posted July 26, 2012 11:46 PM            

I am not going to write the weary details of this pathetic story but long story short: it's been three years that I've met this guy, nearly two years that I haven't seen him, and many many months that I haven't talked to him and I am, still, just as enamored with him, as I was at the very beginning. No matter how many ties I've tried reasoning myself ,facing the harsh reality facts, a part of me just can't seem to fathom it, which makes me go through periods where I'll be done with it only to fall again into the tricky spiral of obssessive thinking and such.. And I don't know why. Which fustrates me and makes me really angry at myself for not being able to be reasonable.

Just to say, i've never acted this way towards anyone, I'm rather cold and aloof and tend to channel my emotions through my brain when it comes to love. I mean first of all I usually don't even know when I have a crush on someone, and I always favored friendship with the opposite sex rather than actual love relationship.

So I was wondering which aspects in synastry and in a natal chart would make someone be obssessed with another person, and would make this obssession last for years ?

Is it a Pluto-Saturn mix? Do I look at asteroids (such as Nessus, Lilith, Kaali) ? Could it be seen in the draconic (especially if there are nodes aspects in the tropical synastry) ? Could it be seen in the composite?
I'm really clueless as to how I could explain this obsession. Should I look into my own chart for obssessive tendencies in matters fo the heart?

posted July 27, 2012 01:02 AM            

A. Your Saturn. Where it falls. 7th, on the Descendant or making an aspect to it, delays or discomfort in love...That's probably why you usually feel aloof and cold.

B. Venus-Saturn aspects could mean shyness, self-consciousness in love, and it can make you a little enamored with someone since you take love very seriously with this aspect I've found, especially when Venus is in a water sign like Scorpio.

C. Asc aspects like, Saturn-ASC, Moon-ASC, and also what your Chiron touches. If it's touching ASC and/or Venus that could make things harder for you in love.

Next, I'll say that having:

A. Someone's Sun and/or Moon on your ASC or IC can make you very enamored with them

B. Someone's Moon touching your Pluto or vice versa can cause emotional bonds and obsessions beyond the imagination

C. Someone's Pluto on your Venus esp. the conjunction or vice versa can cause emotional drainage through obsessions and total encompassing, smoldering desire at times

posted July 27, 2012 11:07 AM            

astro_2gw_01_fai.45743.24253 NATAL by nausicaa7f, on Flickr

Saturn is my descendant ruler, and is in my 6th house widely (9°) conjunct my descendant. I never considered it before because the orb was wide but when reading the description of saturn conjunct DSC I could perfectly relate to it.
My Venus is in aquarius, which is traditionnally ruled by saturn. But it only espect Mars and Jupiter
I also do have a Moon conjunct DSC aspect and Chiron does aspect my Saturn (desc ruler) (opposition).
I also had the feeling that pluto and mars in the 5th was somehow responsible with obssessive tendencies. I admit being obssessed with interests. When something interest me, I can become very focused on it, devoting a lot of time and energy to it. But this had never happened with someone. Only with hobbies. Besides I never considered it to be unhealthy (which it is with him). I also have juno, BML and valentine in scorpio which maybe gives me a subconscious need for intensity in love matters ?
Also saturn sextiles Pluto (which maybe has another layer of meaning since saturn rules my 7th and 8th house?)

And here is the synastry with him:

astro_61gw_01_02_fai_ame.46310.18738SYNASTRY by nausicaa7f, on Flickr

I don't know his birth time but I strongly believe he is a sag,i definitely fits his body type. Besides I also strongly believe hat my mars and Vertex are conjunct his ASc because I found his allure, stance and mannerism very "sexy" and there was a lot of tension between us bordering on a sort of physical competition. I literally pushed him numerous times (which is so not me). Also this would make his ASC conjunct my Vertex and meeting him and then going away had a huge impact on the choice I made later. It was a turning point which I can only attribute to my Vertex being triggered.

posted July 27, 2012 12:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:
I don't know if this will enlighten the synastry but there was an immediate sense of recognition when we met. And there was a lot of sexual attraction. Which is again so not me at all. I've found guys attractive, even sexy but never felt in lust with them and I never had any fantasies of any kind about them. I'm a bit shy when it comes down to love and to sexual matters (I can talk about it but it will take m ea long time before actually picturing myself doing it with someone I know) I never look at men in a sexual way. With him, it was like the thoughts were creeping on me, and I had no control over it. And even with time, it didn't fade away.

