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Author Topic:   Worried I might fall for another Scorpio man
Leolady82
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Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted November 30, 2013 11:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, and one more thing: I don't know if I mentioned it, but my Sun and Venus are in the 8th House-the Scorpio house. I read somewhere that 8th House Sun sign people are often magnetically attractive to Sun sign Scorpios...but that was only one source so who knows?

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Leolady82
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From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 01, 2013 12:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AscTaurus:

To me its sounds like a "Uranian" effect: A guy at 37 who is as "attractive" as you say, but hasn't settled down sounds like a commitment-phobe to me.

Perhaps what you should be asking is why you are attracted to someone who , at his age, is starting his life over? Is it the excitement of something new? Is it perhaps a love that you have always wanted?(but I doubt it).

Perhaps the excitement that he brings is what you have been lacking all along. Not necessarily in the love life, but in other spheres of your life as well.



Thanks, Odette, good points.
AscTaurus: You also make good points but I am not sure about the aspects. Um, you are probably right about the commit-ma-phobe thing...and he is 39 not 37. Just turned 39 on the 14th last month...wow I have a lot to post. OK I found a little time...

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Leolady82
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From: San Francisco, CA USA
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posted December 01, 2013 01:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So where did I leave off? After dinner and me swearing to not think of him romantically?

Yeah. Epic fail.

He and my bf's business headquarters is a few hours away. It's requiring them both to be there most of the time. My bf has been going away and I have been left alone for days at a time; this is new for me. Usually we were always together. Well, and we can call him "S", S had a broken toe and couldn't do much work so my bf left town and S stayed here. This was Monday the 4th. I sent S a text and it was brazen and I don't know why I did, but I asked him if he wanted to hang out. He said he did. Somehow it ended up to be at 8pm when he came over....

I don't know how the more conservative readers will react, but he inquired about MDMA and I said I had it. He asked to take some, and I was like "OMG" inside and said "whatever you want! Here I'll take some too." So we were just talking and relaxing and listening to music, waiting for it to kick in, and deciding his foot was too painful to go out and see if there were any Monday music parties...We didn't talk about it, but he knew it, I knew it: there was an undeniable sexual attraction and it was like a huge black elephant looming in the room. WHY were we there alone together at night on drugs?? THAT was the question. Hey, it's San Francisco, CA. Don't hate.

Finally he broke the ice and started talking. He said something about feeling guilty, being there with his partner's girlfriend. I played innocent. I seriously and stupidly AND HONESTLY had NO intention of having sex with him that night, and I thought that somehow we could roll together and not do anything terribly inappropriate.

Oh man. I lack common sense and I know it.

He then said, "I see what _____ sees in you. You're amazing."

I blushed and squirmed and couldn't believe my ears. He went on to describe how awful the girls in Pittsburgh were and how sweet I was. He said I've been more nice and accommodating to him since he knew he was moving here than any girl he's known. I tried to graciously accept his compliments while simultaneously diverting his attention to the music and changing the subject. Things only escalated.

Soon the drugs were taking effect and we had to lie down. I had to take some deep breaths but all I felt like doing was touching and being touched. We said a few more nice things to each other and then gave each other a stiff hug, both trying to play it cool somewhat. Then I offered to massage him, although it sounded awful the moment I said it and he offered to massage ME and I refused and he said, "Ok, I'm sorry. Wait this is so wrong." I agreed, and then he admitted to me that he was GOING to "joke" the second he came into my apartment, "So are we gonna take molly and **** ?" I exclaimed with playful outrage, and then I apologized to him for texting to hang out, said I was so sorry but I honestly didn't intend to seem sexually available, and I just liked BEING around him. He seemed touched, immediately said he liked being around me, too, and we chatted some more and tried to watch a movie. All this time he was kind of sighing and squirming and fidgeting and acting odd, like...like he was trying to keep his hands off of me. And I awkwardly pretended that it wasn't happening. I know it is not cool to tease a Scorpio so I just was sweet to him and ignored the fairly obvious signs of his discontentment with NOT being able to touch me. I also tried not to flirt...but my body betrayed me. I felt like I moved with a sexual air, like an invitation that was beyond my control.

I am currently studying to be an aerial dancer at the Circus Center, and I had told S and he pretty much expressed significant admiration for my goals. I'm still deciding if I want to do silks, or the rope, or straps or work on trapeze but my aerial conditioning classes touch on everything. My body is getting to be in beautiful shape and I usually wear leggings a they are practical as they are flattering for my body. When he started to call me "beautiful" I started to get even more nervous. Now; I could have easily insisted he go home. I could have! I should have. But he was starting to get ****** up and so was I, so I thought it'd be mean and also our attraction to each other was SO strong, I was worried about where this was all going. Worried and extremely excited! But I knew: I was NOT having sex with him tonight.

I do Yoga regularly, run in Golden Gate park about twice a week, lift weights with my trainer at the gym, and do the aerial classes 2-4 times a week so you could say I'm in a good place right now. Also, when this was happening I was on a juice/raw vegan diet for three days. I also do not drink alcohol; I quit 6 months ago. So I FEEL healthy and balanced, and I noticed that I must reflect it because lately I have been getting daily compliments. The Leo side likes them; the Aquarius Moon doesn't care for them. I try to remain humble as much as possible. That night S found out I was 31 and said, genuinely shocked, "Oh. I thought you were in your twenties. I guess people look OLD in Pittsburgh."I FELT healthy and vibrant, like a goddess. Only problem was I was on very few calories and the MDMA hit me so hard I realized I was in NO place to consent to ANYTHING, and here were things getting heated.

Finally, as we tried to pretend to watch a movie on the couch, I gave in and slid a little closer to him and leaned against him. I can't remember exactly WHEN and how it happened, but suddenly i leaned in and we began kissing. His hand immediately went down and cupped my butt but I gently grabbed his hand and guided it off. I leaned out of it and pulled away but he leaned in and put his arms around me. Before I could even process yes, we broke the rules even further and were cheating, he made a very manly guttural-sighing noise and climbed on top of me and pinned me down and began assaulting my mouth HARD with his. It was thrilling but started to get scary, even though he was SO ******* handsome and I was SO attracted to him, I stared to feel like a college freshman being mauled by a drunk football player and I started to push him off of me and say, "Wait," "no," and "stop."

He didn't immediately stop but for some reason I wasn't too worried. I intuitively knew he wasn't going to hurt me, although there was a split second where my brain said "you might be raped." I'm glad I wasn't! He got off of me but I could tell it was difficult. We started talking about how bad we were and how wrong it was, but the floodgates were already open and I found myself caressing his head in my hands and planting little kisses all over his gorgeous face.

It went on for HOURS. Me initiating romantic intimacy, him escalating to rough sexual handling, me keeping my breasts and other parts of me clothed and out of his hands, and him backing off when I told him to. At one point I looked in the mirror and saw my entire upper lip, lips, and jaw were RED and raw from his five o'clock shadow and my lips were slightly swollen from his rough and passionate kissing, so I had to get an ice pack and hold it to my face. Then came him bargaining with me for HOURS. Practically begging me for sex. I don't know how many times I told him "No." But there was something in me (not just the drug) that just wanted to bestow loving affection on him! I couldn't just seem to kick him out until about midnight he decided, if we weren't going to have sex, then he was going to leave by 1am. I said "OK," and proceeded to kiss, hug, and cuddle with him as much as I could, as as much as I could until he started to get rough and insistent again. At one point he pulled himself off of me, resisting him, and said, "I am NOT a rapist," although it seemed to be him telling HIMSELF that more than him talking to ME.

We talked, OH we talked quite a bit in between. I told him of my bf's cheating, but refused to elaborate. Even though what I was doing was wrong, I insisted that "talking **** " about my bf to his business partner was tacky and could only cause problems later. He tried to get me to talk by saying I could vent to him, but I held fast and said I also would prefer that he get to know my bf and make his own decisions instead of basing it on any mistakes he's made through my eyes. S told me really sweet things about me, saying how amazing I am and went so far as to say "you're everything I've been looking for," and how he was getting old and wanted kids someday, to "I was to bang you," "I NEED to get laid," and "I want to *** on your face." I laughed and laughed and playfully teased him finally, calling ******** on a lot of things he said and also laughing and repeating the more crass things he said. I called him "lewd." He laughed and took everything I said with very good humor. He then said, "I want to make LOVE to you." Even still, when he realized I was NOT going to let him touch my breasts or get any of my clothes off, let alone give in to him, he said "You are a good person." I was like, "Uh, apparently NOT," but he started to really say he respected me and found me beautiful and wonderful and the sweetest girl he's ever met. I told him he was on drugs. But I did tell him that there was something about him that made me want to kiss him and tell him everything was all right. THAT was 100% true and I don't know why but it came out of me. Surprisingly, he reacted well to it. He told me that I touched him, and normally he was very cold and most women couldn't reach him. I tried to make fun of him but he said he was serious.

