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Author
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Topic: Online Dating 50/+ ... this ain't easy!
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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 14, 2015 03:23 PM
  
quote:
Originally posted by furrybunny:
hey! i met my boyfriend through a mmo game! so its technically online lolols. and dont be discourage! what dating site are you using if you don't mind me asking.
Match.
quote:
Originally posted by furrybunny:
just dont ever lower your standards. you have every right to be picky online. like if the initial attraction wasnt there i would move on.
I agree
quote:
Originally posted by furrybunny:
but what exactly are you curious about regarding internet dating? i like to help and i think i get guys better then most!
I'm interested in hearing the experiences of online dating. Has anyone had success with it? I'm thinking its not really the way to meet anyone if your are looking for something meaningful. There may be alot of folks online hoping to find that special person for the long haul, but are extremely afraid of taking online dating too seriously. If "we" were (including myself here), we'd all probably go to eharmony and do all the honest "soul-searching" they require to match compatibility.IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted June 10, 2015 03:21 AM
Hey Linda-Landers!I'm not discouraged. Yes, the fishing is good, sometimes it is the catching that is bad. 
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OnTheOtherHand
Knowflake Posts: 129
From: LONDON,UK
Registered: Nov 2014
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posted June 21, 2015 07:09 AM
Hi there...have been reading this thread with interest..how's it going?I'm 42 and have done my fair share of Internet sites over the last 5 yrs..I find it fun at the beginning but after a few months it eats at my self esteem and I have to take a break.
I have the same problem as you though in that I get put off easily by the one word message or not connecting to a picture..and I can always read into a profile or the tone of messages so I can tell what the guys are looking for straight off and that, in turn, puts me off.
I'm taking a break at the moment..I was on a couple sites from December to may so my confidence is low now. I have also had a couple readings that suggest I may meet someone naturally soon so thought I'd give thing's a chance to happen if they're supposed to. Wishing you lots of luck and keep us posted!  IP: Logged |
Jo B
unregistered
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posted June 21, 2015 12:12 PM
I've had the occasional online "relationship" with a few guys, but never actually met them (or anyone I've met "romantically" online) in real life. For me it was just safer behind the computer at the time, because I was taking a break from real life romance but still wanted to practise my flirting skills. lolNothing beats going out and meeting them in real life though. Sugarflapjacks, can't you join a club or even go on holiday or something? I'd say the majority of men on online dating sites are just wanting to hook up, in my experience. Sorry lads! IP: Logged |
OnTheOtherHand
Knowflake Posts: 129
From: LONDON,UK
Registered: Nov 2014
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posted June 23, 2015 04:24 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Jo B:
I'd say the majority of men on online dating sites are just wanting to hook up, in my experience. Sorry lads!
Unfortunately this is my experience too...I've met the odd genuine guy but in general alot are wanting one thing..I think that's why my self esteem gets low.. It's repeated disappointment. I've tried social meetups as well rather than just Internet which is good to meet new people but now I think that if I'm supposed to meet someone significant then I will when it's time.
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SophiasChoice
Knowflake Posts: 161
From: Land of the Midnight Sun
Registered: Jul 2015
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posted August 13, 2015 12:57 AM
Hey Sugar .... I have shared your frustration. As mentioned by another poster, sorry forgot your user name, I look younger than my years which is terribly frustrating for me. Most men want to date younger which only amplifies this difference. I first tried online dating in my 40's and definitely needed a break after a few months, which ended up being years. Then again in my late 40's when I met a nice guy whom I developed a friendship with in real life and finally began dating him. Unfortunately it never developed into a physical spark so that only lasted a couple months. Years later I'm trying again and my attitude is much changed in that I'm more cavalier about the results. It may work and it may not work but bottom line, I need to remember to take care of me first. That's easier, I think, when you're okay with being single for as long as it takes to meet the right one. I wish you all the best of luck in your search and will be checking in to share in your frustrations ....... and joys too. thanks for starting this thread!! ------------------
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Swift Freeze
Moderator Posts: 725
From: Dreams
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted August 26, 2015 07:24 PM
quote:
Originally posted by SophiasChoice:
I need to remember to take care of me first. That's easier, I think, when you're okay with being single for as long as it takes to meet the right one.
