastry (some positive, some pessimistic)

First of all, you're one of the best sexually matched couples I've personally seen. I am not a professional astrologer (though I could get a degree in Pisces maniology LOL) and I've looked at several synastries, friends and family etc..

You have Venus/Mars *all* in close aspect to each other.. Venus to Venus, Mars to Mars, Venus 2 Mars double whammy. These are all easy aspects: trines & sextiles. It feels great to be around this person physically. Your bodies feel extremely comfortable and in-tune. Whenever you are in the same general space or room, you'll quite naturally gravitate to each other.
I can't imagine how perfect and satisfying sex would be for you BOTH - considering those aspects (and how close they all are).

__________________________________________

Now comes the (unfortunately longer & more complicated) pessimistic side of things..

Leaving sex aside - a HUGE dynamic between you in my opinion - is his sheer lack of earth and your dominance in earth. Taurus, being a fixed sign is a symbol of strength, staying power and ability to stand on your own two feet. Your Pisces is extremely watery.. All of his personal planets are in water. This is rather unusual, because a great majority of people will have at least a couple of elements represented at the Sun/Moon/Mercury/Venus/Mars level.

This tells me he is an unusual person.. in some way "special" - He probably has some amazing talents, whether musical or artistic. But he is also an extremely fragile person. Emotionally & Psychologically FRAGILE is a perfect way to describe him. It's very difficult for him to exist and carry on from day to day.. in this life that he perceives as mundane.. that he actually has no desire to be a part of.

I think the problems you are having might be that - this guy *needs* you, but he is not necessarily in love with you. Judging by your charts he definitely needs you to *survive* from day to day.. a lot more than you need him. You could easily become his proverbial "rock". A symbol of your relationship could be something like a sailor lost at sea in the middle of a storm - with the only thing guiding him being a particular lighthouse on the shore. You're the lighthouse!

Now that he knows you, he probably realizes how lost he was before he met you..
I'm not sure how else to explain that. Having no earth there at all and THAT much water.. It's extremely easy for him to get lost in depression, in drugs - in anything.
You seem like a "saving grace" from all of this - because with your Taurus stellium he sees you as the picture of stability.

This guy is far from being a survivalist.. His survival instinct is extremely low. But even so, I guess we all have an instinct how ever small to keep on keeping on.. and somewhere deep down he knows that if he is in the middle of a drug induced coma or an alcoholic fit.. somehow YOU could save him from himself.. because you're very stable - you're very realistic.. you're alive in the HERE and NOW.. whilst he often feels like he's not *all* here.

Another important side to your story-line.. is personal TO transpersonal differences. Wherever he has Pisces - you have Taurus. They are sextile which is good, but it is not the easiest sextile to manage. Transpersonal energy looks out to the world, the whole world.. the universe and beyond.. Whatever they do - they do for the world.. and not necessarily for particular people. As a personal sign - your Taurus nature wants something stable, grounded.. you want a man you can touch - a man who is THERE 100%.. From your perspective - this guy may well be a dreamboat.. not a "man" in flesh and bone.

Due to the way this dynamic comes across to me.. I would tell you that this is not the best guy for you. This is just my astrological opinion (and please don't take it too much to heart - I don't know either of you and there is only so much astrology can tell you. If you do want this to work as a relationship - ultimately anything can work - but I don't think this will be easy for either of you, and in particular for you).
I think you may end up feeling drained and used.

However, I also think this is a karmic relationship - and thus, on some level you have a "duty" to be there for this person.. and you *can* do that if you like.. but be extremely careful! There is only so much you can give - before you burn out. Make your boundaries clear and stick to them. This will not be easy for him to understand because he has no concept of "boundaries" at all.. so you may feel either physically or psychologically "invaded" by him at times (without your permission).


_____________________________________________


When It comes to the specific problems you are having (although I see these problems as the icing on a sizable chocolate cake..)

- No kissing
- Not enough sex
- You don't understand him..

The way I would interpret his behaviour is this: He needs you (as I mentioned). He knows that he *needs* you.. But he is not in love with you. At some point he realized that the sex and the kissing was leading you on.. He is sexually attracted and enjoys sex with you, but this (just like all his past relationships) - will probably not get serious - he is very much unable to keep a romantic relationship going.. In fact many things in his life may be started and never finalized.. not *only* relationships.

He probably does not want to hurt you so he drifts between leaving - so that you don't have to put up with his psychological mess in your life (and he probably has issues to spare).. and coming back because he is sexually attracted and because.. you make him feel alive - when he usually feels a little on the "dead" side.

The fact that you don't understand him and that he is not being clear.. is very typical of a personal sign to transpersonal sign dynamic - mainly when Pisces is involved (because the Neptunian Myst is extremely confusing).. I don't think there is too much to do about this in particular.. I'm not sure that you *can* understand him.. or that he is able to be *clear* on anything.

This ^ is another reason why I don't think he's the best guy for you.

_____________________________________________

My advice - after this very very long post is to do your best to always put YOU first.. If you feel things are getting out of hand.. If there is too much pain or aggravation.. love yourself enough to LEAVE.

If you think you can remain friends with this guy - and not get into something more sexual or romantic - that would be the best situation I can think of (but judging by your very sexual aspects, I'm not sure whether I can see this happening)
Don't get sucked into being his saviour.. You *can* help.. but not to the point where you feel drained.

I went to such lengths to answer this - because I am a little worried about you. As a triple Taurus girl ‚Äď a personal sign (even if the Saggy moon may help).. you just aren't equipped to deal with this kind of mess. I wouldn't want this to take its toll on you in a very negative way.

