posted April 30, 2012 08:01 PM            

Of course I have times when I feel more confident, but I get them rarely. When I'm with someone I know I feel a little more confident or just horrible. I can feel both with the same person too.

What in my chart that makes me like this and how can I change myself?
http://i47.tinypic.com/1z2hy7q.png

posted April 30, 2012 08:28 PM            

But my advice is look in the mirror and figure out Who You Are. Some might think thats dumb but heres the thing.. at the end of the day the only person that can truly define you, is yourself. Stop basing your life on other people's perceptions, we Can't please everybody.

You have nice aspects
Mars sextile Jupiter - I think traveling would be good for you. Do the thing your most affraid of and surround yourself with people until you get use to it.
Sun sextile Mars - I have a sun-mars as well, and if I don't do something active I get tense anxiety. Work out, go to the gym, or again start traveling :]
Venus trine Juptier - That's the golden aspect right there.

quote:

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Your energy together exudes goodwill and generosity, and others will respond positively toward you. Your love and affection begets love and affection. You will always have what you need and your faith is strong. Financially too, you will be abundant. There is a tendency to overdo, over-care and overspend yourselves and resources but if you have it to spend, it's your choice. You may find others jealous of your good fortunes in spite of your generosity, but that's their problem. http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/venus_jupiter_aspects.html

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A lot of people would question your fears by having light-hearted placements in ur chart. But that's just the thing, I think you have too many easy aspects.
People with alot of (squares/oppositions/conjunctions) are more "fearless" where easy going aspects like yours (trines/sextiles) aren't as assertive. Still that doesn't mean you can't be

btw

posted April 30, 2012 10:35 PM            

Thank you for your answer and big shiny welcome It really cheered me up. And I really never payed attention to those aspects. Thanks I had really hard time checking back here because I was scared of what someone would answer. Finally I just randomly clicked myself here..

In the past I was a very quiet kid and never talked with anyone. I remember how my mom asked me to ask waiter for a spoon but I couldn't do it. I just froze. I remember when we had this huge term paper in 5th grade but I couldn't give it to teacher because I was just scared what she thinks of it and maybe I have too many mistakes so I didn't give it to her. I still feel really bad for it.
Now I'm skipping a lot because.. I'm scared that the teacher asks me and I'd make a mistake in front of everyone. I would feel really embarrassed. Or that the teacher would say something bad to me... Or what she thinks of me or what others think of me.

Now I talk more but I mostly talk just blaberish to avoid awkward silence. That's why most people probably find me kinda pointless haha..

Your post really made me feel good and more confident but it's all momental. It's always like this that when I find confidence I have it for like an hour or some. When I wake up everything is bad again. Actually I feel really good when someone answers or talks to me but then I start worrying that I might do or say something wrong and I go all shy.

I seriously don't know why I'm like this. I don't have this Leo confidence
Saturn in Pisces in 11th and Cancer rising perhaps? I don't know much about aspects..

posted May 01, 2012 01:36 AM            

I really don’t have a ton of experience with astrology, but I also have a Cancer ascendant and when I was younger (childhood through the end of high school) I can really relate to a lot of what you’re saying about being insecure, and feeling like I was missing out on the carefree fun and opportunities that seemed to come so naturally to most people. Cancer ascendants can retreat into our shells when we feel unsure about ourselves or our environment, and it can take time for us to know ourselves well enough to let down our guard with other people. Just know that people are most likely never judging you as harshly as you judge yourself! I’m sure you have a lot of great qualities that others will notice and appreciate if you let them in. Also, LL is a great place to come and talk about things you’re going through and to get positive support and feedback, so don’t worry about people judging you here!

Like Moonfish said, you have a strong chart with a ton of positive aspects that many people would be envious of lol. It will probably just take time for you to grow into your confidence.

I found this about NN in your 5th house:

Are your “friends” the kind of people who support your goals, your values, and see you for who you really are? Or are they people who have “just happened to you” along the way? With the South Node in the 11th house, there’s a chance that you need to move up an octave in choosing friends who support you and your dreams, and also a need to leave behind peer pressure in any of its forms. It’s important for you to become clear on who you are and who you want to spend your time with—move away from the crowds or groups that simply fill your time, and find a few “heart-mates” instead of acquaintances, and look for the community or place where you really belong. Look around a bit, so that you can sit at the right “camp-fire.”