Extremely wise words. ------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams. IP: Logged |
Swift Freeze
Moderator Posts: 725
From: Dreams
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted August 26, 2015 07:24 PM
Edit I have been a victim of my own doing in double posting.
------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams.
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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 17, 2016 04:00 PM
Eh, never mind.
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Dancing Maenad
Moderator Posts: 4425
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 21, 2016 01:54 PM
What happened? IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 21, 2016 05:08 PM
Honestly, Dancing, maybe it was a dumb question I was asking and no one would respond. This thread hasn't had any activity in over a year, so when I post, I feel like I'm talking to myself. I can be impatient lol Very tiny number of 50-somethings doing the online dating thing (or maybe the title is a deterrent), I guess. I've asked Randall to delete this thread, but there are other commenters. Maybe not now, but if we live long enough there will be more people in their 50s finding themselves single and wanting to have meaningful, romantic relationships and they'll join in to talk about it. I can post what I wrote (since it is in my blog) if it's of any real interest. Blame it on my moon, or my age, but it can be uncomfortable havin my feelings hanging out for all to see and ignore. Maybe no one has any input, so that's all the more reason I just keep it off this board. IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 21, 2016 05:24 PM
quote:
Originally posted by SophiasChoice:
Hey Sugar ....
Years later I'm trying again and my attitude is much changed in that I'm more cavalier about the results.
Yes, I thought about it this way too. Thing is, men looking for a piece of action get rude and nasty and call you a tease when that is not even the motive for women. Sometimes we just want companionship. I look at the 20-somethings. The girls can have friend-guys and the guys can have friend-girls and not have to jump into the sack, they just enjoy each other. You try that with a 50-something or 60-something year old man and many times he gets all bent out of shape -- like you're wasting his time. Geez, man, women my age know alot of men in these age groups could be on some kind of medication where they may need a "little help" and we are cool with that. So don't take the "help" unless you know she's going there with you! Nothing has changed -- we understand the "hope" men have about getting sex, we're not stupid and it's not that we aren't interested at our age. But if I just want sex, I could get someone much younger to do that. ok, enough of that. Sorry Sophia if you're still around! I was just agreeing with your comment, kinda went off on my own there IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 21, 2016 05:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by OnTheOtherHand:
Hi there... I have also had a couple readings that suggest I may meet someone naturally soon so thought I'd give thing's a chance to happen if they're supposed to. Wishing you lots of luck and keep us posted!
OTOH, yes, having a mature-age man respond with one word answer is such a turn off to me. I take it that I probably wouldn't have been interested even if I met them in person instead of online. To each his own so I like someone who talks to me. Would you mind giving an update from what your chart reading suggested? IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Moderator Posts: 4425
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 25, 2016 11:51 AM
Hey, Sugar! I am sorry I don't know what it is like to be dating in your 50s, I only have my own lousy experience of dating in the 30s. My father is in his 60s and a recent widower and he's been dating online for a while, not very successfully. I imagine there are specific challenges at every age group, but I think the essence is the same. I hope you will find the man you are searching for!  IP: Logged |
curiouspisces89
Knowflake Posts: 286
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2015
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posted August 25, 2016 04:53 PM
im not in 50+ category yet but my mum is and she is finding it very difficult to meet someone special. But so are we (I'm 27). Online dating is a big issue and in my opinion it rarely works. And that's partly because people put up their best face online and once you meet them you get disappointed and then also only few likes away you "know" that you can go on a date with someone else who might be better in some way..: it's so silly and crazy that people think they will have million chances.... And keep chasing a dream... Unrealistic one as well. It's so annoying and frustrating. Also I don't know for your age, but at my age it's almost a shame to say that you are looking for love. It's like I should just be looking to "meet" people lollll I don't have time for that to be honest working full time and having hobbies friends and family. So I gave up on online dating.... Sorry for a rant but it really annoys me that the world has come to the point where everyone "meets" online lolIP: Logged |
ricanbeauty25
Knowflake Posts: 61
From: miami, fl
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 26, 2016 04:22 PM