Eventually 1am rolled around and I called him a cab. While I was walking him out to the porch, he kind of acted like he couldn't believe this was happening and he was not getting laid, although he didn't SAY that, it was in his body language. I knew that he, being SO hot and SO sexy and charming, was probably used to getting all that he wanted out of women, and probably used to them also using HIM for sex. That night, I wanted intimacy. There were moments where we just held each other and put our temples together, and I felt this energetic ONENESS that I never feel with a man unless it's a man I'm in love with. It was weird and incredible and I've never been so incredibly intimate with a guy I've known for such a short period of time.

There was a slightly dramatic moment where, he got to the cab and I turned away and was about to walk up my stairs, when he said "Wait,"and came back, hugged me, and then realized I STILL wasn't going to invite him up to have sex, and he got back in the cab.

That night I had a hard time sleeping and processed all that occurred over and over again.

I'll post more later

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Haplesschild*
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posted December 01, 2013 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Haplesschild*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're fcking selfish and you need to tell your bf.

I believe in karma, so should you hun. It's coming your way.

My heart hurt reading that. I've been cheated on before and it sucks. And no, you started cheating when you texted him lots and started going on dates. The sex was just the cherry on top.


*shakes head* Do the right thing for once. Tell your bf everything and break up.

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Odette
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posted December 01, 2013 08:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That all sounds sweet and intense. I'm happy you guys met and all. I'd like to see your synastry. It seems karmic. You are very in tune emotionally and sexually.
But please break up with your bf. Seriously. This is just going to end badly for everyone if you don't break up asap.

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Odette
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posted December 01, 2013 08:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
My heart hurt reading that.

But why? Her bf and her have always been on and off anyway...
He's a -double- Gemini which means it's likely he is not the most faithful person on the face of the planet either... and he has cheated himself in the past.. as far as I understood.

I agree that she should break it off.

But feeling like your heart hurt... I mean..
You shouldn't relate so much to a stranger that you think your life is theirs. You are different people.
What you went though and what this Gemini guy would go through are different things.
You are too empathetic for your own good.

quote:
The sex was just the cherry on top.

They didn't have sex.

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Haplesschild*
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posted December 01, 2013 08:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Haplesschild*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^ I think it's more because people like her make me sick.

I know they didn't have sex. I meant the sex would just be the cherry on top, it doesn't mean that's the only thing that will mean 'cheating.' Also, just because the guy was a cheater and probably still is doesn't make it alright or less wrong, I mean come on.

And empathy has never been a bad thing. I'm not thinking about the specific situation but more the situation as a whole. Maybe it's just cos I have a diff moral compass to OP, it's like darn how can you do that and not feel bad? Cos she clearly doesn't.

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Swift Freeze
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posted December 02, 2013 04:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swift Freeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
^ Odette, I like how you make it sound so easy!
Like, whatever, ain't no big deal, just dump your boyfriend and get with the Scorp... lmao.

Right?!


Something new and exciting and different always comes along. What if... But What If... I wonder how...

I wonder if people can ever be satisfied in a relationship.

The only thing I can draw from this, is that perhaps Odette does not think LeoLady is in love with her current partner, so therefore it wouldn't be a big deal to just quit it and go hit it? I don't know.

------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams.

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Bluejay
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posted December 02, 2013 05:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluejay     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I swear that I looked up this guy's birth info and I had a feeling he was a Scorpio moon too. I stand by my first comment to not be so quick to trust this guy. I'm not trying to come across as judgmental, but why don't you just own the fact that you had no intention of being faithful to your boyfriend. I have felt that insanely intense instant attraction to a man, and I avoided him out of respect for my relationship. I didn't create situations where sex was even an option. If this Scorpio was your boyfriend and he caught you in a similar situation with his business partner, he would probably kill you. No joke! That is, if he really loved you a scenario like that could send him over the edge.

Your lack of guilt makes me think that you are just using your boyfriend for financial support. If you actually had a meaningful connection with this other guy then it would have been best to handle the situation differently. Not to lecture or anything, but the whole "Oops we almost had sex, I didn't see that coming" thing is ridiculous. It was precalculated, and I'm sure by the next post you'll be giving the details of when you sealed the deal. You come across as incredibly selfish, regardless of the fact that he cheated first. It seems like you're just feeding your ego by feeling desired by this man.

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Odette
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posted December 02, 2013 07:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
perhaps Odette does not think LeoLady is in love with her current partner, so therefore it wouldn't be a big deal to just quit it and go hit it?

That's exactly what I think.
If their relationship sounded workable.. I wouldn't have said that. It was on and off for so many years.. and now it's very close to being off again.
Some rels are just toxic.
Based on the story here - it doesn't seem stable.

quote:
Your lack of guilt makes me think that you are just using your boyfriend for financial support.

I thought of this as well... But again - this kind of thing - sticking to a crap relationship for financial reasons is just toxic. So many women are in this situation. Even women who are violently abused can sometimes continue on with their partner purely because they are afraid to strike out on their own financially.
I'm hoping this is not the reason.
But if it is - you need to find a way to stand on your own two feet and not depend on a guy who is no longer right for you.

As to people pointing fingers and calling others incredibly selfish - please turn the judgmental 'blah' down.
It's just uncalled for.
Gemini is not her husband - as I was saying. Not even her fiancee.. Clearly not the love of her life. They don't have kids together. What makes this such a significant commitment?

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Bluejay
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posted December 02, 2013 06:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluejay     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^
It is incredibly selfish to fool around with her boyfriend's business partner, possibly jeopardizing his livelihood and future. Especially when she depends on him financially. Whether she's in love with the Gemini is irrelevant, the considerate thing to do would be to break off the relationship. Also, people don't have to be married in order to be committed and faithful to each other, and married people cheat all the time.

I tell people like it is, although I do try to avoid coming across as being judgmental. I'm very open minded and understanding of other's feelings and circumstances, but it bothers me when people try to justify inconsiderate behavior. If she had any respect for her boyfriend she would be honest with him and with herself, not putting herself in compromising situations with his business partner. I saw this coming in her first post, she knew what she was doing. So any attempts to rationalize, or act like she was not trying to take it further are total BS. Also, if the feelings were more than lust, she will blow any chance of a future relationship with the Scorpio. That guy wouldn't let her out of his sights because he knows her modus operandi first hand. Any out of town trips would send his imagination into overdrive, and he would constantly worry about her fooling around. If they do it with you, they will do it to you.

I don't think an Aquarius moon can even comprehend the emotional depths of someone with that much Scorpio in his chart. I don't get the feeling that she really wants to settle down with anyone, and if the Scorpio falls for her she's in for an intense relationship. It's just not wise to take this situation so lightly. Even if her current relationship is toxic, this one isn't getting off to a healthy start either.

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Leolady82
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From: San Francisco, CA USA
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posted December 03, 2013 03:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First judgment, then GRATUITOUS SHAMING! Well!

It's all right with me, although I wouldn't do that to a perfect stranger who never asked for my opinion.

Last year my Gemini best friend (since we were 7 years old) had a months-long affair with a fellow trainer at her fitness center and I objectively listened to her go back and forth, and just supported her emotionally. Love her unconditionally. Her boyfriend, too, is rad and I adore him and never said **** . He never explicitly found out and the guy she was seeing on the side broke it off with her, made her cry. She eventually found her man attractive again and is with him still. They're happy, but every now and then she gets bored.

Life is strange.

So, if you have a problem with this story I best advise you to NOT READ it, especially STOP right now. I'm venting anonymously; I'm not looking for people to try to project their own pain onto me. This situation is insane! I'm near-wit's end and it seems impossible and horrible, with a very exciting and sexy side to it was well. I do clearly remember how it felt to be cheated on over and over again. It sucks. My bf has broken my heart and then begged for me back and apologized profusely and admitted to being stupid and wrong. It was an awful time and I had to fight extreme anger every day. Eventually I stopped getting angry and eventually I stopped thinking about it. We got through his ******** , I guess now I have my own ******** and I'm not sure where this is headed...

because it gets worse.

