posted February 06, 2011 06:27 PM            

Me on the inside, him on the outside. What are your feelings?

posted February 06, 2011 07:00 PM            

So you are late degree Aries Sun and he is Aries moon?
I know it's not exact, but its the same expression and when we're talking sun signs, exact doesn't mean much- essentially- Moon/Sun connections are awesome for relationships.

Saturn opposing Mars could be a major killjoy. Oooooh.. Mars opposed Mars and saturn- hmmm.... especially because Mars energy is strong anyway , being an aries sun.... sexual chemistry yes, but arguments and power struggles- feeling tied down and not securely---- eeks.
I mean, you can get through anything with Sun/Moon- but you will definitely feel that tension ...... it may be a major attraction though!
and then His Saturn opposed your Venus and Moon? Oh I don't know...... You've got a lot of opposing saturnian influences... I know saturn is a great 'anchor' but the other side of it is diminishing or inhibiting.... the rain on ones parade....

There is a lovely grand trine between Fire signs.....His Jupiter, your Mercury, your Neptune, So roughly- Expansion, luck, good natured feelings, communication, creativity- good feelings

posted February 08, 2011 04:51 PM            

Unless he and his girlfriend have an open relationship by mutual agreement (and I bet they don't!) he should be better at setting boundaries with you and others, while he's with her.

posted February 09, 2011 04:34 AM            

In my opinion this is part and parcel of being in a "relationship" and if you are in a "relationship", that's what you sign up for. I know only one guy at work to whom this doesn't apply and curiously enough he is a Sadgi too, a very happily married Iranian.

Girlfriend of the Mr Sadgi in question seems very submissive and as if she TOTALLY looks up to him, although you don't know what goes on behind closed doors - physically they seem to be well matched (ie sharing similar physical characteristics/ facial proportions), and most probably they share similar lifestyle characteristics too. They have a long-distance relationship.

posted March 08, 2011 04:56 AM            

I want to tell him I love him so much...the feeling is building up and it's getting so intense and I have to write love letters and never send them...because I feel I'm going to explode any second, I feel like a nun.

posted March 10, 2011 08:47 PM            

"I don't know how people even survive in relationships these days."

Leave out the "I love you's" for now.

You should simply sabotage the very idea of having a relationship. You don't believe in relationships.
You believe in sex and personal freedom!

(And since we know a thing or two about astrology -- So does he! yay)

This way, you're a hero lol You are rescuing him from a cold, tiny, airless jail - which some people like to refer to as the institution of marriage.

The truth is - You are setting Mr Saggy FREE!

posted March 10, 2011 08:52 PM            

quote:

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I remember the reasons I am NOT in a relationship right now and they are because I can't stand all the petty little fights over nothing - the being joined at the hip - the sense of being a "unit" and not an individual person(ugh) - the money problems - the list goes on.

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posted March 11, 2011 07:20 PM            

I wish...!!!
We'll see...

posted March 15, 2011 03:31 PM            

Thirdly:
He is a very busy guy. I am a very busy gal (work/ hobbies). We both appear to prefer the "hands-off" approach. Conversations we have had have been great - deep and meaningful/ intellectual and with a level of mutual understanding that appears to go beyond the norm.

posted March 15, 2011 05:48 PM            

quote:

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Who says you need to have some sort of traditional relationship and be joined at the hip?

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Right, but...Open relationships need to be consensual for EVERYONE involved. Otherwise, it's just cheating.

I'm all for unconventional relationships, and I wish more people had the nerve to be compassionate and honest about their true desires. I'm rooting for this guy's poor girlfriend--that he will either be honest enough to open their relationship with her consent, or honest enough to leave her before he sleazes around behind her back.

Too bad your coworkers are too cold, damaged, twisted, and heartless to be honest and faithful with their partners and treat them with respect.

posted March 21, 2011 07:42 AM            

I would even dare to say that if we hurt a third we hurt ourselves and if we're not aware of that yet we will get aware of it, one day.

Passion/sex and even the best mental compatibility doesn't mean a thing compared to someone who loves, knows and cares about us.. (men not excluded)

posted March 30, 2011 07:08 AM            

I get the feeling that rules are being broken down - what we thought is not what we thought we thought.

I don't even care anymore. 10 years ago, 5 years ago, if I had been in the same situation, I might feel wrong about it. But not anymore.

