posted August 21, 2011 06:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Thank you for the hugs, Lexx... I really need some at the moment. It's true what you sensed. He is a loner, has been most of his life, even though he had relationships. He had a rough childhood and is a victim of abuse, like me. He has been disconnected from his family since he was 16, he has supported himself since then and only recently he tried to make peace with his family, even his older brother who used to abuse him physically and verbally and was very cruel to him when they were little.

Mars-Pluto in harsh aspect can be an indication for both abusers and the abused. He has a tight square, I have the opposition. I know how that played out for me.

---

OK, must go but I shall return.
{{{hugs and more hugs}}}

posted August 21, 2011 06:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LEXX:
That makes me feel better about him.
May I ask how old you and he are?

OK...
I must go for awhile but shall return.

PS.
My e-mail may be glitching.
If so will fix soon.

---

Let me know if you didn't get it so I can resend it. It's alright, it's 1:30 am in here but I my insomnia kicked in again with this whole madness. So I will probably be around later, take your time, please.

posted August 21, 2011 06:36 PM            

hera, I know I came on strongly and I apologized for that on the other site, but I also said I never do that. I just felt I needed to very strongly.

I know you'll do what you feel, but I'd be remiss if I didn't warn you of what I saw and felt. Only you can decide.

quote:

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As for criminal charts... Their charts and their victims' are awfully alike, can you say which is which? I have a pretty creepy chart myself, this is why I take everything with a grain of salt.

---

I know this very well, since I study criminal and victim charts often. I have never before said someone's chart was psychopathic or they were a criminal to anyone before this. I felt I needed to. Given what you've told me about him (which you've left out on this thread, except for the "brain cancer"), I felt it safe and logical given his chart sigs to conclude he isn't a victim, but he's the psychopath.

I'm in no way offended. I'd probably react the same way myself.

Hi, Lexx

No, I haven't. I just know what she told me and his chart. I am also VERY intuitive and this guy is resonating so strongly. Intuition and astrology are a very powerful combo, you should get more into astrology. It can help clarify a lot of feelings you get. I find people who are clairvoyant, intuitive or empathic are amazing at astrology. You always need the scientific facts of the chart to back it up, which makes it more of a science, because you can't make up what planets mean.

I'm afraid that picture may not even be him, since she said it barely looks like him, and given his chart, the feelings I have, and what she's said about him.

quote:

---

I said it was projection because you reacted very strongly to this. You sound like you hate and despise him and you don't even know him.

It was my gut feeling that you reacted to my story so strongly because it reminded you of something you might have experienced yourself, this is why I said you probably projected your own issues.

---

I actually do feel like I hate him. I think I'm getting that from him. I think he has major rage and I'm picking up on it.

I am not projecting on this one.

I think you know he's lying about the labs. Your moon/neptune id kicking in to make you disregard it. His sun on your neptune is also confusing you. You just had an eclipse on your moon/neptune in the 12th of hidden enemies, moon ruling partners, so you're really fogged out concerning hidden enemies and partners. Your p.mercury (ruling 7th of partners -- see the theme?) and mars (mind and men) are on algol. You really need to be careful.

Just please take it very slowly. Like lexx said, meet in public and do ask him to meet your friends and family. Maybe a double date. See how he reacts to that idea.

posted August 21, 2011 06:41 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Let me know if you didn't get it so I can resend it. It's alright, it's 1:30 am in here but I my insomnia kicked in again with this whole madness. So I will probably be around later, take your time, please.

I'm 28, he's 30 years old.

---

posted August 21, 2011 06:49 PM            

I am glad you understand and you are not offended. It would have been even more heartbreaking if you were. I absolutely do not want you to think I don't apreciate what you're doing for me.

We have split. There is no more relationship. So there is no point for him to meet family and friends.

We met in public, I am a careful person myself, especially after what I've been through. He didn't stood me up, he resembled his picture (it's the same person, but he changed a lot and the feeling I got from the picture and the one from reality were different, that's what I meant) and so far, he has been honest about everything. He said he deleted his account on the dating site and I checked, it's gone. I cannot verify everything he said, especially the illness thing, but the ones I could, were as he said...

posted August 21, 2011 06:56 PM            

Diana
Yes,
I too would like to know why too.
And not from an astrological view if possible.
Are you the same Diana I did a short Lexigram for years back?

posted August 21, 2011 06:58 PM            

quote:

---

it's the same person, but he changed a lot and the feeling I got from the picture and the one from reality were different, that's what I meant.

