posted February 02, 2012 10:43 PM            

Honestly, I feel this obsession for the guy I'm on and off with. When I look back, I see how I try ending it and then I end up thinking about him nonstop. It's driving me nuts. Seriously....I feel like it's one way too. I mean he says he continuously misses me and thinks about me, but ...I'm not too sure. Except yes, every time I break it off--It's always me who initiates the break ups--with him, he continuously messages me and tells me he misses me. He says, he tries to forget me but he can't. The more he tries the more he ends up missing me. It's as if he doesn't understand, the concept of not talking anymore. And eventually I reply to his message and we simply end up arguing again and then again not talking.

I feel neglected and honestly used when we resume talking again. He says he misses me, loves and cares for me on the one hand but then acts like we are nothing. He gets nosey about the men I'm talking to, but I am not supposed to ask him too many questions about the girls he talks to. He thinks I cage him up, when honestly he's been setting the rules to the relationship aka not being on dating sites, not talking to so and so guys, not watching movies with anyone but him etc....but he NEVER follows his own rules. It's as if he can't reciprocate the same for me. If heaven forbid I bring it up he says I'm too possessive and I cage him up. He irritates the heck out of me, and I find he's so selfish.

Normally I'm so strong and can cut people out of my life so easily. I don't understand why I'm such a doormat with him..

What the heck is going on with us? me or him?

Idk if this info is relevant but it sure as hell felt good venting. hehe

posted February 03, 2012 12:04 AM            

This question makes me think. Good start....On and off part I dont like. But Im just a stranger and my opinion barely matters in cases like this. If he loves you, why arent you guys exclusive? Im trying to grasp that part. He talks to others girls? You talk to other guys? Im all for giving people their "space" but if my dude was talking to girls, he'd have hell to pay. I wouldn't tolerate that. This doesnt sound like love to me at all. Ive been thru what you've gone thru. I have the battle scars to prove it. This guy sounds like a piece of work. Let me see his chart, your chart, your synastry, and composite so I can see what Astrology says.

posted February 03, 2012 12:05 AM            

This is him basic natal charts:

posted February 03, 2012 12:15 AM            

He's waiting because though he's sexual he wants to make sure his marriage gets all the weight and importance. He wants to dedicate himself to his wife.

Though I think I'm sexual enough, I'm waiting because there is no way I would sleep with a man unless I felt secure with him. Nothing beats security like marriage. Though even those fail, it's the best alternative. I have a fear of being used and tossed aside. So I'd rather wait for "the one". lol

The only issue I have with him is when you tell someone you are in love then why lie to them as well. He's very tactful/ diplomatic, but that's something I feel he had to develop to survive in his family and in addition to being the middle child. I'm the oldest in my family so I guess tact is not my department. lol Eventually he tells me hard truths but it takes me getting suspicious and pestering him for him to tell me. I hate that. That's what stopped me cold from opening up to him. I don't want him to be some con man. I do feel like a dang detective. lol He thinks it's cute, but I hate that side of me. I guess, I want to prove that he's not it. Strange huh? Why do you think I'm like this? It's so frustrating. I can say though in my life a lot of men in my family have screwed up major and I've seen women get hurt....I don't want to do that.. Maybe I'm taking this too far though. I want him and I want my family. If push comes to shove I will pick my family as I have seen them sacrifice for me time and time again. I have yet to see if his feelings are genuine or just that of a school boy aka here one moment gone the next.

posted February 03, 2012 12:59 AM            

Plan on being in this situation for a LONG TIME...

posted February 03, 2012 01:08 AM            

Moon/pluto is very intense.. Its a extremely tough energy to handle.. Some people may not be comfortable with it...
Im comfortable with Pluto but I am having a hard time dealing..

Its may also be the reason for back and fourth..
You have to get away, but once away its hard to stay away..

Moon/pluto doesnt make you feel, it intensifies what ever you "feel"
If you like this person, then you will like this person 100X more than normal

If you hate this person, you will hate this person 100x more..

posted February 03, 2012 01:50 AM            

At 40% reduction:

posted February 03, 2012 07:23 AM            

ur story reminded me of our days

first , the most importantly , how I used to breakup , how HE used to keep on cmng back , nd how he propsoed without even seeing me , onln...and the same thing that i thought > Wow, who does that !!