With this South Node you’ll want to move away from the lower expression of Aquarian qualities: being emotionally aloof and detached, avoiding confrontation and intimacy, and having a tendency to think you always need more knowledge before taking action. Instead, it’s time to take more risks, to reach for center stage, and to develop one’s confidence---even if it means allowing your childlike qualities to come out more, and for you to be more of a “character.”

Your fifth house North Node here wants to have more fun, and to see life as a game worth playing. It can bring out your entrepreneurial and artistic side as well. This Nodal axis wants to get personal—to risk the love affair, to have a child, to express itself creatively. It doesn’t need to get philosophical and talk about saving humanity---how about just one child at a time? And maybe that child could just be your inner child that’s been neglected for awhile.

In past lives you might have been living on the sidelines watching others interact. You could have done great things as a scientist, an eccentric genius, a humanitarian….one who gave selflessly. Now it’s time to “give to the giver” and to feel the flow of love in and out of your heart. You’ve earned it. http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.com/2008/08/south-node-eleventh-house-north-node.html

And this about Chiron in 5th house:

In the fifth house, it may indicate a feeling of having to take life too seriously, too early. You are easily deflated due, probably, to parents who told you that you could not do 'that' - though you would have known that you could. There will be a need to draw boundaries for ego survival. Though do not go so far as to cut yourself off from people completely. You are very creative but do not recognize it. Just do it.
http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/chironinhouses.html

posted May 02, 2012 09:23 AM            

First decan Leo can be a little bit anti-social, because they are more interested in study and serious topics than their peers. Most would rather invest their time mastering subjects that interest them than making small talk just because it seems required.

My husband is this way. Maybe you can relate.

posted May 02, 2012 03:52 PM            

I completely empathize with you on school. I have Saturn in the 3rd and school has made me suicidal at some points. It has literally pained me to be there at times. Even the OK school I attend now is not very fun for me. I feel education, formal education is a 'chore' and a hinderance to me. I also have Saturn in H3 trine Mercury in H11.

Saturn in your 11H actually does make a trine to your H3 Venus. I see a similar situation with you and I, except the Saturn positions are reversed. You feel the need to socialize and you perhaps enjoy communicating with others, yet you feel the vice-like grip of the 11H Saturn restricting the sweetness that's within that you just NEED to share with others, yet can't. You said "I know people don't actually care or even notice me but I still care." This is where I see H11 Saturn and Saturn trine H3 Venus playing out. Saturn is trying to restrict your ability to socialize with ease in not just one way, but two. I feel that you have a lot of hidden potential in terms of socializing with others, past the anxiety Saturn brings. You can do it. You need to use Saturn as a way to gain wisdom, NOT something which holds you back. With H3 Venus conjunct your Sun, in an outgoing and fiery, passionate sign like Leo, you could really impress people I think if you went outside your shell! I saw you said sometimes you ARE more confident, which shows you can conquer these tough Saturnine situations.

posted May 03, 2012 05:13 PM            

FireMoon,
"Like Moonfish said, you have a strong chart with a ton of positive aspects that many people would be envious of lol"
Envious? Hmm.. could you tell me which ones exactly are they? I almost know nothing about aspects, sorry ><

peachbeigeblue,
I've already visited some psychologists and talked to my parents. My current psychologist is a bit bad. She only listens to me but I want her to give me advice too. I'm scared to visit other psychologists because they might think something like "Why are you even here, it's just a common problem at your age. Just go home, wait and it will go away. I deal with people who have real problems". I really do think that they think so. That's why I'm worried to ask for help. I even thought people would answer like that on here.
Parents don't understand me. It's really difficult to discuss this problem with them.. My mom always says " Oh c'mon, it's nothing, I don't understand why are you scared, this is so normal thing to do, why aren't you coming." in an annoyed voice. And when I say "No." she gets mad. It makes me really sad and mad at the same time.. I live with my dad because if I used to fight with my mom a lot; physically too. We talk about my problem a lot with my dad but it's like he fails to understand me. We talk about it and then next day he acts all surprised and says "Oh, you're still like that?" I'm almost always like that - sad and scared.

