posted August 26, 2011 04:40 PM            

So I know this Capricorn girl who I used to work with. She was really attracted to my business side. I actually felt something for her too, so we started hanging out. Within 4 days she told me EVERYTHING about her (family, exes, desires). I wasn’t shocked at how much she divulged, but at how quickly she did it. When we finally hooked up the situation wasn’t ideal because I was exhausted from work and souped up on energy drinks. In the end instead of having sex, I handled her and passed out.

After that she decided that my personality wasn’t a right fit for her. She said it was too nice (or too cheesy) so she didn’t want to be romantic anymore, but still wanted to be friends. She explained that when she is into a guy, she knows she loves him immediately. She then likened me to one of her exes who fell madly in love with her. She eventually rejected him because she didn’t love him back. She said she didn’t want that to happen to me. I also remembered her telling me not to be too nice to her. In the end I simply thought she was crazy and told her it would be her responsibility to maintain the friendship because I am a busy man. I figured she had some hidden issues that I didn’t want to deal with anyway.

We continued being friends because to her credit she kept the lines of communication open. She would always call me to hang out and her best friend continued to tell me how much I meant to her. Though I found this flattering, I found it hard to believe because she would still date around, albeit terrible guys who didn’t last longer than a few days. She would also say weird things like, “There are no good guys our there” and, “I should just date you”. Besides telling her not to tell me about the guys she was dating, I usually held my tongue. I am not easily offended and knew at any point I could just stop talking her if she actually angered me. Basically I took a very nonchalant approach to her behavior with me.

I also couldn’t help but notice how negative she was. She had a penchant for making more enemies than friends for one reason or another. She was also a terrible listener and spent more time complaining about her problems. Basically over time I realized her personality was the exact opposite of mine. I rarely complain, I just fix the problems I have. At the same time I knew she valued my friendship was always honest and generous with me. So in the end I kept her around because I honestly couldn’t figure out what to do with her.

Skip ahead a year, her communication with me isn’t as strong as it used to be, but its because she has new a job that takes up more of her time. That’s fine because I am a workaholic myself. Eventually I find out that she got back with one of her exes who proceeded to dump her shortly after. I listened to her story and didn’t really comment, but realized she had not spoken to me because she was with him. She only started talking to me again after he dumped her. After that she told me she would stop dating her exes, since all of them were jackasses.

A month later we go out for dinner and she tells me that she has gotten back with another ex. Now I’m ****** because I realize I actually care for this girl, but have no way to show it. So I got quiet and rushed dinner. Basically we both ordered food and I boxed up both of our entrees right after we got them. We had been in the restaurant for only 15 minutes.
This of course perplexed her and she kept asking what was wrong with me. I kept saying “nothing” because I knew at any moment I would destroy our friendship by saying the wrong thing out of frustration. (I’ve done it before and it’s never pretty).

In an effort to get the hell out of the restaurant, I paid for everything. After leaving the restaurant I sent her an email apologizing for rushing dinner. I explained that I cared for her and was annoyed by the fact that she got back with an ex who she even admitted wasn’t good to her. I told her that she didn’t have to respond to the email, that I would respect her decision, and that I understood if it changed our friendship.

She didn’t respond for a week, and then called me on my birthday upset. Lo’ and behold the second ex dumped her too! If you are keeping track she has been dumped by two exes while knowing me, the guy who ACTUALLY cares about her. While I didn’t want to see her get hurt, I definitely saw this coming a mile away.

We hung out soon after and she told me that she was upset with me because I rushed dinner. She said that I was mean to her because I wouldn’t really talk or look at her. In my mind I was holding back my awful temper so that I wouldn’t hurt her. Of course I didn’t explain this to her and laughed it off.

After a movie she made a remark that she was still upset with me. She felt that that I didn’t respect her decision. I told her that I respected it, but didn’t like it. I also told her that I wasn’t wrong in the end. This of course upset her because I was missing the point, for which then I apologized. I explained that I cared about her and never wanted to see her get hurt. She kind of smiled and said she really didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Then she said, “It is what it is, I’m going to go”. That threw me off entirely as she started walking away. I figured she didn’t want to discuss anything in public, but thought it was rude she simply walked away.

Then I saw her look back at me. It’s then I figured that she was either playing games or wants to be chased. I watched her walk away for a bit. Then I said “screw it” and ran after her. I caught up to her, gave her a sincere hug without saying a word, then walked away.

I apologized to her the next day and said that I was wrong (not because I believed it, but because the situation didn’t have anything to do with being right or wrong). I realized she was still emotional over the break up. She eventually text me back saying “thank you” and that “it wasn’t a big deal”. I responded simply, “Word” to which she said, “I said all of that and all that you can say is, Word? Ugh”. At that point I thought to myself, “This girl is insane!”

