posted January 31, 2010 12:12 AM         

This got me to wondering...Our hearts are not made of bone, but merely are a muscle.
A very important muscle which pumps blood to our brain and throughout our circulatory system.

Why after so many heartaches don't our hearts just become, stressed or compressed or just refuse to do their jobs.

I know we are speaking of the heart in terms of emotions, when it's really a muscle.
But this is a rant about how tired mine is.
After one physically abusive marriage, and a second mentally abusive one...I dunno.

For three years my husband and I have lived separate lives without divorce because it isn't practical financially.
And in that time, I've had two relationships. One that lasted 5 months and ended by this man running off with my friend to Chicago.
The second with someone (and it's still lingering) who is some years younger than me, and has some significant issues.

Now, I've been conversing with an ex, online for 3 months, and it seems to be getting me nowhere.

So, maybe it's my flawed choices in men.
I'm fine with taking the blame. But, how do you just change up what you like? Your type? It is in my chart to fall for difficult, emotionally unavailable men, and I don't see how I will just wake up one morning and say, NOPE, no more of that, I will now only like X type of men, I mean this is engrained into every aspect of my personality!

But in truth my stress-fractured heart has had about all in can take.
I've tried to be alone, but I can't, I'm just one of those people who always wants to be connected with another human being.

posted January 31, 2010 04:58 AM         

There is a lesson in it all for you & that's really far from a comforting thought to give you, so I'll just give you a hug instead.

posted February 01, 2010 06:40 PM         

You are right.

posted February 04, 2010 10:40 PM         

I will check out that song, I will!

Thank you for your beautiful words. And for the Astro info, I never know that stuff unless someone points it out for me, lol.

Hmm, I dunno if I'm feeling the butterfly thing yet.
You know how it is, another day older, another wrinkle or crinkle or somethings always up.
I'm thinking a make over is in order maybe..

As far as attracting someone new....sigh...

I don't like new, I am afraid of new, and starting all over from square one, gulp.
I just wish the "old" ones could be "fixed."
I guess I always expect too much.

And my good friend looked at my chart and said that I live in a fairy world of my own imaginings. I project onto the world MY reality instead of myself seeing the real reality.
I used to think that this was a gift maybe it's a hinderance, I'm not sure.

And maybe, just maybe, I am more in love with the idea of love then really having it. Just a thought, I dunno really.

posted February 05, 2010 08:28 AM         

Talk about wrinkles, I have deep worry lines and a furrow in my brow and I swear I'd look 20 years younger if I didn't have these battle scars. Having bangs helps a little. Still trying to accept these with grace. They surely represent my character in my story.

There is always hope and Faith and BELIEF that this old love can have his spirit made new, too. I see nothing wrong with expecting miracles, which is the power of positive thinking.

I can relate to the fairy tale stuff. I'm a house divided...one part dreamer, other jaded cold heart. Since I discovered my 5th house Venus in Taurus, well that explained a lot. Astro.com has a good article on the 5th house. Mentions the gypsy spirit, a strong desire for romance. Apparently I really crave and repress this side of myself. My 12th House Leo hides my Princess desires for sure.

This birthing process is painful, but I know the eternal promise of Springtime's renewal. These outer planets in Virgo and Scorpio will aid in our healing and transformation.

Oh yeah, I discovered my Cupid and Spirit asteroids in Sag. More arrows to/from the heart?

May we keep healing and learning.

posted February 05, 2010 11:04 AM         

My Venus is in sag in 8th along with my sun.
Sounds glitzy but actually it's pretty lonely.

In the 7th I have Nept/merc in Scorpio, as well as my SN. So, you see, I feel comfy will Plutonians, Pluto is number one in my own chart using Pullen.
I have a t-square involving Uranus and Venus as well. (blechhy)

And I quit looking up asteroids, because the ones I would look up would seem to always be in Pisces, and so is Chiron. OUCH.

NOT to mention Saturn in the 12th.

Honestly, I'm starting to think that I am not meant to have the kind of love story that you see depicted in movies, but you know, once you come to terms with these things, it seems okay. It's the not knowing why you are the way you are, and the constant STRUGGLE that is the hard part.

I don't know if you were here when we talked about wrinkles before. LOL> and the misfortunate placements of gravity.
But, I have two lines between my eyebrows, that is my only wrinkle. I hate them, cause if I'm not smiling (which is kinda rare) I look really mad! This is also a trait of Aries Asc, I've read.
But, I blame my poor eyesight on this, as I've been a frowner in the bright lights since I was a child. And my Mom said, "if you keep making that face, it's gonna freeze that way." Don't you hate when your Mom is right? I still do. (-:

As for gravity, here is my ode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TErQbwHHh_w

and while I'm on him, this describes my relationships, perfectly....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwMfS594qfE

posted February 05, 2010 12:59 PM         

I LOVE the metaphysical aspect of my vocation.

