posted January 20, 2011 03:19 PM            

a month ago. I came into town ( we live far from on another ) he hung out with me my cous and best friend..and WOW...he looked so much older and was so much more mature..and of course was legal. lol

i really started to dig him that night...and the vibe between us was electric, I felt his eyes on me hard the entire time we were all to gether...the vibe was insane to the point where we were talkign in the hall way and when i went to hug him he had an erection...not from the hug from the convo...it blew my mind

He was coming out of a bad relationship..I mean seemed totally disgusted. Also he works constantly starting his business.

I left town and came into town over and over in vain to get him to visit me ( most of the texted were mass txts to my friends "hey guys i'm in town what are we doing")...i mean texted him teased him...i have had surgery and am in town for a long time...he has said he was going to visit...but never made it due to work...passed the date where i sed i would leave my trip got extended

He had called at one point..then hung up after one ring...i called him back 2 days later ( after my surgery ) he had made a joke like: I'm glad I didnt curl into a fetal position waiting on you to call me! huh? u barely called me i thought it was a mistake and u left no message. We talked for 2 hours...he told me the girl had moved out..due to my idiotic nurturing tendencies the convo was mainly aobut how he felt about the breakup and how he was coping

Anyway...Do you think he doesnt realize that I'm interested? That shouldnt matter if he's interested right. But still I mean I know he is going through some things, but we live in diff states-I would think he would want to SEE me given I just have surgery he is obviously ( ?) attracted to me and I live far away. I'm so confused - did i misread something. I feel like i put out all this energy to get him to come by so I could see if this vibe was something real and now i feel hurt, upset and really embarrassed.

posted January 21, 2011 10:27 PM            

If you want casual sex, and he is legal, make sure to spend in-person time with him when you're in town (and not under the knife!), and you as the older, Scorpio woman can make the physical move. He may well be interested AND know that you are attracted too, but have been too much in a Cancer breakup funk to make the effort to see you.

posted January 28, 2011 06:04 PM            

As I see it, you have three options – (1) cut your losses leave things as they’ve been for years, (2) Go the casual sex route – Cancer males do seem to find this healing but it will probably never develop into anything more, (3) Be a friend to him in this time of need. Call him periodically and be that nurturing wonderful person you are without expecting anything in return. Expect that he won’t always answer your calls – on his melancholy days he won’t talk to anyone. And in time, once he’s healed, you guys might have something more, or he might see you as just a friend. That’s the risk for you.

Keep us posted!!

Kindest regards,

posted February 01, 2011 03:35 PM            

so update. I AM definitely moving there ( I forgot to mention it was a possibility). I am definitely NOT interested in something casual-not with anyone and DEF not with hiim.

Called him and TOLD him how I felt (told him I know the timing is bad). He said he was shocked didnt know what to say..he got off the phone happy and chuckling and said he "we'll talk soon"

My cuz /his best calls me and keeps PRESSING me to come to a card game at his ( my cancer's) house. I was resistant to go because this invite wasnt with him. When I walk in with my best friend we were shocked to see a large pic he and I had taken together taped up prominently in his living room. He was obviously very into me the whole night

Ltr that night I was affectionate with him ( stroking his hair) I must have pushed a button, he started fussing with me kind of arguing pushing me away " I can't give you what you need!". *Sigh* He said he wanted nothing emotional after his breakup. undertandable, but there was no "yet" as in "i want nothing after my breakup...yet".

I very ineloquantly told iim I understood...I didnt do a good job of making him understand, I didnt WANT to date him right now...just a friend while I go home and pack and we each deal with our stresses.

posted February 07, 2011 06:12 PM            

@everevolving...thank you for your post but I have to respectfully disagree. I'm not sure exactly what the hell is going on with him. But I have never been so sure that a man is attracted to me as I am with him. He's pretty much said he;s attracted to me just not at a place to be in an emotional relationship. I guess my feelings are hurt that he didnt end that statment with "right now"..."not able to be in a relationship right now". But they say that crabs are really cranky? He never wants to let me get off the phone, ( even before I told him how i felt) didnt want me to leave the house that night, and I thought him putting that photo of us up on the wall like that was a big deal. Like a really big deal. Also I get the feeling that my cousin was trying hard to really GET me to come out to play cards that night. Like it was a bit of a setup

posted February 07, 2011 06:22 PM            

what do you mean by Mutable? My cancer friend went on a baby tirade and told me that he "have never been into strippers and hookers, but I would rather do that right now...i CAN"T to anything emotional." Because he was dealing with his breakup. He turned into a giant growling bear for like 5 minutes...I was astounded taken aback but at the same time I felt removed from it...it didnt seem like the temper tantrum had anything to do with me, he seemed to be reacting from his own stress...

posted February 08, 2011 01:07 AM            

I feel like at the beginning of this whole thing he was in a relationship...and he is freshly out of a relationship, that he bought a house for and intended on marrying and taking care of her baby..

I feel like maybe i'm just being an anxious scorpio and I need to give him time. One of my cousin's calls me a "burger king" girl...as in your way right away lol

I just hope that I can have the patience to learn how to let go and what will be the right thing will be the right thing.

posted February 08, 2011 11:17 AM            

If you TELL a Cancer you're interested, that translates into all sorts of pressure in his head...and that's if you've already slept together. Before you've slept together, it just basically takes away all the mystery and his ability to believe that he's following HIS OWN attraction and emotions...which is very important.