NO we did NOT have sex that night. Not even close; our clothes were ON. But things have escalated and I need to get this out, so STOP reading if all you're going to do is feel sick or have your eyes bleed or whatnot. Move along. Seriously, go to the next topic. No hard feelings.

November 6th, just 2 days later, I found us alone in the same city again. I can't really explain why, but I was so drawn to him we arranged to hang out at his place. I was nervous; I figured I was going to do it. I was taking the plunge. I couldn't NOT do it. Our attraction was too strong and there is no words for feeble justification or defense. I made a morally-wrong decision to go to his house Wednesday evening. Wearing a black top and red leggings. Still on the raw food/juice fast and near-ovulating.

When I arrived it was like a bad description of a Scorpio seduction scenario in a cheesy Astrology article. He was ALSO wearing red; entirely red. His studio was pretty dark except for a red light and he had music playing. We awkwardly pretended not to be thrilled to see each other and that it wasn't a hookup. I still played with the possibility that we weren't going to have sex. In the back of my mind I was slightly wary that I might be acquaintance-raped if he was super insistent and I didn't leave in time. I had an escape plan mapped out in my head in case things got too heated.

After a few minutes together, though, I relaxed and just basked in the glow that is him. He was beaming and so happy to see me. His face is SO incredibly handsome; his full lips just offset his gorgeous, half-closed green eyes (ever notice Scorpios tend to have a sleepy look to them?). He's actually 6' tall and built beautifully, I underestimated his height earlier. We climbed out on the roof to smoke a joint and were still playing it cool until I asked how things were for him that day, and he said, "I dunno. Everything is all right when YOU'RE around," and beamed at me like a shy schoolboy. He sigh-growled and said "Oh...[my name, which is French and sounded good coming from his whispery, lethal voice]" and reached over to hug me even though I was curled up a little with my legs bent in front of me. His hand crept down to my hip/buttock and I gently lifted his hand up again and laughed nervously. He let go and then started to compliment me again, going so far as to say "I'm just trying to get USED to you. You're so incredible and beautiful..." I was overwhelmed again but with every SEEMINGLY genuine compliment I could feel warm, heart-felt feelings well up inside me and I reached over and hugged him. Again I felt this UTTER PEACE AND CONTENTMENT as we held each other, the long hug turning inappropriately long, and what I felt to be our energies started melding together in a way I only feel with men with whom I'm in love. So I was confused and it started to tear down my resolve.

We moved inside and talked some more. I tried to steer our interaction to a platonic level and he kept bringing it back to how cool I was and how much he liked me. THEN, the surprise attack began. He grabbed me suddenly and climbed on top of me and pinned me down into the couch and began roughly kissing me. Hmm, rough isn't entirely accurate. I dunno how to describe it: Scorpio men can be sensually "rough" but not really rough enough to complain about. Like...artfully rough. With finesse. To spare.

It went on for at least a half hour; him getting extremely passionate and me not exactly sure if I wanted to do it, and making him back off. He is...so chivalrous in a weird way because he'd do whatever I said, respectfully, despite being rock hard and near-frenzied. At one point I had to laugh because he said, "I'm going to pull out my dick," and I said, "No!" and he said "OK" and stopped fumbling with his belt. Finally, after refusing to have sex with him for the 10th time, he asked me, "then why'd you come here?" and I cried "I don't know!" and curled into a ball. He got up and got water, and came back and we made out some more until I couldn't stand the build up any longer. Finally, I said "Ok." Then I felt terrified and guilty as he went to get a condom.

However, when I finally let him do what he REALLY wanted, it was so incredible that I let go of any negative thoughts and let myself be drowned by him. The physical aspect felt so good I felt on a constant brink of climax. I've NEVER seen a man MORE into it than he was; even my 5-sign-in-Scorpio ex, of whom I was reminded actually, was a little more laid-back than S was. Scorpio men, I have discovered, deliver each stroke slightly varied and different from the previous one. It's a slight nuance I've come to notice quite well and he was no different. This wasn't a man finally getting laid after a month's dry spell (he told me later, because he was moving and didn't want any ties to PA); it was a man RELISHING in every part of me, apparently mind, body and soul. I felt all that and THEN some; during I felt as if I was going to die or have a heart attack and/or burst into tears of fear and joy all at once. My eyes actually watered but didn't quite tear and spill over. I was OVERCOME with emotion that was mainly coming from him and I felt like I was reflecting it back. He made faces and noises without any care to what he looked or sounded like. It was amazing. Yes, he pulled my hair and slapped my ass and said a few things that I found hot; no, he didn't hurt or injure me. And after a couple times and some oral, we laid together and cuddled, kissed and caressed. I have heard of Scorpios being described as serpentine. This holds to be fairly accurate; he couldn't seem to lay still and was all over me, winding and squeezing and rolling over in different positions. I felt like I was in bed with a boa constrictor. We also quietly lamented about how this could never happen again, and how awful we were, and how stupid it was. At one point, though, I was literally shocked when I was sprawled naked in front of him, and he was face-at-solar-plexus level on me, and was saying softly and lovingly, "Oh, [my name over and over again]" as he slowly and sensually ran the side of his cheek and then lips and then other side of his cheek along my upper abdomen and then, "I'm going to MISS this." We also both felt as if we were on hallucinogenic drugs post-coitus. He said, "We must be intoxicating to one another." I agreed. I'd never had SUCH amazing and deep sex with a man I had known for so little time. I'd never felt this intensely...but still, I took it somewhat lightly. It couldn't, of course, happen again. But I already felt addicted.

After a while, we finally agreed to part ways and I took a cab home. I left sometime around 3am and when I left and kissed him goodbye, he slipped and called me "Babe." But didn't correct or take it back. I was kinda stunned but by this time I was starting to get used to him surprising me with left-field behavior!

More later. Please, I am only writing to clear my head...I don't need to wake up to a bunch of very negative comments. Thank you

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Odette
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posted December 05, 2013 05:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Leolady - I'm worried that Scorpio is primarily turned on by the kinky side to this, because you are taken.
This is not at all to be negative or judgmental - just what I thought reading the last post.
If I was in your shoes I would test him and tell him I am breaking up with my bf because I don't want to give up what "we" (you & Scorp) have.. and I don't want to continue cheating.
If he reacts by pulling back and being evasive - then you'll know that it was just sex.
If he reacts in a positive way, like.. 'OMG I'm ecstatic that you'll be single and I can have you all to myself' -- then you'll know he is for real.

This only applies if you want to be with Scorpio more seriously.

If this is not serious to you - If you're just sexually attracted and not interested in him as a person - and a potential partner.... and this is just a fling to get back at Gemini for cheating - then honestly, it's unhealthy for everyone involved - and you need to get out of this mess and put an end to it.

You need to figure out what you want and make a decision either way - but don't carry on with this.
If they didn't know each other, it wouldn't be so complicated - but they are business partners - so this can end *really* badly.
It's starting to sound like Unfaithful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unfaithful_(2002_film)

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Swift Freeze
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posted December 05, 2013 06:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swift Freeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm just hear to listen to the end of her story. She is free to do as she pleases, and it's healthy not to hold it all inside. Ultimately, she will make whatever choice she feels is right, regardless of what any of us say.

------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams.

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Aries23Degrees
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Registered: Dec 2012

posted December 05, 2013 02:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No-one should be self-righteous and judgmental on these posts; talking about "selfishness", "how could you do this to your boyfriend?" etc. Don't be so over the top, no holds barred , emotionally invested. Its a discussion, not a "morality audit".

We are not in someone else's shoes and this is not a soap opera where we can tell the "good" guys from the so-called "bad". It's not that simple.

We are dealing with feelings here and non-one can honestly say that they have never felt an attraction for someone/something that was "forbidden" for them to have.

Attractions mean something. It may not necessarily say something about living happily ever after with the person, but it could mean that the person is opening you up to another facet of "yourself" that you had never known to exist.

This is exciting!!! Very exciting!!!

So please, hold back with the condemnation and judgment, this is a loving space and people should be allowed to speak their minds about how they feel. We get enough judgement form the outside world thank you!!

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 08, 2013 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Odette: Oh I have more to the story! Wow

And hey I'm glad my haters left.

Here goes....