hey Sugar!!!!Online dating is definitely a tough one. I tried it a few years ago and it was uncomfortable. Either I didn't find interest OR they oversold themselves. I have met people online randomly and had great dates! And better connections (I met both Scorpio and Aquarius randomly online but not through dating sites) We were interested in similar things and started chatting through there, then exchanged numbers, then met. But the actual online dating sites have never given me a great turn out, to be honest. I am unsure if its an age thing or a personality thing. I did online dating and did many, many first dates. And it was difficult because since it is a dating site, its like they skip the process of getting to know each other and want to jump into a relationship! IDK... I wouldn't say give up on it... I just believe its a process that needs patience. IP: Logged |
OnTheOtherHand
Knowflake Posts: 129
From: LONDON,UK
Registered: Nov 2014
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posted August 27, 2016 04:53 AM
Hi Sugar, I'm sorry I've only just seen activity on here, I can update you but it isn't very exciting I'm afraid. The readings I had were actually tarot and psychic rather than astrological and nothing happened, I haven't met anyone. I've just joined a dating site again recently after having quite a break but no one has come into my life unfortunately. I work long hours primarily with women and children and don't follow an 'out for drinks' lifestyle, partly through not having the finances and partly through not being interested in or having friends that are interested in lots of evenings out. I've tried the online social groups, ie Meetup, and enjoyed them in the past so am going to try and get to more activities socially while doing a dating site on the side. I'm 43, 44 soon, and have been alone for several years despite many efforts. It does cross my mind that maybe I'm not supposed to meet anyone but it doesn't stop me trying... I still get the one word on a message but I ignore them! If someone goes to the trouble of writng a message I usually answer and if they seem nice enough after a few messages we might go for coffee, I don't get huge amounts of those though, I've had maybe 20 dates over a 7 year period..on and off..there have been a few I've really really liked but have been strung along and then ghosted, which hurts like buggery but they obviously weren't for me I also find I get copy and pasted messages where they've obviously not read the profile, they just try it on with anyone to see if they get an answer. I get lots of messages from fake accounts too but the site is free so I expect it. I have met some genuinely nice guys that are just not for me, I'm not hunting perfection but some where in the humongous, massive ball park would be nice! IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 28, 2016 08:06 PM
Hey Dancing, no worries, sweetie! I don't know how these sites stay in business then! A lot of folks (mostly women) I talk to say many of the same things you are saying. I'm sorry to your dad is widowed recently. Your mother passing away while you're so young...my condolences to you  For your dad to be trying online dating, we do think differently. Most of want something meaningful and older men are not looking to just spend money on dating several women just for the heck of it -- I don't think. Thanks for the well wish! We shall see...
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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 28, 2016 08:28 PM
Wow, curiouspisces89, I don't think its a shame at all to say you're looking for love. Quiet as it's kept, I'll bet ALOT of 20-somethings are looking for love -- you guys just have more ways to meet them! I know at 27 I was looking for it and I had it for a minute there, but alas, it didn't work out for the long haul. I may tell that story here one day. We were crazy in love. But I had had a previous major hurt and just found it very hard to trust. So my insecurities (and his) just got the best of us!  Is it easier for you to meet eligible, single men IRL? A co-worker of mine (he's 26) says he is online dating because he's not having much luck in person. But online, he's finding the women to be more facetious. Like the men have to have money and sporty cars. He says he's got student loans to pay and just doesn't have it like that yet lol. He's on a free site too. IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 28, 2016 08:46 PM
Hey Beauty! You've had better results than I have by a Long shot! lol You're right, I'm finding it a bit uncomfortable too, maybe that's why I'm just not having the best time! See, you met your guys because you had something in common and dating wasn't the motive for you. That's always a plus! These sites try to match you with someone who has common interests, but it's just because you both checked the same choices, it doesn't mean you've actually done any of those things! It seems that the men I'm interested in either haven't been on the site for several weeks but their profile is still up. I'll email them, but don't get a response. Or I'll get a response way later when I'm no longer paying and the site will send me emails telling me to come back and see who emailed me! I guess the ones I like are more popular and get "snatched up" quick! I believe I have the patience, but these dudes don't! Some just move too dern fast! I sometimes believe I should have been born in a different time because I like to take my time. It's like some men on these sites think you just want to "hook up" like someone here said, when that is not really what we want at all. This site isn't free, but popular. I use it because I'm hoping for quality men who, because they are paying a little more, are more thoughtful of who they are looking for. I haven't renewed yet, still thinking about it...
