posted March 07, 2019 08:34 AM            

So much has changed since I was last on here. Reading this seems like delving into another lifetime.

posted October 09, 2019 04:42 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LionFish:
Imagine my surprise, finding this on the first page of this section..

So much has changed since I was last on here. Reading this seems like delving into another lifetime.

---

So... whatever happened?

posted December 23, 2019 10:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LionFish:
Imagine my surprise, finding this on the first page of this section..

So much has changed since I was last on here. Reading this seems like delving into another lifetime.

---

posted December 26, 2019 01:34 AM            

If she's still single, I think that if he were to divorce because he is done with the charade, rid of the guilt, and truly loves LionFish, she will welcome him with open arms.

She. cannot. go to him.

Otherwise, it's just an affair with a married man. No shade, LionFish.

I've heard leos don't necessarily hold grudges, but they do believe in teaching one a lesson for wounding their pride. There was a reason why she rejected his initial marriage proposal (on one knee is a powerful thing to resist), and it really didn't have anything to do with her not loving him.

posted January 10, 2020 05:44 PM            

All is fair in love and war.

Seriously. Don't bend over backwards for this other woman he is with. She likely knew she was settling for someone who doesn't love her from the beginning, and I bet it will eventually set the two of them on the path of separation anyway. I think you are also likely clinging to morality (and so is he) because that kind of love is terrifying and life-altering. It is terrifying. But it should and cannot be denied, as you have already tried and history clearly shows it cannot be. The love is undeniable, so you are doing nobody any favours by denying it - even his current partner.

Fact is we get one soulmate and that trumphs everything, always. You wont forget him, and he wont forget you. The only fair thing for anyone and everyone involved is to follow the only natural and inevitable solution - make it happen.

Redemption is possible.
And really, doing something for a great love - even if it hurts those around, there is forgiveness and understanding for that. You have both hurt enough.

Morality be damned, this is bigger than that.

Sorry for being so direct, sensitivity is not a great skill. I understand your feelings absolutely, and your reasons for your actions up until this point - but if you still feel the same way I would urge you to fight for love.

posted April 29, 2020 02:30 AM            

When I made that last post I most definitely had found someone else.. and am still with him.

Let me update you, I hope the finale isn't as disappointing as the last season of Game of Thrones and not quite as long as Lord of the Rings. But almost.

My move in 2017 was short-lived. I moved back to my town, his town, at the beginning of September. I was gone for 4 months and I was truly a mess when I went back. I had no job, no house, no idea what the hell I was doing. Sleeping on a friend's couch with my dog.

I was single and didn't feel the strength from it at all. I just felt alone, even being back home and with my friends, but I didn't go see him. He didn't even know I was back for almost 2 months and then it was only because my brother slipped and said something about him and I doing something "the other day." He was apparently upset that I hadn't come to see him, mad at my brother for not telling him sooner.. and my brother flipped out on him. He told him if he cared he would have already known where I was because he would have found a way to get in touch with me. Touché. I don't know what all was said between them, but from what my brother told me it was ugly. They didn't talk for a while after that. And I still didn't go see him.

I was trying to move on. I even joined a couple dating sites and around the end of November 2017, I got a message from someone interesting. He was the first person to not ask me to have sex or do porn within the first 5 minutes of talking but he lived 3 1/2 hours away. I don't do LDR. Some people can, I can't. I'm a very sensual human being and not being able to see/touch/smell/hear the person I'm with doesn't work for me lol I'm sure I can thank my Taurus Moon for that. However, having a friend was nice, so we talked. Not an excessive amount, but about meaningful things and if I needed someone to listen, he did so without complaint or care for the time of day. That went on for a while.

I had also joined a gym in November 2017. I had so much excess, pent up energy and nothing to focus it on that it was giving me anxiety. And, let's be real, I had ate my lonely heart out up to that point, but I lost about 85lbs in 4 months. 35-40 of that was new weight I had gained since moving the first time in May, but the rest was something I'd been living with most of my life. AND I FELT AMAZING! For the first time in so long I still can't remember looking back. Mentally, physically, emotionally I felt like I had achieved something. And so I rewarded myself!

My favorite salon in my hometown serves you an adult beverage and gives you a 15 minute scalp massage while you sit in a massage chair in a dimly lit room listening to soft music. The stylists are amazing and I have yet to be unhappy with a service I've had there. They even did my wedding makeup and hair when I married my exhusband! It's glorious and I never go anywhere else. Anyway, my point is that I had no ulterior motive to put myself where I was. My mind was on getting my haircut and completing the "new me" feeling. Not the fact that his job is 2 doors down from my salon.