---

posted August 21, 2011 07:10 PM            

There are many people who look differently in pictures compared to reality. I'm one of those people too. I have been told this by many. He is also like this. That's what I meant.

posted August 21, 2011 07:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Lexx, I don't know how to explain this... When I first saw this picture, I had an uneasy feeling. Like I might not like him. But when I met him in person, it was completely different. I liked him instantly and felt this overflowing peace and affection for him. And a sense of relief.

There are many people who look differently in pictures compared to reality. I'm one of those people too. I have been told this by many. He is also like this. That's what I meant.

A picture can only capture so much, but in reality you get vibes, you sense little things that you cannot access in pictures, about a person.

---

posted August 21, 2011 07:21 PM            

I never got the feeling, from his picture and his real life person, that he would harm me.

posted August 21, 2011 07:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Diana,

I am glad you understand and you are not offended. It would have been even more heartbreaking if you were. I absolutely do not want you to think I don't apreciate what you're doing for me.

We have split. There is no more relationship. So there is no point for him to meet family and friends.

We met in public, I am a careful person myself, especially after what I've been through. He didn't stood me up, he resembled his picture (it's the same person, but he changed a lot and the feeling I got from the picture and the one from reality were different, that's what I meant) and so far, he has been honest about everything. He said he deleted his account on the dating site and I checked, it's gone. I cannot verify everything he said, especially the illness thing, but the ones I could, were as he said...

I would really apreciate if you'd explain why you think he's a psychopath. I want to see and analyze both sides of the coin, it will help me decide.

---

I will, but it's probably going to be lengthy and I keep losing my internet connection due to bad weather here, so I am afraid I'll lose all I write, which is why I am writing everything so quickly,

Lexx,

No, you never did a lexigram for me. Did you mean to say you'd like to know about the astrology?

Ami,

posted August 21, 2011 07:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
No, just that. I felt I wouldn't be attracted to him and that he was dull. In reality, totally opposite.

I never got the feeling, from his picture and his real life person, that he would harm me.

The conversations we had online were the problem, because he tried to intimidate me and dominate me and I reacted badly to that. But I sensed those came from fear that I will be like his exes.

---

posted August 21, 2011 07:47 PM            

There's transference too, which is basically seeing another person in the person you're looking at.

To feel/intuit anything - there has to be resonance, this always means transference or projection is at work.

Hera, you might be interested in reading some of Liz Greene's stuff if you haven't already, she combines psychoanalytical stuff with astrology and uses myth too. She did one book called the dark of the soul which is about psychopathology in the horoscope but even she says that you can't use the chart on it's own and whilst things will fit with "hindsight" it's impossible to know which path the person will choose to take in life.

The guy has a scorp asc and a heavy neptune chart, people WILL project onto him.

I have no idea if he's a bad egg or not but I do know that when we are feeling vulnerable (be it physically or emotionally) we need to make sure we're feeling safe before we make any decisions.

The problem with emotions and instincts are they do tend to run out of control very easily. Its too easy to misread what we pick up because we are always being provoked by the unconscious and it can take a few days to separate the facts from the fears. I'm not sat here judging - I've got a moon chiron conjunction in Aries, there isn't ANYTHING anyone can tell me about knee jerk reactions or the fight or flight response. These can be healthy responses to situations when we aren't feeling secure because they help to create distance from the object we are fearing. (be it a person or emotion or anything else). But; we can't live life in survival mode, which is what many victims do.

I don't like the word victim, but I can't think of a suitable replacement.

Hera - I know you've already said you're going to give yourself some time, that's a good thing. All of this must be so raw. So much of what could be said is (I feel) a bit of an insult to your intelligence...but I have to say this bit any way - don't just rely on your emotions, trust your instincts a little more but let things settle first. Write stuff down if you have to.

You've had a reaction to something, I would imagine that you generally "respond" to situations which has a completely different meaning. A response is conscious, a reaction is unconscious. Keep digging.

posted August 21, 2011 07:52 PM            

I understand. No worries, do it when you can. I am really curious what you saw in his chart that made you feel he's such an awful person.

LEXX,

No, he stopped that. We had a very ugly fight the very next day after we decided to be together. He pretty much gave me an ultimatum, saying that either I understand his intense sexual needs and won't frustrate him sexually, or the relationship ends. I reacted very badly and offended him, which I rarely, if ever, do but he annoyed me to no end. I ended it right there, but then I came back because of this feeling I had that he was actually hurting inside and only said those things because I triggered the memory of his bad relationship with women. I also felt very sorry for offending him, it is not in my nature, even though I get hot headed from time to time and can be harsh.

