posted February 11, 2012 04:48 AM            

In my eyes, my current boyfriend (?!?!) acts like a Capricorn. Not a Gemini. He has Cap rising and Mars in house 1. Point is I cant take his controlling behavior. It was subtle in the beginning. But now it's overblown. He doesnt seem to think it's a problem. I've confronted him.. he doesn't think its an issue. 

Its always gotta be done in his way on his time in his own terms. If I ask for something he will agree but it will be done in his own little way on his own little time. It got so bad, that very recently I ended things. It was hard to do but it wasn't as hard as he made it. I asked for my things back.. he decided to be unwilling and difficult, delaying things and playing games. I called him that day to ask what was going on, and he acted fine as if nothing happened, and said we were not breaking up, that we still together etc and that he loves me and doesn't get why I am trying to break up. Went as far to accuse me of finding someone else when that wasn't the case.

I love him, would like this to work out but Christ.. he is a control freak. There are other things that have occurred in the relationship to confirm this. I want to know what to do, how to get him to change his controlling ways. He always wants to make decisions. It's "cute" if I have ideas but he seems to believe he calls the shots. He is highly dominant, and there are times where I have been afraid of him. I don't know what else to do. How can I handle this? He will do anything to control the situation and he has a hard time accepting rejection of any kind from me..

posted February 11, 2012 05:26 AM            

The fact that he is telling you that you're not breaking up and that you are still together even though you broke up with him tells me that he is very controlling, he will turn abusive, and he has something wrong with him. He sounds like an obsessed stalker. Run, don't look back, and don't give him ANY indication whatsoever that you will go back to him. Be ruthless and cold.

Do NOT stay with him. Abuse is inevitable here.

I'm noticing this pattern with Cancer-influenced guys in different stories from different people on this forum. It seems to disproportionately happen with them.

He has NO RIGHT to control you. Get out now, before it's too late and you're stuck there forever.

I don't mean to be bossy, but this guy clearly has problems and he is sending alarm bells ringing.

He's manipulating you. Don't take your feelings of love seriously. He's using that to control you and get you to do what he wants.

posted February 11, 2012 05:31 AM            

In all honesty, he is giving you VERY clear red flags and warning signs. Don't let emotions lead you down a dangerous path.

A healthy relationship would be one in which both partners respected each other's decisions and choices (within reason--obviously I'm not referring to unhealthy decisions). A healthy relationship has people sharing leadership and, while people may take the lead in different areas, ultimately it all evens out and the power is balanced between the two people.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you are free to be yourself and when your individual rights are respected and honored.

posted February 11, 2012 09:24 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
It's not an astrology thing. He has serious problems. Leave. Don't ever stay in a controlling relationship.

The fact that he is telling you that you're not breaking up and that you are still together even though you broke up with him tells me that he is very controlling, he will turn abusive, and he has something wrong with him. He sounds like an obsessed stalker. Run, don't look back, and don't give him ANY indication whatsoever that you will go back to him. Be ruthless and cold.

Do NOT stay with him. Abuse is inevitable here.

I'm noticing this pattern with Cancer-influenced guys in different stories from different people on this forum. It seems to disproportionately happen with them.

He has NO RIGHT to control you. Get out now, before it's too late and you're stuck there forever.

I don't mean to be bossy, but this guy clearly has problems and he is sending alarm bells ringing.

He's manipulating you. Don't take your feelings of love seriously. He's using that to control you and get you to do what he wants.

And, like anon said, don't respond to his calls, don't answer him. Her advice was good here.

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You are noticing this pattern with cancer influenced people? Do you have any links? It would be helpful.

posted February 11, 2012 11:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lindisfarne:
You are noticing this pattern with cancer influenced people? Do you have any links? It would be helpful.

Yeah you are right.. that's why I broke up or tried to in the first time

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I don't have links, but it's just something that I noticed from other posts on the forum. Mainly with men.

I would say that to be fair, a HEALTHY Cancer-influenced person would be able to tame the negative influences or wouldn't feel them as strongly. My pastor, while I certainly have had disagreements with him, is not a controlling type and he is very sweet with his family and wife. If I were to find out he is controlling, I honestly would be shocked. (He has Venus in Cancer, in the 10th house). My guess is that he's one of the healthier types.

I would also wonder if a first-house Mars would make someone more aggressive. I seem to recall someone mentioning that idea, but offhand I can't remember the thread.

Also, does he have a lot of squares to Mars in his chart? (I'm thinking maybe this could indicate anger/control issues)? Or Pluto?

posted February 11, 2012 11:36 AM            

I myself have a Cancer moon, in the 8th. In whole signs, his moon would be in the 7th. (I don't use Placidus, so I'm not sure where his Moon would be in your system).

