posted April 07, 2011 06:31 AM            

Sure – live your life, be happy… Live and let live..
But please ditch the animosity – It brings bad karma.

The things you mentioned – looks, being best at your job, being single or taken and so forth… these things pass in time – they die and you and I.. and these women – and everyone else on this website and everyone you know in RL - will die along with them --- such is the circle of life. They are transitory and somewhat meaningless.

But I do believe karma survives.. The way we treat others and feel/think about others and –yes- even the vibes we send in the universe when we talk about others (online or offline) – can be important.

I don’t think it’s ok to go that far with the egomania - because you are not omnipotent and nothing you have is something that cannot be taken away from you.

posted April 07, 2011 06:54 AM            

Hang on - what do you mean my *egomania*? I do NOT have egomania - like I said it is very difficult to illustrate complexity of emotions online. I think the above paragraph illustrates that I am most definetely not egomanic. It's a different thing to feel good about oneself, which is what I do. I might as well love myself, as I can't expect anyone else to do it for me, and I am not ashamed to do so. I am NOT gonna bow to this concept of "other women don't like confident women, so therefore you have to toe the line". I just won't do it.

And please don't go on about my not being omnipotent and not realising that stuff can be taken away from me. Do you think I don't KNOW that? I am nearly 37 and I accept the ageing process etc. If you wanna go find someone shallow, go find my MOTHER - or talk to some of the people in this group I go to. These guys are OBSESSED with meaningless stuff. I am not a particularly materialistic person, and these guys spend, like, 5 minutes talking about a TEXT or TWEET they sent!! - and about their HDTVs, iPHones, etc... I have never come across a group of people who talk so much about that sort of stuff.

So maybe - ha, ha - it's best to give up on the idea of being friends with these people - it's sad, but having similar interests DOESN'T always make you compatible. Most are not actually into that interest in a "deep" way, anyway - they don't KNOW much about it - it's more, for them, for the sake of having "something to do".

The truth is I have never been ACCEPTED by women everywhere I've gone - this has been the case from the age of 4 upwards, and it's not just a sexual thing, otherwise it wouldn't have happened from such a young age and when I WASN'T good-looking!! (in fat I was ostracised for my ugliness at school - not that I cared too much).
I haven't had that problem with men - they are more "mates" for me - to be honest I've just given up on being friends with women completely now, as it's a waste of time. From reading various internet forums, it is clear that I am not the only woman who feels this way. I'm glad I'm not a bloke and don't have to date them!!

posted April 07, 2011 08:32 AM            

How can you possibly dislike every woman you meet or have her dislike you or both?

Reading that is like reading Chinese to me. I find it incomprehensible.

I've always had both male and female friends. I don't take people very seriously when they annoy me. If it does become that bad - I usually pretend they don't exist.
Other than that I generally like everyone..

It has no connection to my looks. I don't really want to elaborate on that, but suffice to say - I am not average.

posted April 07, 2011 08:35 AM            

I mean I am a woman actually and we are e-conversing (or call it what you will lol) right now...
And I definitely do not dislike you.

So...

posted April 07, 2011 08:48 AM            

quote:

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am NOT gonna bow to this concept of "other women don't like confident women, so therefore you have to toe the line"

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It's not actually about that.

I think it's great that you love yourself! And it's very important that you do. Maybe you could teach others to love themselves also.

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It was the following wording I had a problem with....

"jealous old bags" , "I have an enviable lifestyle - not bogged down with kids, mortgages", "or have to deal with difficult husbands"

-- Because first of all you are insulting them - and then you are assuming their lives are beneath yours (which is truly an assumption.

posted April 07, 2011 09:22 AM            

Secondly, if you find my language a little robust - I work in an exclusively male office (I am the only woman) - and the interpersonal exchange is VERY robust and whilst this is okay among males, as in they can call each other a t*sser and still get along, women could DEFINETELY not do that. I tend to prefer honesty and a robust style of language myself and although what I say is def what I feel and I feel more comfortable verbalizing it than if I didn't LOL (better out than in!!) I kinda exaggerate it for humorous effect as well - I must admit exaggerating my personality somewhat as the Barbie-like diva (with a brain) too - but basically I am a good-hearted girl who likes to have fun.

I do find women really reluctant to open up. You say, for example, let's discuss something, and I find they don't go much beyond discussing their kids - it's not so bad when the kids are over 10 or 12 maybe, but when they're younger, it is DEFINETELY difficult to get a woman to talk about anything other than her kids, because they are her whole life.

