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Author Topic:   Cancer man confusion, depression, despair
carlie
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posted July 02, 2012 09:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for carlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh and by the way I wanted to also add that I feel like I have a lot of insight now into the Cancer man phenomenon.

I think things are so difficult with them for 2 reasons.

Obviously #1 is that they are a sign that is ruled by feelings and so they are WAY more sensitive than any other signs. Having so many feelings is easier for Cancer woman (as it is for all women) but for Cancer man it's what makes them so hard to deal with. Unlike females, males can't think and feel at the same time, so that's what all their disappearing is about... it can take them up to 8 weeks to get from one lobe of the brain (thinking) to another lobe (feeling). That's why Cancer men in particular do the disappearing act. They need to take time out to "process" what's going on in their heads and hearts. Lucky us!!

#2 is Cancer men's relationship with their mothers. I read somewhere that there are 2 types of Cancer man - one has a terrible relationship with the mom (in which case stay away ladies!!!) and the other puts his mom on a pedestal because he was over-mothered. That's what my Cancer man is. Basically what happens is the mom doesn't let him grow up and become a man so that he realizes that his life's purpose is taking care of women and children. If his mother doesn't break his heart then another woman has to so that he realizes this.... otherwise he's stuck in boy mode where he's selfish and it's all about him and he can't commit. Obviously the over-mothering issue can happen with any man but for some reason I see it was way more common to Cancers.

So that's my 2 cents on why it's so hard to be in a relationship with a lot of them... we basically have to be VERY patient and walk them through the process while still protecting ourselves. They screw up, then we have to set boundaries and not give in to them until they're showing the behaviour we want.

I think until there is a turning point in their lives... either they get really sick or feel like they're going to lose us... then Cancer man can stay in this selfish on again/off again mode for YEARS.

Hence, why I am taking a hard line with mine's behaviour while still being sweet and open in our communication. hope that makes sense! it's exhausting...

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fairy22
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Posts: 236
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posted July 06, 2012 07:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairy22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You have an interesting story!

My situation is very similar to yours, but I am not able to talk about it.

Is he for you the love of your life the one?
If so it makes things a bit easier - the love being so strong.

____________________________________________
so we're just going in circles. Buddy - I can play this game as long as I need to!!!
____________________________________________

You're a scorpio right that does give you a lot of will.
I don't know how you are able to date, it must be difficult!

I guess my main question is and you don't have to answer -- how can you be sure he is inlove with you? And what is it that makes you think so?

For me I feel the love, but than there are two things that happen:
1) I think of a guy I once new who liked me, and I only felt friendship for him and I asked him does he FEEL that I love him and he said yes, which I didn't

2) You have that feeling but he can move on and meet other girls, you know how guys are and they never seem to fall in love just want sex, and they are strong and can move on and be so happy laughing...even though you see it in their eyes?!


The texts are all pretty lame things like "Hey what's up" and stuff like that.
-totally understand


Oh and he's asked if he can come over and "cuddle" the last two Fridays in a row.
-that's a good sign


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fairy22
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posted July 06, 2012 07:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairy22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I just seen your next post on page two so you kind of answered some of my questions.

Cool information. I am the type though that it is hard for me to read all this. I just want to remove myself from all the truth and information and only learn from my man.

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carlie
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posted July 07, 2012 03:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for carlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi fairy,
Every time I fall in love I feel like I'm with the love of my life! So that's what it feels like now but who knows. Every bf I've had is better than the previous one, so we'll see. I just feel like he "gets" me on a whole other level compared to anyone I've met in the past. It's got to be the Cancer-Scorpio thing. I just feel like I'm floating on a cloud when I'm with him.

As far as knowing whether he is in love with me - well I guess all I can go on is his words and actions. His words - he has said ILY several times and I felt he meant it. When I said I could not wait around for him to make up his mind and that I needed to date other people he got very dramatic and upset. However, his actions have not been so great... not consistent. I don't feel this is because he doesn't love me but because he is not ready yet for the next step (commitment). A man can love you deeply but still not be able to stand up to the plate for whatever reason...

Also, men do weird things when they are processing whether they can commit or not. They don't bond through sex so they are just different to us women. A man could sleep with a different girl every night for 2 months and then return to his "true" love and propose and live happily ever after. Sex really doesn't work the same way for them that it does for us.

I think it is partly because women can commit much more easily whereas for a man he puts his whole life on the line - his self-esteem, his finances, etc. That's why they are so reluctant to do it, because when things don't work out men can't bounce back anywhere near as easily as women can. When a man REALLY loves a woman and she breaks up, he is CRUSHED and sometimes never gets over it.

Anyway I believe our only choice is to be patient and take care of ourselves by dating others... it's really hard though when you find such an amazing connection and they are not ready yet. This is what I am going through now - I always come home and cry after my other dates because I miss him so much!!

PS - the truth may be hard to swallow but it's better to know what you are walking into and set firm boundaries than get swept away by a man's sweet nothings, end up mothering him and over-giving, and then left no further ahead and wasting your time. Would love to hear more about your situation...

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fairy22
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posted July 07, 2012 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairy22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi fairy,
Every time I fall in love I feel like I'm with the love of my life! So that's what it feels like now but who knows. Every bf I've had is better than the previous one, so we'll see. I just feel like he "gets" me on a whole other level compared to anyone I've met in the past. It's got to be the Cancer-Scorpio thing. I just feel like I'm floating on a cloud when I'm with him.

So beautiful

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fairy22
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posted July 07, 2012 04:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairy22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A man can love you deeply but still not be able to stand up to the plate for whatever reason...


That is so wise!

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fairy22
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posted July 07, 2012 04:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairy22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I always come home and cry after my other dates because I miss him so much!!

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fairy22
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posted July 07, 2012 04:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairy22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PS - the truth may be hard to swallow but it's better to know what you are walking into and set firm boundaries than get swept away by a man's sweet nothings, end up mothering him and over-giving, and then left no further ahead and wasting your time.

_______________________________________

I completely agree with you.
And I find many woman do get the sweet nothings, they maybe in a relationship but not what you and I would be happy with accepting.

The problem though is that when you set your boundaries you risk not getting anything at all because few men can meet these boundaries. They are as unaware as we are how to handle the situation. And for me I can't hold on forever, I will love forever but there is a timeframe and after that you just can't bring back the past or what was missing.


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rustydarch
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posted July 09, 2012 05:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rustydarch     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm

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fairy22
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posted July 11, 2012 04:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairy22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for your input

Nice to have a man around!

But Carlie is hardly playing hard to get wouldn't you say?

What do you expect her to do?

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rustydarch
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posted July 15, 2012 08:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rustydarch     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I

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ariesgirl
Newflake

Posts: 14
From: chennai, tamilnadu, india
Registered: Jul 2013

posted September 04, 2013 05:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariesgirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey carlie, i know its been long since ur post. But im interested in wat has happened with u n ur cancer boy. Im in a very similar mess right now.

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Melsworld
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posted September 08, 2013 05:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Melsworld     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'd like to know too! I'm in the sane situation with my cancer guy..."we need tine apart " "I need space...time". Man it hurts! I love that guy ...but I'm giving him what he needs and what he asks for.

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