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 08, 2013 05:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So after that fateful night, he actually had to leave town to visit the worksite. My boyfriend came back and boy did I feel weird. I don't even want to talk about it because it's painful and complicated. I will, later, because that first week of November I was still totally high on what happened and wasn't really grasping the situation.

Anyway, I suffered a week without either of them and as they were working together, I left both of them alone pretty much. I'm not a terribly needy or clingy girlfriend. I was, more, when I sensed my bf was cheating on me, but after all the turmoil abated and I started to trust him again (yes, can you believe I actually trust him? After all he put me through? I'm naive maybe), I didn't call or text to check up on him when he left town.

Conveniently, my boyfriend stayed up at the site while S came down the evening after his birthday, Friday the 15th. I was so excited to see him. He was excited to see me too, even though he expressed a large amount of guilt while working with my bf. I got him a Boombotix Boombot Rex (wireless external speaker with mad bass) and wrapped it up nicely for him, dressed up sexily in my own Burner-type way, and managed last minute reservations at the Waterbar, a restaurant with a gorgeous view of the Bay Bridge on the water. I told him to dress nicely. He'd never been to this restaurant, and I only got in because some reservations were canceled and we got seated at the best table in the house; by the window downstairs away from the bar, with a perfect view of the bridge. Currently there are thousands of LED lights decorating the one side we could see and it's only a temporary art installation: http://thebaylights.org/

He loved his gift, showered me with compliments and was lively and stimulating at dinner. We talked a little more about ourselves and he made me realize I AM kind of interesting. I told him about my travels to different countries, my brief racing career, my belly dancing for a few years, what University was like for me, some family stories. He talked about his time in a band, his start-up in PA and life in DC. I don't drink; he had a beer, a glass of wine and a cognac. Dinner was delicious and amazing for both of us and we shared dessert. It was SO romantic and he kept saying that I looked so beautiful...I think he got a little tipsy because while we were waiting for the vallet he swept me up in his arms with his hands on my waist and kissed me passionately outside on the sidewalk IN PUBLIC. I accepted it, banking on the fact that no one I knew was going to be on this side of town, but it was thrilling and made me feel guilty at the same time. The entire car ride home I noticed he had a huge erection and couldn't keep his hands off of me. We were laughing and joking and entertaining each other and it seemed like the more I stimulated him mentally, the more sexually turned on he became. This is not new to me and I read it somewhere as well: that Scorpios, although very emotional, actually crave mental stimulation and it makes them want to translate that physically.

When we got to his place, I had brought overnight stuff this time. I barely had any time to take off my own clothes before he was ripping them off of me and laying me down on his bed. After the first time, which was amazing, we watched a movie (South Korean: The Man from Nowhere. Really intense and quite good), then just made love and cuddled and tried to fall asleep. In the middle of the night he hinted at anal, to which I readily agreed. I actually was wondering how long it was going to take before he's suggest it! He was pretty surprised but pleased. I told him while it hurt, I liked it because it was dirty and seemed wrong, AND that it hurt. He was well pleased. Afterwards he said, "You are my favorite person," to which I CRACKED up, and was surprised to hear that he hadn't done it in FIVE YEARS because none of his previous girlfriends had let him. I felt smug.
Sleeping with him was an utter joy and that's when I think our level of intimacy rose a notch. We spooned each other and giggled and kissed and hugged and rolled over each other ALL NIGHT LONG, even waking up that morning kissing and cuddling. He seemed...blissfully happy. I even called him Mr. Cuddles. WHERE was the quiet, unfeeling, brooding, controlled Scorpio man Astrology tells about? Is he evolved? Is is because his Venus is in the First House on his chart? I don't know.

We couldn't spend the weekend together because he was leaving again. He seemed a little sad when I left that morning to take care of my dog, but he had things to do as well. Another period of time went on until we met again, but this time I sent some sensual texts. Eventually he texted "I can't get texts like this when I'm up here please." Rebuffed! I apologized and let it alone, not hurt but embarrassed. Still, when we got alone together, it was another Friday night and I showed up at his place in another sexy outfit. He asked me if I wanted to take a walk around the neighborhood and I agreed even though I was in heels (well, wedges). We were happy to see each other. We kind of walked and stopped to hug every now and then. He seemed...typically excited and turned on. Again, showering me with compliments not only on my body but on my heart and mind. He actually said, "You're so sexy I can't stand it." I felt the same! When we got upstairs, I barely had time to remove my shoes and drink a sip of a glass of water, when I opened my mouth to speak and he, in a swift move, grabbed me up in his arms and kissed me, and then laid me on his bed and began, once again, tearing my clothes off. This time, though, he hesitated before we made love long enough to look me in the eyes and say, "You're _____'s girlfriend...right?" in a sad tone. I kind of was shocked and wondered if he WAS that into me. I solemnly nodded and we went on and it was still so good, but I could tell something was bothering him a little. I spent the night that night as well, and the next morning we agreed to have brunch, but I just had to go home and tend to my dog, and change.

Brunch was at a Mediterranean spot in the Tender Nob. I wore a very skimpy white dress and was in a great mood, but he hadn't eaten breakfast at all and was scattered and was going through that typical Scorpio man thing where their minds are somewhere else when you're trying to talk to them. I wasn't annoyed at all. Like I said, I've had experience! I waited patiently and just smiled and admired his hot, hot face while he kind of babbled, staring out the window, then in silence, before he sighed and said, "I'm sorry. I'm just thinking about stupid **** ." He turned and looked right at me and said very seriously, "YOU'RE what I need right now," and of course it melted my heart. We went back to his place to try to nap for a bit. Of course we couldn't, and I (we, I suppose) ended up being so horny that we made love again, this time is was subdued and sweet--afternoon sex! When we were finished he said, "WOW, I feel rejuvenated." We had to part ways again but made plans for the evening.

Well! My bf surprised me by coming home early. It was crazy. I felt terribly guilty and weird. I had to project my affection for S onto HIM and I did well. It was incredibly hard and I actually had to meet S on the street by my bf's office and take him there to meet him and leave them alone. S had been drinking. I felt depressed. As we were walking, I could tell S was in that euphoric state of buzz because even though I was lamenting that our time was cut short, he seemed happy enough we had it but said, "We probably should cool it. Like, not see each other for a month." I agreed with him, but on the inside I felt like a kid kicking and screaming NO!

So I went home and tried not to feel like a horrible person. My bf and S actually decided to go out to a party together. My bf knew I was tired, and he actually asked permission to take him! I gave him a sweet attitude like "Sure you boys have fun!" even though I was dying inside. That weekend, my bf was stressed and angry with me because I didn't do a few of the things he asked me to do while he was gone that previous week. I felt bad because honestly, I was paying most attention to my aerial training workouts and yoga, and then daydreaming about S in my downtime. SO yeah, I sucked that week. He mad me feel so bad I actually cried at one point. That made him stop, and even though he doesn't really show much emotion when he makes me break down, he's said before he doesn't enjoy doing it. The next day he went shopping for some clothes and bought me a couple things, I think to say he was sorry. I just tried to be as sweet as possible and cater to him a much as I could, and make up for lost work and promised to do better. I missed S terribly but tried to focus on my real relationship and not think too much about the craziness. It was...very, VERY difficult and weird. I've never done something like this before and I feel too old to go through it. Still, breaking up with my bf wasn't in the forefront of my mind.

Another week went by with both of them gone and working together. I kept my texts to a minimum and focused on my duties and making sure I did everything my bf wanted done. I focused on my workouts and my dog. I sent a couple friendly texts to S and then suddenly it came:
I didn't save the texts, but it was something like "We can't keep doing this. I feel too guilty, I like you SO much but maybe we should cool it for a while" etc. I agreed and apologized for being selfish. He texted back that I had nothing to apologize for, and the pleasure was all his. I went to Yoga class and it was the saddest yoga class I've had in a WHILE. While I was walking back up the street from my car, home, I guess some real comprehension of what happened overcame me because I felt like I was stabbed in the heart. I dramatically leaned and grabbed onto a street light pole and said, "Oh **** ," and the tears welled up but didn't spill over. I did some quick breathing and tried to calm down. I thought of my favorite rappers, and would THEY ever cry over a ho? NO! Still, I knew I had to tell him how I really felt. But I made sure to make him understand that I was NOT trying to get a reaction of out him or attention. So I texted him something like: "Oh wow, I just have to say this and please don't respond or think I'm trying to get anything out of you, but just to vent...I think my heart broke a little today..."