FYI I was married before and I had jealousy from my own mother, MIL and step-MIL!!! Secondly, I do like my life because I think that in a number of ways it is MILES better than what I had previously, and I am consciously growing and developing as a human being, towards what I was always meant to be. In fact I think I have attained that, and am now building on it. Marriage and relationships I actually found quite miserable, because the guys were always seeking to create arguments, belittle me (I have noticed this with a lot of guys and I think they just wanted someone to pick on, it wouldn't have mattered whether it was me or anyone else) and seeking to use me to foot the bill for their lifestyle (thank you women's lib) which I was NOT prepared to do (and which I successfullly wriggled out of - most of the women in this group have creative husbands and as a result they are the ones BOTH having the children AND working a boring full-time job, whilst the husbands just go and do whatever they fancy- and they complain about NEVER having any time for themselves, plus they have to deal with the husbands' odd personality quirks and mental disorders. Hardly makes the years of studying to get the plum jobs worth it, n'est-ce pas? God I'm glad I got out of that one! Yes I consider that I do have an enviable lifestyle and I wouldn't be in their shoes!!

We were actually having a discussion about it a few weeks ago over drinks and one fo the women was complaining she never had any time for herself (having just had a baby, and now looking for a f/t job) - so I presented her with the opposite side fo the equation, in as diplomatic a way as I possibly could. I said, "yeah, but most of my relationships have broken up because the guys complained I didn't spend enough time with them - that I was working on my hobbies too much (because I didn't wanna sit around/ watch TV and eat with them, for example, which I would consider boring and which for most blokes seems to pass for "companionship".)"..."so therefore, I continued, it's always good to see how the other half lives!"

I also had to deal with family breakup - but we won't go into that...that's a completely different story and one which takes up far too much time...suffice to say my view of families is dim to say the least - I have almost no concept of "family". If that seems weird, I make no apology!!!

I have got to the point where I am so cynical about relationships I can't imagine why people would ever want them - I look at people, and I don't understand why they stick with their situation. Relationships and family are also very bound up with materialism and that is another thing I have a beef with. I don't know...I just don't care about anything anymore, except my creativity. That is the only thing that keeps me going. Entertaining people and having a good time! I am never happier than when I am in front of people and performing, writing songs and continually coming up with new ideas - I am a creative powerhouse. A lot of people talk about lifestyles of mine as something they'd like to do "ideally". I see myself as "living the dream".

Does that make sense?

posted April 07, 2011 01:43 PM            

It's possible to be respectful of other people without dimming your light or downplaying any of those things.

When I was in a committed, monogamous relationship, both me and my bf had gorgeous, talented people of the opposite sex around all the time. (We are in the arts, there are a lot of exciting, sexy people orbiting around.) THAT is no problem. But both of us would've felt uncomfortable with someone whose vibe was like "I am open to hooking up with your partner, even though it is obvious you are together."

People can sense that vibe. There's no way I would've KNOWN if my ex's colleague was posting her synastry with him on an internet site, comparing my cleavage with her own body, and updating strangers on her connection with him...but it's likely I would've picked up on a vibe from her, of her attraction to him, her willingness to hook up with him even though she knew he had a girlfriend, and her disdain for me.

Whereas if he'd had a colleague who was "better" than me in every surface way (not that anybody is--Leo here!), but who was not putting out those vibes, I would've thought, "Oh, probably my bf would want to get closer to XXXX, if we were not a couple"....and he would've thought, "XXXX is really hot and great and I feel a connection to her, I would want to pursue that if I were single." There are things you give up in a monogamous relationship--like sex and one-on-one romantic intimacy with your most attractive colleagues!--but there are great rewards, too, like getting to get really close to someone you're in love with without worrying about rejection and betrayal.

Even if, on the face of it, you've been "friendly" to these people, your attitude of obsessing about their boyfriends to the point of posting synastry on the internet, and thinking disdainful, un-compassionate, really ungenerous things about them probably comes through.

quote:

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I have got to the point where I am so cynical about relationships I can't imagine why people would ever want them - I look at people, and I don't understand why they stick with their situation.

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It shows!! All relationships, open or monogamous, are not like that. I know I've been a real sad-sack for the past four years here on Lindaland, but even my LTR with my ex was not like the relationships you're describing....even the five-month thing I had recently was not like that. And I have a lot a friends who aren't sad-sacks at all, and who have rewarding relationships. Not effortless, but satisfying and exciting. I'm glad you're a "creative powerhouse"! But I think if you were TRULY in an artistic scene with people pursuing their art full-time and not making practical compromises around it, you'd see different (better) kinds of relationships, both open and one-on-one.

quote:

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But I am NOT all over him!!