So after I came back, I apologized for offending him and very clearly explained to him where I was coming from and that it is not OK to use intimidation or manipulation on me and I will not tolerate it.

posted August 21, 2011 07:53 PM            

I got the bad feeling after she posted his chart. It was very strong. I've never had this strong of a feeling about someone or their chart. It has no similarities to anyone's chart that I know or have ever known. Then she posted more things he said to her and it validated my feeling and the chart, so I didn't hold back when I told her what I thought. It's a very dark, sinister, predatory and angry vibe. Like a serial killer vibe -- not that I think he's a serial killer, but those same feelings you get when you see a serial killer or their chart.

posted August 21, 2011 07:59 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Diana,

I understand. No worries, do it when you can. I am really curious what you saw in his chart that made you feel he's such an awful person.

LEXX,

No, he stopped that. We had a very ugly fight the very next day after we decided to be together. He pretty much gave me an ultimatum, saying that either I understand his intense sexual needs and won't frustrate him sexually, or the relationship ends. I reacted very badly and offended him, which I rarely, if ever, do but he annoyed me to no end. I ended it right there, but then I came back because of this feeling I had that he was actually hurting inside and only said those things because I triggered the memory of his bad relationship with women. I also felt very sorry for offending him, it is not in my nature, even though I get hot headed from time to time and can be harsh.

So after I came back, I apologized for offending him and very clearly explained to him where I was coming from and that it is not OK to use intimidation or manipulation on me and I will not tolerate it.

Since that fight, things seemed to be going better and better. We were both careful about what we said to the other and respectful of the other one's sensitive spots. Until the whole illness thing exploded. I felt he was being distant towards me, saying things like its not ok for him to ask me to become someone I'm not just to please him and he doesn't deserve it. I kept asking him what's wrong, he didn't say until Friday and then hit me with the news of his illness. On Friday it was all good, I managed to reach him and make him open up to me about it, but I still didn't get the medical details that would have settled the matter of his illness in my mind. [b]And on Saturday he said it was a mix-up, I was suspicious and asked for proof. He was offended by my mistrust, but said he will show me the test results next week, and also that the relationship is over. And that was it... [/B]

---

And I was the one who told you I didn't buy the illness and to ask him to see his films, being you're an MD.

And he reacted exactly as I said he would. Exactly.

He couldn't prove it and now he knew you were onto him so he needs a new victim -- you're too risky now.

Dysfunctionalmystic,

You don't know all the creepy things he's said to her. This is not projection and it's not JUST astrology and an intuition.

posted August 21, 2011 08:05 PM            

Also not knowing what you told Diana he said makes me wonder if you are being blindsided now because he might actually be ill?
Something still feels off here but I do not know from which direction it is coming.
Please be careful and balance logic with your heart.
Logic, not paranoia.
Think of what advice you would give to someone in a similar situation, knowing all you have heard.
We do not know what you revealed to Diana.
OK
I am tired.
I will return asap.

posted August 22, 2011 08:47 AM            

Another time I could not feel a person.It was not for a reading .I was trying to feel out this person Astrologically.
The person told me "You won't be able to feel me"
Later, it turned out this person was pretending to be something she was not.
That is why I could not feel her.

posted August 22, 2011 09:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
I'm in so much pain right now... I had surgery myself this week, my body aches, my mind aches... my soul aches... I don't think I can or want to live without him.

I only slept for an hour last night, I had surgery in the morning and I was a mess. I tried to keep my cool. I haven't cried until a few minutes ago. Yesterday I deleted everything that reminded me of him, his picture, our conversations... I thought it would be easier to move on if I have nothing to remind me of him. It has been until now. But not this time...

Everything was so different with him. Of course I thought I have fallen in love every time, I'm such a Liz Taylor, every time it feels like he is the one... But this time, *I* behaved differently. I opened my heart, I told him how I felt, I went against my fears and my ego. I have never done this before, never been so open, never actually reached out for somebody.

I met him online on a dating site, I don't know if I mentioned this in here. I had many doubts and reservations, but all those vanished when I first met him in person... I still cannot get over that feeling I had when I saw his eyes for the first time. I felt peaceful... We argued before the meeting, too... but when I saw him, all of that just vanished and I was overflowed with peace. I never felt that peace before. It was either a strong desire or boredom when first going out with guys, never peace... I was silent during the meeting, I felt there was no need for words, like everything was so clear to me, there was no need to explain or justify that. He talked a lot, he was very nervous. He didn't take my hand because his was sweaty, he told me that later.