He didn't respond, to which I was glad. That night I had to go home DIRECTLY after and be with my bf, and make love to HIM, and I had to stifle tears and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I thought that was the end of this story! But it wasn't...

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 08, 2013 06:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So, after my dramatic and secretive night trying to let S go, in my heart, the next evening I was at home again and my bf decided to go to ANOTHER party (this was a week after he took S to a party). I totally was fine with it; I needed to be alone. I was starting to feel better. My best girl friends are a Gemini and a Pisces and I vented to them both and got logical, calculated responses from the Gemini and sympathetic, compassionate responses from the Pisces. That night my bf came home around 1:30am and I was drifting off to sleep. I took him in my arms and cuddled and tried again to feel the connection and not think about S. To my surprise, after I asked about the party, my bf said, "it was all right. I took S with me, called him up and saw if he wanted to go. I just gave him a ride home. He was SH--FACED." I tried not to seem interested. It was dark so that was kind of easy. I found it interesting that the week before, my bf had also given S a ride home...alone, with no girls. Not like I have ANY rights to him. Nor have I asked either man about S's romantic life outside of what I knew, which was nothing. My bf got quiet and kinda laughed to himself. What? I asked. "S kept p-ssing girls off. Like one minute, they'd be embracing, the next minute they'd be talking sh-t." I couldn't help but ask him "What do you mean? Like BAD sh-t?" "YEAH like "F--K you and stuff. Funny...I guess he has ISSUES WITH GIRLS."

THIS information BLEW MY f--cking MIND. I am logical and SOMETIMES high minded, so I decided the only things I could deduce from the situation were: a. he obviously didn't sleep with anyone that night and b. he must have been acting like a drunken douchebag that night. Still, he was SO sweet and nice with ME! Where was this coming from? This was only 28 or so hours after my sad little text about my slightly broken heart. Did THAT have something to do with it? My girl friends thought so. Especially my Pisces girl friend; she thought he was upset about me specifically. I felt a little wary about a guy who would start minor drama on the dancefloor, but at the same time felt a little relieved he wasn't hitting it off with any other girl. Then I felt guilty and bad about feeling that way. I seriously wanted and still want, him to be happy and find romance, with or without me. At that point I already cared about him.

OH my. I forgot! The second? or third time we made love, he said BEFORE we did, "I really like you," and I grabbed him and kissed him and didn't really answer that. And a few minutes later he said, right before we did it, "I really care about you..." to which I just responded physically. I had no words; I was confused. I also didn't know if he was serious or if that was important. He knew he was already going to get laid, so why say that? What did it mean? We barely knew each other...

Everything I read about Scorpio men seem to point to him pretty much being head over heels for me. I also forgot to mention that he told me what he "like me the moment he saw me," which was on New Year's Eve last year...I totally forgot and though the first time I saw him was at dinner with my bf. Well actually I had to rack my brain to remember that moment. I was dressed to the nines for a party; my bf and I were fighting and I hated him that night. S and his pretty Asian girlfriend at the time (whom he "hates" now and thinks she's "an idiot") were in my living room and I came in briefly to talk to my bf. I vaguely remember saying "Hi, I'm _______," and shaking S's hand and his girlfriend's hand. I had to think long and hard, but yeah I remember S on the couch being incredibly hot and getting a sultry, green-eyed look, but I was so upset and angry I was NOT excited about it. NOT TO MENTION his girlfriend was right there! And I may be a bad person for doing this, but messing with another girl's boyfriend is something I HAVE NOT done and WON'T do. I was nicer to HER, actually. But I forgot that. S also revealed to me in conversation that he had "such a huge crush" on me from our first dinner, and that the emails he sent were intimate and flirty on purpose. I had no idea. Or very little idea. All of his stiffness, his refusal to look at me, and his professional attitude towards me were part of a secretive Scorpio act to pretend he didn't long for me as much as he did.

Well, now I know. And I'd be lying if I said it wasn't some of the most flattering sh-- I've ever experienced, because from spending the time I have with him, I really, really think highly of him. He's...just so sweet and passionate, but also very smart and funny. I even enjoy his sarcastic, gloom & doom Scorpionic views on life. I laugh at him! And tease, and he only seems excited and happy rather than offended and hurt. He even said, "I didn't get where I was by being nice...but I also didn't get where I was by messing with my business partners' girlfriends..." and seemed ashamed. Whenever he expressed guilt or shame I comforted him and told him everything was MY fault because I basically pursued him. Although I reminded him that HE was the one who dry-humped me.

Any way, there's so much more....it gets more and more deep and crazy, I have been typing too much and need to get some work done...

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 09, 2013 01:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, I think I forgot to mention something. The night of the day after his birthday, we went for a small walk and he was talking too much. Like, almost insecurely and incessantly. He even stopped to say (and this is the gist of it I can't remember word-for-word), "God, I feel like I'm just talking too much about myself. Like word-vomit coming out. How about you? How are YOU? I just...feel like you're such a good person and so amazing...and I've done so many bad things in my life. I feel like I don't DESERVE you."

This was odd. I was quiet because once again I had no words. I think I just said some generic thing about how he shouldn't be silly. But then I said sweetly, "Well, I'm just glad you can express yourself." He clammed up shortly after and said, "Now I'm being weird." I said, "you don't have to feel weird with me!" and I hugged him and kissed him and he seemed to relax.

I know I haven't dealt with ALL the Scorpios in the world, only two romantically, but they had a lot of Scorpio in their chart and it seems like they're actually pretty easy to deal with for me. You just have to comfort them and shower warm affection on them liberally! Easy peezy! Oh, and don't be afraid to speak your mind, especially if you're philosophically oriented.

S has...he must have read about Leos or something and is trying to impress me, because he is constantly giving me verbal compliments, which is so unlike the typical descriptions of Scorpio men. He's said everything from "You're 31 with 21-year-old boobs," to "you have such an amazing mind, I'm so lucky to know you."

The first time we had sex, we kept talking about how HOT it was, but he kind of brought up the fact that he needed to get a girlfriend of his own. He even said he had a date with "some Asian" on Saturday (it was a Wednesday). Neither of these conversations bothered me that much because we barely knew each other and at the time, we both were pretending we weren't ever going to hook up again. I THINK, but I can't remember, that he looked at me as if to gauge my reaction. I can't really remember. But I eagerly and brightly, in my sunny manner, agreed he SHOULD get a girlfriend and I hoped she was super cool, and that she and I would get along like sisters. This was about 70% true; 30% or so of me didn't want to lose him so quickly but I think I pulled it off. When he mentioned his date, I said I hoped it went well and she was cool. I DID say immediately, "WHATEVER HAPPENS, please please PLEASE make sure you NEVER EVER EVER tell your future potential girlfriend about what we did. If you do, she'll hate me and forever be watchful of us when we're around each other, even if we never touch each other again. And you don't want that kind of drama." He agreed wholeheartedly and we changed the subject. I felt like both of us were thinking that that might not happen and we might actually end up continuing the affair. Already at that point I felt like he and I had a psychic connection. In fact, the second or third time we hung out together, he was amazed that I was finishing his sentences.

THAT was the only time we had that talk. Every other time we hooked up, he only talked about how much he liked me. I never asked about his dating life in the City; he never brought it up again until....

Ok so we left off at our text-break-up about a week ago. After the new knowledge that he had behaved badly and failed at macking on girls. Mind you, this is San Francisco and he is a very, VERY hot and single man. The fact that he was hugging girls didn't make me jealous at all. I hug guys all the time. I have TONS of friends, and I'm almost certain a few of them have a crush on me. It's just the nature of being in the party scene and being an attractive and happy-go-lucky Leo girl (so I am told quite often, too often for me to ignore it). In fact, I felt very compassionate for him. I felt like perhaps my Pisces girl friend was right and maybe he was a little tore up TOO about us taking a break. So...I tentatively texted him. Now; I assume he assumes my bf DOESN'T talk about him to me. My bf is a double Gemini; he pretends like he doesn't gossip but he actually tells me EVERYTHING about EVERYONE in confidence. SO without S knowing I knew what was up the night before, I sent him a sweet text about how I hoped he had a good day, and *hugs*. Because I figured he was hung over and probably feeling a little low.