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I do mean this more on the vibe level--posting your synastry on the internet, mulling over what would or wouldn't split him and his girlfriend up, comparing yourself to her.....

quote:

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Lyra --- what’s with the animosity?
Sure – live your life, be happy… Live and let live..
But please ditch the animosity – It brings bad karma.

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Betty Boop, I agree.

posted April 11, 2011 04:55 AM            

And like I said, I have continually been very friendly to these people and just been rebuffed - so I am taking a back seat for now. I am only saying these things after MONTHS of having been rebuffed. BTW ALL the other single people who were in the social group since I joined have now LEFT. Do you think that doesn't say something? I do. I think it speaks volumes. On a subliminal level, some of these guys in couples let single people know they are not welcome. The only reason I have been going there is because I enjoy the activity and am good at it. People always imply that that particular activity is the "place to meet someone" - but I'm like, "yeah, right! That's a LAME, STUPID, PHONEY reason!" and it IS. And it wasn't the reason I actually joined in the beginning. The fact I walked in there and liked this guy almost from day one was something I had no control over. Most of the time I just think, ---- it, do your duty and get on with it.

I did *ignore* the others in the group a bit more over the weekend - they seemed to be a bit nicer to me/come my way, perhaps I was just being too nice LOL! (plus a few of the chief offenders were away - others were remarking on how much *nicer* it was!)

And just for the record, the feelings that I have are currently IN THE MIND - NOTHING has happened in a RL situation and, like I said, until anything happens, there is no reason to get upset. As far as I am concerned, if something happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't - heck, I don't even know if my feelings are reciprocated, and why would I bother to take things any further if that wasn't the case (and quite frankly I haven't been given too much indication that it is).

I am a stoical person with an excellent grip on my physical desires - if I wasn't, I wouldn't have been single for so long before I got married, and had huge gaps between my subsequent relationships. Some people I know sleep with a different person each week, of which I thoroughly disapprove. I am not like that.

Put it this way: it's a crush, and no different from someone posting their synastry with a film star and saying "how do you think we'd get on"? If anything, I am FRIENDLY to this guy's girlfriend when she rolls up - and if anything, LESS friendly to him than all the rest of the women are - they are ALL over him - seriously, I actually think they all have crushes on them THEMSELVES, the way they suck up to him LOL!!

posted April 11, 2011 12:22 PM            

A doctor will massage your breasts to check for lumps. If you're an actor, often you'll passionately kiss someone other than your partner as part of a performance. The context and intention is key.

An intention to be open to fooling around with someone's boyfriend, should he ever make a move, IS "something happening." It's about your attitude, including secret attitudes you hide from this guy or his girlfriend.

posted April 11, 2011 12:36 PM            

I'm surprised you haven't even *seen* one you thought seemed great! I was just hanging out with friends last night who are a couple, married five years, and they're about to leave on a two-year round-the-world trip....and I remember how much fun it was to plan an adventure with someone, that way. With the person you love most, whose company thrills you. This summer with the Aries I'm still hung up on, it was just so fun to develop secret ongoing jokes together, and have long talks over great meals, and all the sex...and then there is the whole thing of learning someone else's interests and how it opens up a new world.

I never thought I would end up single at this age. I thought I would always have lots of options.

posted April 13, 2011 04:35 AM            

I find that even when I have had the urge to merge, the other person has always pushed me away - it's like a tug-of-war, the game-playing is ramped up. I can't be bothered with all that, I have had enough of it. It all seems to be so heavy and fraught with difficulties all the time. I don't want to submit myself to that because it is SUCH a load of rubbish...and I don't want kids anyway, and my hobbies are the most important thing in my life right now, so from my point of view there is no use in having a relationship (not that that prevents me from fancying anyone LOL)

