posted March 17, 2005 12:07 AM         

Anyway, he directed me like a magnet into his room which was very grey, cold and bare. Along the way I stopped in front of a hinged door that had "ASYLUM" written on it. I pushed the door with my foot and it swung open so I became confused as to why he was in here when the door could be opened.

We go into his room and embrace on the floor and become this radiating orb. He speaks into my left ear so precisely like it was really happening and his words echoed in my head. He said "I love you. You are my heartbeat and the space between the beats" That last part made me see his empty room as totally filled and the space became distinct, no longer vacant.

Then I start to turn vague, like waking up, only I do wake up in another dream where I'm sitting in a living room like I am waiting. This girl next to me seems to know what I've been dreaming and she tells me "He knows" and gestures to this guy on a sofa who is asleep. He has wavy dark hair.

I've never forgotten this dream and the man in the asylum felt like the man I know in waking life and I've never doubted that feeling. It's just that the waking life situation is so frutrating because he disregards me and acts like we're just aquaintances when we actually had a night together. It was like a lightening bolt when I first saw him and everything I started doing--dressing, styling my hair, etc.--was for him. He's never left my thoughts. Logically, though, we simply had a one nighter and that was that. Maybe I get too attached, but when I have these dreams, it flips my life around again and I start to hope again.

posted March 17, 2005 04:20 AM         

Well, I am not sure how to say it, but I think it really reflects something else.

To begin with, you are unaware that there is a 'something else', or you don't wish to see it (down stairs/grey building). The man appears as a tumbleweed ... never heard that one before, but it seems to me that this means there is something 'hollow' or 'void' about him and that perhaps this relationship is "dead". Another feature of the tumbleweed is that it spreads seeds by tumbling, which could reflect the "seeds" of hope which surface in you about this relationship from time to time.

Could your subconscious be telling you that having a relationship with this man is 'crazy'? (ASYLUM) Are you ignoring the 'signs'?

What takes place intimately is wonderful ... it makes you feel whole, loved, complete, happy. But is it an illusion? "He knows" ... what to say to you, what to do, how to push your buttons. Know what I mean? I could be wrong, but it feels kind of like manipulation and/or selfishness.

I wish I saw something more positive, zoso.

I would love to hear if anone else has a different perspective ...