Since then we haven’t really spoken much. I sent her a few texts just to be nice and she has only responded to one. I’ve read up on Cappies and understand that she can get pretty busy. I also know that she is still getting over her last ex (though I thought she wised up already), so she may be more emotional than I am prepared to deal with.

Anyway sorry for the length of the story, but I wanted to get an unbiased opinion. Do you think I should still play nice with this girl, or should I just stop talking to her altogether? While I do care for her, my biggest pet peeve is wasted time. I also want to do the healthiest thing possible. I know I need to be patient with Cappies, but I’m not a saint.

Here are our charts
ME
Sun Leo 16.20
Moon Virgo 27.07
Mercury Cancer 27.48
Venus Libra 1.25
Mars Capricorn 11.30 R
Jupiter Pisces 21.40 R
Saturn Sagittarius 3.04
Uranus Sagittarius 18.30 R
Neptune Capricorn 3.23 R
Pluto Scorpio 4.43
Lilith Gemini 18.13
Asc nodeAries 23.04

posted August 26, 2011 11:36 PM            

From what you say, you care deeply about her, more than a friend, so why not say more than "word". Why not say more? Is it your Mercury that is keeping you from being hurt? The hard shell but soft interior?

The way she communicates is different. She is Earth (sun) in spirit, Earth in emotions (moon) and airy in communicating (Aqua). But, sexually, there is an attraction. Anytime you see someone with Mars conjunct Sun (your mars her sun) there is major chemistry.

So, it is up to you and you have to ask yourself if you can handle her moods and negativity (that came out pretty strong). Not that Cappies are negative but she also has a Virgo moon (like you) but a Leo is about being positive- so you have to decide what you really want and be upfront with her.

I wish you the best of luck..

posted August 31, 2011 10:07 PM            

Wow.. your mercury is right on my SN.

Can you post your chart?? Im really interested in seeing your houses..

posted September 01, 2011 12:34 AM            

Oo... you would adore me... LOL

posted September 09, 2011 04:19 AM            

It's very sweet of you all the gestures you do for her, but if she doesn't value them, then I'm sorry but it's not worth your time and energy...

In any case, good luck and all the best.

posted September 13, 2011 10:51 PM            

That link will definitely give you insight!

My advise is honestly, I have had a lot of friends who have issues enough to know when someone is not going to change ever. I was best friends with someone with issues for 10 years and decided that it was time to let her go bc she was never going to change.

posted September 15, 2011 07:01 PM            

Over the course of that time though I began to care for her, though I remained relatively cold to protect myself. At no point could I ever tell what was on her mind, which made it hard for me to trust her. She on the other hand was always friendly to me and accepted any signs of affection that I would display. Honestly she did a good job of getting my attention and keeping it.

However recent events have snapped me back to reality. Things were not adding up, so I told her how I felt to get it off my mind. Regardless of the outcome I decided I would be fine either way. After her last response I haven't heard anything from her and I don't plan on communicating in return. Since I run a business this type of thing can be distracting, which is bad for me.

posted September 15, 2011 07:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by amelia28:
People that don't love themselves find it suspicious when others love them and push them away because it doesn't fit into the schemata that they have of themselves resulting in cognitive dissonance.

---

I also got a very sneaking suspicion that she has some internal issues that she needs to fix herself. Telling me about her ex boyfriends and her issues with her parents on one of our first dates screamed issues. She also finds a way to complain or be unhappy about whatever scenario she is in.

It has always been my belief that when a person has a problem with everything, the problem is simply them. Maybe it's her issues with her dad, maybe it's the fact that mom wasn't around, maybe she can't love herself, even if I knew what the issues were, I know I can't fix them. Hence why I haven't taken anything she has done or said too personally.

posted September 17, 2011 03:15 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chuckcem:
I also got a very sneaking suspicion that she has some internal issues that she needs to fix herself. Telling me about her ex boyfriends and her issues with her parents on one of our first dates screamed issues. She also finds a way to complain or be unhappy about whatever scenario she is in.

It has always been my belief that when a person has a problem with everything, the problem is simply them. Maybe it's her issues with her dad, maybe it's the fact that mom wasn't around, maybe she can't love herself, even if I knew what the issues were, I know I can't fix them. Hence why I haven't taken anything she has done or said too personally.

I'm a Leo though through and through. If I see someone hurt or something damaged, it's my instinct to help them to fix it. So in some way I guess sticking around was my sub conscious way of showing her she could trust someone. However my health and sanity come first, so I cant be around her anymore.

---

Its super sweet that you want to rescue her and I get it I am similar to you and can be a sucker for wounded people that need healing but some people you can't fix. I have learned that people who you can't fix who on top it use you for attention and don't understand the balance of give and take you must end ties with bc you are just enabling their behavior by remaining in their life.