And I actually don't find anything likable about him. There's no logical explanation to why I would feel this way. He has many faults like being a cheater, and liar. He shamelessly and relentlessly flirts and seduces women. He's over confident about his attractiveness and sexuality. I usually abhor men like this because nothing seems genuine about them.

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posted July 27, 2012 02:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MillyX:
I know how you feel! I've been there. There's this guy who has all the characteristics that I usually hate in a guy but I don't know why I'm pulled towards him. Nobody has ever made me feel obsessed like he does. My sun, mars, venus & mercury falls in his 8th house so I guess that's one reason why & his sun falls in my IC. I don't know why I feel this way towards him, I don't even find him good looking & it's starting to get ridiculous. I swear this is killing me. I'm just taking it day by day. I think Venus/Neptune is also responsible for unrequited love.

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posted July 28, 2012 11:49 AM            

As I suspected, you both have a Moon-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio, the sign of obsessions and feelings running deep, in the 5th house of relationships. Wow! No wonder you have been feeling so intensely into this person for so many years, hun. A Moon-Pluto conjunction is a very strong aspect in synastry that can make one emotionally tied to and inexplicably - key word, inexplicably - just so drawn to someone, like your heart is inside theirs without any real cause. The logical and rational fall apart and do you no good with this intense aspect. It's not extremely tight for you two but the 5H and Scorpio influence definitely makes up for that. You have a double Hades-influenced aspect here (Moon-Pluto natal is a Hades' Moon, Scorpio sign is Hades influenced) so that's probably why you're so drawn in...

Also notice how your Juno is conjunct his Moon. What you need in a partner, he expresses through his habits, emotions. The conjunction is exact. You probably feel very understood when you're around him, like all you seek in your ideal mate, he has in his heart and soul... like you can feel his heart, and everything just makes sense to you about him. But the conjunction in Scorpio could possibly make things secretive so, it isn't a happy go lucky kind of way where you'll openly gush to him in broad day light, how he gives you the fuzzies and has all that you seek in the opposite sex to make you feel at home. He does make you feel at home, I'm guessing, but, the Scorpio conjunction will possibly make you have a hard time letting all those deep, profound feelings out in the open. The reason why you probably can't bring yourself to let him go out of your heart is also from the Moon-Juno conjunction. Every woman wants a man who can seem to understand a part of her nature... that's what's going on here between you two.

Another prominent aspect in the synastry is the Saturn-Venus conjunction. His Saturn conjuncts your Venus very tightly. With Saturn we get a serious and intense relationship that never felt happy go lucky in the heart which is only influenced further by the Moon-Pluto conjunction and other things. He could make you feel like you have someone to lean on, but at the same time, I'm guessing since the conjunction is in Aquarius which isn't the most naturally romantic/emotional, he can almost make your heart feel like it's distant and colder? You might want to express what you want in love more, but they might not be willing to handle it. Such as, in love, the Saturn person - the guy here - might accuse a spell of light heartedness in the relationship as immaturity or annoying behaviors on the Venus person. Yet at the same time it's rewarding since the Venus person, you, can lighten up the Saturn person's tendency to see a lighter love nature as burdensome, annoying or impractical to deal with. You were meant to teach the other person how to be happier in love with this aspect. I'm guessing you feel this way about the guy, not the opposite, since his Saturn is conjunct your Venus, but we can talk about it. I'm saying this since you say you feel usually aloof which could be from this but then again maybe not. Anyway, since the conjunction falls in your 7th house I'm sure this was a serious thing from the beginning, no quick dealings or a sense of fun, runaway one night stand passion.

What's incredible is that his Juno also makes a conjunction to YOUR Moon, and your descendant. So those strong feelings you probably have about him being an ideal mate somehow but not quite knowing where they come from, like an unexplainable pull, he probably feels too. Except with this conjunction in Capricorn I'm guessing that he would be more straightforward, logical and levelheaded about it all, AND admire that you possess those kinds of levelheaded and logical traits. You say you can rationalize your feelings from your Cap Moon and Mercury + Aqua Venus, but this guy probably wouldn't mind that - since according to the Juno conjunction, he seeks that out in a partner or feels at home, emotionally comfortable accepting those Capricorn traits. His longest relationships will probably be with a Cap-influenced person.