sweet-scorpion,
Yes. I thought so too. I really really dislike how my saturn is placed. I'm failing to find anything good about it. I mean.. I can't even find this one friend with who to talk with.
I agree with the school part. I also feel like it's a chore and I hate it. I actually love to learn new things but only when I choose to or want to (it's probably normal ).

posted May 03, 2012 10:17 PM            

You have Mars/Moon in Libra conjunction. Libras always strike me as people pleasers, and moon+mars seems like a really sensitive combination (especially with Cancer ascendant). Your awareness of criticism could be reflected in those placements.

5th house is ruled by the Sun, which is in your third house (early education and communication) along with venus and mercury tucked along your inward-focused IC. It seems like you are an introverted Leo, or at least you like to keep your Leo traits (creativity, sense of importance, generosity, desire for attention, affection) to yourself more than we'd expect from a Leo. My dad is this way... he has the same conjunction in Leo on his IC and he's never been the outgoing type.

I agree that Saturn in the 11th is making the "outside" world feel heavy-handed, and a lack of earth and many easy aspects makes it hard to stay grounded.

Perhaps you can focus on a hobby you enjoy and find relaxing, rejuvenating, or allows you to express yourself without prying eyes.

posted May 04, 2012 07:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AquaCappy:

FireMoon,
"Like Moonfish said, you have a strong chart with a ton of positive aspects that many people would be envious of lol"
Envious? Hmm.. could you tell me which ones exactly are they? I almost know nothing about aspects, sorry ><

---

AquaCappy, all of the blue lines in your chart signify trines and sextiles, which are considered positve aspects, and create easy flows of energy between those planets. Most people have a few squares and oppositions to deal with too-which are considered more difficult aspects and are shown with red lines, but your chart is almost entirely blue! There are actually so many I don't really know where to start lol

Here are some interpretations for your positive Sun aspects:

Sun sextile Moon
"The sextile formed between the Sun and Moon is usually an indicator of a tranquil and happy life. This aspect makes relationships easier and more harmonious, especially with members of your family. Your attitude about the past and the present are balanced and positive. You remember the lessons of the past, but have no need to hold on to, or return to any previous part of your life. While you can and do assert yourself, you are careful not to offend people, and for this you are well-liked. You have many ideas to draw on. You don't feel threatened when challenged, and you understand the principles of compromise. There is every indication that you will succeed as a person."

Sun trine Jupiter:

"A trine formed between the Sun and Jupiter shows a generous degree of creative talent. You have a considerable amount of self-confidence, and you like yourself without being conceited or boastful. You are intelligent, articulate and very well informed on many subjects. Your personal pride and integrity show up plainly in the way you conduct yourself. You are a lucky person, because things just seem to fall in place for you. You like to cut a comfortable course that allows you to maintain your freedom and control of situations. You indulge yourself, and you are also very generous to others. You relate well to people because you give everyone because you can be magnanimous and give others the benefit of the doubt." http://astrology-numerology.com/aspects-sun.html

You have a few conjunctions as well which are generally considered positive, but can pose some challenges too depending on the signs and planets. The first one that stands out to me is your moon conjunct mars:

"The conjunction of the Moon and Mars shows much emotional anxiety and impatience. It is an aspect that seems to energize emotions and those emotions may often come out with Martian or aggressive qualities. Your feelings are usually very active, and always in a state of turmoil. In short, your emotions are intense. This conjunction can show passions that are very ardent and demanding, and actions can sometimes be blind to caution and common sense. There are tendencies that may lead you to accomplish much if you can only guide these energies with some wisdom. Often, however, a more destructive vindictive facet to the personality results from this aspect." http://astrology-numerology.com/aspects-moon.html

Since this conjunction is in Libra it could mean that you want things to be balanced and harmonious, and since you're able to see and consider all of the possible outcomes of a situation you might hold back even when you really want to put your desires and feelings into action... This is also in your 5th house which is the house of fun, creativity, recreation, etc.