I keep thinking back. [b]Truth is he promised he will never lie to me, and until this, it was true. He told me he deleted his account on the dating site, I checked today and it was gone. And you are right, LEXX, I don't have enough reasons to eliminate him from my life. All I really have is my suspicion. That could be intuition guarding me from yet another abuser, as Ami said, or it could be fear that this is getting too serious. I'm a little bit of a commitment-phobe to be honest (Juno square Uranus?). And yes, I tend to sabotage relationships when they are getting too deep, too close, too overwhelming.

That girl on the other forum really got to me. She is so convinced that he is lying, that he is bad for me. And I guess it resonated with my own doubts and fears...

Voix_de_la_Mer, your post really got me thinking... The thing about him that draws me to him is this faith he had in us from the very beginning, faith that as you can see, I'm still lacking. The fact that he pursued me with such conviction that I am what he's been looking for his whole life, that I make him want to be a better man ... I envy his confidence, I am forever unsure. I also envy the fact that he's so at ease with himself. I haven't made peace with my dark side, he has. He embraced it and uses it in his favor. I'm still repressing and denying it.

I cannot explain this pain I'm feeling that he's gone. It's not just disappointment, it's a void. My life seems so empty now. I went to the supermarket earlier because I was out of supplies and also because I had to get out of the house. The supermarket always gets to me. Seeing couples kissing, holding hands... seeing parents with their children happy, enjoying their meal or buying something nice for them... I want a family so bad... It's probably the thing that I want most in this world and the thing that is always out of reach for me. I can't stand the fact that I'm all alone again. What am I supposed to do with myself now? How can I bounce back again, after this? There have been many disappointments during the last 3-4 years, like being stood up on Valentine's day after the guy proposed to me and so many others that I don't want to remember. They all hurt, but I managed to get back on my feet somehow. However, it gets harder and harder to do that, disappointment after disappointment, after disappointment...

I know this relationship was not ideal, I know there are a lot of things that rush blood to my head and smoke through my ears about him, and viceversa... But somehow I felt this man can teach me to become whole. Not because he completes me or fills the blanks, but because he will push me to break the boundaries that keep me from becoming whole.

I want to write him so badly. I wonder if he thinks of me, if he's hurting just as much. I know he is still too proud to make the first step towards reconcilliation, but I'm not. This is the first time that my feelings trumped my ego and my pride. I was like him, too, I never backed down during an argument and certainly haven't made the first step towards peace. I already done this with him, after the ultimatum thing. And he got me all figured out... When he told me about the illness thing, the discussion started with him telling me this: "I know when the moment comes, you won't be able to let me go"... And it's true. [/B]

---

Hera,

the thing about wholeness is that it is a gift you give yourself. When you achieve a sense of unity and balance in yourself, you are no longer dependant on another person for feelings of wellbeing. Their absence may cause you sadness, but it won't prevent you from accepting what you cannot change and moving on.

I have experienced the intoxication you are talking about, and funnily enough, the man in question said a very similar thing to me that your interest said to you, he said, "I think you just want a man to be a man". It was that statement that sealed the deal for me, I was completely mesmerised, and against all my ethics, I took him home within 2 hours of meeting him. The next morning he said "You make me feel like a man again". The hook cut in further. He went back to Ireland, and returned to Scotland 2 weeks later to spent one night with me. I felt like the centre of the world.

Why is all this so addictive, why is it so hard to let go of? My realisation was that I was indeed in love, I was in love with myself, which I had never been, and it was the complete acceptance of myself, as filtered through his responses to me that I was drunk on, and that after he left I missed, and that I almost had a breakdown over when I realised it had ended. Except it hadn't ended. All that love came from self and went to self. All his part was, was to show me I was worth it. Now I know, I don't need him in my life, but I do need to feel valued, and the only consistent way we can feel valued and loved, is if we give it to ourselves.

posted August 22, 2011 12:38 PM            

I'm starting to feel less desperate and more accepting that it is out of my hands and there's nothing I can do right now to change the situation, either way.

There's no way to know for sure what happened. Perhaps I am not meant to. I feel defeated. I feel like resignation. I feel like I have to let this go. Let him go.

Truth is the relationship was exhausting even before the illness thing. It is why I started the thread on the other forum, questioning the relationship. I didn't include the details I gave in there because that was not the point of *this* thread, which I started thinking he was sick and about to die. I started this thread asking for advice on how to deal with that, with his illness.