One reason you might feel so self-conscious about the strong and strangely deep connection is your Jupiter is quincunx/inconjunct his Saturn. This is a really difficult aspect to have in the natal chart too, just generally. Since Saturn is literally the parallel to Jupiter. Jupiter is luck, Saturn is working with hardships for what you get. Jupiter=effortless, Saturn=effort. So you might feel like the way that he expresses his Saturn in the union, so strongly against your Venus, is causing you bad luck and hard times... but in actuality it could be that the Saturn person is trying to make your Aqua Venus more Earthy and stable and you feel like that's turning your life upside down in a bad and much too serious way. You might feel from this quincunx like, his authority in the relationship is oppressing you, and in you mind you might feel like what SHOULD come immediately to you both, a loving relationship or one with excitement, is not from him. But in truth you have to learn to adjust to the Saturn person's way of collecting and interpreting information and signs from you slowly as just their way of communicating, not as bad luck or a bad relationship. Saturn encourages your Jupiter to stop trying to bulldoze ahead or depend on the fates too much, especially since you have it in the 12th.

What do you think? Does any of it ring true? I hope I helped you in some way.

posted July 28, 2012 03:41 PM            

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"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

posted July 28, 2012 06:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:
I didn't know where to post this. I choose personal reading because I am currently *suffering* from this and I would like to understand which forces are behind this compulsive behavior/state of mind, hoping that I could finally be free and at peace with it.

I am not going to write the weary details of this pathetic story but long story short: it's been three years that I've met this guy, nearly two years that I haven't seen him, and many many months that I haven't talked to him and I am, still, just as enamored with him, as I was at the very beginning. No matter how many ties I've tried reasoning myself ,facing the harsh reality facts, a part of me just can't seem to fathom it, which makes me go through periods where I'll be done with it only to fall again into the tricky spiral of obssessive thinking and such.. And I don't know why. Which fustrates me and makes me really angry at myself for not being able to be reasonable.

Just to say, i've never acted this way towards anyone, I'm rather cold and aloof and tend to channel my emotions through my brain when it comes to love. I mean first of all I usually don't even know when I have a crush on someone, and I always favored friendship with the opposite sex rather than actual love relationship.

So I was wondering which aspects in synastry and in a natal chart would make someone be obssessed with another person, and would make this obssession last for years ?

Is it a Pluto-Saturn mix? Do I look at asteroids (such as Nessus, Lilith, Kaali) ? Could it be seen in the draconic (especially if there are nodes aspects in the tropical synastry) ? Could it be seen in the composite?
I'm really clueless as to how I could explain this obsession. Should I look into my own chart for obssessive tendencies in matters fo the heart?

(as usual, didn't manage to make it short when it comes to him ..) Thank you for reading

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In synastry, it usually the conjunction pluto-sun or pluto/moon or pluto/venus which definitively give the obsessive vibe to the relationship. And if you have the 3, it would be very difficult to let it go. Espacially if saturn is in the mix.

I'm sorry for the suffering you had to endure for so long.

Good luck.

posted July 28, 2012 08:36 PM            

I had never realize that his moon was conjunct my pluto in my 5th house (I knew it but my brain hadn't linked the two info together to have a better understanding) and how the 5th house influence could actually give a lot of impact to even a loose aspect like this one (and even more so one that he has natally). And you moon-juno conjucntion description is so accurate it is quite scary ! I did feel at home when he was around (which was very hard to explain and accept for me because I didn't know him that well) There was just an odd sense of belonging. I don't know how it felt on his side with my moon being conjunct his juno but I just had an odd feeling that he had feelings whereas I'm not one to assume this. I am completely oblivious to how people feel about me usually unless they manifest it very clearly. I always thought the nodes aspects were the ones responsible for this but what you said made a lot of sense and is so spot on to how it felt for me.