Ami (a senior member here), showed some obsessive trademarks in our charts
we got married, in 2 months of meeting onln...but yes , i second the opinion given above that its good to knw a person onln , bt before taking any solid decisions , u guys should meet in person as well..
we did so...the mistake we did was , after meetign in person , we rushed up for marriage..we were similarly 1000+ miles away and similarly, trying to work on our careers

so, as sm1 who went thru ur situation(nd nt hvng solid astro knowledge, m sorry), i would like to sugegst :
1. yes, u guys should meet in person
2. still , make no solid promises and keep on dating /knowing each other for smtime after u hv once met in person... take things slow..
3. work on ur careers... if the lv is true, it will be patient. we just hurried up nd spoiled everything.
4. a lot of people confess lv without even seeing u....i was amazed wn i found this from my guy...similarly u r amazed as well..nd obviously , this sets a mark in our hearts...a softspot ....bt better be ruled by head (As against to me)

nd goodluck ... am myself agnostic...nd my guy was almost atheist(till after marriage i got to know he was a believer/agnostic at different times)....so these things matter less afterwards. sicne u both r nt strict believers

take ur time...

(oh , nd ditto abt restrictions/rules/ culture stuff...so much seems similar...hehe

just one difference> we were from same culture nd family backgrounds..

posted February 04, 2012 11:53 PM            

I hope that you have a happy married life and that the two of you work it out. : )

I will definitely slow down and think this through. Ironically that's the main reason behind us having these issues. He wants to rush and I don't. I want to see him in all the possible scenarios, before anything.

posted February 29, 2012 06:19 PM            

Also, he says that he was exhausted. Now, he's acting cute and cuddly, but now I guess I'm tired?

I don't know why this is happening. THe moment I feel for him, his affection dies or he takes it for granted. Now that he is being affectionate, I'm just not feeling it. I also don't trust him with my feelings so I'm a bit on guard.

Honestly, I'm tired of relationsips, love blah blah. I just want to live, have fun in life.

I honestly don't know what is going on.
I told him I don't want to speak to him. That I will block him from everything, but while he agreed with not pursuing the relationship for a while he said he doesn't want me to block him because he wants to keep the doors open. ugh!

posted March 01, 2012 01:56 PM            

Orb for syn bi wheel need to be reduced to 40% as max orb between planets is 3'

Saturn conj mars ain't great

quote:

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The conjunction of Mars and Saturn in synastry is best understood when you consider the individual energies of these two planets. The qualities of the sign that Saturn occupies points to expressions that do not come naturally to Saturn. Saturn feels awkward or inhibited expressing the energies of the sign, and often will try to compensate by trying to exercise control over these characteristics in his/her personality. In contrast, the characteristics of the sign that Mars occupies are expressed fully, naturally, and with enthusiasm! You can only imagine what this means in a relationship. If both individuals are considerate of each other, and are growth-oriented, the relationship can be a great learning experience. For example, if the conjunction occurs in Aries, the Mars individual will take action, and express his/her me-first tendency freely and unabashedly. Aries, quite simply, comes naturally to Mars! Saturn, on the other hand, feels unnatural expressing these traits. Perhaps he/she feels guilty when taking the lead. Where Mars rushes right in, Saturn carefully appraises the situation before he goes into it, if he doesn't withdraw from it altogether. Mars can have much to learn from Saturn—Mars can learn how to think a little before acting, and tone down his/her aggressiveness and impatience. As well, Saturn has much to learn from Mars. Saturn may secretly long to be just like Mars, going after what it wants without fear of failure.

On the other hand, if Mars is not sensitive to Saturn's feelings of inadequacy, he/she may simply assert independence, tease Saturn for being inept or withdrawn, and run roughshod over Saturn's feelings. Similarly, if Saturn doesn't want to face up to his own feelings of inadequacy, he/she may do everything in their power to bring Mars down, control Mars, and limit Mars' expression. http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/mars_saturn_aspects.html

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quote:

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Sun square Moon
This is a very difficult comparative combination for family, marital, and romantic relationships. Just as the best relationships are those showing the Sun and Moon in harmonious aspect, the adversity of the square can denote serious challenges. You will find it very hard and unnatural to adapt to each other's temperament, as well as the general pace and style of living. Major disagreements about the handling of finances, business affairs, and the raising of children often arise. Frequently, these are the results of differences in family background or deep-seated emotional habit patterns. http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastryaspects.html

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quote:

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Challenging aspects: Moon square or opposition other person's Pluto