To my surprise, he answered "Thanks. Hugs are always good." This was Sunday. My bf again left to go to the site, and I thought S was supposed to go but low and behold, my bf revealed to me that he was going the next day. That Sunday I was SOOOOO sexually frustrated. All I wanted was S; and we were supposed to not see each other anymore, and he was in the City and my bf was gone. And he is new to the City and doesn't really have any friends, and the past month he's been here, he's mainly been spending his City time with ME. So I went to Yoga class. Afterwards, at about 7pm, I sent him a text saying I think I was going to start going to the Mahayama Buddhist ceremonies to try to get over us. He texted "Why? I'm bored. Are you hungry? Want to have sushi??" I couldn't f-cking believe it. I told myself "NO no no no no...we're not supposed to hang out." But a part of my LONGED to see him. I was really trying to get over him but I was actually pining for him. I sometimes have a hard time with my emotions. Maybe it's the Aquarius Moon; because sometimes I have an image of an ideal of how I SHOULD feel in my head and try to feel that, even though I don't actually feel that way. In this case I TRIED to feel like I was totally cool with giving him up and moving on. But that Sunday I guess Yoga triggered (again) my true feelings and all I could think about was HIM.

So I texted back, "Dude, are you SURE??"
He was like "Ya catch a cab. I'm at the Boom Boom Room," (bar in Japan Town, near his house). SO I did! This was literally the first time HE asked ME to hang out. I decided that I was going to be bitchy and standoffish, and if he tried to lay a finger on me I would slap him and storm off. The only hole in my plan was that I was ovulating.

When I met up with him, he was finished with his beer and about to leave. When we're together, with the exception of his birthday dinner, he doesn't drink out of respect for me. I have NEVER told him I cared; I don't. I can hang around drunk people and it doesn't bother me; I told him I don't mind if he drinks! But for whatever reason he thinks it's a shining positive trait that I choose not to drink, and wants to follow suite but finds himself having about 2-5 drinks a day, but not every day of the week. Which isn't that much, actually. However, I was very aware of the fact that alcohol was influencing him to go against his earlier decision to cool things down, so I was on edge to make sure he didn't put his hands on me.

We met up, and I had ALMOST forgotten how gorgeous and perfectly formed his face is. So he literally shocked me when I walked into the Boom Boom Room and I saw his profile. We both smiled when we saw each other but I quickly looked away and attempted my Tough Girl act. He suggested we leave since I don't drink and he was done, and we walked up Geary toward the East and West Mall in Japan Center to head towards the sushi spots. He mentioned he actually doesn't like sushi so much as he likes sashimi, and I feel the same way, so I took him to Sanppo Restaurant on Post Street because their fish (and service) is superior. He, of course, was grateful to have a City-savvy person to show him the ropes.

On our short walk, I tried to not look at him or be too engaged and starry-eyed as I usually was. I guess he was slightly intoxicated because he didn't notice. When I am trying not to act like I like a guy, I tend to be more witty and have more smart comments up my sleeve instead of being simply sweet. In fact, I try to be somewhat abrasive. Well, it either went over his head or backfired because he only laughed more and commented on how smart he thinks I am. Disgruntled, I began teasing him a little and showing off my mental skills. Because the alcohol slowed him down a bit, he misinterpreted my (attempted) malicious candor as...endearing cuteness? I guess? Because when we paused in Japan Center to smoke a joint I rolled for us, he asked me "How are you happy, like, ALL the time?" I couldn't help but be moved even though I felt NOT so happy and more frustrated, and I smiled, and out it came: my charm. I said quite honestly, "Maybe I'm just happier around you." He then gave me the "typical" Scorpion-slitted-eyed-sultry-and-hungry-undress-you-with-his-eyes-up-and-down stare that ended and lingered between my legs (of course I was wearing tight black leggings; I just enjoy leggings I can't help it) and I quickly moved my hands to cover my crotch and he kind of laughed because he knew he was caught. [As an aside, he told me the first time we actually talked in person at dinner with my bf, he admitted to looking and staring at my breasts during a conversation. Neither my bf or I noticed but he claimed I "classily" moved my hands in front of my chest and made a subtle gesture for him to stop looking. I was surprised to hear this and tried to think hard if I actually consciously did that and apparently it was UNconscious.]

Anyway, dinner was light and very enjoyable. The Lavender (a ganja strain) indoor chilled me out, but my conversation was energetic and lively as usual (hey man, I'm a double fire sign w an air sign Moon) and he was just drinking water at that point, and again complimented me for random things. At one point I said something so quick witted and fast that he asked me to repeat myself. I was pleased to be impressing him but had a wary feeling about where this was going. I had known, BY NOW, from many past experiences, with THIS Scorpio man and several others, that IF you stimulate him mentally...he is going to want to tear your clothes off later. I WISH "they" would mention that more often in describing The Scorpio Man, because it's very true. Maybe I wanted him to want me; actually I'm sure I did, but whatever, HE was the one who always seduced ME! There were two other young-ish men dining alone in that restaurant at different and separate tables that night and BOTH seemed to be eavesdropping a little, and both seemed to smirk a little like they probably assumed that he, being so good looking and so complimentary, was going to get to bang me that night. Not to sound arrogant. I kind of KNOW how men think sometimes. And I was ovulating so I felt unnecessarily sexy that night. Feel it, believe it, BE it. It is the Leo way .

We talked about going back to his place to smoke some more weed before possibly checking out the Drum and Bass weekly Sunday party in the South of Market district. So HE paid and I thanked him, and we walked back to his place which is very close. On the walk, we had NOT hugged or acted affectionately, and I was even walking a little faster and in front of him to show how I was making an invisible wall between us. I was TRYING to just be friends. Sort of. But then I noticed he has a signature walk and I commented on it. I said he has SWAG. He does! He got a little self conscious but I assured him that he looked way cool. I don't really know how to explain it. He kind of walks like a dangerous coiled snake mixed with a badass cowboy. It's HOT is all I know. I try to walk gracefully like a dancer but I really doubt I pull it off.

Once upstairs, I sat on his couch and he tried to pull a chair up and sit on it, but his view of the large projection screen he has (instead of a TV; typical extravagant Scorpio; oh so much like Leo. It's a wonder why we're not supposed to get along!) was compromised by his position so he decided to sit next to me. And he said, "You stay on your side," softly. We both cracked up knowing damn well who USUALLY ended up attacking WHO on a couch. Once on the couch we tried small talk. Then we delved right into how f-cked up it was of us to have done what we did. He even went so far as to say, "I have NO integrity," sadly, and I had to comfort him and insist that couldn't be true. But he admitted working with my bf was very hard for him. But then the conversation changed! He said, "I haven't done anything with any other girl. I know I'm supposed to find a girl friend...but I haven't been trying, because I don't want to hurt you."

WTF???!!!

I was LITERALLY stunned. I had nothing to say to that although I was trying to verbalize stuff like, "It wouldn't hurt me," (a lie!), "you don't have to do that," (truth!), and "why are you even saying stuff like this??" (justified!) While I was choking on my words, he went on: "I think about you a lot and, even though I know I should focus on finding a girlfriend...I can't help but ask myself...why can't she be you?" and then he turned to me and grabbed me and I felt weak and all my resolve to slap him dissolved, and then once again I found myself swiftly being turned on my back and he was on top of me again. But I kissed him back this time, without protest. We made out on the couch before making our way to his bed and I didn't hesitate or say anything anymore; he was just TOO romantic and TOO sweet. Yeah, he smelled like 4+beers still, but he wasn't acting drunk. He IS half Irish and half German, after all,

That night we made love three times, and each time I have never seen/felt/experienced such passion in my life. Every single moment he was inside me, I felt otherworldly spiritual bonding coupled with INTENSE emotion AND the most incredible physical sensations I've ever experienced. It is 100% true what "they" say about Scorpios COMMUNICATING their hearts and souls through the sexual act. At one point he was on top and we were face to face, but THIS Missionary was NOT even one iota boring. I was near tears again and frightened and feeling completely drowned again, no longer a single entity but a part of HIM as well; I looked into his eyes and whimpered and he looked back at me and gave me an intense stare that said "you better be afraid." Mind you, he was NOT rough at this point. Nor was he going fast. He actually SLOWED DOWN but the intensity made it as if it was fast and hard. Controlling and dominating? Not even. I guess, technically, because there was little I could do aside from buck up a bit, but what it really was was intense bonding that was a power exchange that was so equal that we were ONE and the same. Of course I was afraid of losing myself entirely to him; but he acted as if this was second-nature, and a lifesource, itself.