Mind you, it takes two to tango and of course it would depend on him and his own guilt feelings (or not) as well as my own (or lack of).

Maybe as Leos you like that security? I am just not hung up on it. I've had 5 partnerships in all and been through the mill, in some respect, with them ALL. It's taught me a lot but crucially I've realised that I can't operate within a traditional framework anymore. I see the same old same old framework *not working* for people time and time again, and...I don't know... there are definite issues of *attachment* floating around in this topic. Or *non-attachment*, conversely.

posted March 30, 2011 04:18 PM            

I agree that conventional relationship boundaries don't work for everyone....and I think that CONSENSUAL open relationships are a great idea, I wish more people who don't feel they can commit to a monogamous relationship with someone would try it.

As a Leo, it's less the security than the HONESTY that's at issue. If someone pursued me and told me he was in an open relationship with someone else, where they had both agreed they could connect with other people, I would respect that. And I could make an informed decision.

It's the LYING that makes me think of other nasty violations of another human being (like theft, vandalism, violation, violence, abuse)...just because we're all going to die, and many relationships of all kinds are challenging, isn't a reason to get all nihilistic and harm another person.

There are all sorts of ways we can have full, exciting, principled lives without sh*tting all over each other...even if life is hard, and we'll end up dust afterwards.

It almost sounds like because you've been hurt, disappointed, and disillusioned, you feel comfortable contributing to passing that pain and shame on to someone else (his girlfriend.) Yes, if he decides to cheat rather than being honest with her, it really is all (mostly) on him...but I wish neither of you would do that.

Why not try becoming polyamorous and connecting with others who feel the conventional relationship models don't work, and believe in CONSENSUAL open relationships?

posted March 31, 2011 04:51 AM            

To add: with the current events in mind (as in, nothing has happened), how exactly am I passing hurt, disappointment and disillusion onto someone else? I don't see how I'm doing that. The guy is not married or engaged or living with anyone, and has no kids. If he was, it would be different and I wouldn't go there. But he's not. So unless she can make him commit in that way, he can do whatever he likes. He is not the personal possession of her, you, me or anyone else and, like it or not, that's just the way it is.

posted March 31, 2011 03:05 PM            

Unless they have an agreement to see other people, and that they're not dating exclusively, then if he hooks up with someone else, it's lying and cheating--whether or not they're living together or married.

Lots of couples make a commitment, or an assumed commitment, early in the relationship--before they are intimate enough to move in together or consider marriage. For example, with my most recent boyfriend, we were only together 5 months and never lived together, but we had a talk around three months in where we clarified that we were both open to things continuing to get serious, if that's what felt right, and that we weren't seeing other people and wouldn't.

Obviously I don't know much about your particular situation--I care a lot about the issue as a matter of general principle, though. I strongly believe that non-exclusivity needs to be explicitly, overtly agreed-on by all parties, before anything happens.

Relationships are hard. It's so sad and sleazy when someone is willing to break up an existing couple, rather than find someone available OR engage in a consensually open relationship. But lots of times, life is sad and sleazy.

Maybe this couple has an open, non-committed relationship where they are both in happy agreement with each other seeing other people--if so, more power to you.

To add: deciding to be exclusive doesn't mean the people in the couple--whether they are married, living together, or just dating--think that they are each other's "possessions"....it means that they are deciding on a set of behaviors and practices that help them feel closer and help the relationship work better. Like I said, I'm all for people deciding mutually to have an open relationship if they feel that allows them a greater sense of freedom and happiness and strengthens their bond.

I don't understand this equation of exclusivity with possession or ownership. For lots of people, the emotional quality of sexual and romantic intimacy is very intense, and different from the quality of friendship. They feel they can have a stronger bond with more trust if there are certain activities, intimacies, and secrets they only share with each other. It's a mutual decision, not a way of objectifying each other. I understand that exclusivity isn't for everyone, but honesty should be. Deceit is hurtful.

posted April 06, 2011 06:35 AM            

I think there is actually genuine potential good feeling between us, but it's kinda blocked by the hostility of certain other members of the social group towards me - I hate to say it but I am the best-looking, thinnest and most talented in the group, and if I were them, I would be jealous of me too - they are all coupled up and I am the ONLY single person in the group - so the women are all jealous because they see me as a potential threat and the husbands are reluctant to get too friendly because of the women - I had one of the women expressly say to my face she'd NEVER invite me to lunch on Sunday, almost as if she were trying to drive a point home - although I have been friendly to her - but her husband is a bit peculiar anyway. I've kinda given up on trying to be friendly to these guys as at the end of the day we have different lifestyles. I have experienced irrational jealousy before from 2 other women in the group (related to this guy - when they thought he was promoting me ahead of them) and I did actually complain to him about it - I said it was like kindergarten and he AGREED!!! - although he is a Sadgi and better at the political game and putting "faces" on than I am.