Whatever problems he has - remember that they are HIS problems.. Not yours!
He doesn't want to kiss you? - this is NOT you.. It's not you being unattractive or whatever else.. It's him being basket case of ISSUES - issues that are incomprehensible to most people.. possibly including himself.

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Deux*Antares
Knowflake

Posts: 724
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 13, 2010 02:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Deux*Antares     Edit/Delete Message
Vapor-lash, very good advice.

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starscrowned
Knowflake

Posts: 8
From: Anaheim, CA USA
Registered: Jan 2010

posted January 13, 2010 11:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for starscrowned     Edit/Delete Message
Vaporlash...wow...your post made me cry. Thats def not I wanted to hear, but probably what I needed to hear. I feel like an idiot now since following someone else's advice to step out of my own comfort zone to try and be more emotional in order to spark his affections. So I've been trying to be more cuddly and two days ago I even told him I love him and am afraid to lose him (after having a nightmare that he didn't want me).

He is like two different people. Ugh...I wish I could do something to bring back that spark. :-(

I've never loved someone so much...and been so frustrated before in my life. At the begining I didn't trust him and kept breaking up with him. But he kept dragging me back into his life until I finally let my gaurd down, and this is where I'm at.

With him, trusting my instints is like catching the wind. :-(

vaprolash, can you send me an email? starscrowned@yahoo.com

Thanks so much for your care. It means a lot...I'm feeling super lonely and hurt

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vapor-lash
Knowflake

Posts: 541
From:
Registered: Nov 2009

posted January 14, 2010 05:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
starscrowned - I just sent you an email

I'm really sorry to have made you cry

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MsCandeh
Knowflake

Posts: 434
From: Australia
Registered: Jul 2009

posted January 14, 2010 08:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsCandeh     Edit/Delete Message
starscrowned ((hugs)) for you

I've been in a similar position to you .. was with a Pisces for 3 years then two years of ... not sure what to call it.. but we had some issues that you have takled about. I am also a 1984 Taurus (12 May) and I can totally relate to how you're feeling ! My Pisces is 10 Mar 1979 (Pisces Sun and Mars, Leo moon, Gem ASC)

The lack of kissing during sex, WHEN you have sex is a BIG RED FLAG as others have said. The fact you are getting upset about it / noticing there is a problem is a huge sign. Me and my Pisces went through hell and high water... but he never withdrew sex from me. We have Venus sextile Mars, like you two do. It was the other way around when I found out he had lied to me about a lot of things. I was his "rock" as he put it, and he is definitely more spiritual and very artistic, he saw the world differently. He was never an alcoholic but did have substance abuse problems which dramatically decreased once we started going out, but he still did these things behind my back. It was like a constant battle though we ferociously loved each other.
Being a 1984 Taurus you probably see the world very logically/black and white (Jupiter in Capricorn as well), but are an intense lover with Mars in Scorpio. The total opposite of Pisces. My Pisces also has no earth placements apart from a Virgo Saturn which is a mutable sign anyway. Pisces see the world through rose-coloured glasses (genearlly speaking), in comparison to us more grounded Taureans Do you have synastry charts you can post up here?

You are his ROCK and he realises that once you are not there. He may love you in his own way, but not the way you would like him to love you. You are both coming from two different planets.

It is of course your decision, but once you move on you will realise you will be better off with someone else by the sounds of it. I put up with game-playing for 5 years before I realised that I wanted/needed to move on. I did, and he realised what he had too late. But it was just that.. too late. We are still friends and I care for him very deeply, and I feel the pain inside of him (it's really hard to see him so broken up over us), but I feel much better/free now.

I read about Pisces that you never really have ALL of them. The only evidence I ever had of "having" him was when I moved on. That's not enough for us Taureans.. If he is playing these games with you, you will never be happy to settle for that!!! Or if you do, you will fight tooth and nail to get him to commit to something and it will be a constant struggle. You want someone who loves you entirely. Would it make you happy to have someone only show you their devotion/love/whatever! when you withdraw from them? Sounds like you need to sit down with him and lay down some ground rules. Lay your cards on the table. If he doesn't want to play it your way, then you will need to make a decision based on that.

I'm only speaking from experience, but as we have similar chart placements I thought you may approach relationships similarly to myself.

I wish you the best of luck!

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hippichick
Knowflake

Posts: 189
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted January 14, 2010 09:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with all the posts here, being one and being in-love with one, I surely can empathasize.

Pisces do not play headgames and there is nothing typical about us, cept for our inablilty to hurt another.

This was the vibe I got from the opening post. We have tremendous difficulties hurting another cause, ultimately, we hurt ourselves, so we avoid at all costs. Except for the Pisces scorned, then be-ware.

I agree, he is probably not "inlove" with you, but he has his own needs and really would rather swim away than deal with the issues at hand.

be blessed

t~~~

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GeminiFront
Knowflake

Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 15, 2010 02:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiFront     Edit/Delete Message
Starscrowned, I just wanted to share my sympathy with you. I'm a Taurus myself. My last 5 year relationship was with a Pisces moon. I feel every word you and Safat (in the other thread) said. Pisces can be so loving when they're with you, but they don't have the will and practicality to hold it together and make it work. It would be so much easier to hate and leave them if they actually have malice, but they don't. They don't mean to but they do hurt people with their way. You can feel they need help. You want to help them but they won't even make themselve helpable. In the end they just think it's not meant to be without even trying. It's hard for us Taurus to understand because our will is so strong being fixed earth.

Be strong. Time will heal. Don't make his problems yours if he can't even help himself.

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