I have found people who get cancer are generally angry, but can't express their anger, people with severe lung ailments can't express themselves with something they have to say, and people that suffer heart conditions are always broken-hearted.

The flow of life, the life energy, love, has been constricted in a way and becomes unable to flow due to emotional damage to the heart, resulting in physical damage.

My clinical "specialty" is cardiology and in talking to heart patients, they are always heart-broken in some way, always love-forlorned, depressed, etc.

But I have discovered, from my own cardiac issues, (and my man's) that it is up to us to heal ourselves, to take our own hearts and heal them with ourselves.

Easier said than done, blessings to you, lovely lady...

beautiful thread!

posted February 05, 2010 02:10 PM         

I've seen this myself with Cancer and heart disease.

AND, here is a crazy, but true story...

When I was in high school I dated this blonde, blue-eyed Saggie man. Seriously, this put me off blondes and Saggies for life, it did.
Anyway, he broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with him. I was still a virgin, Lord, I was only 15 years old!
Anyway, the next girl he got with, like a day or two later, he stayed with and ended up marrying.

So, about 10 years ago, an old high school friend of mine calls me up to tell me that Mr. Saggie had a sex change!!
I couldn't believe this!! I asked around, and it turned out to be true.

I guess him and his wife remained close though, and they never bothered with a divorce.

So, fast forward to a couple months ago, and suddenly his wife is on FB asking for prayers for Mr. Saggie, as he had come down with this strange cardiac ailment.

I cannot remember the name of it, it was very foreign sounding. Maybe you know it, though, Hippichick.
So, somebody else put a link up about this disease, and it's referred to as "the broken heart disease."

posted February 05, 2010 10:19 PM         

Well, alot of different things are going to come into play here, so don't be alarmed. Maybe in your case your other placements are strong, and nothing will happen to you, especially since you are AWARE of the possibility ahead of time, I was not.

Also, I would advise to stay away from any kind of drugs and alcohol.
I abused my body in younger years and am paying for that now.

You are a Taurus sun, yes?
I think your strong sun will do good for you, because you have the earth sensibility which I do not, with very little Earth in my chart.

Alot of my health issues were in effect caused by my own rash behaviour, and my own ignorance of my body telling me things were wrong.

Try to avoid stress as much as you can. Don't stay in any abusive relationships.

These things may sound like common sense, but looking back, these are the areas where I went wrong.
But I had a really awful childhood, and that plays a part as well, I'm hoping that you didn't.

Stay strong in mind, body, and spirit, and you should be just fine.

posted February 06, 2010 11:53 PM         

How funny... actually not, I'm used to synchronicity on this website, but, I was just thinking about this last night and today.

I used to be such a hard rocking kinda girl. Well, I still am, that will never change, but, I remember in the 80's and 90's having such distain for goopy romantic music! I would cringe if someone played Michael Bolton or John Marx on the jukebox.

Now, I look at my myspace and there it is.. filled with John Mayer and Dave Matthews, and I thought, "OMG, I have become a cliche'!"

posted February 12, 2010 01:48 PM         

I know what you mean about needing someone in your life. I'm the same way. I've been divorced now for about 4 years and it's taken me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin. After almost a 10 yr marriage, you kind of lose yourself in the other person. So when that relationship ends, you end up feeling so lost and so you look for someone to fill that hole. I didn't think I'd have as bad of a reaction since I was the one who asked for the divorce. But it was worse than I thought it would be. Just this past year I've finally felt like I know who I am again. And I can honestly say that I'm okay being alone...for now. I still get lonely, but I'm not depressed about it like I used to be. And I think that once I found that I was okay with myself, it stopped being so important.

I still fear being alone when I get older. For now I have my son, but when he's gone...yeah that's what I fear.

If I lived in Ohio we would SO go have a girls night out

posted February 12, 2010 02:44 PM         

Have you seen the Never-ending Story, Gypseewind? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M-ofFtw8Q0

I saw it again recently. Sort of gave me hope. I think it was shortly after watching it again actually that I found someone. Now I'm only worried because it seems too good to be true, lol. See, we can't win even when we win.

posted February 14, 2010 06:29 PM         

if you start off small, say try shopping at a different grocery store, try a different shampoo..you get into the habit of changing and liking change.

as well, try not to treat all encounters with men so seriously. treat everyone like a friend or a potential friend then it relieves the pressure of any expectations of something more.

and get hobbies or get involved in something or just stay busy doing stuff.

posted February 14, 2010 07:49 PM         

Taurean Scorpion; I am very interested in the tea you are talking about. I love tea. Can you buy this at any health food store or does it have to be specially ordered?