The Saturn Venus conjunction felt very restrictive to me. From outside forces and also inner forces. Back when I met him, he was in a relationship (and still is) so even if I was very attracted and he seemed to reciprocate the attraction, the fact that I knew abut his situation just made things impossible. So I was sort of putting invisible barriers when he was getting too near. It wasn't funny at all, it was very serious and intense. I was very distrustful of him. I didn't want to be one of his girl-toy. I am sorry , I have a hard time explaining how a single aspect would feel so I guess this could be a mix of saturn -venus dw, also my saturn squared his sun and my neptune squared his sun with a 0° orb. Now I still feel restricted, I can't contact him or anything because I have an inner fear that it would be inapropriate even just as friends (which my venus in aqua does very easily !). And I don't know how others have felt about someone's saturn aspecting their inner planets but to me, so far, it has felt very binding and crushing in that I never feel fully appreciated by them. I have a sun saturn dw with my longest and closest friend (my sun conjuncts his sun and his sun trines my saturn). I trust him like no other but sun-saturn is very heavy at times, I can't get away from him and always find myself calling him and asking for news while to me it just feels like he doesn't care. If anyone heard one of our discussion they would definitely get the sense that we might be forced by the law to check up on each other from time to time.

And your Jupiter saturn insight is very valuable to me. I had never looked much at this aspect. But what you wrote definitely rings true to me. I do feel like it has brought me unnecessary bad luck and hardship. It has also challenged a lot of my inner belief in love matters. I reconsidered everything I believed about how relationships happen, how they are kept, and what one should do about them.
Thank you for taking the time to go through each aspect and providing me with very valuable insights. I am very grateful for this

posted July 28, 2012 08:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by isabelle_lila:
In synastry, it usually the conjunction pluto-sun or pluto/moon or pluto/venus which definitively give the obsessive vibe to the relationship. And if you have the 3, it would be very difficult to let it go. Espacially if saturn is in the mix.

I'm sorry for the suffering you had to endure for so long.

Good luck.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sorcha
Venus/Pluto in hard aspect is the main aspect I look for when searching for unrequited feelings or situations. I've had the square, opposition and conjunction in all of the relationships where this has been an issue for me. I know it's hard and it can take some time to move through it because it is so deep and intense.
Sending a big astro hug

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posted July 28, 2012 09:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
hard to tell without the composite...

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I didn't know the composite could explain such situations especially as I've never been in a relationship with him

Here it is though if you'd like to take a look at it.

astro_621gw_01_02_fai_ame.3076.21959composite by nausicaa7f, on Flickr

I don't have his t.o.b I only put one that makes him somehow fit the ascendant description and his planets house placements

posted September 26, 2012 10:37 PM            

I may appear very selfish to bump this but I am doing so because It has been very draining for me and this whole thing is constantly dragging me down, and I feel like I'm losing focus of reality because of this (and I hate not being focused on what I have to do) I even thought of giving up astrology because that was what brought me to it ... (but I can't bring myself to give up a subject I find interesting and love learning about right?)

I didn't want to re-create a thread especially when sweet-scorpion took the time to give a very thorough and valuable explanation of the aspects probably pointing to this.

Will it ever fade away? Sometimes I feel like I will never ever forget him, like I am forever tied to him, and that he is forever imprinted in my mind...

posted September 26, 2012 10:55 PM            

from my "ideal compatibility" link in my signature

quote:

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4. sun (conjunct/opposite/semisextile/semisquare/sesquiquadrate) venus in composite (RELATIVELY STRONG) <--reason is b/c when it comes to composite sun-venus and sun-mercury all those aspects are interpreted the same as the conjunction.

ONE or ALL of the above with a combination of one or all of the following (ONE of the below MUST be present for the realationship to last imo):

1. moon square/opp/sesquiquadrate/semisquare venus in either synastry OR composite with venus aspecting pluto in the composite. (Venus trine pluto is ideal for the least power games). Both aspects must be present, for the strong feelings, though.

2. Either the above setup, or sun conjunct/square/opp/sesquiquadrate/semisquare (all the hard aspects) pluto with moon in negative aspect to venus in synastry or composite being optional (will make feelings stronger if the love stellium is lacking)

3. The moon aspecting pluto in composite is described to cause very strong feelings. It's true in my experience and from looking at charts. Even the sextile will be felt very strongly. It is a very favorable thing to have. Any of the components listed above will only be enhanced by this in the composite.

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Yes, there it is in the composite. This means you have almost all the requirements in my list for ideal compatibility.

Sun semisextile venus is equal to sun conjunct venus. With moon square venus and venus trine pluto. as well as moon and sun being in aspect to pluto in composite as well. sun in negative aspect to pluto in composite gives love at first sight and intimacy right away. Love of your life. A very healing, happy, transforming, and happy comfortable relationship.

i have all this with a guy as well. very similar situation as you. still in love with him after not seeing him for two years. he has a girlfriend. moon square venus means either or both people have a significant other they are involved with who they have to end things before they can get with you or there are religious or family problems u have to deal with b4 u can get together, but it means u love each deeply.Venus trine pluto is the single most important aspect in astrology in my opinion. sun conjunct venus is true love.