I notice that I tend to want control over 8th-house issues.

I'm wondering, though: is it the 8th house that speaks of where a person wants control?

posted February 11, 2012 01:24 PM            

I see the situation as more of he cares but because of the capircorn rising he feels he should move the direction how he feels, although not always how you feel. Lets not forget he is also older.

The cancer side whould also make him feel insecure about a break up, he has grown possesive and at the same time he'll want to mainpulate or control you to prevent it.

This is just an out of the blue question but for the exception of the controling/manipulatave part, how harmonic is your relationship?.

It could be too harmonic that there has to be some problem for the two of you to work together on. If it is try some difficult project with him.

posted February 11, 2012 01:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bttrklk:
lindisfarne, do you have saturn-mars hard aspect or pluto-mars hard aspect in your synastry?

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posted February 11, 2012 01:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SpooL:
hmmm... Well I almost have a simliar chart pattern as him. So here is my two cents.

I see the situation as more of he cares but because of the capircorn rising he feels he should move the direction how he feels, although not always how you feel. Lets not forget he is also older.

The cancer side whould also make him feel insecure about a break up, he has grown possesive and at the same time he'll want to mainpulate or control you to prevent it.

This is just an out of the blue question but for the exception of the controling/manipulatave part, how harmonic is your relationship?.

It could be too harmonic that there has to be some problem for the two of you to work together on. If it is try some difficult project with him.

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Yes. so it comes off as if he doesn't care or regard how I feel at times... He's gotta make the decisions, controls how and what direction we are going in... sometimes I don't get it. Why he wants to have that much control..

Our relationship lately has not been harmonic. He is going through some bad stuff.. His father is very sick, he isn't doing that good in med school and he is stresse at the hospital. I have wanted to end it because he lately doesn't have much time for me. He asks me to be patient and supportive- I on the other hand don't like to be told what to do, and I can be very staunch and stubborn... he has told me he does not likenme to be stubborn and act like a spoiled girl when I can't get my way (spend time with him) so I just learn to get involved in other parts of my life. He seems set on how things will go, ive asked him to dedicate one day per week and he say he will try. He wants to decide how things go.

posted February 11, 2012 01:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bttrklk:
and i want to ask you one more question. are you sure that he is the controlling one.maybe you are the controlling one and that is what makes him rebellious and push him to do the things in his own way. maybe he can't talk clearly to you about what he really wants and what he really doesn't want and maybe he is tyring to tell them by his behaviours.you mentioned that when you talk he accepts your thoughts but then he does opposite things. does his mercury make a hard aspect to your saturn, or do you have mercury-neptune hard aspect?

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I have Neptune in Capricorn house 12,
He is controlling, I can be too but only when I want something like spending more time with him I can get a little selfish but I learned to back off.

Yes he tries to convince me to do things his way. This has happened a lot of times. Any time I ask him of something or propose someone (I'm the planner in the relationship i can't stand disorder I hate it) whereas he is the spontaneous one. so when I try to plan things he will take control of it subtly and do it in his own way.

If I say let's go out to dinner I'm clearly planning where. He will take control and suggest where we will eat.

posted February 11, 2012 01:47 PM            

I think he makes things difficult sometimes, more than they need to be. He says he doesn't like that I am impatient, thinks I need to develop patience and understanding. Which I have been doing, I entered this relationship not being understanding and far from being patient.

posted February 11, 2012 01:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bttrklk:
you mentioned that your planets make hard aspects to his mars. mars is rebellious. does he push you do the things in the ways he wants you to do or he just want to decide what he will do and how he will do? does he want to control you or just want to make decisions about his own matters?

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Its a bit of both.
He wants to make decisions, at the same time he wants to decide what he will do how he will do it. Hes not always open to wanting to consider me. He has sometimes but not always.

he also pushes me to do things his way. Its not overt, it's very subtle. You'd have to pay close attention to dialogue and all that hidden stuff to catch it, and thats something I am good at doing.

I asked him if he thinks just because he has age over me, if he thinks that's an excuse to control things.

Our relationship would be 10296% blissful if he stopped being controlling. And if I learned to be more patient.

I am an Aquarius sun. I do not like waiting around. I have a lot of energy. When i want something, I want it now. I envision specific results and that is how it will go. I am a very determined young woman, some people think thats stubborn, I don't but it has got me to a lot of places I want to be. However i realize I can't always do this with him.

Another thing is our communication. He gets very upset that I do not talk to him or go to him for problems. How can i? He will just control the entire thing and not really listen, give me solutions I was not asking for. I used to see a therapist, and he didn't like that either. He tells me it makes him jealous and upset that his own girlfriend cannot go to him. Saturn Square moon synastry, hes the saturn person.