I got my cut & style and my hair looked ah-mazing. I looked great, I felt great. I decided I was going to see if he was working because for one, I was hungry, and I wanted to see his reaction lol. Keep in mind, he hadn't seen me since late April/early May 2017 and it was now late February/early March of 2018 and I'm about 50lbs lighter than he's ever seen me.

It was worth it. It was worth everything that was brought back immediately when I saw him. I don't think I'd ever seen someone's jaw drop open when they looked at me before. He's stared, he's watched my every move, but the open-mouthed stare I got that day was most definitely a first. He was shocked and confused and probably a million other things because he just walked away from the coworker he'd been talking to without another word or look their way.

It's infuriating how little control I have over my own reaction to him. All my calm, cool, level headed things I had to say just evaporated when he walked up to me and all I could do was smile at him. He touched my cheek for the briefest moment and dropped his hand. Staring at me. He must have realized how conspicuous we were standing in the entryway staring at each other because he turned and started walking away, looking over his shoulder to make sure I followed, but didn't say a word until I sat down.

"It's about time. I was starting to think you picked him over me." Referring to my brother and the argument they'd had. I told him he knew better than that, that I would always pick him if he was available to be picked. I don't think he expected that response. To be honest, I don't know where it came from. But it was so simply true, "if he was available to be picked."

I think I should share here that between November of 2017 and March 2018 I hadn't just been keeping to myself. I was embracing being single and did what I wanted. Things like, dressing to the nines and going to the casino to play no limit Texas Hold 'Em where men thought I was just some flakey little girl who was nice to look at. Until I took their money repeatedly I went on dates with a couple people from the dating site I used. A guy from the gym, and this crazy thing with a ridiculously beautiful 22 year old boy (I was 31 at the time which is why I say boy) that I met when I went to buy cigarettes after the gym one night, but that's another story in its own right. I was confident. In myself and my feelings.

And while I was sitting at my table, looking up at him, I knew that I loved him more than I would ever love anyone. We spoke briefly before he took my order, but he was constantly looking back behind me, toward the bar where his coworker was that he had left mid conversation. When he came back with my food he asked if he could get me anything else, in his customer service voice. I was confused, but said no, and he told me to enjoy my meal and walked away.

I. WAS. DUMBFOUNDED. What happened? What did I do? Did he get replaced with a pod person? I ate my food, slowly, not sure what was going on. Did my response to the picking him thing bother him that much given a little time to think about it? I basically told him I DID pick my brother because I couldn't pick him. I hadn't seen him in almost a year and the first thing I say is something to take a little shot at him. Way to go, self. These are the things I was thinking as he appeared from nowhere and sat in the booth across from me.

He told me, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to leave you like that, but the guy I'm working with is my wife's brother's best friend and if he sees me talking to someone more than normal she'll hear about it." I wanted to throw up. This isn't what I want. I am NOT someone's shameful secret. Younger me would have thought it funny that she basically has a brother working with her husband to keep him in line, but older me was just sad. For her, for him.. So, I asked him if he was happy. He told me, "please don't, not right now. I only have a few minutes to spend with you." So we talked about everything we'd both been doing, he told me about his kids (her kids that he is stepdad to) and how much he was working, and I realized that he was happy. Maybe not the same kind of happy we might be together, but he was happy. He smiled when he spoke about the kids, he referenced how much he was working because he and his wife were trying to save up for a safe car for her oldest. He had done it. He was a family man. Who cares if he needed a little backup at work to keep him on the straight and narrow? At least he was willing to have that. He finally had the thing that he wanted most, a family. And here I was, selfishly inserting myself.

I started wishing I hadn't gone in there. Until he picked up my hand and kissed my fingers ever so gently and told me, "Thank you for coming to see me, I missed your face" before he got up from the table. The coworker was back from break.

When I left, I cried. I knew I couldn't go back again. It wasn't fair to anyone involved. What if I did get him to leave? He would never be able to have that family with me because I couldn't have babies! Would just the 2 of us be enough when being a father was of utmost importance to him? I could never ask him to give that up and if he left his wife for me she would never let him see her kids again. He would be devastated. Could I really ask him to give up his happiness for mine? No. I sat in my car and cried until I couldn't anymore and then drove to my brother's house.