Anyway, I'm sorry this isn't a very comprehensive response lol, if you put your birth data into cafe astrology's natal chart service it will give you a list of all your aspects and their meanings, this can be a great place to start learning the basics of the signs, aspects, etc. (Or on astro.com you can go into free horoscopes and click on "astro click portrait" to learn about all the aspects in your chart)
http://astro.cafeastrology.com/

posted May 04, 2012 08:22 PM            

I, similar to you, have:
--
true node in the 5th
chiron in the 5th
pisces in the 11th house
cancer in the 2nd/3rd houses
mc aquarius
pluto in the 6th
12th taurus
--
Another guess is that we both struggle with close relationships (have been hurt/low self esteem in short relationships without a cause like flings)(chiron 5th) need to learn to maintain them. (true node 5th. last lifetime we were 11th --all about groups and independence!) I agree, I guess it some form of anxiety. Recently it was my moms birthday and I couldnt even enter to room to sing her a happy birthday knowing the neighbors were there... It bothered me so much. It was a small room , so I felt like I couldnt avoid anything needed to. If it was a big room and we were all spread out , I probably wouldnt have had the same issue.
I wish this puzzle would be solved. Which aspect it is. Anyways, thank you so much for posting this! <3
I hope things work out for you and gawd bless!

Heres my chart in case anyone wants to try and discover what the anxiety ridden green monster is!(ignore the transits, those are old!):http://i39.tinypic.com/rssrk9.jpg

posted May 04, 2012 08:24 PM            

quote:

---

I've already visited some psychologists and talked to my parents. My current psychologist is a bit bad. She only listens to me but I want her to give me advice too. I'm scared to visit other psychologists because they might think something like "Why are you even here, it's just a common problem at your age. Just go home, wait and it will go away. I deal with people who have real problems". I really do think that they think so. That's why I'm worried to ask for help. I even thought people would answer like that on here.
Parents don't understand me. It's really difficult to discuss this problem with them.. My mom always says " Oh c'mon, it's nothing, I don't understand why are you scared, this is so normal thing to do, why aren't you coming." in an annoyed voice. And when I say "No." she gets mad. It makes me really sad and mad at the same time.. I live with my dad because if I used to fight with my mom a lot; physically too. We talk about my problem a lot with my dad but it's like he fails to understand me. We talk about it and then next day he acts all surprised and says "Oh, you're still like that?" I'm almost always like that - sad and scared.

---

posted May 05, 2012 12:07 AM            

Wow, AquaCappy, after reading your post & all the responses, it's a lot I could relate to as well.

First you. I noticed you have a Saturn in Pisces and to me this is very important. Saturn in Pisces often find themselves struggling with substance abuse. You really need to surround yourself with people who are stable and responsible, even if it's boring at first.

Saturn is an important "landmark" Planet in that it shows how we set longterm goals for ourselves. In Pisces it's usually too Mutable to stand firm as a landmark to shoot for. You may feel a sense of life being meaningless, you know, what's the purpose type thing.

As for me and similarities that have been mentioned in this thread, I'm a Libra Sun in the 5th, Cancer Moon in the 3rd. The only Fire in my Chart is Uranus & North Node in Leo in the 4th House, so lots of upheavels on the homefront.

I have a very harsh Moon/Saturn Opposition, and an optimism sapping Jupiter in Capricorn.

Always felt like I was an outsider. Couldn't wait to get out of high school, but love college & higher learning a lot. Always considered myself socially challenged, and before my early twenties, had a lot of trouble even making eye contact with anyone. To this day, it's almost like a phobia, almost like a dirty feeling that someone is already crossing into my boundaries.

I'm not as defensive anymore because I learned how important it is to let others know I'm listening to them, and I do care. But I did go through a big phase of creating almost a "social character" to just deal with people already, but I must caution you that this option can cause confusion & even resentment later on.

I think a big part of "anxiety" is in believing we are the only ones going through it, or that everyone else is happy all the time, which his not true. Accept your unhappy moments and know they are feelings that are temporary. Takes a while to get used to, but be gentle on yourself. It gets better.

Anyways, people who seem like they are always happy are irritating. Ha Ha...