You will need to work through some power struggles and even some psychological demons you bring with you from past experiences. Curbing reactiveness and projection is something you will be challenged to resolve through trial and error. Because your feelings are so intense, fear of loss can be generated, which in turn can give rise to jealousy, control or possessiveness. These emotional responses will not get you what you want. If you can't easily resolve your conflicts, seek professional help. Once you settle your power struggles with each other, you will have much to offer the world and your community. http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/moon_pluto_aspects.html

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quote:

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Mars to Pluto. Compulsive action. When positive, the couple have the power to make sweeping changes in their lives. Their actions will have far-reaching consequences for better or worse. Negatively, one tries to control the other. A power struggle. http://www.astrologyfiles.com/free-horoscope-matching/

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quote:

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Venus in hard aspect (square, opposition, semi-square, or sesquiquadrate) to other person's Uranus

Electric attraction characterizes this pairing. However, both will have to deal with an inability to truly count on one another over time. The Uranus person may resent any hint that the Venus person wants more of a commitment from, or structure in, the relationship. Affection may be inconstant, or the two may often be separated from one another at key moments. In order for this relationship to work, both parties need to expect the unexpected. This relationship can be an emotional rollercoaster ride, particularly for the Venus person. When the Venus person is feeling especially romantic, the Uranus person may be just out of reach somehow, whether it is a physical reality or takes the form of mental or emotional distancing. This relationship has an erratic, unstable, but exciting quality. http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/venus_uranus_aspects.html

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posted March 01, 2012 01:58 PM            

But you do need both times of birth to be accurate though.. enjoy.

Composites describe the relationship, not either one of you, but what you came together to learn or to do and how the 'pair of you' function when together....

you 'should' reduce the orbs ratio on astro.com down to 40% as max orb in synastry and comp is 3'. Also please add transits which is easily seen once you have the chart just above to right is option 'with transits'

Basic astrology forum, How to approach Synastry http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum12/private-jjLYZw161/HTML/000667.html
To enter this forum you need an extra password – (astrology)

In Astrology 2.0 forum, beginners learning astrology http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/212463.html

in Astrology 2.0 forum, What’s next for learning (intermediate) http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/212464.html

In Astrology 2.0 what’s next for learning (advanced) http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/212465.html

posted March 01, 2012 02:07 PM            

You are the Saturn/Pluto. He is the Moon and Mars. His stellium (Moon, Pluto and Saturn) falls in your 12th.

Your Venus conjuncts his Sun and your Moon squares his Sun. You have romantic feelings for him for sure. Venus loves the Sun. The Sun can either love Venus genuinely or just enjoy the attention. Your Moon is attracted to his Sun but he has the upper-hand here, you feel vulnerable because of his seemingly strong ego. But here again, he surely very much enjoys you. The only problem is that you have different dispositions (at times he can seem too straightforward to you).

I can see you are very affected by him but you are scared, you don't truly trust him (12th house) and letting your guard down is hard (that's Saturn for you).

Honestly, I don't even know what to tell you, it's probably very hard to go through that.

I can't tell you if this is going to work, but if it's not, you'll probably have a very hard time letting go. As you already stated, it's an obsession. And even when you cut contact with the person, you still can't help but thinking about them. It's crazy.

I think you should try to talk to him about your concerns, about how you feel and that you need time or whatever it is that you need.

If he doesn't respond well to that, then you'll know he's not worth your time and you should try to move on.
But either way it seems like it's gonna be a hard road.

I wish you good luck girl, I hope things work out for you, no matter what happens.

posted March 02, 2012 12:02 AM            

I appreciate your replies very much.

@ Saggi: Do we have Saturn Conjunct Mars?
I thougth it was saturn trine mars and saturn square mars, but I'm so confused I honestly don't know what exactly I'm looking at...

posted March 02, 2012 07:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dreaming111:

@ Saggi: Do we have Saturn Conjunct Mars?
I thougth it was saturn trine mars and saturn square mars, but I'm so confused I honestly don't know what exactly I'm looking at...

@ Doux Rêve: If you had to pick just one, who would you say is more involved/ invested in the relationship?

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You are right, you guys have Saturn (yours) square Mars (his) and Saturn (his) trine Mars (yours).

Honestly, that's a tough question because I've been involved with someone and we had similar aspects in our synastry, and at first it looked like he was more interested but in reality I was way more invested. I am a bit confused because usually in the descriptions it is said that the Saturn person feels it more, and yet he was Saturn and he broke it off.

In your case, you are more Saturnian because your Saturn makes hard aspects to his planets.

As I said the Saturn person is usually more attached but that's hardly a rule.