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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 29, 2016 12:59 AM
Hi there OTOH, sorry those predictions didn't seem to work out. That happened to me once too, with this guy I really, really liked. She told me that he and I were at the same points in our lives and looking for the same things. Told me there was serious "ooo la la" chemistry between us. She was right about the last part, but as for us being on the same page, I think she was wrong. We didn't make it past date #2. I dont' know what his problem was because I do believe he was attracted to me, but I think he was moving faster than I felt comfortable and decided to end it.So you and I have had some of the same experiences! I don't do alot of "out for drinks" either, if I'm hanging out with my gal pals, we're either shopping or at each other's homes mostly. I've joined meetups mostly for work, and I was thinking of joining one for more "social" purposes. I like your attitude about not stop trying and I'm believer that if you desire and want to be someone, then you're not supposed to be alone and you won't be. THat one word message -- don't get me started. I think it's because they are on their friggin' phones. I'll do the same thing, I'll write back to someone who has taken the effort to write to me, and you can surely spot those "copy & paste" messages---who do they think they are fooling!? There was this one guy I met who forgot we had met and started sending me the same type of messages like he was SO used to doing this. He'd start by telling me where he was from, what kind of music/food he liked, etc. Almost verbatim from his messages before! What a character! quote:
Originally posted by OnTheOtherHand:
I'm not hunting perfection but some where in the humongous, massive ball park would be nice!
LOL I hear ya lolIP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 29, 2016 01:02 AM
So I'm debating if I should reopen my account since I'm getting email alerts that someone wants to know what I look like and either he or someone else is emailing me. I don't know how this is happening because I've hidden my profile (or at least I thought I did). At any rate, there's no picture of me on the site so getting email alerts of interest, plus the "he said yes" to my profile alerts is very odd. I'm hesitant because I don't want to really pay the $30+ dollars to find out -- who would contact a person without a picture?IP: Logged |
OnTheOtherHand
Knowflake Posts: 129
From: LONDON,UK
Registered: Nov 2014
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posted August 29, 2016 09:51 AM
I think it depends on how long you've been on the site already, in the last 6 or so years I've been on and off them but I always leave a gap of 6-12 months before trying again..it re centres me, reminds me to stop trying so hard and encourages me to concentrate on myself. Plus some of the sites are expensive! Thats why I'm on a free one now!Would you try the Meetup social stuff again? I'd love to meet someone naturally when I'm not thinking about it, not dressed up and just completely relaxed and I suspect you're similar to me...! IP: Logged |
ricanbeauty25
Knowflake Posts: 61
From: miami, fl
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 29, 2016 11:46 AM
quote:
Originally posted by sugarflapjacks:
I believe I have the patience, but these dudes don't! Some just move too dern fast! I sometimes believe I should have been born in a different time because I like to take my time. It's like some men on these sites think you just want to "hook up" like someone here said, when that is not really what we want at all. ...
I completely understand. I was on two sites for a while. And I felt the same way. Maybe I just ran into the wrong guys but I'd get really upset when they expected more and its like THAT IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR! Signing up for a site to date doesn't mean you skip all initial steps... Jeez IP: Logged |
sugarflapjacks
Knowflake Posts: 231
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted August 31, 2016 05:49 PM
quote:
Originally posted by OnTheOtherHand:
Would you try the Meetup social stuff again?
OTO, I'm thinking of it. It would be great if I could find one where my interests hold the common ground so it doesn't carry that "hook up" vibe. On the dating site, though, I saw that they are having a singles race and scavenger hunt, so I may go to that. They sent me another email this afternoon saying someone just showed interest in me. Had the time it happened and everything on it, Gurl! lol I'm like, wow, they are REALLY trying to get me to log in. I did log in finally, mainly to check my profile, and it is visible, but no photo. So it's surprising to me that I'm getting interest with no picture. After logging in, I tried to see who these guys were, there were pictures of those who showed interest, but not who sent the emails. The men were kind of attractive, but I was hoping it was at least one of the guys I had emailed or liked lol but they weren't! When you said you leave a gap to center yourself and reminds you to stop trying so hard, how do you mean that? quote:
Originally posted by OnTheOtherHand:
I'd love to meet someone naturally when I'm not thinking about it, not dressed up and just completely relaxed
Wouldn't that be the best? Did you ever wonder why the guy in the grocery store or standing in line at an eatery/coffee shop or walking his dog or even standing at the gas pump getting gas is attracted to you, but doesn't approach you? At my age, I wonder what is the deal!?
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Lindaland
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