I do get a bit bored with so-called "companionship" - there is a girl who lives in the same house as me and she and her boyfriend are in her room, together, 24/7. I don't know what they do apart from cook, eat, sleep and watch TV, as she doesn't have any hobbies, and by the looks of it, neither does he. They don't even go out in the sunshine, for a walk, etc. - they just spend all the time cooped up in the room, joined at the hip! This would drive someone like me stir crazy - the last boyfriend I had was similar to this - some people are just born idle - and to me watching TV as the WORST form of idleness. The moment I get even a sniff of such behaviour from someone I'm like "see you later" - I can't tolerate it. I spend all my working hours either on the telephone/ in front of a computer and the last thing I want to do with my leisure time is look at a screen. most of these guys see "companionship" not as doing something interesting together, but just having someone sitting next to them, doing nothing - hardly even breathing - my ex-husband just wanted me sitting in the armchair with my hands folded and anot MOVING whilst we were listening to music, used to complain about the WAY I was sitting in the chair LOL - in the end I just got up and walked out. Last boyfriend just wanted me to "perform" whilst flicking between TV channels - I find that people treat me as an object they want to control. Not as a person. I might just as well be anyone. I am not treated as the unique and special person I am. Therefore I am terrified of commitment and terrified of getting involved with anyone - as far as I'm concerned, if they want a Stepford wife clone they can go and find that somewhere else!
I had countless promises from ex-husband & ex-boyfriends, "oh, we're going to go on holiday, do this, do that" - NEVER materialised. Basically, they just didn't want to DO anything, and I have better things to do with my life than waiting around for schmucks to get their ar$es in gear - I could have invested countless hours in my own projects, done 1001 things rather than kissing up to these idiots! People are amazed I manage to get so much creative stuff done - this is because my energies are not being wasted in fruitless relationships. Effectively being a nun does have its advantages!!

Therefore, I think I am better off out of a relationship than in one. Funny, since it used to be the thing I most desired - I must have been mightily disappointed to come this far!
Like I said, I don't feel anything matters anymore. Still, it's good to talk about those things, I suppose...just amazed people still buy into the relationship thing...to me it is as it always has been - a trade-off for this and a trade-off for that - and people are always objectified. Can you not see that, Lucia - or don't you WANT to see that?

I ama aware that my chakras, if that's what you want to call them, are very "blue" heavy - strong on the mental and creative sides but lacking in what is traditionally regarded as emotional in a feminine way - although, paradoxically, I am actualy highly emotional, and feel things more than most people. Some might see me as detached but I need to be, in order to get through the day (when I'm not, I take a good slug of whisky - keeps me from getting depressed or crying - I've got to the stage now where I REFUSE to get excessively depressed).

I admit I have F- all "partnership" and "family" love in my life (apart from the love between me and my father, which really IS unconditional) - or at least what a number of people refer to as "love"...but what IS "love", really? Even those in relationships report a lack of it, and can't wait to get out of the "arrangement".
For now, I am just into making myself useful and being charitable in terms of things I do for people in the wider world, or in groups, or for friends. To me, this is being more useful than operating as part of a partnership "unit". Sound very Aquarian? I FEEL very Aquarian!

posted April 13, 2011 05:40 AM            

I mean, my ex and I travelled the world together, we both have exciting careers we like. We didn't just hang out in a room in some group house going down on each other while we watched TV. Now that we are split, we're close friends (we live in different countries, so it's a long-distance friendship), and he's still the first person I show my creative work to, and vice-versa. He thinks a lot of weonderful things about me. A lot of the songs he writes are still about me (he's a musician), and I feel like he thinks I'm special and unique. I know he's unique and special to me. I DO like to bond (it's my Cancer stellium, although ALL my boyfriends are water voids...ex had only one water angle, Scorp Rising, no planets...they are all really aloof)...but I am Leo and hate to be bored and would never "settle"--I've always done lots of exciting things with boyfriends.

With the guy I had the more recent relationship with, I was so excited getting to know him--it changed the way I think/feel about certain things, and opened certain doors for me. We also were always travelling, going to concerts, showing each other our work, having fun nights out, although I was so hot for him I did enjoy just spending days in bed.

As much as I hate being single, I would never vibe someone else's boyfriend...that just seems sad and shabby to me. But then, I also wouldn't live with anyone I didn't respect and adore...and I wouldn't work with anyone who didn't thrill and inspire me. I'm going through a lower than usual time, but there are certain compromises I just don't make. I think the reason my love life is in bad shape is that my ex and I are still overinvolved. But the other areas of my life, like my career, are making me happy right now.

posted April 13, 2011 05:43 AM            

quote:

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Some might see me as detached but I need to be, in order to get through the day (when I'm not, I take a good slug of whisky - keeps me from getting depressed or crying - I've got to the stage now where I REFUSE to get excessively depressed).

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It sounds like you're just around a lot of really lame, boring people who "settle"....wonderful people don't objectify anyone, they like everyone's uniqueness. Your colleagues and housemates sound awful.