The description for composite venus trine pluto--most important aspect in astrology imo

quote:

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The depth of love which you will be able to experience with one another will have a transformative, healing effect on both of you. Through your relationship, you'll realise the power of love to change lives and mend the broken places within you both. This certainly is part of the purpose of your being together. Even if other aspects of your relationship are difficult or frustrating, the intensity of your feelings for one another and your desire to be together will be very strong. In fact, it would be very difficult indeed for you to let go of one another.

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I don't know what your synastry with him looks like but i assure you it does not matter at all when this setup is present in the composite.
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quote:

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I never look at men in a sexual way. With him, it was like the thoughts were creeping on me, and I had no control over it. And even with time, it didn't fade away.

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PS. Yes this also happened to me with the guy! I had never really felt all that sexually attracted to any guy before, but he is the first only person in the world that i felt no shame in being totally sexually attracted to and in a crazy crazy way. in a comfortable way which i have never felt before with anyone else, even after all this time of crushing on so many guys after him. IT'S THE RESULT of this combination of aspects in the composite, i'm telling you.

posted September 26, 2012 11:21 PM            

And just like you, I know he has some of these same aspects in the composite with his girlfriend (sun square pluto, sun semi-sextile venus and venus trine pluto) I don't know her exact date of birth so I don't know where the composite moon is but still ...

quote:

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PS. Yes this also happened to me with the guy! I had never really felt all that sexually attracted to any guy before, but he is the first only person in the world that i felt no shame in being totally sexually attracted to and in a crazy crazy way. in a comfortable way which i have never felt before with anyone else, even after all this time of crushing on so many guys after him. IT'S THE RESULT of this combination of aspects in the composite, i'm telling you

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I can relate to every word you wrote it's crazy!! I mean, even when I see guys that are a hundred times hotter than he is (and thus I should completely melt in their presence right? because sexual attraction is mainly physical and visual or so they say) it just doesn't do it for me. It's not the same thing at all. It just doesn't compare

I'm so glad you mentioned this because this one thing was still a huge mystery to me (I definitely thought I was going crazy for being stuck on him in a sexual way.)

posted September 27, 2012 02:58 AM            

Their composite: Sun semisextile venus = sun conjunct venus.
Mercury semisquare venus = Mercury conjunct venus

^ Love stellium.

Moon semisquare venus with Venus trine pluto.

Sun biquintile pluto.

This fits almost all of the requirements in my ideal compatibility list, except for Double Whammies, moon in aspect to pluto, and all planets being conjunct. However, because I consider sun conjunct venus or jupiter in composite combined with moon in negative aspect to venus and venus trine pluto the most lifechanging setup, it doesn't even matter that they don't have the rest of the stuff on the list.

Richard Burton and Liza Taylor, known soulmates also had the love stellium with sun square pluto, moon sesquiquadrate venus, and venus biquintile pluto. This is very similar to Yoko and Lennon's composite chart except that instead of venus and pluto being trine they are biquintile, and moon opp pluto is also additionally present, probably adding to the passion that the biquintile would take away in comparison to the trine of venus and pluto.

posted September 27, 2012 10:49 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:
I'm bumping this, because, well, I still can't forget him and it's annoying as hell.
I don't even know if it's love anymore at this point, I just know that he's still on m mind and I can't seem to reach a point of complete indifference where I won't care about him (so I either hate him a lot or miss him). And the thoughts of him still lingers on my mind!

I may appear very selfish to bump this but I am doing so because It has been very draining for me and this whole thing is constantly dragging me down, and I feel like I'm losing focus of reality because of this (and I hate not being focused on what I have to do) I even thought of giving up astrology because that was what brought me to it ... (but I can't bring myself to give up a subject I find interesting and love learning about right?)

I didn't want to re-create a thread especially when sweet-scorpion took the time to give a very thorough and valuable explanation of the aspects probably pointing to this.

Will it ever fade away? Sometimes I feel like I will never ever forget him, like I am forever tied to him, and that he is forever imprinted in my mind...

And it also annoys me how I am the one struggling with life ever since this meeting when his just gets better.

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