posted March 02, 2012 01:40 PM            

Actually I feel that he isn't as honest as I want him to be. Fact is I have caught him in so many lies, it's not even funny. I hate liars, but I will admit that when I met him I lied about one problem I had. Yet, I confessed everything, it wasn't a huge deal, except that I had lied and it was a huge deal to me.

When we met I had no intention of being with him so I didn't bother to tell him my complicated problem. I basically did what I do to most strangers and that is give them a basic overview but nothing in depth. Why get into a personal and sticky mess with a stranger right? Also, as we started getting closer my guilt did mount. It was an issue that no one knew about other than my immediate family and something I was still struggling with, so I didn't think I needed to go through the painful process of rehashing it to some random guy. Anyway, as soon as he said that he loved me...I felt really broken. I knew somehow I needed to tell him. So I did.

But as you see, whereas I held so much guilt about lying to him. He lied to me about a lot of stuff and tried to cover it up. My lie was regarding my career. His lie was more about his sexuality and other girls.

I just know he's using me as a backup plan, emotional support for advice etc. I somehow can tell how if we were together and married how things would turn out.

He has a very cold side to him as well. If he gets cornered in a lie he'll blow it off as if it's minor. And then he'll act like he doesn't care. I'm sure it's not an act. He probably genuinely doesn't care.

He doesn't seem stable. Like his ideas are stern today but not so tom.

This is why I don't get the part about him genuinely loving me (venus sun), or that he's too open and straight with me.

I honestly wish he were who he said he was. And then I would be happy even with his flaws. Right now I'm coming to terms with the person he said he was for who he really is and what his true motivations are. I don't think he'll be able to win me back. It's downhill from here.

He has no integrity. So now even if he told me things, I have no reason to believe him. It's kinda sad. I was willing to sacrifice so much...

He was my first love ...lol That's even worse, I should have known. I didn't. I feel like I keep making bad choices or that nothing works out in the end for me.

posted March 02, 2012 03:12 PM            

Unfortunately this is a karmic connection and it will probably lead to great hurt.

I wish I could help you more, but I think the only thing to do at this point is to part ways. It may be one of the hardest things to do, but if you want to be happy one day, and if you feel that this person is not right for you/doesn't treat you well, then all you can do is leave, and try your best to move on.

I am really sorry, I know how hard it is.

As for your question, astrologically speaking that is probably your Saturn and Pluto in the 12th house. I suggest you do some research, I am not well informed about planets in the 12th but I do know they are hard to deal with.

But! You have to understand that all the influences in your chart are not set in stone, they show tendencies and potential, but at the end of the day, you have the power to be whatever you want to be (at least that's what I tell myself and people to keep going). You probably need to change your perception of things, try to change your thinking habits and be more positive, even if it's hard.

If you feel abandoned it may be because you felt that way in childhood, and now you repeat the same pattern because you are used to it. I think you should try to free yourself from fear, any fear that you may have, and just trust the Universe a little more, try to have hope and cultivate the belief that everything happens for a good reason, even if it doesn't seem that way.

That's probably the most important thing I have to tell you, free yourself from fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of being abandoned, alone, worthless, etc, any fear that you have, just let it go. Try your best to have at least a little bit of faith in life, and never give up!

Oh, and just one more thing: never settle for less than what you deserve! If someone treats you bad, LEAVE and don't look back. Treat yourself like you would treat a best friend, and don't let anyone treat you badly.

I wish you the very best, I really hope you will get out of this stronger and wiser.

Be strong! And remember: everything that happens to us, happens because we can handle it!

posted March 10, 2012 12:27 AM            

I wish I could give you a hug.
Honestly thank you for your kind words.

Sometimes I wish we didn't have such a things as karma, astrology. I would love to live a life with a clean slate.

I agree, I have grown to be some bitter person over this relationship. I look back to how we started and I feel like crying from my core....I wish things were different. I was sincerely so optimistic. It's hard to digest facts ... and realize that dream is not gonna come true.

Also I hate hate goodbyes. : /

Sigh. Anyway, update we stopped talking again I felt used and tossed aside. He sent me love songs and told me I meant so much to him, but then I realize he's always gonna play a game with me. I was clear as to how I felt and he said that I was painting him to be a sociopath lol...Well, I'm tired and pooped. I think I'll toss myself into work. Maybe I'll gain some success there that I haven't in the relationship department.

I want to just retreat to some mountain top lol. I feel as though my chiron being in my 7th never helps me in the relationship department. grr I guess I had done some ****** work in my past life. I seriously want a clean slate...: (

Anyway, thank you for you kind words. I gues the more you believe the more you tie yourself to certain notions. Like the fence and the horse fable, I feel the more negative you read the more you think negatively.