posted January 06, 2015 12:16 AM            

I find myself in a situation where I was infatuated with someone, in a unrequited type of love. I've outgrown it, and know, logically, that it is a hopeless / lost case. But deep inside, at a soul or whatever it is level, I think I refuse this truth, and thus can come up with a lot of reasons to explain how things went that way.

(note I say refuse this truth but if I place myself according to that inner level "knowledge" I would say that is the truth and reason is made up of lies)

If I try to be clearer, I would say that even though I know and have all the proofs of his disinterest in me and have accepted it and moved beyond it rationally, a part of me can't believe it, as if that was at odd with some core, unshakable truth that I hold dear.

That sounds like madness right?

I usually go by the assumption that people are indifferent to me to an extent (not all but well..) but somehow for this person it is different, it is like knowing deep inside that the person is NOT indifferent to me and have some sort of feelings for me.

Yes I know what this must sound like to you but I've only notices this recently. It's like a knowledge that can't be washed away by any amount of proofs that it is wrong.

posted January 08, 2015 10:58 AM              

I realise that I have always responded the same way to a particular person, but this time... I actually didn't respond. Not because I didn't care, but my emotions won't let me.

posted January 28, 2015 12:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
ueharaa, sorry you are experiencing such an exasperating state . From what you wrote, unfortunately, there are several possibilities - of course it may be that he is indeed disinterested and you hold onto the idea because of wishful thinking. However, the other possibility is also real. For what it's worth, in the past I have in fact experienced situations where it seemed that way and then, many years later, the person in question actually stated that my perception had been correct alright, but for various reasons (mostly fear), they were not able to admit that at the time and this led to the feeling of facts being divorced from emotional reality…. which can indeed feel as if one is going mad. So it's unfortunately not possible to rule out either of the possibilities….

My advice, for reasons of emotional health, would nevertheless be to treat the seeming reality (the disinterest) as factual, and move on despite the feelings. It is hard no doubt but it can set you free, and open up new emotional possibilities whereas in the other case, if you hold onto something that may only be wishful thinking, you would essentially close yourself off from new love, and languish for a long time after something unattainable. That in my opinion would be the greater danger. Emotions are like habits, one can change them, even if slowly. And if your perception should prove to be correct in the long run, chances are the other party will come round at a later time, and you would then be in a good and healthy position to make a good choice about it because you have learned to stand on your own with or without them in your life.
Best of luck!

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posted January 28, 2015 12:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
Hi ueharaa,

again, sorry for the unpleasant state of mind you're going through…

However, if he's in a relationship, then I would definitely not advise you to talk with him about your feelings. That can backfire in a major way, and you could get even more hurt as a result. In such a case, I would rather recommend to try and distance yourself and try to get the whole thing out of your mind as best you can…by distracting yourself or by trying to meet new people.

Whatever you do, best of luck.

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posted January 31, 2015 02:39 PM            

I don't want this to be about me but I like to elucidate my points using personal experiences.

Some would say I have an unrequited situation being that my TF and I are married to other folks. Then there's the 33 years disparity. It's ridiculous I know. Anyhow he had initiated contact first in regard to attraction. I felt it upon first physical meeting. Long story short I remember and feel things from past livesenergy strongly than he does and I have a stronger emotional bond. I pushed him to admit that it was just sexual attraction for him while I feel this emotional and spiritual connection. It hurt at first to hear that he doesn't feel the emotional bond like I do. But deep down I know there's more and that we have loved in prior lives very deeply. So now I'm at peace because I express all I have to say and let him know I love him despite the fact it's not reciprocated. He said I deserve reciprocation but I'm okay with it. I wouldn't have been okay with it if he wasn't a TF.

If he's single now why not express that nagging feeling and see what adventure it will lead you?

Fishkitten, one of the very interesting posters here said life is a field trip. That statement resonated with me. Different mindset, different perspective.

posted February 04, 2015 12:16 PM            

I felt much lighter after. Like finally I had gotten to be honest about it. I wasn't expecting anything so it didn't feel stressful at all.

And then the weirdest thing happened. He replied and he seemed really defensive. After a small speech on fate and how it's nice to get news from mates to see here they are in life etc.. He switched to if you want to talk to me, I'll reply, but if you don't anymore then don't write to me, it's that simple.
I was just utterly confused because I thought he hadn't understood a single thing of what I had said despite being quite obvious. So I had to tell him that maybe there was some misunderstanding and after clarifying that I did not intend on not talking to him anymore he just got all "ok everything's alright then".