posted February 16, 2011 02:06 PM            

For me, it's only happened once that I fell for a guy eventually who was into me and I hadn't thought at first sight with him, "This guy is a love of my life and I MUST HAVE HIM!" That was very, very lucky. (Even though it didn't work out in the end.)

What matters to me is whether *I* am into the guy! Guys I am Not Into find me wildly irresistible--there aren't a lot of guys turned off by my breasts or my face or my sense of humor or my vibe. The only thing that ever turns guys off is my neediness!! And I never, ever have that quality with guys I don't want. This is true for lots of women--sure, it's much easier to attract and make things work with someone who is more interested than you are, but it's also settling for less than ecstasy and total gratification (except in rare cases like EES and her man, where it just worked out that she didn't know right away), so what's the point??

Anyway, it's lucky when a guy I'm desperately into is desperately into me and pursues me. You'll never, ever see me on Lindaland being like, "This guy I'm wildly attracted to asked me out and now we're happily dating, what should I do?" I'll be off with that guy. The last time that happened, I didn't come on here for like 6 months. And when I was in a long-term relationship for years, I didn't need help figuring any of this stuff out.

posted February 16, 2011 02:13 PM            

quote:

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but men cherish a woman they have to "work" to attain.

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Some women, too.

But not always, for either sex. Sometimes you are just so enraptured with each other that you're just hungry for lots of time together having sex and conversation and taking romantic trips. It depends on the relationship.

With my Libra ex, the fact that we each thought the other was "hard-to-get" was a turn on...we had a long flirtatious game going (we also have Pluto all over our synastry.)

With my most recent Aries, he and I both LOVE hard-to-get things (you can see it from our educations, our careers, the people we usually date), but for some reason, that kind of dynamic wasn't part of our foreplay. He just asked me out right away and we just wanted to be together all the time, no games.

I never ever want to play mixed-message games with a guy again unless we both know it's just emotional foreplay, and it only lasts like a week before he actually makes a move!

posted February 17, 2011 01:39 PM            

I too like things that come the hard way...and I work hard for everything in my life. career, home, family, love everything.

I'm beginning to see that the whole "how do i get him to DO this" thing that I have inside of me takes much of the fun out of dating. ( it must be the scorpio in me smh-oh so manipulative) Things either happen or they don't I need to learn to stop poking my relationships with a stick.

With my Libra ex we had that kind of emotional foreplay that you speak of, throughout the relationship and it was fun!...until it wasnt fun anymore-just horrible destructive manipulations mostly on his part.

posted February 17, 2011 01:41 PM            

"On the other hand, I have this feeling--and maybe it's a delusion--that even if a guy thought I was the most beautiful, sexy, interesting woman he'd ever met, and he knew there was a big vibe between us, if I ever called and told him I was attracted to him before he'd had a chance to chase me, his level of attraction to me would plummet immediately. I'm not sure why I feel this."

I don't think this is entirely true...I'm inviting any guy reading this to chime in and let me know whats what. I think making a guy AWARE that we're attracted to him is what we do-usu with flirting, smiling, eye contact...girlie stuff lol. But in my case because he was so blasted clueless and I barely had anytime in town I actually had to TELL him...but once I've made him aware of my attraction he still needs to do what men do to get me. He still has to come after me.

I think what you said earlier was correct, the only I'VE ever done myself to drive a guy who wanted me away is be needy...as in REALLY wanting to get the ball rolling, and its very hard to approach a guy and still not come off as needy, because there are a million other ways that we're showing them that we really like them at the same time, so i'm trying hard to control that, and its very hard... I had to grit my teeth and stop myself texting him the name of this song that helped me thru my own breakup in the middle of the night last night...ugh! My romantic side will be the death of me!