He pulled no porny moves this night. We didn't say anything dirty. I only cried out for god (and I'm more Buddhist than anything!) and for him occasionally, and we both breathily asked each other WHY it felt so good, over and over. In between love making we started to open up about our feelings to each other, and kiss and hug. I revealed EVERYTHING I had ever thought or felt about him but I couldn't seem to say "I love you." I said it in every other way I could but I didn't say IT. He was the same, although he was super grateful and flattered whenever I told him how strongly I felt about him, how much he has literally swept me off of my feet, and all the thought-processes I went though as I tried to resist him over the course of the month. MIND YOU, we have only been hanging out once a week for a MONTH!!! WTF???!!!!?!??! He just cooed and cuddled and closed his eyes and let me hold him, and he held me, and he said, "I just want to hear you talk, like, all the time," because whatever I was saying was pleasing to him. I've NEVER felt so appreciated in my entire life.

Eventually around midnight (and we'd been making out and making love for four hours now) I told him I wanted to go home and that I had a busy day Monday...working for him! And my bf. He...seemed...Ok with it but also secretly upset. I felt it. And I felt a little bad, but I told him the truth: I knew if I stayed, we wouldn't sleep enough and I had a dog to take care of, and NO overnight stuff. And I wear contact lenses. SO I left, but not after I realized he called me "Babe" again more than once...probably around 5 times that night.

OK enough for now, there is even more to the story, I am going to go to that Sunday DnB party and dance off some frustration...

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 09, 2013 04:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh yes. Jealousy.

Jealousy. Hmm, what's a love story involving a Scorpio without the topic of jealousy? I'd be lying, or more accurately, sidestepping the phenomenon if I said I didn't notice a little jealousy already. S has lightly chatted about ex girlfriends and lovers, but it seemed relevant to the topic at hand each time, and I have no problem hearing about it; especially since he paints them ALL in a poor light. This is probably a red flag; in fact, there are a few things I left out because that post was so damned long:

a. He told me "I'm not normally THIS nice by the way. In fact, I'm kind of an a$$hole to some people." This was the night after the night my bf told me he had been p-ssing girls off at the party. From a few of our conversations, yes, he seemed like he was kind of a know-it-all cocky prick at times. Just as I am a high maintenance princess sometimes. This cocky prickiness doesn't bother me in the slightest. In fact I just see it for what it is: he's critical at times and has a high self esteem and a lot of self confidence in his speech, especially to other men. I find it attractive. So what? HE told ME "You're so high maintenance. I love it!" Which stunned me. Normally this is offensive to people. I know that Scorpios and Leos both expect/demand the best so I guess it's only natural for them to appreciate upper echelon s-it when they see it!
b. He warned me that he isn't always so happy and sweet all the time. I told him that I didn't expect it and I didn't mind, and we all have our moods, and if he was in a bad mood I'd do my best to be sensitive to him and try to bring him out of it. His reply surprised me! He seemed TOUCHED and said, "that's really cool of you to say that."
c. He has discussed a few past girlfriends with open candor and I only laughed when the story was funny and cooed my sympathy when the girls were crazy. However, I kind of forgot who I was dealing with, and so when I went on to describe some of the men I have had, I barely noticed that he got silent and seemed to stop breathing for a moment, at times. I realized that maybe it just wasn't a topic I, myself, should bring up. I could live without mentioning past lovers, I decided, even if it was only fair. If we had different reactions than, well, that was that.

Jealousy disturbs me more than it turns me on, because I only feel it when I sense REAL danger. Or if I'm drunk. Since I don't drink anymore, then that exes that out of the equation. I only feel jealousy when I can SEE a girl obviously trying to f-ck my man, or my man is OBVIOUSLY f-cking or planning to f-ck some sl-t . I've experienced all three and I HATE the feeling. HATE it. It's horrible. Mild flirting in front of my face is unpleasant but if it's harmless, I let it go without feeling too badly. When my bf was on Facebook, if some particular girl was Liking too much and commenting too much, I sort of tsk tsked to myself but didn't attack HIM or hate HER, I let it go like it is what it is. So yeah, I can be jealous but for the most part, I think I have a good handle on it and don't let it get out of control.

I'd be both blind and stupid if I didn't see warnings EVERYWHERE on the Scorpio man about not arousing his jealousy, and that it is inevitable. If I saw him getting jealous, I'd feel bad and want to coddle him because it is such an unpleasant thing for me to feel. My ex Scorpio bf was jealous but he hid it pretty well, and I made a point to be very attentive and touchy-feely in public, and shun other men, and hide behind him in a slick manner if I caught any man staring at me. This all seemed to work pretty well with him, but ultimately he dumped me because he thought I was choosing a male friend who was literally sick and dying (but warped and secretly in love with me and I didn't see it) over him. I tried to explain that friends were forever and boyfriends may not be and THAT didn't go over well! So much for that. He never tried to get back together with me again, but he seduced me whenever he decided that he wanted until one day I had the strength to refuse him. But that was around the time I met my current bf. I did NOT overlap them.

Anyway, I shower so much attention on S, and we're in public so rarely that jealousy might never be a real factor; however, that last night we saw each other when our lovemaking was SO deep, and he actually expressed feelings of wanting to BE with me, somewhere in between lovemaking we talked a bit about my boyfriend. I stupidly described how unpleasant the past weekend was with him because I admitted to slacking off. I regretted stating that my bf was mean to me and made me cry the moment the words escaped my mouth, and S happened to be walking around the apartment while I was talking from the bed. His apartment is a studio and quite small so one can hear another quite well no matter where one is in the place. I can't remember EXACTLY what his reaction was because I was spacing out and not paying attention, but I think it was a sound of shock and disgust. He started to say something and then started mumbling about how he doesn't know how we do things and he can't really have an opinion on the matter. I changed the subject to go on about how my bf was right, and I was wrong and I SHOULD be doing more work for him, because I didn't want to sound like I was whining. S started to disagree and then again stated that he couldn't really comment. I changed the subject entirely. Later I was trying to tell him how sexually frustrated I was, but the point was the fact that both him and my bf were gone all week and I was ovulating and I only wanted S; before I had a chance to elaborate S looked me square in the eye and said dangerously and with snide, "What, has he stopped f-cking you now?" Then immediately he softened and apologized and I was stunned as he said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't say s-it like that. It's none of my business." I thought to myself well it kind of IS your business if you care about me and also it made me start to actually THINK long and hard about what I was doing. Up until then I was just excited to BE with him and only 2 of the 4 or 5 occasions that we had hung out and had sex, I had gone into it thinking I wasn't. The other 2-3 times I was eagerly awaiting. Now we actually had feelings for each other and he was starting to tell me that I was the only girl he'd been with in two months, pretty much. I don't know if I believe him, but if he is lying, then whoever he has slept with sure isn't very special. And I am, and that makes me feel kind of good. Selfishly good! Sorry...anyway, I am well aware that it is actually only fair for him to have other lovers. But it is pretty much THE WAY men do it: they might be having sex with 3+ women at a time, but they will lie and tell each one that she is the only one. Well, most men any way. I have decided to just assume that I'm not the only one and he's only saying that to get me to fall in love with him because he DOES already feel possessive of me. How could he not? He's a Scorpio! I objectively know I have NO rights to him and never will, he's not mine and I can't logically feel any possessiveness over him, but I definitely have felt slightly anxious a couple times when I knew he was in the City and he wasn't with me and I assumed he was probably with other women. Then I brushed it off like Oh well.

After that night and especially how quiet and unhappy he seemed about me leaving him at midnight, I definitely started to think of an escape plan. I will go over it tomorrow; tonight I must sleep. The party was fun and I saw several of my friends but I couldn't help but think about him. He's in Virgina with his parents right now and we've been sending the kindest, most loving texts and even pictures of our family and baby pictures of ourselves. More on that later. I had a freakout and freaked him out via text and it's very interesting...will post more later

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 09, 2013 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
That all sounds sweet and intense. I'm happy you guys met and all. I'd like to see your synastry. It seems karmic. You are very in tune emotionally and sexually.
But please break up with your bf. Seriously. This is just going to end badly for everyone if you don't break up asap.



I know, you're right. Here's the thing and I want to talk about it later, I just wished to address some comments.