In terms of putting *faces* on, this guy has several different faces and it's starting to, not unnerve me exactly, but I wonder whether he really knows who he is. Despite the fact he looks cheerful when he's directing us as a group (perhaps he's happiest when he's doing that), sometimes he looks really unhappy, I get this feeling of deep-seated unhappiness and I wonder whether it's to do with his looks or his life or something else - some Sadgis can really suffer from depression whilst seeming popular on the surface.

posted April 06, 2011 02:46 PM            

quote:

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It's so sad and sleazy when someone is willing to break up an existing couple, rather than find someone available

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OH! Give me a break!

Are you serious?

There is a difference between intentionally going out of your way to "break up" a couple --- and --- a couple that is already on shaky ground where one or both people want out - but have not been able to verbalise it yet (usually out of fear of the 'unknown').

I'm sorry but I REFUSE to believe that a perfectly happy couple would be "broken up" so easily by a third person.
If people are genuinely in love - If it is that meaningful - they don't simply "break up" because they happen to be attracted to others.

The dissolution of a relationship in a situation where cheating is involved takes THREE to tango!

posted April 06, 2011 05:18 PM            

I don't think an outside third party can just "break up" an existing couple---of course it means the couple was weak to begin with.

I see two moral options: the couple is consensually monogamous, and they each make the DECISION not to lie to each other, cheat on each other, or betray each other. That's the kind of couple I was in. OR the couple has a consensually open relationship.

For a third party, not in a couple, I think it's okay to go for someone who is single, or who is in a consensually open relationship. As a single person, I would never hit on a guy when I know he has a girlfriend. Even if he's the kind of sad, sleazy cheater who doesn't have the courage and self-possession, or care for his partner, enough to talk with her about opening the relationship or leave her rather than cheating. That would make ME sad and sleazy.

I do think cheating is sad and sleazy, yes. And I'm always rooting for people who don't do it.

posted April 06, 2011 05:27 PM            

quote:

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so the women are all jealous because they see me as a potential threat and the husbands are reluctant to get too friendly because of the women

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Maybe it's not your attractiveness and sveltness that makes them see you as a threat (not that I doubt you're the most attractive in the group, I'm sure you are)---but your willingness to get involved with someone else's boyfriend, that they see as unpleasant and threatening.

When I was in a long term relationship, both of us would've felt really uncomfortable about a work colleague who was hitting on either of us, even if he/she was fat and gross-looking. It creates a really unpleasant vibe.

My married friend is in that situation. The girl throwing herself at the husband is actually way less attractive than my friend, but it makes my friend feel really uncomfortable. They had a party recently where they wanted to invite a bunch of his work colleagues, but ended up only inviting non-work friends because of that situation.

Of course, it's totally different when the guy in the couple is a sleaze and a cheater...but even if my partner were totally faithful to me AND his colleague who was all over him was not good-looking and not appealing to him, I wouldn't want her at social events.

posted April 06, 2011 06:06 PM            

quote:

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As a single person, I would never hit on a guy when I know he has a girlfriend.

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Lucia - You are a mature person and you are older than me.. and I am positive that you know that life is not this simple.

It's not just - Oh - There's a guy I like.. Now let me just go hit on him...

Sometimes you end up in situations with a person you like - where neither of you can simply exit.

Some would call that fate ^

What if you are assigned a project and you simply MUST work with a particular person - and you fall in love?
What then?

You didn't intend to hit on him and he didn't intend to hit on you ^ - and it simply happened...

I'm just saying there are always grey areas.

I don't condone cheating though.

posted April 06, 2011 06:36 PM            

I totally respect that some people don't place any great stock in monogamous, committed relationships....but if someone doesn't, then find a CONSENSUAL situation with someone in a consensually open partnership, or someone single and open to a non-committed relationship.

For me, it really is that simple and easy.