I actually can't think of any of the 12 signs where telling him you were attracted over the phone would be anything but a mistake...I really don't understand your motivations for that. I can see doing it in person. But now, I think your role in his life has changed....from someone he had the hots for but he didn't feel ready to hook up with, into an older woman who is flatteringly attracted to him who he has to let down gently.

I think you should move on. Since you are soooo direct and straightforward, a better match is not a rebounding Cancer. They need to be seduced. And then after the seduction, they might frustratingly crabwalk away. But you cut it off at the pass, shortcutting to the crabwalk point before the seduction happened. It would be a real mistake to continue hoping and waiting for this to pan out into something, because I can imagine it just awakening your obsessive tendencies--waiting for him to call, fantasizing about him. And that will make it even less likely to go anywhere.

If you leave off, even in your head, and just focus on other people and things, maybe it could still come around again when he's not rebounding. I think he was sexually attracted before, and this has dampened his sexual attraction. So if you back off a whole lot, that's its best shot.

quote:

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But the next day when I sobered up I was a bit upset and to be honest, I'm looking forward to a time where I can let hiim know that I'm a little upset that he wasnt more sensitive towards my feelings.

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God, NO!! His whole strippers thing was about letting you know that by putting sexual and emotional pressure on him, you weren't being sensitive to HIS feelings. And now you want to put more emotional pressure on him, before there's even any sex?

posted February 08, 2011 11:25 AM            

quote:

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There just seems to be alot of "I really want this guy and he's unresponsive, but I know deep down he really loves me" posts popping up around here, and it's sort of like nails on a chalkboard.

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Ever-evolving spirit, I agree. But I think a lot of the guys who inspire women to post on an astrology messageboard are seriously sending mixed messages.

posted February 08, 2011 07:20 PM            

@Lucia- LOL, as time is going on im beginning to look back on this as comical. I dont think i blew it with the phone call, it had to be done...we have been around each other enough times for him to get the picture and he says he still had no idea..I'm actually kind of shy to be honest, and thats how I came across when I told him. When he was kid he was so aggressive that he made me nervous as hell!

NOW-I'm NOT shy once i've been drinking-so the second time I agree I think I pushed too hard. But regardless, he's not a freaking weeping willow ( my frustration is with HIM not YOU lol!). Cancer or no,man up.
He went from looking at me like he wanted to lick me off of his plate, and posting up our picture in his house like i was his girlfriend, to fussing me out while still trying to find excuses to get me to stay the night, the repeatedly asking me to call him when I got home even tho i was with someone to not responding when I text...he needs ( and I say this lovingly) an exorcist!

I've never told a guy i was interested first in my life, so i'm really proud of myself that I did it and I dont regret it.

But yes I will follow your advice and just let him do his thing...i was already planning on doing that, but what you guys said cements it. I'm out of state so the next time I see him it will have been two months.

posted February 11, 2011 06:42 PM            

@Benedict Moon. Thanks! I really appreciate you posting. I actually called him today, he seemed really happy to hear from me picked up the phone on the first ring, I asked him to help my mom move some of my stuff he jumped...sure! of course!, yeah man, whatever you need, i hadn't told him the day yet- he just seemd so eager to help. then he didnt want to get off the phone. I'm becoming increasingly confident that things will work themselves out. So now i can just concentrate on this whole finding new clients business. I still have another month and a half until I move back and he can have all the space in the world. Thanks to what you said I actually really am beginning to appreciate him for telling me that he couldnt do anything. Because you're right. Rebounds dont often work, so its best to let it "simmer" a bit.

posted February 12, 2011 09:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lucia23:
Ever-evolving spirit, I agree. But I think a lot of the guys who inspire women to post on an astrology messageboard are seriously sending mixed messages.

Now I see it as a Red Flag if I feel a little bit like posting on Lindaland.

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This all boils down to my "he's just not that into you concept" which is now a part of my philosophy. My belief is that when a man truly wants you, he will go after you, I feel like the success of a relationship depends on this. I chased my ex husband and the relationship was tumultuous, I let my current boyfriend chase me, not even on purpose, it's just that in the beginning I really wasn't that interested. He gave me his number, it took about two weeks for me to call him and he admitted to me later on that when I did finally call him he was super nervous LoL awww but men cherish a woman they have to "work" to attain.

It was to my advantage, I suppose, that I wasn't interested in him like that at first, I just thought he was super cool and that we could be friends, I admired his insight on relationships and his "guy's" POV so that was my original plan, but I began to fall for him after our first in depth conversation.

posted February 16, 2011 01:27 PM            

@ the "he's just not into you part" I agree, I'm going/I HAVE pulled back, not even pulled back just been busy minding my own business. We'll see if once he gets over his heartache he'll do the man thing. I'm finally beginning to get confident of two things, either he will give chase when he's more healthy, or he is a raving idiot. Lol! His attraction to me is so obvious I was confused as to why he didnt do something about it. In the meantime he is free to unpack ALL of my livingroom furniture-and if he gets so much as a scuff on anything its his a$$! Lol