I know that I still am in love with my boyfriend. I also know that if I left him for S, it would DESTROY him. Especially now, because a lot of things have gone wrong in his business (nothing to do with S) and his employees, and neighbors of the new site, and worse, his ex business partner is burning him for thousands of dollars. Even though I am being down and dirty, and betraying him, I still am very supportive and he's been looking at me like his savior. He also, even though he has disrespected me a lot in the past, always asks me for advice and takes me seriously. I am his rock, and I DO care about him...I just am falling in love with someone else, and the fact of the matter is this: with my bf, I will never have children or get married. We simply can't, after all the crap he's done and probably now the new crap I am doing. And he has two children already by two different women, and he's not the most eager and attentive father. In fact, I spent MORE time with his young daughter in the time I have been with him than he has, but as she is getting older, he's been much better. He's just usually so busy with work. S...I don't know, seems like he wants children and to settle down with the right woman and I don't know if that isn't me yet. I also don't know how I feel about it. I am starting to feel a little more open to having my own child, and getting married. Getting married has NEVER appealed to me in my entire life, LOL. Maybe it is starting to...

I don't know yet. I need more time to think.

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 09, 2013 05:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AscTaurus:
This attraction, imo, has more to do with how you the state of your life than the person concerned.

This is very curious and interesting to me! I see you know far more about astrology than I and I like that. My rebellious side wants to think that no, of COURSE it's about S, he's hot as hell and SOOOO sexy! But you could be right. Hmmm

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 09, 2013 05:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
If this Scorpio was your boyfriend and he caught you in a similar situation with his business partner, he would probably kill you. No joke! That is, if he really loved you a scenario like that could send him over the edge.[/B]

I really hope not. Life in prison is NO JOKE, I wouldn't like to think anyone with actual intelligence would risk that for some petty romantic rage.

I respect your opinion from the rest of your post, as harsh as it was. Perhaps you're right. I also wonder, perhaps there is really something to S that I can't help but explore? He told me "There was something in you that I couldn't resist." Calling someone selfish is pretty easy to do; no one ever knows unless s/he is actually in the situation.

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 09, 2013 05:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Bluejay:
^
It is incredibly selfish to fool around with her boyfriend's business partner, possibly jeopardizing his livelihood and future.



That is why I feel so awful. S pointed this out actually, in a text, but then whenever he sees me he just can't keep his hands off of me and I can't seem to stop him.

quote:
Originally posted by Bluejay:
Also, if the feelings were more than lust, she will blow any chance of a future relationship with the Scorpio. That guy wouldn't let her out of his sights because he knows her modus operandi first hand. Any out of town trips would send his imagination into overdrive, and he would constantly worry about her fooling around.

This is actually the most chilling possibility in the equation. Don't think that I haven't considered this. Time will only tell. I am naturally extremely faithful and loyal; I must have learned some tricks from my Gemini bf; throughout our ENTIRE relationship he would text and message other girls, trying to get them to meet up with him behind my back and it drove me BATS-IT INSANE and I yelled at him time and time again for it, and he's yell back at me like, WHY was I going through his phone?? We both have locks on our devices. I have told him I wouldn't mind us knowing each others' passwords but he says his privacy is too important to him. IF I tried to have a relationship with S, I would give up all my privacy for him. LOL, I'd gladly be a prisoner of love for him! If he stayed as loving and true has he has been so far...

quote:
Originally posted by Bluejay:
I don't think an Aquarius moon can even comprehend the emotional depths of someone with that much Scorpio in his chart. I don't get the feeling that she really wants to settle down with anyone, and if the Scorpio falls for her she's in for an intense relationship. It's just not wise to take this situation so lightly. Even if her current relationship is toxic, this one isn't getting off to a healthy start either.

This makes me fearful, yes, but who knows? No one knows HOW intense it has been to be with a double Gemini. I WISH you people KNEW! I doubt S could be any more explosive, vile, cruel, and emotional as my Gemini. And through all that, I still loved and took him back. Toxic? Incredibly! But we can't seem to let each other go. I don't know why. This summer I disentangled myself financially from him and tried to stay away after we got into a physical fight; he begged for me back. I took it slow; then we went to Burning Man and had an incredible bonding time. I moved back in with him and my best friends were very disappointed. Yes, my friends hate that we're together. Yet we were doing very well! Until S came along. My life is good, but so f-cked up at the same time. I stay positive and I'm happy and grateful for the love, though.

Still, for someone who claims not to be judgmental, saying an Aquarius Moon can't comprehend the emotional depths of a very Scorpio-y Scorpio is pretty judgy to ME. HOW would you know? Is not the Aquarius much further down the karmatic wheel than Scorpio? Maybe he has something to learn from me? I guess time will tell.

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Leolady82
Knowflake

Posts: 46
From: San Francisco, CA USA
Registered: Oct 2013

posted December 12, 2013 11:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Leolady82     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WE BROKE UP!

It was very very convenient. We got in an argument about past relationship incidents, and my now ex-bf said, "Let's just agree to be friends! You need to see what you want and blah blah blah" I don't remember the rest because I shook his hand and jumped on it.

That was last night. He went to sleep at this 20-year-old Leo girl's house who is one of him employees and had a huge crush on him. I am so used to him having a side piece, even though he insists they're only friends (she's not very attractive), that i only felt minor pain about it.

I texted S and he was like "Whoa" and said I could sleep at his place any time. I kept it minimal. He's supposed to be back today so I'll wait to talk to him in person.

If he doesn't want me (highly unlikely after the way he was talking the last time we were together), I'll just focus my attention on Circus, myself, and friends. I have a feeling if I leave him alone he'll pursue ME even if he tries to reject me at the moment. However; my instinct tells me I'm in for a WILD RIDE.

I think I'll just honestly address the whole overlapping phenomenon. I'll tell him that if he feels like we can't be serious if he has a problem with me cheating to be with him, then we should stop seeing each other before our feelings get too deep. And then I'll leave him alone based on his reaction. If he acts like he likes me too much to care, I'll verbally address the highly likely possibility that he'll cheat ON ME in the future as part of karma or whatever, but seriously? I think probably every super sex man cheats. And I put up with it on multiple occasions with my ex, because he always said he was sorry and he loved me, and he missed me and needed me. If the same thing happens in this case I wouldn't be surprised. It's very difficult to get into a relationship with a perfect beginning. There's always SOMETHING wrong. My very second relationship when I was 17 started on a dramatic note because one of my best friends who met the guy first liked him, but he and I liked each other and when she found out we had sex she vomited. HOWEVER she got over it and we were all good friends. My third boyfriend was an acquaintance of my boyfriend's and mine, but the drama THERE was me and the new guy started to have a crush, we hung out alone and didn't do anything, and then I dumped my boyfriend to be with the new guy. We waited exactly 2 weeks before we got intimate, which I thought was legit, but my ex boyfriend freaked out when he found out and it broke his heart because he and I had been together for 5 years. THAT sucked! Never wanted to hurt that guy he was a real easy boyfriend to deal with (Aries Aquarius Moon Gemini rising). My fourth major boyfriend I met through an old college friend at a party. They were both Scorpios and both had a lot of planets in Scorpio (risings, too), but my college friend decided he had a crush on me and I rejected him and two nights later came to his friend I liked and "gave myself to him." We all remained friends, and when my Scorpio ex and I broke up, my "friend" and I still hung out occasionally (TOTALLY platonically. I had no idea he desired me and I was not attracted to him AT ALL) and one night the guy whom I thought was my friend tried to rape me! I managed to escape and even though my ex and I weren't in a relationship, we still were having sex a weekend or two a month. After a couple months (I was traumatized and in shock and blamed myself even though looking back it wasn't my fault) I told him what our so-called friend did and he confronted him, and the guy apologized to me and we never spoke again. When I met my most recent ex, he was still living with his baby's mama and 2 year old daughter...it just is damn bloody difficult to avoid drama, baggage and love triangles in life sometimes. Whatever comes my way, sock it to me! I love with all my heart and I am not afraid to suffer. Life is better with love in it.

IF S and I continue to date, we are not going to tell my ex until we can't hide it anymore. I told my ex "don't be mad at me if I start dating, " and he promised. My ex has made it pretty clear he's very close with his employee and one of the times we broke up was because of her, but good luck to them! She's a double Leo; I'm sure they're a good match. I just want everyone to be happy and not resentful so I'll do my best to assure S that I'd never do him dirty. I won't put up with being treated like **** , either. I need to promise to myself. If he cheats once, I'll let it go due to the circumstances. If he leaves me for someone else? I'll deal with it! But I have a good feeling about him... <3

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