I told him all of it and what I was feeling, and he told me, "Only when your love is bigger than your ego can you break your own heart." He's a wise man, that brother of mine.

I decided that day that I was done chasing him, no matter how much it hurt. And I still think about him, obviously, or I wouldn't be here on this post, but I had to let him go. He was actually going to come see me with my brother last September and changed his mind at the last minute..probably for the best at this point.

Remember that interesting person I mentioned decades ago? The friend who lived 3 1/2 hours away? Well, we had been talking since November. We talked every day and no matter what, if I needed him, he was available. It wasn't until he told me about meeting up with an ex-girlfriend that I realized I had deeper feelings for this man. But we had only ever texted each other and sent pictures of what we were doing, like when I would walk my dog or drinking our morning coffee "together". No video, no phone calls.. and only after I realized I had feelings did I worry he might be catfishing me so I immediately demanded he let me call him and during that phone call he demanded we meet face-to-face. So we did. We both drove and met in the middle. I had rented a hotel room because I wasn't going to drive back over the mountain pass at night. I also brought my giant doberman with me because I don't meet strange men at hotels often. Once. I've done it once.

I was parked in front of my room when he walked up from the other side of the building. I didn't even get a chance to react before he grabbed me and kissed me and I didn't mind one bit lol It was April Fool's Day the day we met and he had been telling me while we were on our way to meet that this had better not be some terrible joke. I had told him the only way he'd really know was if he kissed me. we stayed up most of the night talking until I fell asleep laying on his chest. Poor guy didn't sleep a wink all night because he was so nervous.

I had to work the following morning and was up at 5AM to get home by 8. We said our goodbyes and I got on the road, but something didn't feel right between us when I left. He was weirdly distant. I planned to talk to him about it when I got home and then about 15 minutes up the freeway I started seeing snow on the road.. and then more snow, and then a line of cars with brake lights lit as far as the eye could see. I checked the pass report. Over a foot of snow and there was an accident at the top of the pass. It was going to be closed for at least the next 8 hours. Which meant I couldn't go home for work or just go home period. So I called him to ask where he was and explain what was happening and asked if I could just hang out with him until the pass opened back up. "You really want to?" He asked me. He sounded surprised. He waited for me to get lost in downtown Seattle because I took the wrong exit and then I followed him to his house. And I didn't leave for 3 days. He had apparently thought I wasn't interested when we went our separate ways that first morning after we met. I have NO idea where he got the idea, but I squashed it lol.

I spent the month of April driving up to see him every weekend because it was the only way a LDR could possibly work for me and then I got pulled over for driving on a suspended license the last time I drove over. No more driving for this fishy after that for a long time (I'm actually eligible for my license back as of yesterday! Woooooo) so then he was coming to see me all the time. Sometimes we would stay in my town, sometimes he would drive us back to his. But it was harder on him than it was me due to him having sciatic issues. It also sucked not being together all the time. I tried to convince him to move to me even though I didn't have my own place just yet, but I had a badass job. Whereas he wasn't working, but had a stable place to live. I finally agreed in August 2018 to move. August 6th. And August 26th we found out I was 5-6 weeks pregnant.

PREGNANT. The lady who can't make babies is pregnant! It was a shock to say the least. We had so many plans that had nothing to do with having a baby, but there she was, in my tummy, cooking away. When I posted here last I was less than 2 months from giving birth to my beautiful daughter. She will be 1 next month on the 3rd. I love her father. I love the family we have and the things we've done together. Him and I build together very well and we have fun together while we do it!

My heart is at peace. Of course, as I'm sure some of you now are thinking, it has crossed my mind that the thing that made it okay for me to walk away from a love more intense than anything I've ever known wasn't true. And if I can have babies then we can be together because I can give him that! Right!? No. I can't, because I gave that to someone else. And this is the life I choose to be happy in for this lifetime.

I'm sure our karma will continue to bring us back to each other until we get it right, but it's gonna have to give it another go.

They have certain similarities, but are much more different than similar. They do however share an almost exact Asc/Asc and MC/MC conjunction. They also both have natal Moon trine Venus, one of my favorite aspects to see in a man's chart. But other than that, they are pretty much night and day.

The one I left to live his life:
1H Leo Sun, Merc, Venus, and Jupiter.
5H Sag Moon that trines all of those Leo placements and Neptune
11H Gem Mars
2H Virgo Saturn and NN
4H Pluto in Libra and Uranus in Scorpio

posted April 29, 2020 11:50 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
This is amazing! I’m so happy for you.

---